Disclaimer: No. Just no.
Okay, firstly I want to say a huge apology for not uploading sooner. I feel terrible. I won't tell you the entire reason, but essentially it ends with me having surgery, so I'm super dooper massively sorry for not updating sooner. Fell free to yell and scream. I deserve it.
Secondly, I will apologize profusely in advance for this chapter. I fought with it numerous times before giving up and posting it. Turns out I'm not so good with these types of scenes.
Again, I'm really sorry for the lateness. (And before you read the story I just want to say OMG, how good has this season been? *dances* Go TIVA! Go TIVA!) Okay, I'm done. Go. Read. Review. :)
In the days that followed David's visit, she'd slowly begin to become more animated. It wasn't big things, but then again, with Ziva it never was. Just subtle nods, a closed smile here or there, a reply to a particularly stupid comment. Her friends and workmates would visit and leave, their presence gauged by activity in her. The nurses would always say she seemed better when people were there.
Conversation and company provided a good distraction, no matter how limited her involvement was. Sometimes she'd just lie there, pretending to be asleep, listening to her co-workers bicker about the most inane of things.
"DiNozzo, you are such a child."
"Your mum's a child."
"Way to prove my point, idiot."
"Your face is an idiot."
*sigh*
At other times, she'd bear witness to more personal conversations, ones she felt she had no business listening to, yet a burning desire to find out what they were saying. It would never be deep. Never meaningful. Just faintly caring, subtly probing, secretly wondering.
"You good there, DiNozzo?"
"Uh, yeah, just a headache, you know?"
"Yeah." Soft. "I know."
And silence.
It was ironic that she could get so much out of a 14 word conversation, yet couldn't in any way understand herself.
--
There was only one other person in the room when she finally decided to open up. She hadn't planned it, hadn't thought it through; it had just kind of happened. And, as usual, it wasn't anything special. At least, to anyone else, it wouldn't seem like anything special.
They'd been sitting in silence; her lying on the bed, him sitting next to her. Then, without warning, she just put her hand over his. Her touch was soft and he immediately looked up into her eyes.
"You were right," was all she said.
Tony had stared at her for a moment. Then a smile tugged at his lips, so subtle that if she hadn't known him so well, she never would have even noticed it there.
Then he gave a quick nod, took her hand in his, and they descended into silence once again.
Later, when she was sleeping, he'd leave the room, call the rest of the team, and tell them with a wide grin that she was finally coming back.
--
"Hey Tony?"
"Yeah, Boss?"
"Go home. You look like crap."
"Aw, thanks Boss. Just what a guy loves to hear-"
Slap!
"Fine, I'll go if you do too."
"Fine."
Both men nodded, stood, and walked away.
Both men returned five minutes later, coffee in hand, and said nothing.
--
It was two days later that she laughed at Gibbs slapping the back of Tony's head after a particularly stupid comment. The sound was foreign and throaty and wonderful. Tony continued to say stupid things all night.
--
Gibbs was the first to talk to her about something other than a movie, the goings on at the office, or any of the other mundane ice-breaker approaches to conversation that she'd become so accustomed to. He'd started it with two words. Two words, a narrowing of his eyes, and an icy tone.
"I know."
And she'd been shocked, because up until then he'd been nothing but accommodating toward her. "Excuse me?"
"I know," he repeated, and took a seat next to her bed. "I know what really happened four years ago."
"Four years ago..." Mentally, she did the math. "When I first joined the team?"
He nodded.
She hesitated. "I do not understand."
"You were sent to kill your brother, Ziva." His attitude was as cold as the words he spoke.
She couldn't hide the shock. "I..." she trailed off. "Yes," she said after a moment. There was no sense in lying. Not to Gibbs.
"Hmm," Gibbs tipped his head to the side and pursed his lips together. "Care to explain?"
She swallowed and averted her eyes from his. They darted around for a moment, before finally settling on the lamp on the table next to Gibbs' head. "Yes, I was sent to eliminate him," she began, "but I never intended to. It was not until..." I saw him aiming a gun at your head. The unsaid words hung in the air, a thick reminder of their burdened past.
He stood up. "See, Ziva, now we have a problem." He walked to the end of her bad and leant on the railing, pinning her with a hard stare. "You said nothing was more important than trust, hmm?"
She nodded. "I still believe that. I just-"
He cut her off. "You killed your brother, Ziva. You killed a member of your family." He gripped the railing harder. "And you did it to gain my trust."
"No, Gibbs! That's not-" She shook her head wildly, becoming increasingly more distressed.
"Then explain it to me, Ziva! Because I look at you now, and all I can see is your deceit."
She turned her head away quickly as if he'd slapped her. She didn't want him to see her tears. That would not do any good. After what seemed like hours, she finally spoke. "He was not my family."
"What?"
"Ari Haswari," she reiterated. "Ari Haswari, the rogue Mossad officer was not my family. My brother was Ari, the boy who used to help me bandage my wounds when my father didn't care. My brother was the boy who used to take Tali and I to the park and push us on the swings." She took a breath and wiped away a stray tear. "Ari Haswari was related to me by blood, but the boy that was my brother hadn't been there for a long time, Gibbs. It was hard to pull that trigger," she looked him straight in the eye. "but it would have been far harder not to. And when I did it, I was not following my father's orders, I was following my heart."
Gibbs watched her for a long time. Then, with a slight nod of his head, he resumed his seat beside her.
Somehow, though, they both knew it wasn't over. It would take more than that to heal.
--
Tony spent a lot of time at her bedside. She hated it- not because he was bad company; in fact, he was very good company- it was just that she knew she didn't deserve it. Not with everything she'd done to him.
"I almost killed you." Her eyes were glued to the roof, her posture stiff.
It took him a moment to realise what she was talking about. "But you didn't."
"And then I told Gibbs I didn't trust you."
"I hadn't given you any reason to trust me."
She snapped then, and with a flick of her arm, grabbed his hand and jerked his face close to hers. "You never gave me a reason not to trust you, Tony," she said. "You have always been there for me. Always."
Her intensity startled him and he suddenly became all too aware of their proximity. Unconsciously, his eyes dropped to her lips.
"Do you understand, Tony?" she was saying.
He nodded, numb. And then she pulled away, and whatever moment they'd had, was lost.
--
"You want to know something?" Tony asked. He was leaning against the back wall of the room, watching over her.
She looked up at him from her place on the hospital bed. After gauging his sincerity, she nodded mutely.
He bit the inside of his cheek, a nervous habit he'd had as a child. Not willing to meet her eyes, he forced out the words. "I don't think I've ever been so scared."
"When you entered the cell?" Her throat felt like sandpaper.
He shook his head.
"When the men were shooting at you?"
"No."
She furrowed her brow. "When then?"
They stared at each other for a moment in silence, her waiting for him to reply, and him wondering if there was even any point.
"Never mind," he finally said, dropping into a chair at the end of the room. "Doesn't matter."
She didn't push it. Some part of him wondered if she knew what he'd meant. Some part of her knew that she'd never admit it if she had.
--
It was a day later when he came back, a big smile on his face.
"Guess what, David?"
She didn't say anything, just stared at him.
"Not in the mood for guessing?" He hadn't lost his smile.
She just gave him a pointed look. He raised his hands in an 'I surrender' gesture.
"Okay, okay, I'll tell you." He sat down on the end of the bed. "I. Got. You. Diiiissschaaarged!" He sang the last word and did a strange little dance.
The smile on her face was the widest they'd seen in weeks.
A/N: Thoughts? Reviews make me happy so please take a few moments to leave one. :)
Ooh, and tell me your favourite lines. :D