Welcome to the 3z class! Please take your seat and read the excerpt below from your textbook. If you're over 18 that is- MC and foolishness abounds.

Shirt untucked and tie unknotted, substitute Sakamoto Tatsuma arrived five minutes late at the 3z classroom. Despite this, he flung the door open with a big smile, and said nothing as the precariously suspended chalk erasers dropped from the door and pelted him, surrounding his head with a puff of white dust. Emerging from the cloud, he laughed along with the class, and then stepped up to the chalkboard where he began to erase with his sleeve a poorly drawn sketch of their normal teacher in a lewd position. "My name is Sakamoto-sensei and I am a scientist!- only slightly mad, ahaha! I will be replacing Gin-san as your instructor for the rest of the year." He added his name to the board, and then turned around to face the group of leering teenagers. He grinned and sat down on the edge of his desk. "Ahaha, well, no doubt you are ready to begin the day! Let's start with roll call, shall we? Oh!" A hand was raised in the air. He checked the seating chart, "Yes, Hijikata-kun?"

The straight-laced boy stood up promptly and bowed. "What happened to Gin-sensei, Sakamoto-sensei? And how will this affect our grades?" The class let out a groan. Okita snickered beside him. Hijikata frowned, nostrils flaring, and stared forward.

"Ahaha! Grades? Gin had grades?...Er… he didn't mention it. I'll ask him later. Aww! Don't be afraid, haha, I'll make them up or something." He smiled and waved a placating hand. The boy sat down, horrified, and the rest of the class began to mutter. "It'll be fine, I'm sure… um….as for what happened to him…well…" He grimaced, and rubbed his hand through his hair, stirring up a cloud of powder. "He is a pioneer of science! Ahaha! And now… well…"

Sakamoto stood up and wandered to the door, glancing outside it. "You really should just come in and have a seat…. It will make it less painful!" He turned back to the class and grinned- a string of expletives burst through the door, along with a very cross looking white-haired boy. He was dressed in a red and white polo shirt with a red cap hanging askew from his head, white strands peeking out from under it. "No hats please, Sakata-kun!" The teenager looked ready to punch their new teacher.

A gasp came from the back of the classroom, and a lanky boy stood up, eyes heavily rounded with dark eyeliner. "It's Gin-sensei!" He shook his head to get the bangs from his eyes, but they fell stylishly back into place.

Kagura snorted and rounded on him, "Sit down you emo freak. That can't be our teacher. Our teacher is OLD."

Sakamoto laughed uneasily, eyeing the white-haired youth as he reluctantly snatched the hat from his head and slapped it down on the unoccupied desk at the front of the class.

"Ah…. Which one is that, Gin?...."

"The short black-haired punk is Takasugi, and the red-haired alien is Kagura."

"I see! Well, Kagura-chan, Takasugi-kun, please have a seat! This is indeed your teacher! Unfortunately, as I said before, he was involved in a scientific experiment that turned out differently than planned! Ahaha! Please have a seat, Sakata-kun, you're really making me feel uncomfortable glowering like that… I'd prefer you out of arms reach!" He smiled happily and made the effort himself to put distance between them. "You see, the machine I believed would allow Gin-san to travel through space and time and arrive safely back in the year 1549 actually took off about nine years from the life he's already lived. Sensei is now sixteen-years-old and as moody as ever! Hahah!"

Crickets. Horrified stares.

"Er…. it's really funny! Ahaha. See, the government doesn't believe that he's actually 25, and they don't believe a word I say, so, in short, they refused to let him teach and said he had to go back to school as a student! So now he's your classmate and I'm going to run this show until I can get him back to normal… sometime during this summer. Did you know being a teacher actually pays more than what I was doing? Ahaha! Pretty sad, huh? Ahaha! Err…" He smiled uneasily.

More silent, horrified stares.

"Right then, let's do roll call…. Sakata Gintoki"

A snarl of acknowledgment.

"Hijikata Toushiro?"

"Here, sensei!"

"Right… Don't get so excited!....Okita Sougo?"

"Yep." The blonde haired boy smiled, then returned to his conversation with the red-haired Yato behind him.

"Kagura."

"Here, sensei- and this asshole's breath stinks!"

"I don't deal with those sorts of things… Takasugi Shinsuke- oh yes, I saw you earlier…"

The black haired boy frowned as he wasn't given the opportunity to speak. He returned his sullen stare to the stack of books in front of him.

