Disclaimer - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home. Not even the walking, and don't talk like they do. And quit smiling, I see you smiling.

The Kobold Necromancer's Warning - Don't let your expectations get too high, please! I'll do my best! \salutes\ Also, updates on my profile and new poll!

Pairings - Trent/Gwen, Bridgette/Geoff, Harold/Leshawna, Courtney/Duncan, Tyler/Lindsay, Katie/Noah, and Justin/Beth. More upcoming, but they are surprises.

A Love Triangle involves Eva/Cody/Anita (OC). Love Square, as I call it, put the following at odds: Owen/Izzy/Ezekiel/Heather.

As far as the original characters, their love interests will be revealed eventually.

Rating - This is seriously rated T. It contains violence, all cartoonish and some harsh. There will be bad language, though nothing too serious. Romance, sexual innuendoes, and other yicky stuff like that will be rampant. Sad moments, over-the-top happiness, love and strife, and an abundance of cultist jokes.

Time Setting - Six months after Total Drama Comeback ended.

And now for something completely different... the beginning!

Chapter 1 - Name Memorization Is Gonna Hurt

Chris Maclean stood on a platform, one that was in the middle of a very large, oval stadium. He was grinning happily, despite the fact that there were no people in the hundreds of thousands of stands; one would think that Chris would not be happy with no attention.

"Welcome to Total Drama Battlegrounds," he said to the camera. "Our third season promises to have more action, laughs, and gut-bustingly funny, painful moments! We have forty-four young people who are going to anxiously compete!

"But what exactly are they competing for, since I so cruelly and wonderfully left you hanging last season?" the host clapped his hands, as if congratulating himself on this. "Well, I'm happy to tell you that this time around, it's a lot more than Izzy and Bridgette earned last time!

"This time around, two of the contestants will win, individually, five million dollars! That's right, what an incredible amount! We figured with such a huge amount of money, we'll see more back stabbings, breakups, and betrayal; those are three B's of good TV, you know!"

Chris Maclean looked over at an entrance on the left side of the stadium wall. "Our contestants will be arriving shortly, and soon, we'll start up the festivities! We have virtual reality battles, long races, and loads of interesting and dangerous challenges for our contestants!"

Chef Hatchet walked onto the platform. The large man was still dressed in his apron and little chef's hat, exactly like he had been six months ago and throughout the first two seasons; one has to wonder if that's all he ever wears.

"Chris, the fresh meat is not ready," he said to the host.

"You actually prepared fresh meat for our contestants? Chef my man, are you going soft?"

"No, pretty boy! I mean the new contestants! The crew over where they are said they're having technical difficulties!"

Chris quirked an eyebrow. "But they have Joel. Aw man, they were supposed to come first..."

He popped open a cell phone, and speed-dialed a number. "Yeah, Maclean here. Send in the old school kids first, the newbies are having trouble. I know they have Joel there, but that's just what Chef told me. Blame him."

"Hey! Why blame me?" Chef shouted indignantly as Chris hung up the phone.

"While we're waiting for our original contestants to show up," the host continued, ignoring the fuming cook, "I'd like to point out again that we have forty-four contestants! We have prepared rooms of four, and this time," he clicked his tongue as his grin grew, "they are going to be coed."

"Is that legal?" Chef Hatchet asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"In some places, I think it is. Hey, if I'm allowed to torture them, I'm allowed to make them sleep together."

"What a way to put it."

"I know, that'll get censored for sure when this broadcasts in America," Chris said, then muttered under his breath, "What dickweeds."

Chef Hatchet chuckled, then looked over at the left entrance. "So, that where they coming from?"

"No, that's where the newbies are coming from. The oldies come in the right side."

And sure enough, a large truck came from the right entrance. The truck was mostly large because it was jacked up rather high. This made the door level with the platform when the vehicle turned around and pulled up next to it passenger-side.

"And our first contestant of the old schoolers is...," Chris announced, holding up his hand. The person in mention tripped on his seat belt and landed face first on the platform. "Tyler!"

