Author's Chapter Notes:

Thank you so much to all of you who are so faithful to not ony read, but review. I know I have been so bad about letting you know personally how much you mean to me - you words make me laugh, feel proud, and even cry....so please know I DO appreciate everyone of you! Even the 'lurkers'.

Hope you like the ending...and aren't too upset with me! Let me know." ) Bensler

P.S. I am on Twitter as Bensler822...someone else got 'Bensler' but hey, she is an SVUaholic so that is okay...just know that it is not me. " ) Bensler

P.S.S. Most likely this is the last you'll hear from me until I start posting the sequel to Keep It in the Family (it's being reviewed by someone)...that is, unless I throw out a shorter story that I am playing around with...a pre-ep for the season premiere. " )

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Chapter 7

Olivia Benson-Reynaldo Curtis Wedding – Central Park – Saturday, May 16 – 2:00 p.m.

Elliot scanned the group looking for Fin and Munch. As he spotted them and started toward them, a hand tugging on his arm, pulling him aside, stopped him. Turning, he came face to face with blue eyes framed in brown horn-rimmed glasses.

"Alex. Hi," he smiled.

Alex's face was stern. "Whatever you are thinking, don't," she grated out in a low voice.

"I'm sorry?" he was not following her meaning. Or at least he was going to act like he did not.

"You had your chance, Elliot. This is Liv's chance. Don't screw it up for her because of your insecurities," her voice was menacing now.

"Insecurities? Who do you think you are to…" he started.

She cut him off, "I'm Olivia's friend. And I don't want her to be hurt again!"

He grabbed her by the arm and pulled her further away from the people milling about, "You think she is the only one with feelings? Huh? You think she was the only one that got hurt? "

Alex glared at him even though she knew he was hurt, too. She was there to protect Olivia.

"Well, she wasn't!" his eyes flames of fury, he released her arm and stormed off to sit with Fin and Munch.

Just as he sat down, he noticed Casey coming his way from the opposite side of the crowd. He moaned, scraping his left hand over his face, and shook his head just as she reached him. Fin and Munch looked over at him and then saw the problem.

"You come to give me down the road, too?" he snapped, as he stood to meet her.

"What?" confusion clouded her expression.

"Alex already read me the riot act," he nodded toward her, where she now stood watching the two of them.

"Oh…" she glanced at Alex and then back to Elliot. "No. I just wanted to say…I know…this is…uh…hard on you, Elliot. And I'm sorry…so sorry. For Rey, for you and for Olivia. It should be you up there, not Rey."

Elliot blinked rapidly as his eyes watered against his will and stomach began to ache, "W-w-what?"

Casey did not say anything else. Instead, she simply put her hands around his shoulders, hugged him and kissed his cheek. Then before he realized what she had done, she was gone.

He was totally screwed now. Alex sounded mad at him, Casey felt sorry for him and he did not know anything except that he still loved Olivia Benson as much as he ever had. And she was about to become the wife of another man. And here came Cragen.

"Detectives," Cragen nodded.

"Hey, Cap'n," they all said in unison.

"Olivia is simply stunning, isn't she?" Munch observed.

"Yea…I ain't never seen 'er lookin' so hot!" Fin agreed.

Cragen laughed, "Well, it is pretty hot out here."

Cragen looked over at Elliot who was staring at Olivia, yet not saying a word. He tipped his head the opposite way, "Elliot, can have a word with you?"

Elliot tore his eyes from Olivia, who just seconds before had looked his way and locked hers with his. He nodded at the captain. They walked about fifteen feet away. Cragen looked out at the lake rather than at Elliot.

"You okay?" he asked.

Elliot chewed his bottom lip for several seconds, nodding slowly, "Uh…yea…yes, Sir."

Cragen nodded, "I guess you didn't tell her you were wrong…so I'm guessing you are letting her go."

Elliot turned to look at Olivia again and just as he did she once again lifted her head to gaze at him. She smiled slightly and he thought he would die right there, right then.

Shaking his head slowly, he whispered, "I'll never let her go."

Cragen turned to see what he was looking at and when he saw Olivia staring back, he had no doubt that what she was about to do was make the biggest mistake of her life. But there was nothing he could do about it. He had tried and now it was far too late. Too late for anyone to do anything about it.