"Kawakami Bansai!"

"He is here." A young man looking far too old to be in the class waved a hand, then pointed to himself.

"Right- third person- fantastic. Kondo… Kondo… Gor…Gor-Gorilla? It's all scratched out. What a funny name…"

"It's Isao, sensei!!"

"Ack! Right… Uh….. Yamazaki Saguru? Oh fuck it…" His eyes followed the rest of the list, from Yagyuu Kyuubei to Katsura Kotaro, and he chewed his lip. "Is everyone here? Only girl missing Saratobi Stalker?..…."

"She's here, sensei- She's up in the ceiling watching Gintoki-kun." Takasugi offered meekly.

If Sakamoto heard him, he didn't acknowledge it. Instead, he marked everyone as present in the computer and then looked back at the agenda. Before he could clearly decipher Ginpachi's writing, a knock delivered him from the awkwardness, and a short, serious woman appeared in the doorway. She was dressed in a set of plum colored scrubs, and she pursed her lips in a frown at the sight of him. Contrarily, his eyes lit up. "Ah! Right! Today class, a sexy--- ahaha--- I mean special guest is coming to speak to you! Nurse Mutsu has prepared a sex education presentation. Ladies, you will be excused, as she has a different program planned for you regarding…er…. it says…."

"Sexual harassment and how to deal with it." Mutsu replied, setting down a box of bananas on the desk.

"Ah yes, haha… because there is nothing more disgusting than sexual harassment at work…" He attempted a serious nod, but his eyes were clearly flirting.

She remained aloof. "Ladies, report to the library for a study hall. That includes you, Saratobi-chan."

"But I don't mind sexual harassment from Ginpachi-sensei!" Came a muffled voice from the ceiling.

Mutsu's eye twitched. "Library. NOW."

A scuffling sound was heard overhead as the stalker girl shuffled away. Otae, Kyubei, and Kagura made a point of scraping their chairs along the ground as they were forced out and away from the sex talk. Kondo pulled out a spiral to take notes.

"Well, the class is yours, Mutsu-san."

"I am aware, Sakamoto-san. Please refrain from speaking to me. You may go to the teacher's lounge if you wish. I am quite comfortable managing this lot."

The boys looked uncomfortable.

"Ahah, I'm quite sure you are….er…." The glare made him retreat back to the chair behind his desk. "I think I'll stick around. Just in case you need help." He winked. He felt the hair on the back of his neck stiffen as she shot him her best 'Eat shit and die' look, and swallowed, crossing his legs.

"How considerate…" Turning her attention back to the class, Mutsu looked them over. "I will need you to pair up. Go ahead and get with who you are most comfortable with, as long as they will not be distracting."

Silently, the boys began to move into their normal arrangements. Shinpachi moved his chair back to sit with Yamazaki, each smiling and nodding to the other. Kondo paired himself off with Katsura, taking the seat that Otae had left so that he could go through her things. Once Kondo had chosen Katsura, Okita grumbled and paired off with Hijikata, leaving Bansai to once again force his partnership on a very pouty looking Takasugi. Gintoki sat alone at the front of the class, itching with angst that only his reignited hormones could fuel. His eyes burned holes through Sakamoto's forehead.

"Sakata-kun, I need you to join a group, and seeing as you are sitting close to Hijikata and Okita, join them. And don't you dare roll your eyes at me, mister. I didn't take that crap from you as an adult, and I certainly won't begin now."

Another eye roll, and Gintoki turned his chair to face his former students. Okita smiled sarcastically, and Hijikata avoided his glance altogether by staring dutifully towards their presenter. She had started to circulate the room, dropping a banana for each of them on their desks. "I expect you all to come away from this class knowing how to properly fit your banana with a condom. Teenage pregnancy is unacceptable, and you can't expect the girl to always be responsible for your mistakes. You must take initiative and prepare yourself. These preventative measures will not only help avoid pregnancy, but also help ward off sexually transmitted diseases, including, but not limited to, HIV, gonorrhea, genital herpes, genital warts, and possibly crabs." She dropped a banana on Sakamoto's desk. "Perhaps you would like to join us."

Sakamoto grinned and took up the banana. "Absolutely."