"Ow," the jock grumbled as he picked himself up. "I was trying to jump out and pose, and the stupid seat belt got tangled with my foot..."

"Don't disgrace the seat belt, it might save your life one day," the host chastised him. "Well, Tyler, good to have you back, and great to see you are gonna be in your slick, red duds!"

"Glad to be back too, and this time, I'm going all the way," Tyler roared, pumping his fists in the air.

The next truck pulled up, and the passenger door hit Tyler in the back, sending him sprawling. Sadie jumped out, giggling to herself.

"Sadie! Um," Chris stammered as he looked around for someone who was supposed to be attached to Sadie's hip. "Where's Katie?"

"Oh, I let her and Noah ride together in the next truck," she replied, still giggling. "Give 'em a couple minutes of peace before the cameras are on them."

"How nice of you," Tyler remarked as he stood up and quickly headed for the right side of the platform.

Sure enough, Katie and Noah both came out of the next truck. Both were trying to look sophisticated, but her hair was disheveled and both of their clothes were a mess.

"You got a hickey on your neck there, Noah," Tyler said. When Noah's hands flew to the spot he pointed at, he burst out laughing. "You fell for it!"

"Oh ha ha, very funny," Noah grumbled as Tyler continued to laugh. "Sheesh. Jocks."

As Katie began to tell Sadie everyone that happened on the ride, a fourth truck pulled up. Geoff leapt out of the window, bounced off his hands, and landed on his feet next to Chris Maclean. "What's happening, dudes?"

"There's my favorite party man," Chris declared as he exchanged a high-five with Geoff. "Excited?"

"You bet," he exclaimed, and let out a 'woohoo' that made most of those around him cover their ears.

"What overwhelming preposterousness," Noah remarked. When Katie looked at him confused, he translated, "Loud weirdo."

The next truck that pulled up left Courtney on the platform. The CIT was ignoring Chris and the contestants, and looking at the departing truck, which was swaying unnaturally.

"Chris, I think my driver was drunk," she said, frowning at the host.

"Now c'mon, Courtney, we hire people who are very dedicated to their work," Chris said, shrugging his shoulders. "You were probably imagining things."

"I'm sure he had a few, he didn't smell good..."

Courtney walked over to the others. Tyler frowned in disgust and stepped away from her, while Geoff waved cheerfully. She was looking for someone, and she saw he wasn't there, she sighed and waited.

Next came Gwen, who was straightening out her hair with a few licks of spit. The goth girl chose to ignore Chris Maclean completely. Instead, she exchanged a fist bump with Geoff.

"Back for another round of hell," she remarked, secretly pleased with how upset Chris looked over being ignored. "I just hope things aren't as dramatic when we get near the end."

"You speak as if you know you're going to make it all the way to the end," Courtney remarked, narrowing her eyes at her. "What, you think because you always do well, you're going to be in the finals again?"

Gwen glared at Courtney, then smirked unfriendly-like. "Whatever, CIT girl. I wouldn't act superior if I were you."

"Yeah," Tyler spoke up, "you made a lot of enemies last season."

Before Courtney could reply, one of said enemies came out of the next truck.

"Leshawna's in the da house, baby," the loud sister declared as she hopped out.

She and Gwen high-fived, then hugged. "Always cool to have the cool sister around," Gwen said, grinning at her friend.

"You know it, baby!"

"Okay okay okay," Chris Maclean shouted, standing in-between the teenagers and the camera. "You have officially taken too much of my camera time! If you don't mind, I'm gonna go back to announcing."

"Whatever, white boy," Leshawna and Gwen said in unison, then burst out laughing. Noah gave them a little golf clap for their performance.

The next truck pulled up a little too close to the platform, and the horrible screeching noise made everyone wince. A very concerned Justin stepped out, glancing back at the driver before shutting the door.

"Chris, I think that guy had one too many," Justin said as the truck drove off.

"See? See?!" Courtney shouted, waving her hands around.