The traditional Bridal March played on the piano and accompanied by the wistful strains of a violin. With each measure of music, Elliot felt his insides crushing his heart; suffocating him. Second by second, he was dying a little.

Stunning. Beautiful. Striking. Hot. Gorgeous. Elegant. Never had he seen a lovelier bride. Never had he seen a lovelier woman, period. The dress was made for her. It accentuated her femininity, something he tended to overlook because she was Benson. Heat-packing, perv-punching, tough as nails, no nonsense Detective Olivia Benson. But today…today she was the bride and she looked spectacular.

The white dress was made of Luster satin and Schiffli Lace. The lace sleeves hugged her shoulders and the scalloped neckline was accented with crystal beading. The bodice was enhanced with crystal beaded lace and a scalloped basque waistline. The train was shorter than most and heavily decorated with Schiffli Lace & crystal beading. And it made Olivia look like she was a model who had just stepped out the latest Brides magazine.

All standing, Elliot, seated on the next to the last row, was among the first to see her, escorted by Cragen. His breath jammed in his chest and the heaviness of it caused a deep ache within his being. Olivia's eyes caught his right off and she held his gaze until they passed by. He was aware of Cragen's eyes on him, too, but they held warning. Olivia's were sad, hurt, defeated. Though she was smiling, no one but him would realize her eyes were not. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he clenched his jaw and willed his body to stay in place. To not run after her.

Judge Donnelly and Rey smiled as Olivia and Cragen made their way to the makeshift altar. Rey was beside himself with joy and happiness and there was no doubt he loved Olivia. The Judge looked out over the small gathering and began to speak.

"Dearly Beloved, we are gathered together here in the sign of God – and in the face of this company…these family and friends…"

Here we go, Elliot thought. This was it. Sick to his stomach, he had to force himself to sit upright, refusing to give in to the need to double over in pain. It was clenching so hard, it felt like someone was inside of him slugging him with a sledge hammer. Why hadn't he stopped her? Why was he sitting here watching the love of his life promise herself to another man? The perspiration burned the cuts on his forehead and lip as it trickled down his face, his neck, his back and he felt the need to rip his jacket and tie from his body for relief.

"…is not by any – to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly – but reverently, discreetly, advisedly and solemnly. Into…"

On a more cognizant level he was surprised that they had chosen traditional vows and more surprised that this crossed his mind which was virtually mush right about now. Reflecting upon his marriage to Kathy, he knew exactly how those vows would go…there were only minutes left. Minutes before any hope of ever being with Olivia would end with a circle of platinum and a kiss. A ring that would symbolize her vow to someone else. A kiss that would seal her commitment to another.

The Judge droned on, "…now come to be joined. If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together – let them speak now or forever hold their peace."

Judge Donnelly paused and slowly scanned the crowd. Was it just his over active imagination or did the Judge's eyes linger a few seconds too long on his? Elliot's heart was crashing against his chest so hard, it actually hurt. He was unsure of how much longer he could quell the vomit churning his insides. 'Now!' a voice shouted in his head. 'Now! Say something, you idiot! Anything! Before it is too late!' But, it was already too late. He should have told her the morning he went to her apartment to confront her about the announcement. He should have told her in the hospital. He should have told her last night on the phone. He should have told her before now that he still loved her, wanted her, would do whatever it took to win her back.

Seated beside him, Fin cast a worried look his way, "You okay, man?"

"Marriage is the union of husband and wife in heart, body and mind. It is intended…"

Elliot only grimaced as he ran shaking fingers between his collar and neck, rolling his head side to side. He had to get rid of some of this tension or he would keel over right here and now. He could see the headline, 'Former Lover Collapses and Dies at Wedding of His Partner – The Woman He Still Loved.' His chest heaved with the need for more air than he was able to pull.

"Rey and Olivia make a commitment together to face their disappointments – embrace their dreams – realize their hopes – and…"

The question caused Munch to lean over to look past Fin to see what was going on. Elliot was deathly pale, his face drenched by the sweat pouring down his face. With his hands he wiped it away, transferring it to his slacks. Munch handed him his handkerchief and Elliot took it without an argument, merely glancing quickly at his colleague. Munch had seen Elliot in a lot of situations over the last eleven years, but even in that flash of eye contact he knew he had never seen that much pain in his eyes. Or anyone's eyes for that matter.

"…throughout their lives together – through mutual understanding – openness – and sensitivity to each other."

