Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or any of its associated characters or fictional locations. The format for Near's Guide to High School belongs to Skyskater.

Author's note: Hi, MRegent.2 here. If you've read Skyskater's 'Hitsugaia's Guide to High School' then you'll know what this about. I've gone and received permission from Skyskater to make this so don't flame me for stealing ideas, okay! If you haven't then I'll explain: basically this is Near's journal for when the entire Death Note cast is thrown into high school and general insanity occurs. What happens is decided by you guys who send in challenges and watch Near and Co suffer through them, enjoy!

Greetings.

This is N.

And that will be the last time you will hearing any sort of formality with me for the rest of this god damned fic. I may have to suffer this mind-bending horror MRegent.2 has seen fit to put me through but I have no need to speak nicely to those who take such pleasure in my pain. Long story short, I and the substantially less-talented members of Death Note have been forced into the Hell known as the public education system. I thought this wouldn't be so bad. Half of us have some kind of genius ability and the rest are too stupid to disobey.

I should have listened to Toshiro when he told me about the horrors of this kind of fic... Actually I DID! I even packed my bags. Sadly for me, MRegent.2 is the author so I'm screwed no matter what I do. He caught me trying to skip the border. I'm not going to say what he threatened me with but it was enough to make me participate in this insanity.

Details would raise the rating so I'll leave it at that.

Here is the low-down on what's going on. Currently the entire Death Note cast is stuck in a classroom somewhere in Japan. Light, L, Mello and Matt and occupying the front row. There are two things that I will tell you about this that genuinely disturbs me. The first is that MRegent.2 could be so twisted as to stick the respective halves of the two most popular Yoai parings in the fandom directly next to each other.

The second is that I have to watch said pairs all day from the back of the classroom. Currently L and Light are just sort of staring at each other. Matt and Mello, however, decided to skip all that and go to the 'main course'. I'm not going to go into detail for the sake of mental stability but I will say that I'm not entirely sure, at this point, if Matt is screaming with pleasure or if I misjudged the situation and he's actually being raped. I wouldn't care either way but have to watch this for the next few hours.

In a stuffy classroom.

With over twenty different people..

Okay, the rest of the classroom hasn't yet descended into complete insanity but I'll tell you about some of the more interesting people. First of all, Misa and Takada are next to me. If I failed to convey the full horror of my situation to you, dear readers, let me clarify things for you. I am currently situated between Misa Amane, the possibly rabid, stalking, murderous girlfriend of the self-proclaimed god Light Yagami, who is actually, from the way he's staring at L, gay. On my right is Kyomi Takada, the socio-path she-witch who is also a mass murderer. Who is a reporter. Did I mention that both posses Death Notes that won't work on each other so they have to find some other way of venting their anger since Light forbade them to bitch-fight any more. Guess who's the lucky boy between them!

Moving on, directly in front of me is the shaking form of Teru Mikami. Whether he's shaking from pleasure at being so near (any smart remarks and your name's going into the Death Note as soon as I get my hands on it) to his beloved god or disappointment that Light's in love with another man I don't know. Or want to for that matter. In have the feeling I'm going to need all of the mental fortitude I can get across the next few entries and Mikami's 'secret' love for his god is not something that would add to it.

Okay, the Teacher's finally arrived, here's to hoping that nothing too stupid/mentally scarring will happen next.

Don't give me that look!

I can dream, can't I!?

27th of May 2009:

Form: Trying to avoid getting killed by Light's Stalkers/Girlfriends/Rabid Fangirls

The New High School of Hell

Nate Rivers