"Maybe those guys had a rough day," the host guessed, then he smiled at the male model. "Glad to see your handsome face back here, Justin my man!"

"I know you are," he replied. He grinned at the crowd of the teenagers, which caused all the girls, even those taken, to swoon.

Justin would have kept it up, because he loved having that effect on girls, but Noah was taking an invisible arrow from an invisible quiver, and notching it, pointing the invisible bow at Justin's chest.

"Keep it up, Anti-Me," Noah growled, "I dare ya."

"Um well," he stammered, "when is Beth going to get here?"

"They'll all come in due time," the host assured him.

As Justin joined the others, trying to be casual now, the next truck arrived with the next contestant. Eva come out, looking as unhappy as ever.

"Eva, good to have you here again," the host said. "Missed your smiling face."

"That supposed to be funny?" she grumbled before heading over to the others.

"Aren't you excited, Eva?" Katie squealed as she grabbed Eva's left shoulder, surprising the fitness buff. "We have a chance to win five million dollars!"

"Katie and I could open our own clothing line with that kind of money," Sadie exclaimed as she grabbed Eva's other shoulder. "Wouldn't that be awesome?"

"Would you buy something from our clothing line, Eva?"

"Would you? Huh huh huh?"

Eva, at a loss for words, looked over at Noah for help. He shrugged and gave her a "you're on your own" smile.

Owen was the next to arrive. The big guy looked all around the stadium with wide eyes, looking like a kid in a candy store (or just him in a candy store, it'd have the same effect).

"Chris," he asked after a few seconds of studying, "why are all the stands empty?"

"I was about to ask the same thing," Tyler remarked. "Shouldn't we have a crowd or something?"

"This an abandoned stadium or something?" Leshawna asked.

"It's actually a brand-new stadium," the host said, grinning widely, "and the producers were more than happy to name it after a very special someone."

"Oh boy," Gwen groaned, "why do I think I know who that 'very special someone' is?"

"That's right, you are all in the Maclean Stadium," Chris proudly declared, "and don't worry about the crowd. We'll do something about that."

"Woohoo, the brand-new Maclean Stadium," Owen shouted happily. "How awesome is that, it's like I'm part of history!"

"Don't encourage him," Leshawna said to the large boy, "you'll over-inflate his already over-inflated ego."

Beth was the next to arrive. She had to jump from her truck, as the driver hadn't pulled up close enough. Justin was there to help balance her, making sure she didn't topple over the side.

"Hello, Beth," Chris called out to her.

"Hi, Chris," she replied, grinning. Her pearly white teeth sparkled in the light.

"Glad to see that pair of teeth that somehow has more shine than mine," Justin joked, hugging Beth.

"Oh, is that all you missed?" she teased.

As the reunited couple continued to talk, some of the others dating someone else were starting to feel a bit lonely. Geoff looked the most anxious, and Gwen noticed he was puckering his lips, as if in anticipation.

"Miss Bridgette much?" she asked him, chuckling.

"How can you tell?" he asked as he smacked his lips.

As Gwen continued to laugh, the next truck pulled up. Most people were a little surprised when both Trent and Bridgette came out, but Geoff and Gwen were quite startled.

"Hi, guys," Bridgette called out, then glomp-hugged her boyfriend. "Hi, Geoff!"

She kissed his face, but he was a little too surprised to kiss back at first. When Trent approached Gwen, he noticed her apprehension.

"Um, I know that you two are just friends and all," Gwen started, nervously stroking her arm. "But why were you two in the same truck?"

"Yeah, do they not have enough trucks?" Geoff asked.

"Oh, um," Bridgette stammered, her face becoming slightly pink. "You all know how my mom was starting to date an accountant back in last season?"

"Yeah?" Geoff, Gwen, and several of the other contestants asked; Bridgette had talked about that a lot.

"Well," the surfer girl looked over at Trent, then chuckled nervously.

"That man turned out to be my dad," he said, shrugging nonchalantly.