Her nostrils flared and she dug in the cardboard box again, pulling out a package of condoms. "I am now passing out the most convenient form of contraception. Some of you may already have experience with condoms, and if you do," she paused to allow a predictable murmur to pass through the class, watched as partners nudged each other with elbows, and smirked across the classroom. "I certainly don't want to know about it. What I do want you to do----" Her voice trailed off as she scanned the classroom, a scathing glare suddenly burning into the back of Kondo Isao's head.

The frosty silence that descended upon the room caught the full attention of the class, and each head turned to look in her direction. Likewise, and with a cheek full of banana, Kondo turned and unexpectedly met her stare. He swallowed hurriedly, glancing down at the peeled banana in shock, as if the other half had decided to disappear on its own. He began to choke as she took a step towards him, stuffing the rest of the banana into the desk. "Sensei! I apologize!! I thought they were for eating!"

Gintoki snorted, cracking a smile for the first time. Okita chuckled, echoing his white-haired partner's thoughts, "Only a gorilla…"

Mutsu grit her teeth and then looked at the rest of them. "I have left the box of condoms on the desk up front. If you have not received one, or if yours breaks, please come up and get what you need—keeping in mind these are not free handouts for your sexual deviousness. Best way to avoid an STD is to keep 'em in your pants, boys. That being said, I want you all to take a condom and practice fitting your banana (the one on your desk, Sakamoto-san *snarl*) with it while I deal with Kondo-san."

Gintoki looked curiously over at the back corner towards Shinpachi and Yamazaki, and watched them both fumble with the condom packages. He shook his head, sighing. This training would be pointless for them. "Those guys aren't going to ever need this," he confided in his partners. Okita laughed, but Hijikata made a point of avoiding his eyes. Gintoki shared a smirk with the blonde.

"Ah, Oogushi-kun has a habit of ignoring anyone who can do better than him. He's afraid you're going to take his place as head of the class." The grin grew cold and sarcastic. "Not to mention he knows he's going to look like an idiot when he gets the condom out of that package. You better show him, sensei. You've got more experience in that department, I'm sure."

Hijikata scowled and looked up, "Who are you calling Oogushi-kun? And it's not like you have any more to brag about, you punk."

"Mutsu-sensei! Hijikata-kun has a question he's too embarrassed to ask!" The sarcastic smile turned sadistic. "He wants to know if you still need a condom if you're going to have anal sex." And more quietly…."It's the only way you'll be getting any."

Gintoki tried not to laugh, hoping to spare Hijikata's dignity. He snorted into his hands and pretended it was a sneeze. Hijikata glared.

"That's actually a good question." Mutsu remarked, still in the process of making Kondo eat three more bananas as punishment. "It is advised for any type of sex. While you can't necessarily get someone pregnant that way, you can still contract and spread diseases. Oi, Yamazaki-kun, it's not unrolling because you're trying to do it the wrong way….It's upside down." This time Gintoki did not stop his laugh, and neither did the rest of the class.

Finally relenting to the task at hand, Gintoki tore open the plastic package and plucked out the rolled plastic sheath. Placing it on the tip of the banana, he began to cover it. He was suddenly distracted by the trembling of Hijikata's hands- perfectly visible. He grinned. "Easy, Oogushi-kun. It won't eject on you if you stroke it too much."

"GO DIE!" The boy snapped, staring reproachfully at the curly perm. Only then did he realize he had been insolent towards his former sensei, and his cheeks flushed-first with shame, and then with a hint of pride. "I can do it just fine!"

Okita tuned into the conversation quickly. "You're trying to roll it down upside down too, Oogushi-kun. Here, let Sougo help."

Out of the corner of his eye, Gintoki caught movement up at the head of the classroom and briefly turned his attention towards it. Sakamoto had successfully condomned the banana, and was proudly showing it off to the nurse. She looked it over, nodded curtly, and then set it back on the desk, where she took his text book and smashed the phallic fruit flat. Sakamoto's face fell in horror, his lips mumbling the only monosyllabic word that could come to mind: ouch.

The sound of his students—partners—verbally brawling beside him drew him back to the task at hand, or rather, in hand, in the case of Hijikata. The fumbling hands had succeeded in unrolling the plastic partially, but one was now busily occupied trying to knock away Okita's help-happy set. "Fuck off, Sougo! I can do this on my own! Go help Yamazaki!"

And while normally the blonde sadist would have remained to torment the sweating Hijikata, one look over at Yamazaki and Shinpachi told him he would have a much more satisfying time tormenting the two hopeless virgins. Without asking for permission, he vacated their company and hurried towards the back of the room before Mutsu could say anything. If she noticed, she didn't care.

