Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.

Title: Blended Strawberries

Characters: Ichigo, Renji, and Rukia

Genre: Humor

Warnings: Swearing (this will likely be throughout the whole collection)

Synopsis: Namesake piece of the one-shot collection; in which boys just wanna have fun and girls just want what's theirs!!

An ample sized television screen combined with a worn out couch, salty snacks, violent video games and two young shinigami men with too much time on their hands, culminated one seemingly calm afternoon into the perfect storm of guy time.

Ichigo had only recently tutored Renji on the fundamentals of basic gaming, claiming it as a necessary right of passage for any male over the age of 10, and the red-head had quickly adapted. After a meager six straight hours, they sat together with glassy eyes and nimble fingers, relentlessly clacking away on the controllers like seasoned experts.

Bladders, basic hygiene, and eyesight be damned, nothing had been able to distract them from the virtual world…until that is, Rukia went into the kitchen.

SLAM!

Two sets of broad shoulders jerked at the noise and both controllers detached from the hands previously molding around them to drop to the floor. Exchanging a wary glance, Ichigo and Renji cautiously shifted out of the impressions they'd left in the sofa to peer over the back towards the kitchen. Two tufts of spikes, one orange, the other red, peeked over the edge as they watched Rukia stand motionless with one hand still gripping the handle of the freezer door. Ever so slowly, her head turned and black hair swayed back to reveal sharp indigo eyes laced with a different kind of storm.

Ichigo and Renji promptly wet their pants. Figuratively speaking…eh…hopefully.

"She looks mad." Renji noted needlessly.

"Yeah…" Ichigo agreed as both of them lowered their heads even further behind the sofa while Rukia turned away again to rifle through the cupboards.

"What'd you do?" Renji asked keeping his voice respectfully low.

Ichigo shook his head slowly, watching as Rukia pulled out a cutting board, an inappropriately large cooking knife and then some fresh…strawberries….

Ichigo's throat let out a panicked squeak. "Why did I have to do something?" He asked Renji while mentally backtracking anything he might have done.

Renji gave a snort, keeping his eyes glued on Rukia and her meticulous set up. "Because you're an idiot." He supplied wisely.

"Well I didn't do anything this time." Ichigo countered uncertainly.

"Not even gonna deny that you're an idiot huh?"

"Shut up." Ichigo said weakly.

The bright glint of cutlery cut off their bickering as Rukia—locking her eyes with Ichigo the whole time; held the knife high in the air before dramatically bringing it down on the little red fruits below.

Ichigo flinched with every chop.

"I really think you did something." Renji said again.

"But I didn't!" Ichigo struggled. "At least I don't think I did…"

"Did you do something to Chappy?" Renji offered.

SLICE

"No! No, I didn't!" Ichigo cried out quickly. He could see green leafed tops fly haphazardly as his namesakes were systematically beheaded.

"Did you make fun of her drawings again?"

"Not recently."

"Did you call her midget?"

"Not to her face."

SLAM! Oh crap, Rukia took out the blender.

"Wow, you really fucked up." Renji remarked regretfully.

"Shit." Ichigo swore, deducing quite accurately that Rukia's need to puree something wasn't just for the fun of fruit smoothies.

"Did you forget something?" Renji asked urgently, his loyalty kicking in to save his friend's skinny neck. "Some kinda holiday? A present? A bribe?"

Ichigo gripped the couch in near panic. "No, I just went shopping yesterday! I got her a new manga, some new markers to replace the ones I broke, pocky, lipgloss and even her favorite ice cream."

"Dude you're so whipped."

"Shut up Renji. I ate the last of her ice cream so I had to make up for it."

Renji scrunched his face and made a shape in the air with both index fingers. "Is it that kind with little chocolate chunks in the shape of rabbits?"

"Uh yeah." Ichigo nodded absently. He was focused on Rukia glaring at him while dropping each berry into the blender one by one, her small finger hovering over a button that probably read 'demolish'.

Renji however let a dopey satisfied smile light his face. "That is good ice cream. It's got caramel inside the chocolate pieces and swirly bits of something that's damn tasty. I just ate a whole pint this morn…ing…"

Rukia dropped her hand away from the blender and both she and Ichigo simultaneously turned their stares towards Renji.

Renji decided to gape like a fish.

And then Rukia pulled out a pineapple…along with a cleaver.

After a millisecond of pause Renji hurled himself over the couch and clumsily rushed to the door. "I'll go get some more right now Rukia! I'll get two, no three!"

Ichigo bolted right behind him, not taking any chances. "I'll go with you! And we'll grab some dumplings on the way! Dinner's on us!"

A whoosh of air heavily coated with pure fear flew out the door so quickly, Rukia's hair flipped across her face as she stood rooted in the kitchen. The front door slammed shut behind them, their video games forgotten and abandoned.

Rukia stood silently for a moment before popping a strawberry in her mouth taking over the couch for herself.

"Idiots."

AN: Hope you enjoyed the first of Blended Strawberries random one-shots! I've been afraid of posting anything that's not Indefinitely, but I also need to post something other than Indefinitely for the sake of my sanity. Oh but I'll finish that story if it kills me. Or if wonderful readers don't kill me first. *sweatdrop* Please enjoy these in the meantime! There are more coming!