The others exploded in a plethora of questions, laughs, and congratulations. Gwen shouted at Trent, "Why didn't you tell me, you big jerk?" though she was smiling happily as she said it.

As the chaos of questions and laughter continued, the next truck pulled up, and a green-and-orange blur sprang out. The human blur stopped to observe all the chatter and fake punching, and she grinned.

"I arrived at the right party," Izzy cheered, pumping her fists in the air. "Looks like my last family reunion!"

She began a series of glomps, tackling Bridgette, Leshawna, Noah, and finally Owen. She perched on top of him, and giggled. "Hiyas, honey."

"Hello, my redheaded beauty," he purred right back.

"Now, where is my Zeke?" she asked, looking around. "Is he here yet?"

"No, not yet," Chris said, who was still a little surprised by Izzy's sudden appearance during the frantic talking.

Another truck pulled up, and Izzy held her breath. It came out a seething hiss when the new contestant turned out to be Heather.

"And here's our reformed puppet master," Chris declared, clapping.

Heather glared at him, then looked over at the contestants. Not able to see anyone that she liked (and there really only was one), she sighed in frustration and walked over towards them, avoiding Gwen, Leshawna, and Bridgette.

"Looking for Ezekiel, eh?" Tyler asked her teasingly.

"Oh, get bent," she replied, but her face became slightly pink at the thought of her boyfriend.

"Oh man, you two are still together?" Gwen said, frowning. "I was hoping he would grow some sense in-between seasons."

"Shut up, weird goth girl," Heather grumbled, looking away uncharacteristically.

Before anyone else could taunt the queen bee, the next truck pulled up. DJ hopped out, holding Bunny in his hands.

"It's our gentle giant DJ and his little pal Bunny," Chris announced, throwing his hands up in celebration. "Great to see the both of you."

"You sure it's a good idea to bring him into the competition?" Sadie asked.

"Oh, he'll be fine, he'll be in my room most of the time," he answered her, patting the little creature's (Bunny's) head.

"When are you going to put him in a pot and eat him?" Eva asked, rolling her eyes.

Bunny squeaked in terror and pressed against DJ's chest. DJ himself cringed and held the furry being close to him, starting to shake. "Jeez, I was just kidding," the fitness buff said, rolling her eyes.

DJ chose to hide behind Owen, away from Eva. The fitness buff could feel people scowling at her, and she mentally sighed. This was not a good start for her.

The next truck pulled up, and out popped Cody. He strutted over to Chris and high-fived the host.

"Well Cody," Chris said, "do you think you'll get a girlfriend this time?"

"You can put money on that, Chris my man!"

As Cody walked over to the others, the host said under his breath, "I already have." Cody didn't hear this, as he said hello to his friends, including Beth and Gwen.

He stopped in front of Eva, and winked at her. "Looking good, Eva. I can see you've been training for this season."

"Huh?" was Eva's startled reply. When the tech-geek walked away, she turned her face away, in the hope no one could see the faint blush on her face.

Duncan was the next to arrive. He slammed the door shut, and furiously stomped over to the others, a dark scowl on his face.

"Something wrong, Duncan?" Chris asked him.

"Your stupid driver had one too many, and we played pinball throughout the tunnel," he snarled.

"You too?" Courtney exclaimed, then she scowled at Chris. "Where did you hire these drivers, Chris, at a bar?"

Chris shook his head and shrugged. Courtney groaned at the lack of communication, when she was suddenly seized by a pair of strong arms. "I know what could cheer me up, though," Duncan whispered in her ear.

"Duncan, eww," she declared, feebly trying to push him away. "Not in front of our friends, and not on the first day!"

"Making out makes for great TV, Princess," Duncan purred, wiggling his unibrow.

"My man Duncan, you are so right," Geoff shouted happily. "Here, Courtney, let's show you!"

The party animal swept Bridgette into his arms and started kissing her passionately. Bridgette was startled for about one second before she started kissing back.

"Aww, love," Chris cooed. "Or, more specifically, hormones."