"Guess it's just you and me now, Oogushi-kun." Gintoki drawled, looking at his former student with amusement flickering on his lips. The determined flush that spread across Hijikata's face made him grin even more. He was tugging at the condom now, trying to fit it the rest of the way. He rolled it up, and then tried to roll it down… "Ah, easy! It's not a hand job! Hmmm, hehe, she gave you a big one, didn't she?" He chuckled, reaching a hand across to try and help… but suddenly there was no need, as the plastic gave way and tore.

Hijikata's face froze, his lips twitching. He lowered his head so shadows would obscure him.

"Ah, well, they're like that sometimes…" Gin tried to cover for him, laughing quietly. "Here, I'll get you another one… just don't start handling my banana while I'm up there, tempting as it is." He stood up and headed for the teacher's desk, snatching up the box of condoms and pulling out the last package. "Oi, Tatsuma, stop looking at your squashed dick like that. She's flirting with you." It was clear she wasn't. "Go after her." Revenge was sweet.

"Ahaha, right… just flirting…" The substitute teacher swallowed and lifted up the corner of the book to glance at the mix of yellow skin, fleshy white goo, and burst plastic. He went pale again…

Turning away from him, Gintoki looked toward the back of the classroom to share a wicked grin with Okita. The sadist returned it, but then tossed his head in the direction of the door, as if something of importance was going on. Curiously, Gintoki followed the gesture, only to see his partner rushing out of the classroom and into the hall, seat left abandoned. Startled, Gintoki pocketed the condom and hurried out after him.

The short lived chase through the hallway ended when Hijikata vanished into the boys' bathroom. Ginoki pushed the door open and walked in slowly, peeking along the wall of urinals for him. He furrowed his brow, glancing at the stalls on the other end. One was closed, and he could see the black trainers under the door- facing, oddly, towards the wall. Cautiously, Gintoki came to stand outside of the cubicle, waiting for any acknowledgement of his presence. A second passed, and Gintoki finally grinned, "Hey, you shy? Why not just pee in the urinal?" The undertone of a low throaty moan continued on long after Ginoki had finished speaking, and he stiffened. "Oi… OI! What are you doing in there?!?"

A rush of blood first filled his cheeks and then drained as silence fell. Is he really?.... Gintoki swallowed, eyes widening. Unexplainably, blood began to rush elsewhere, pooling south and creating the most unthinkable of problems as he imagined it—blue eyes barely open, lips parted… hand steadily pumping… His own hand trembled and reached to brace himself on the stall door, ears focused on the heavy panting. It swung inwards, and he fell onto his knees in front of the dark-haired boy. After muttering a string of curses, he slowly drew his gaze up along the slightly parted legs up to the flushed, but collected face of Hijikata Toushiro.

His breath caught in his throat… eyes flicking down towards his hands… Only to find them balled at his sides. If he had been up to anything… there was no sign of it now. "Ahh. Hey!" He laughed uneasily, eyes darting back to the young man's stony face. "I… I went to get the other condom and then you weren't there when I turned around, so I came to look for you! And fancy that- I needed to pee or something, and here you are… and…. Class is almost over… but I was going to show you how to do it properly so the bitch doesn't fail you… you know… grades…"

Another stretch of silence caused Ginoki to start fumbling to get up, the tightness in his pants beginning to subside as the knot in his throat grew larger. A set of hands on his shoulders stopped him. Shocked, he looked back up. Hijikata was smiling, a completely unexpected devilish twinkle glittering there in those half-lidded eyes. He swallowed again, gasping.

"So show me then…"

"Eh—EHH?"

"I mean, I don't want to fail." Hijikata reddened briefly, but then slowly moved his hand to take hold of the white-haired man's chin, propping it up to face him better. Suddenly he bent forward, lips seizing the other 's- both demanding and forceful, quieting the protests that were about to spill from his mouth.

Without even the courtesy of a warning, Gintoki felt his body begin to betray him- blue shorts growing tight again, cheeks flushing as the attentions increased. A hot tongue slid into his mouth and asked him to play. The hand on his chin crawled into his white locks, curling around the strands, and then tugging. Seeking freedom from their entangled lips, Gintoki pulled back to breath, a hot groan rushing against Hijikata's persistent kisses. "Oi…." He mumbled, eyes crossing as the other began to fit a hand under the polo shirt, reaching up and up until his searching fingers began to rub and tug on an erect nipple. "Oi…" More breathless this time.

