The night was over in a heartbeat and the day went slow.
Faith could sense that old feelings were slowly but definitely trying to reach the surface. No matter how hard you try to hide it, sooner or later it will reach the surface again. From all of the years Faith had known Buffy, she had learned how to do things without thinking them through and then just to accept that whatever happens, happens. There is nothing you can do about it, because it's life.

"Faith?" Her voice, so soft and sweet. "Do you think that if Tara wasn't in the picture, you and I would still be together?"
All we can do is to learn and grow from our mistakes, but never regret anything. Because at one point it was exactly what we wanted.
"Please don't ask me that." Faith could feel a migraine coming, she gently massaged her temples. "I just want you to know, that I am nothing without you."

Faith had broken her down so many times already, but to know that she was her weakness. Faith. She could make Buffy Summers' knees buckle, she could make her voice tremble, she could leave her begging for more. Always.

There was no surprise what today would bring them, both wonder and worry. "What are you doing?" An excellent question. "I need you, in my life, because without you it's pointless. Nothing matters, nothing will ever matter if you're not there by my side." Faith sighed loudly. "B, I will always be by your side, back to back, fighting whatever. I just won't be with you."

It felt like a stab, twist and turn of a knife. Buffy was bleeding out her pain. "I'm not a loan out, okay? So why don't you just go fuck the undead." They were both broken beyond repair and nothing they did would ever restore their lost innocence. "You don't mean that." And it was true, she didn't mean it, but in the heat of the moment Faith would blurt out anything. "It's okay if you don't want to be with me, really, it is. But if I can't be with you physically, I don't stand a chance. I'm weak without you, I am nothing, without you."

A love letter, to whom it may concern. Buffy had only poured her heart out mainly for one reason and one reason only. She knew it would get to Faith.
"Ugh! Fuck! Why do you always do this?"
How Buffy had become so attached, was beyond Faith. "It doesn't matter anymore, does it?" Faith shook her head. "No, no it doesn't matter Buffy. You know why? It doesn't matter, because I'm not your property, I'm not yours to keep."

It hurt her to think it, but even more so to say it out loud. "I know and I'm sorry. I can't help the way I feel." Which was obviously true, but why now? Was it just because she couldn't have her? Always reaching for the unattainable. When Faith did the same back in the day, Buffy hadn't even given her a chance. She knew Faith was trouble and didn't given her the benefit of doubt. "It all could've been different." Faith scoffed. "Yeah, it all could've been different alright. I tried so hard. I don't think I ever wanted anything as much as I wanted you. But you blew me off, every time, Buffy. Remember, I'm the only one who's been under your skin, litterly."

The body switch. It hadn't really bothered Buffy as much on the outside, as much as it had killed her on the inside. Faith and Riley, Faith and Angel, Faith and Spike. For the longest time it had always been Faith and someone else. Buffy had been on the sideline, not cheering.
"It hasn't been easy for me. This. You. Us. I needed time. Time to accept, me. Time to learn and grown." Faith had always been outspoken and right on the dot, Buffy on the other hand, had been cautious. "You took too long, now all you're left with is time. Isn't that ironic?"

She started to walk away, Buffy grabbed her arm and pulled her back. "Faith, please, look at me." She could feel the pain in Buffy's eyes. "I can't stand this. Remember when 'get over it and move on' used to be simple?" Buffy pulled her hair back in a ponytail, short strains of hair fell in her face and Faith moved closer and pinned it behind her ears. "When did things ever used to be simple?" They shared a smile. To know that there is no end to the pain, sometimes hurts more than the actual pain.

For some the 'what ifs' never stop coming. Even though getting attached can sometimes be heartbreaking, Buffy always used to say that she'd rather get attached and love and lose than to never get attached and loved at all. Like it wasn't already hard enough to live in a two faced popular culture world, built on the artifice that demands nothing but authenticity. Add a Hellmouth and real life issues to that. Bits of her would be okay, other bits, less so.
The feeling inside of her would never go away. It is the feeling of los. It is an emptiness that no one can ever fill. We as humans are lonely creatures, always searching for something more to satisfy our needs.

"At times I feel like crying. When people speak the truth, I realize how awful it really is. It strikes me just as hard every time, when I come to terms with how sick the world is and how it'll never be able to heal as long as we walk upon it, because we are never going to heal ourselves."
That Faith held so much pent up anger inside of her came as no surprise. "You should go, you should get back to her." Faith gave her a nod and disappeared into the night.