The next contestant to arrive was someone who definitely did get boys' hormones going. Lindsay, glammed up like always, stepped off the truck, waving good-bye to her truck driver chauffeur.

"Good-bye, mister," she called back, "try to drink some coffee, that helps my sister when she's had a little too much to drink!"

"Lindsay," Chris called out to her, waving.

"Clip, hi," she said happily, running up and hugging the host.

"Nice to see you too. But it's Chris, Lindsay."

" 'Criss Lindsay'? That's a really cool name!"

She walked over to the contestants, smiling and waving, leaving behind a frustrated host. Though after a couple seconds of thinking, he rubbed his chin and mused, "Criss Maclean? Hmm, not bad..."

Lindsay and Tyler snuggled up while the next truck came driving up. Everyone was shocked to see Harold was standing in the back of the truck! He was pumping a fist into the air, shouting out in exhilaration.

"Harold," Leshawna shouted at him when the truck pulled up to the platform. "What were you thinking? Don't you know how dangerous that is?"

"Well, it was safer to ride back here than in the passenger seat, my chocolate Goddess," Harold said as he hopped out of the back. "That drunken idiot was puking all over the seats. And that was before the ride even started, gosh!"

Leshawna glared back at Chris. "You have a real morale problem, Maclean, if these drivers of yours are all getting sloshed!"

"Look, it was only a couple," the host declared, holding up his hands. "C'mon, Harold, surely you're exaggerating."

"The guy had three cup holders," Harold mimed out the size of the cup holders, "and he had a shot glass, a mug, and a liter-sized cup full of booze. Gosh, it stank in there!"

"You all exaggerate," Chris remarked, waving his hand. "I'm sure it's not that bad, I do actually pay these people."

"Feh. Not much," Chef scoffed, earning a glare from Chris. "Well, let's just ask the last, stinkin' contestant what his driver was like."

"I believe we will!"

The last truck came swerving out of the entrance tunnel, almost hitting the stadium walls. The vehicle then crashed passenger-side into the platform, and the door swung open. A screaming Ezekiel was thrown out, slamming into the platform.

"Zekey," Izzy screamed, and rushed over to help her friend. She and Heather reached him at the same time, and when both tried to help him up, they started slap-fighting over who had the right to pick him up.

As they fought, Bridgette helped Ezekiel to his feet. "Oh, it was horrible," he cried, clinging to her for support, as his legs were practically jelly. "He was drunk 'oot of his mind, and he kept saying how he wanted to wrap the truck around a pole to end his miserable life, and every time he reached for his drink, he took his eyes off the road!"

Most of the campers and Chef were staring at Chris now, and the host scratched the back of his head. "Um, well, maybe I'll give them a bit of a raise or something."

Heather stood near Bridgette and Ezekiel, glaring at the surfer girl. "Could you please let go of my boyfriend now?" she requested.

Bridgette almost cringed when she called him her 'boyfriend.' "All right, but you're going to have to hold onto him."

"I can do that," she snapped, and pulled Ezekiel to her. However, she misjudged how heavy the terrified prairie boy was, and they fell over. He landed on her, and this seemed to snap him out of his state of terror.

"Oh hi, Heather," he said, smiling happily. "Did you miss me, eh?"

She groaned. "I'd miss you more if you'd get off me, Ezekiel."

Geoff laughed. "No way, Heather, that's some of the most fun you as a couple can have!"

"Well, it seems we have all twenty-two of our original contestants," Chris said as Heather and Ezekiel stood up. The host pulled out a cell phone and speed-dialed another number. "Hello? Yeah, you ready? Good, glad to know you all got the trucks fixed.

"... Wait, what do you mean Joel had to do all the work? What about the mechanics, why didn't they help?" he asked, then slapped his forehead. "Ugh, maybe I really should pay these people more. Anyway, make sure most of the drivers are sober, or tipsy if you can manage that."

"How comforting," Leshawna muttered.