Hijikata's mouth closed back over Gintoki's, sucking and probing. The uniform was past comfortable- clinging impossibly to his hips. He knelt down in front of his partner, drawing back to take a better look at him. Gin's lips remained parted, panting now, moist and swollen from their activity. "You said you brought the condom…" He grunted in approval as Gintoki nodded.

It happened quickly- the unzipping of pants, the clumsy fumbling with that plastic wrapper, only to discard the whole thing carelessly on the floor with the growing pile of clothing. Gintoki had lost his shirt along the way, along with his balance. His legs were propped on either side of his companion, trembling as an assaulting mouth was busily alternating between the sensitive nipples on his heaving chest. He muffled a moan into his fist, biting it for comfort as a hand worked its way between them and dipped under the rim of his unzipped shorts. The warm grip came as a shock, and he writhed. "Haaahh nng.." Desperately, Ginoki grabbed at Hijikata's hair, tugging him back up to attend to his needy mouth. His hips bucked.

The motion spurred them both into a frenzy. Hijikata barely had time to free his hand from its massaging before their hips were grinding into each other- each trying to wiggle free from the last confining bits of clothing to bring their skin into contact. His hands gripped onto Gintoki's thighs, and then the figure began to arch below him. "Ah… that's it…" He whined, nipping lightly against Gintoki's exposed throat. He could feel the rumble of another moan under his lips, which provoked another from his own.

It was natural how their bodies fit together, slid together- how their mouths were like complimentary puzzle pieces. And what else will fit? Hijikata groaned and let his mouth drift to a pink tipped ear- licking it, nibbling. "I want…ahhh…" He groaned and stretched, the idea leaving his tongue tied. In frustration he bucked a little harder, forcing a hand behind Gintoki, reaching for the hot entrance he'd been fantasizing about for months. He touched lightly—and then lurched with a final shudder, collapsing, loosing sight of his goal as a significant warmth spread along his stomach between them.

Gintoki panted against Hijikata's throat, eyes widening as they regained their focus on the tiled ceiling above. After a moment, he smiled. "I… I never expected my second first time to be in a bathroom stall..."

"Yeah… neither did I." Hijikata grumbled into his ear.

"Pretty good for a virgin…" the grin spread more.

"Pretty good for being out of practice…"

Gintoki's lips pursed in a pout. "Hey, I don't remember consenting to all this."

"What are you talking about- I could report this as statutory rape. I'm the one that's underage"

Gin scowled, pushing Hijikata up and off of him. It was hard to keep the smile from his face. "Now you listen, I…." Another kiss stopped him from finishing. He grinned sheepishly. "Okay.. .anyways… we need to get cleaned up before they notice we're gone. If you'd just have let me put the condom on…."

"Don't start bitching about that. Just go get a wet towel, would you?"

"I'm just saying you still failed the assignment." Gintoki slowly stood up and grimaced at his disheveled reflection. "And I'm going to have to tell Mutsu."

"Tell Mutsu what? Who are you talking to, Gin?"

"Tatsuma!" Gintoki's voice broke as he whipped around to stare at the man who had somehow managed to enter and escape his notice. How long had he been there? "Ah.. hahaha…. Er…No one." The stall door shut and locked. His clothes inside- he winced. "I was just…. getting myself off! Why are you holding your face like that?"

"So that's what that smell is…" Sakamoto finally moved away from his place at the door to the sink. He dropped a bloody towel into the trash can and reached for another, starting to mop at the trail of red seeping from his bruised nose. "I think she likes me, you know?..."

"Oh. Yeah…sure." He wasn't sure whether or not to pity his friend. "So…. About the time machine slash mechanical fountain of youth…. Take your time, all right?...." He began to wash himself off, nonchalantly. "I mean I wouldn't want you to get it wrong again…"

"Gee! Thanks, Gintoki!...but I'll see if I can get you relieved from school. No reason why you should do have to complete high school all over again! Considering the general physical state of this classroom – I'm referring to its existence outside of the time continuum, you understand- you'd be doomed to perpetually repeat the same grade over and over with the rest of them… The same sex ed talk every year…." A smile appeared on his bloody face. "I'd be more than happy to take over for you, you know….OH! look! Your clothes have rematerialized outside of that stall. How fortunate."