Cragen watched from his view beside Olivia, breathing a little easier now that the part of 'speak now or forever hold your peace' was past. He had no idea how Elliot could attend Olivia's wedding at all, let alone remain quiet at that part. He had fully expected him to disrupt the ceremony with all his objections. He wished he could turn around just to be sure he was doing all right. He would have to trust that Munch and Fin had everything under control. Including Elliot. Turning his attention back to the couple, he wondered again why Olivia was marrying Rey when she clearly still had such strong feelings for Elliot. And he for her. Love could be so screwed up at times, he thought. Apparently, his father-daughter advice speech did not work.

The ceremony continued as Judge Donnelly now turned to Captain Donald Cragen, "Who gives this woman in marriage to this man?"

Cragen smiled at Olivia, looked at the Judge and said, "I do." He kissed Olivia lightly on the cheek, took her hand and Rey's and joined them. He then took a seat on the front row.

She was a beautiful woman and a gorgeous bride. Cragen still could not help but think that even though she had waited forty-one years for this day, she was making perhaps the biggest mistake of her life. He began replaying his conversation with her the other day and then his mind took him back to that September day in 1999 when he first met Detective Olivia Benson. Her reputation had preceded her along with a jacket full of commendations. He smiled now thinking of that day.

He was not sure what he expected, but it most certainly was not this beautiful, young woman – who looked much younger than she was – with the huge, expressive brown eyes. She wore little makeup and a suit that was obviously too large for her. One thing he noticed that she had going for her was her confidence. She was confident she could do this job though he questioned it and even told Elliot to keep a close eye on her. Nearly laughing at that memory, he looked around, but everyone was intent on the ceremony. From day one, Elliot Stabler had his eye on Olivia Benson and to Cragen's knowledge that had not changed in eleven years.

"Do you Rey take Olivia to be your wife – to live together after God's ordinance – in the holy estate…"

Elliot's head pounded. He could not recall when he had felt such intense pain. Not when he was cut. Not when he was shot. Not when he was in that explosion with Star. Never. The nausea nearly overwhelmed him and he could not tell if it was due to the heat, the headache, or the stress of seeing Olivia marry someone else. He rubbed at his face with his bare hand, Munch's handkerchief useless now that it was soaked with perspiration. He seemed to be watching the scene from a distance, the voices echoing as though he was in a barrel. Rey smiled at Judge Donnelly and then turned his eyes to Olivia's before flashing a brighter smile.

"I do," his voice spoke strong and clear.

Elliot thought Rey must have yelled the words especially for his benefit, because they were pinging around his imaginary barrel echoing and bouncing off the walls screaming their meaning at him, laughing at him, taunting him with their finality.

"Do you Olivia take Rey to be your husband – to live together after God's ordinance – in the holy state of matrimony?"

Elliot's very soul was being hollowed out from within. It was crushing. He was losing it. Sliding toward the edge of what was considered normal, what was deemed sane. Losing everything he ever wanted. Ever needed. It was all slipping away. Olivia was slipping away.

"Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse…'

Slipping away. For better. For worse. 'You're my partner for better or for worse.' Had he really said those words to her? Breathing became a conscious, extraordiary effort. In seconds, she would be out of his reach. His chest hurt from the lack air. Forsaking all others. The rhythm of his heart was so erratic he could not believe he was still alive. As long as you both shall live. Off limits. His mind began to race with her words, his words – threats, promises, insinuations - and lightly veiled confessions of things forbidden.

'I sure as heck wouldn't drive all the way to Queens just to save your a**.' 'Yeah, you would.'

"Blink your lights when you get inside' 'You just gonna sit here all night until I do?' 'Yes, I am…and you know it.'

'And I did what I had to do. The guy's murdered four people, what's to stop him from coming after you, Olivia?' 'If you can't trust your partner, Elliot, it's time to get a new one.

'What about me?' 'You and this job are about the only things I've got anymore. I don't want to wreck that.'

'Why didn't you tell me?' 'Elliot, we've been partners for seven years, longer than anybody else here. We needed a change. I'm sorry. I should have talked to you. It's just ... it's just too complicated.'

'Is this some kind of joke?' 'The number you have dialed has been disconnected or is no longer in service.'