"Well folks," Chris cheerfully said as he closed his cell phone, "it's time to meet your new competitors! Excited? They could be your future friends, enemies, maybe even lovers or blood rivals!"

"I'll stick to tolerable," Gwen said.

The first truck to come out of the left tunnel was fast but steady, so it was a safe bet this driver was actually sober. Out stepped Hannah, the religious girl from the audition tapes.

"Here's our first of the rookies to Total Drama, it's Hannah," Chris announced. He walked over to her and patted her shoulder. "Doing all right, our Christian gal?"

The blond girl was trying to straighten herself out, rearranging her white blouse and blue skirt. When she pulled up her skirt slightly to arrange her socks, Tyler and a few others noticed she was wearing sports shoes.

"They kind of jostled me into the truck," Hannah admitted as she threw her hair back, soothing out the stray strands. "Something about getting everyone out here before the commercial break?"

"Yep, that was very professional of them," Chris said. He tapped the golden cross she had around her neck and added, "Now, remember what we told you, our producer's request?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yes, I haven't forgotten."

"Good. Now then, just remember to be tolerant of others' beliefs, and I'm sure we'll all get along fine."

Hannah smiled at this, especially when she saw all of the original contestants looking at her. Waving at them, she cheerfully said, "I have no worries about that. I'm sure everyone will be perfectly fine, Chris."

The next truck came barreling out of the tunnel, tires squealing and startling everyone. The vehicle rammed the platform, jarring everyone and knocking a few off their feet. Someone came shooting through the windshield, crashing onto the platform with a blizzard of windshield shards flying around.

"Dear God in Heaven," Hannah exclaimed, something strong for her to say but fitting the occasion. She and Beth were at the fallen teenager's side. "Are you okay? Are you hurt?"

Both girls were startled when the boy sat up, whooping in joy and pumping his fists. "Did you see that?" he shouted. "That was awesome! Oh man, can I do it again?"

"This must be Alfred," Chris remarked, raising an eyebrow. "As if his shirt wasn't obvious enough?"

The USA flag icon on Alfred's white shirt was a little dirty from the crash, as well as his red jacket, blue pants, and even his blue baseball cap. The gonzo boy giggled and stood up, still a little wobbly.

"Did anyone see how far I flew?" he asked, looking between Hannah and Beth. "It was so groovy, and... and... man, am I excited to be here! Aren't you guys?

"I mean, I never watched the show beforehand, but I heard it was wild! I was so excited to be here, I couldn't sleep last night, so I had about eight energy drinks to keep myself awake for now..."

The American teenager locked up, as if paralyzed. "Oh no," he whimpered, "caffeine crash."

He fell down, and, sprawled out on the floor of the platform, started to snore immediately after lying down. People stared at him in amazement.

"Is this what most 'Americinans' are like?" Lindsay asked aloud.

"Yes," said Courtney.

"No," said Tyler at the same time.

The third truck to come from the left side came pulling up as Chef Hatchet swept away the glass shards. The next contestant jumped out of the truck, black headband strands whipping behind her.

"Woohoo," the girl shouted, pumping her fists in the air. "I'm here! I'm here at long last!"

"Is this another 'Americinan'?" Lindsay asked Tyler, looking very confused.

"Everyone, this is Carol," Chris Maclean said, gesturing to the new contestant. "Our police officer in training!"

"Oh joy," Duncan grumbled.

"That's right, jail bird!"

Carol was up in Duncan's face in about two seconds, startling him. "I am the cop around here, and I really plan to clean up this town!"

She thumped her chest, patting a fake police badge. Duncan looked up and down her, noting how she was dressed all in navy blue. "You think you can handle me?"

"You know it, criminal boy!"

"Oh yeah?!"

"YEAH!"

Geoff laughed. "Oh, those two are going to be fast friends, aren't they?"

"If they don't kill each other first," Gwen remarked, then raised an eyebrow. "Isn't this how he and Courtney started off?"

