Yeah! 2000 word finale! Hope you like it!

A black car pulled up smoothly against the curb. Rodger was waiting patiently to play bell-boy for someone he didn't even care for. First out of the car was Watari, who made his way to the other side of the car.

"Really, Quillish," Rodger began as Watari started to unload the luggage. "I've never seen anyone parallel park quite like you."

Watari offered a smile to Rodger and handed him one of L's various candy-filled suitcases. Before anyone could speak another word, the car's backseat door opened, revealing first a bare foot (testing to see if shoes or socks were an absolute necessity) and then the rest of L morphed out of the vehicle. He inhaled a lungful of fresh Winchester air, then reached into the car and pulled out the old ratty sneakers he had probably shed the minute he reached the car.

He inhaled once more and stretched before he noticed Rodger. "Oh," L said groggily. "Hello Rodger." Rodger could only groan back as the weight being forced on him increased.

"Good Lord, L!" Rodger finally managed to bust out. "What do you keep in these suitcases, bricks?"

L chuckled at the implication. "Oh, heavens no. I keep souvenirs for my successors. If anything in there feels like bricks, it's probably Mello's chocolate." With that said, L began his short walk to the house's front door.

"Oh! L! About Mel-Oh my Lord!" Rodger exclaimed before collapsing under the weight if yet another suitcase. Watari looked down at Rodger, shrugged and piled on more luggage.

-

I woke up to the screaming of every child in the house. Is the place on fire? That was one of my first thoughts on the situation. I rubbed my eyes and went down stairs to the parlor, which was the center of the boisterous activity. I found Matt sitting unenthusiastically on the small sofa, away from the hodge-podge of children with their faces mashed against the window.

"Hey." I said dryly. He glanced up at me quickly and uninterestedly.

"Oh. Hey." He said looking back down at his video game. "You finally woke up from your catnap."

"Sooo, what's happening out there?" I said, trying to make conversation. "Is someone being mauled by a raccoon again?"

"Nope. I can't believe you don't remember. L is home." He sounded a bit fed-up with my obliviousness.

"What?!" I squawked too late. The door handle opened revealing the world's finest detective and my current nightmare. Matt and I made our escape while the rest of the kids ran to L and latched onto him anywhere they could. That had to be uncomfortable.

On our way to our room we ran into Near. He was shuffling along the floor, a robot clutched in one hand and the other was securely nested in his hair. He looked up at us vaguely.

"Is L home yet?" he asked absently. Matt and I looked at each other. How could you not know L was home? Other than Taco Night, it was the only time that the house resembled a freaking safari.

"Yeah." I answered.

"Okay." Near once again began to shuffle towards the stairs, each step bringing him closer to L. I had a similar feeling, except I was trying to hide from him.

When we got to our room, I flopped down on Matt's bed while Matt himself barricaded the door. He walked over to the bed and flopped down beside me.

"What the hell is wrong with you? I thought you wanted L to know." He was more stressed out than angry.

"Well, I only decided that this morning! I needed more time to think of what I was going to say. If he just saw me like this without an explanation, it'd probably kill him." I was almost hyperventilating at that point, and on the verge of tears.

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'll stay in here with you until you think of something." He smiled at me.

"Really?" I sniffled.

"Sure, there were too many people in there for me anyway. Just take all the time you need, because," he paused to flip open his handheld "I've got nothing but time."

I smiled at him and kissed him on the cheek, causing him to turn an awkward shade of pink that clashed horridly with his hair.

We apparently didn't have nearly as much time as we thought we had. Almost immediately after I had begun to think of the new plan there was a knock at the door. The person obviously wanted in, because after that there was a terrible clattering sound.

Finally the intruder began to break through Matt's barrier. The door was open enough now that the intruder could see into the room.

"What in the world?" it said as it tried to open the door some more. Both Matt and I were in panic-mode, realizing that the intruder was in fact, L. L who was carrying Near, an eleven year-old, like a baby.

L had seen Matt in the room and planned to use him to get inside our room for some reason. "Matt- it is Matt isn't it?-would you be so kind as to open the door, or shall I have to kick it down?"

Matt looked up at him, awe-struck. "You can do that?"

"Yes, but I'd hate to destroy a perfectly good door. Now, may I please come in?" Matt looked at me, nonverbally asking my permission on that matter. I shook my head vigorously and Matt looked back at an expectant L.

"Mello says, 'No way in hell.'" He said, and with that He slammed the door on L's and Near's noses.

We both breathed a sigh of relief. I looked at Matt, who was a bit calmer about all of this.

"That was a bit too close." I was still breathing heavily.

Matt looked at me with a somewhat disappointed look on his face. "Maybe you should just suck it up and come clean to L about all of this.

"Fine." I said "I'll tell him. Now go get him." Matt rolled his eyes, but followed the command.

While he was gone, I began to go over the possible ways of saying it.

L, I'm pregnant and it's all Matt's fault. No.

Good News! You're gonna be a grandpa L! Maybe.

L-

Before I could finish anymore of my thoughts, L burst through the door, once again carrying Near.

"Matt has informed me that you would like to tell me something, Mello." He began to survey my 'new look'. "Hopefully it might explain what happened to you. When I left a few months ago, you were one of the thinnest children here."

My mind was racing in several different directions at once. "I-I--" Couldn't think of anything at the moment. Damn it, which one of the test phrases had I decided on?