'So, are we okay?' 'I just need space to disagree with you so that I don't feel like it's going to cost me our partnership.' 'You've never been gun-shy before.' 'Yeah, well, you know, things change.' 'Well, like you said, you're the longest relationship that I've ever had with a man. Who else would put up with me?'

'I'd give you a kidney.' 'Not if I gave you mine first.'

'How's your baby?' 'Great.' He pulled her into that hug. 'You're okay.'

It was imminent. The implosion. Inside a violent compression of everything that was Elliot Stabler edged its way past volatility to eruption. A massive vice held him captive – mind, body and soul. The external pressure was becoming more than he could withstand mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually. At any moment he knew he would collapse and fall apart from within. Implode. And he had no idea what its fallout would entail. No idea if he would even any longer exist. Could exist.

"…in sadness and in joy, to cherish and continually bestow upon him your heart's deepest devotion, forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto him as long as you both shall live?"

Watching the scene before him, it took on that surreal quality of a dream. In slow motion, Olivia's mouth opened to pledge herself to Rey, to state her vow, "I…"

"Don't!" The shout echoed through the park.

Elliot shot out of his chair to stand in the center of the one aisle. The aisle lined on each side with chairs that held the handful of friends and family gathered to witness their loved ones being joined in marriage. The aisle that Olivia had walked arm in arm with Cragen at her side. The aisle in which he would either lose his life or reclaim it.

Every eye turned toward the offending, interrupting voice. Every eye stared at him in either absolute shock, horror, incredulity, amusement, disbelief, astonishment, disgust, anger or a mixture of one or more of those emotions. Judge Donnelly frowned; Cragen took a deep breath, a slight smile playing on his lips; Casey and Alex looked at each other and then Olivia, but he was aware they were fighting smiles; Fin and Munch shook their heads but poked each other; fury consumed Rey's expression, and Elliot did not care. What the others thought of him was of absolutely no worth to him. He did not care that he might have just made a fool of himself or that he just ruined Olivia's wedding. He felt he was keeping her from making a huge mistake. The only thing he cared about was Olivia. Yea, he was a little late, but not too late.

Hearing that voice, the one that she could not get out of her head, his voice, she snapped her head toward him. She knew just where he was sitting and when she saw him standing in the aisle, her peripheral vision began to falter. The only thing she sees as everything around her fades to black and white is the startling blue of his shirt. The one she had bought for him. And the intense blue of his eyes. His beautiful eyes, brilliant, vibrant cerulean, burning, pleading, waiting. For her.

The splash of red is effervescent against the backdrop of the white dress and the black tuxedo. The scene is now black and white sprinkled with one or two colors like an old photograph softly colored with pencils. Her lips are marked with the bright red of lipstick and he remembers the first time he kissed her and now her lips are all he sees. He remembers the first time those lips had uttered 'I love you'. And he remembers the last time. And he cannot live without her.

Because his right hand was injured, he held out his left to her as he softly called her name in a voice laced with both fear and hope and love, "Olivia."

The warm brown of her eyes are at first questioning, but then as their eyes lock, he sees them begin to twinkle and shine. The shock falls from her features and a smile begins to replace it. Beginning small yet quickly becoming brilliantly white, encompassing her whole face. The smile is for him. Only him.

He loves her and now he knows she still loves him.

She breaks their gaze only to turn to Rey and whisper something to him, her head shaking as he spoke and tried to hold her. Pulling the crown of baby's breath that held her veil from her head, she dropped it at Rey's feet as she gathered her dress in her hands and ran the short way back down the aisle, the train swishing behind her. Jumping into Elliot's arms, wrapping her arms around his neck, her legs winding at his waist as their lips met in a frantic kiss, their laughter muffled by more kisses, their hot, salty tears mingling, she barely heard the crowd quietly begin to disperse.

Tears are pouring from his shining blue eyes, now rimmed in red. His hands frame her face as their eyes meet once again and all the words they needed to say were etched right there in blue and brown. Permanently. Forever.

She loves him and now she knows he still loves her.

Thoughts flood his mind. He can make things right. Yes, he can do this. He can win her back. Make her his. Yes, this time he will make her his, any and every way she wanted him to do it. With his name, a ring, a kiss, a child, and piece of paper filled with words that proclaim to the world he is hers and she is his.

On a piece of paper filed somewhere in a dusty cabinet in the county courthouse are the words. Permanently, legally written in black and white.

~ ~ ~ eoeoeoeoeo ~ ~ ~