The next truck pulled up, and the door swung open. A child no older than eight years leapt out of the vehicle, looking around with wide eyes.

"Lil' Rodney joins the big leagues," Chris exclaimed. He knocked on the army helmet the boy was wearing. "Looks like you came prepared."

"Mom wouldn't let me join without it," he said, as he straightened out his school uniform and backpack. Then he noticed all of the original cast mates, and let out a scream of delight.

"Oh WOW," Rodney shouted, running over to them (almost tripping over the unconscious Alfred in the process). "This is too cool! Oh wow wow wow!"

Emotion got the better of him, and he hugged Duncan around the waist. "I love you guys! I cannot believe I'm getting to meet you all in person."

"You shouldn't be hugging criminals, kid," Carol said, then she turned to Chris. "Hey, why is a kid here? Isn't this show a little too rough?"

"Well, Rodney here is in high school, he's a prodigy child," Duncan said, patting Rodney's helmet. "I remember his audition tape."

"Oh, this is too grand," said prodigy exclaimed. He began shuffling through his pockets, and then pulled out a couple markers, one gold and one silver. "Can I, um..."

He blushed and began stammering as he looked up at Duncan. "Could, ehehe... could you autograph my helmet?"

Duncan couldn't help but grin. "No problem, little dude."

"Oh, and leave room, please," Rodney requested as Duncan began to sign the army helmet. "I want everyone else to sign it."

As Rodney scurried about to get autographs, the next truck pulled up. Out jumped an African-Canadian gal, wearing all different shades of yellow, and wielding a lacrosse stick.

"Hi, everyone," she shouted, grinning ear to ear.

"Hi, Daisy," Chris said, waving. "Shall we call you princess?"

"Naw, I'm good," she said, straightening out her dark yellow vest. As she fiddled her ponytail and the daisy hairpin, she excitedly scanned the original contestants. When she saw Bridgette, her eyes lit up.

"Ohhhh my God," she whispered, then shouted it. "Oh my God! Bridgette!"

She bolted over to the very startled surfer, and said, very quickly, "I'm such a big fan! All my teammates on my lacrosse team love you too! It's so awesome to meet you in person, I hope we're on the same team!"

"Um, thanks," Bridgette said, a bit overwhelmed.

"So cool," Daisy repeated. "Oh, could you autograph my lacrosse stick? I needs a pen, anyone got a pen?"

"I do," Rodney exclaimed, holding one of his pens up. Daisy looked confused about a child being there, so Ezekiel decided to explain.

"He's a prodigy child, eh," Ezekiel said. "Real smart!"

Daisy looked at him, and her eyes narrowed. "Hey, wait a minute, aren't you that sexist who got voted off first?"

Ezekiel whimpered when he saw her flex her hands, still holding the potentially lethal lacrosse stick. "Wait wait," Bridgette declared, grabbing Daisy's wrists. "Ezekiel's reformed, he's a really good friend of mine now!"

"Really?" Daisy looked between her and Ezekiel, then smiled. "Well, if he's okay with you. I have to admit, I missed most of the second season."

The next truck pulled up as Daisy finished getting her autograph from her favorite contestants. The newest contestant looked around with keen blue eyes, her well-styled, blond hair gently whispering around her face.

"Hello, Belinda," Chris said, his grin almost challenging now. "Well, Miss Clairvoyant, have you got a prediction for us?"

The new blond had her hands tucked in the stomach pockets of her sweater, and barely moved her head to look around. "Watch your head, Maclean."

" 'Watch my head'?" Chris repeated as Belinda headed over to the other teenagers. "What kind of crappy prediction is tha-"

Chef's push broom handle hit Chris in the temple as the cook walked backwards, sweeping up the remains of the glass shards. The host wailed in pain, and Belinda merely shrugged as she stood near Leshawna and Harold.

"So, what, you some kind of psychic or something, white girl?" Leshawna asked her.

"I prefer 'clairvoyant,' though I'm not really either," she said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear casually. "Though I must confess, I'm rather good at predictions."