Bewildered, Gintoki glanced at the pile of neatly folded clothes on the ground, then back at his friend. "You know, I don't think I'd mind—if only to keep an eye on you and how you handle my class… and maybe you should get that looked at… I'd say go see the nurse but…"

Sakamoto's eyes widened and he seized Gintoki by the shoulders, laughing. "Brilliant! You're absolutely brilliant! She did this to me as an invitation, didn't she?! Ahaha! I could kiss you!" A flood of crimson began to pour once more from his nostrils.

"Eh—please don't…."

"I'll leave the class to you, Gintoki-kun! You're in charge! Ahaha!" And after stuffing his nostrils with a clean set of paper plugs, the hair-brained man practically flew from the bathroom.

Horrified, Gintoki called a warning after him. "Remember the banana, Sakamoto! Remember the banana!" But it was too late- the man had already disappeared beyond the event horizon and there would be no reaching him. He only could pray that the woman wouldn't tear him apart like the black hole he believed her to be- capable of destroying suns, and much less men. "Coast's clear, Oogushi-kun…"

The stall door creaked open, and Hijikata peeped out, a sneer on his face. "Don't call me that."

"What do you want me to call you then?" Gin snorted.

"Hijikata."

"Boring."

"It's my name, jackass."

"Oi-- that's Jackass-sensei. Now get yourself cleaned up and your ass back to your seat. Class is going to start again in five minutes." Gintoki hopped back into his shorts, and pulled the polo shirt back over his head. He checked his reflection, smiled over his shoulder at Hijikata, and then returned to his classroom.

The girls had returned from their study period, and Otae was busy stuffing Kondo's face with her fist. Kyubei was holding him down for her. After it seemed she was satisfied, Ginoki pushed Kondo from the teacher's desk to the floor. "Attention! I am replacing Sakamoto-sensei for the rest of the day, possibly the rest of the year seeing as he is likely going to die today—he put me in charge…."

Hijikata entered the room quietly and took a seat, blue eyes focused on the young man at the front of the class, a private smile on his lips.

Gintoki returned it and then lifted up his text book from the desk- banana mush still clinging unattractively to its back cover. He flipped it open. "So get out your science textbooks- we're going to be learning about anatomy."

****OMAKE****

"Shinsuke is so quiet today. Sessha* would like to hear his voice, if he may." Smiling, Bansai set a condom on each desk, blue eyes unmasked by the usual shades that he wore. Instead, a pair of clear-lens frames rested on the bridge of his nose. "Sessha would like to hear to hear his voice."

"You already said that, you creep." Takasugi stared at the banana and the condom, utterly appalled by the assignment. He wasn't sure how to proceed. If he did it right on the first try, everyone would assume he was an experienced whore. If he didn't, they would think he was a pathetic virgin. Either way, and he would lose face. Putting it on only half way would make him look like an idiot… "Hey, Bansai, do this for me would you? I don't feel like it." He tossed his head to get the bangs from his eyes—and yet again, they fell like a veil across his pale brow.

Bansai smiled and nodded his head, having already completed sheathing his own banana. He gathered the materials carefully from Shinsuke's desk and began to assemble them.

"Hey… how'd you do yours so fast?"…

"Practice."

Takasugi snorted, and then flushed. "That says a lot…"

"Sessha has experience."

Another snort and he pouted his lips, feeling somehow more depressed than before. His eyes returned to the darkest corner of the classroom, and he contemplated killing himself. Would anyone notice? Or care?

"Sessha would notice if Shinsuke was gone. He would be very upset by it and miss Shinsuke. Would Shinsuke like to talk about it? Sessha is a good listener." He smiled and sat the other covered banana on Takasugi's desk. "He would like to take Shinsuke out to dinner and hear about his problems."

"You know, not only does it freak me out that you somehow knew what I was thinking about- it also irks me that you think I don't have something better to do tonight."

"But Shinsuke doesn't. He goes home and listens to sad music all night. So does Sessha- except with better music. It would be nice to have company. Shinsuke also said what he was thinking aloud."

…"Are you stalking me?…"

"….Sessha does what he must."

And then Klingons attacked.

(*Sessha is the uberpolite form of referring to oneself in Japanese that Bansai uses when he speaks… I just decided to use it here, because it sounds funny- and I like my bansai awkward.)