"Well," L said, not losing his patience in anyway. "Did you have something to tell me?"

Then it happened, all at once without me even thinking about it.

"Matt knocked me up!" I cried out, literally. I had tears streaming down my cheeks, and to make matters any worse, I was sweating like Rodger after getting out of a sauna.

L seemed almost unfazed by the news, though. All that happened to him was that his eyes grew a tad bigger and he blinked a couple of times, as if he hadn't heard me correctly.

As it turns out he hadn't. He blinked at me once more. "I'm sorry, but...what?" he asked, the look of confusion on his face was distinct.

I choked back what was turning into a full on tantrum. "Matt freaking knocked me up! I'm pregnant! With child! However you want to put it! But in eight months or so, some mixture of Matt and I is going to poke its little head out into the world and say hello!"

L once again showed no visible change in composure. Then he did something even Near couldn't expect. He laughed. Heartily. At me.

"What are you laughing at? It's not funny!" I sobbed. L just laughed again.

"Mello, listen to me. You aren't pregnant." L was smiling when he said it, and was clearly humored by my explanation.

"Yes I am. This book says I am." I picked up my copy of 'Pre-Mothers Guide to Happiness'. L took one look at it and laughed again.

"Mello, who exactly gave you this book?"

"Michael." I said enthusiastically.

L rolled his eyes and out Near down. 'Oh boy.' was the only thing he said before leaving to go talk to Michael.

Near looked up at us with that creepy little smile of his plastered across his creepy little face. "So, who gets to be the godparents?" he asked. That was when we both had to usher him out of the room. And stuff him in the nearest broom cupboard. I tell you, I kill myself sometimes.

-

On our way back from the cupboard, we saw L dragging Michael somewhere by his earlobe. If that didn't just spell out pain and humiliation, I don't know whatdid.

Naturally, Matt and I followed behind, being curious and all. And of course, he insisted we take all of the unnecessary spy precautions, you know, like, crawling behind them. It didn't make any difference though. By the time we finally caught up with them they were out of sight.

"This," I began "Is why taking 'unnecessary spy precautions', is plain stupid."

Matt hung his head in shame."It always works for the people in the video game." He grumbled. Really, he had sunk to a whole new kind of low.

We reached our room and to our surprise, Near was standing in front of our door, with his tiny little arms crossed across his chest.

"L would like to see you, Mello." He said smugly.

"H-how did you get out of the closet?!" Matt asked.

"You didn't lock it; you just buried me in a pile of cleaning supplies and closed the door." I slapped my hand to my head and started towards Rodger's office.

-

When I got to his office, I had a hunch that this wasn't about the broom cupboard incident. At the desk were Watari, L, and Rodger, and occupying one of the two chairs before them was Michael, who was grinning like a demon.

Watari motioned for me to sit down, so I did. Rodger cleared his throat. "It would seem that Michael has started a rumor about you and Matt, Mello. Well, we're here to clear things up between you two. Michael, would you like to start?"

"No thank you." He replied quaintly. Rodger narrowed his eyes.

"That was rhetorical." He said. "Start talking."

"Well, I started the rumor because I caught Matt and Mello doing some... naughty things last month. So I told Enrique that Mello was pregnant, and the rumor started to spread. And....no one would believe me if Mello just stayed flat like that, so I took up kitchen duty one day...and I might have just slipped something into his food. "

Rodger told him to continue, and that he meant it.

"I might have just slipped some slipped some walnuts into the pudding that day. And that's all I did!"

Watari raised an eyebrow at him.

"Physically...."

"You!" I growled, lunging for him. I landed on him and began to scratch at him arms, which were covering his face. Almost instantly L had to pull me off of him. And Michael was cackling. "What else did you do to me?!"

"Nothing except make you think you were pregnant. The rest was all you."

I gave him an odd and suspicious look. "What?"

"You're the one who made yourself start eating more. You're the one made yourself sick every morning by eating more than you're used to. It's really mostly your fault." Michael gave the adults a sickeningly sweet smile.

"Nice try, Michael." L began. "But you started the rumor, fed Mello something he's allergic to, and you played your little mind games with him. I think the best thing for you would be to a have a little visit with your friend the scrap metal company down the block."

Michael's widened and I was escorted from the room.

-

I arrived back at my room to find an anxious Matt. "What did L want? Are we punished for stuffing Near into the broom closet?"

I smiled at him. "No. The meeting was about this whole pregnancy thing."

"And...?" Matt added impatiently.

"And I'm not pregnant. It was just a rumor that Michael started to get a laugh. This," I grabbed my stomach and shook it. "Is just fat. Not a baby in it, any way."

Matt looked relieved, like someone just took a five-thousand pound grocery bag off his shoulders. "Is Michael going to be punished?" he asked.

"Yeah. They're sending him to a scrap metal factory to make staples by hand."

"Awesome." Then we hugged. But just as we were going in for a kiss, there was a terrible crashing sound, than someone that sounded like yelled, "He's escaping!"

Matt looked at me, than he pushed me off the bed, giving me the encouraging words, "Go get that bitch." Later followed by, "You need to lose some weight anyway."

I shot him a death glare and was off.

The End

It's Over and I'm gonna miss it. Thanks to all you reviewers, I appreciate your support. And thank you to the wonderful tsuchifuru for doing an absolutely wonder job beta-ing this story.