"Aw, you mean you're not psychic?" Harold said, looking downcast. "Gosh, that would have been awesome."

"Sorry, Harold," Belinda said, looking up at the sky as if it fascinated her. "I know you've been dying to meet a real psychic ever since second edition D&D made psionics rather powerful."

Harold's jaw dropped. "Dang, you are good," he declared.

As Belinda continued to make small talk with Harold and Leshawna, mostly about D&D, someone that looked like she came from a fantasy game was next to arrive. Mandy, the cultist from the audition tapes, stepped out of her truck ride, her platinum white-dyed hair bobbing as she looked around.

Mandy noticed those eyeing her, either suspicious, weirded out, or nervous. She drank it all in and began to laugh. "Yeah, you'd better get a good look at me, you foolish mortals," she hissed, her red eyes narrowing and her smirk widening.

"Including you, Fancy Hair," she declared, pointing at Chris; the host, who was about to say hello, was silent and staring at her awkwardly. "Because you, all of you, are going to suffer the wrath, of C'th-WAH!!"

Before she could finish her sentence, she tripped over sleeping Alfred, falling flat on her face. As some of the others couldn't help but laugh, Hannah was quick to come to her aid.

"Are you okay?" she asked as she helped the cultist girl back to her feet.

"Yeah, yeah, I think so," Mandy mumbled, rubbing her nose. She then noticed Hannah's golden cross, and looked down at the skull-iconed choker she herself was wearing. "Oh dear," she hummed, "we're not going to get along, are we?

"And who," she shouted, whirling around and pointing angrily down at Alfred, "has been sacrificing victims when I wasn't here?"

Mandy began poking Alfred's side with the toes of her boot as the next truck arrived. A blond-haired guy hopped out, and his eyes widened when he looked at the crowd, especially the girls.

"Oh boy," he shouted, throwing his arms in the air, the wind fluttering his loose-fitting, tiger-stripped shirt. "GIRLS!"

"Howard, calm down," Chris started to say, but the boy was already in a rush.

"You, baby," he said to Hannah, startling her when he was suddenly approaching her, "look to be one of God's greatest creations!

"And you," he was suddenly in Carol's face, startling her too, "can put me in handcuffs any day!"

"And you," he was then next to Mandy, and the cultist girl cried out, "you, cutie, not even the Old Gods could keep me away from you!"

When Howard approached Belinda, he opened his mouth, only to be smacked across the face. Stunned momentarily, he rubbed the red mark on his cheek as he muttered, "But I didn't even say anything to you yet!"

"Didn't matter, I knew what you were going to say," she said. Her hands were back in her sweater's pockets, and the clairvoyant girl rocked back and forth on her feet.

"Well, this hasn't started off as good as I wanted to," Howard said with a sigh, still rubbing his sore cheek.

The next truck arrived. A tall teenager with chocolate-colored skin stepped out, waving back at the driver before the vehicle pulled away.

"Sebastian," Chris shouted, desperate to get back to announcing and actually doing his job, "thank goodness you're here, there's a lot of crazy teenagers running around right now."

"You reap the rewards of your own choice for interesting views," the young man said, correcting his green glasses. He tucked one of his locks behind his ear, as his dreadlocks, which were clean and handsome, were fluttering in the wind.

He too almost tripped over the unconscious Alfred. "What have we here?"

"Unconscious from energy drink crash," Hannah explained.

"Well, we cannot have him asleep on the most exciting day of his life, now can we?" Sebastian said, pulling back the sleeves of his green jacket back a bit. "Here, I know a little something about waking someone via pressure points..."

He began pinching at Alfred's neck. After a couple seconds, the gonzo teenager woke up with a start. "What'd I miss?" he asked, then looked up at Sebastian. "And can I try on your hair?"

Alfred and Sebastian began talking, and were so involved that they missed the next contestant arrive. Sandra, looking like she did in her audition tape, walked right past Chris.

"Sandra, nice to see you," the host said. The girl blew a bubble from her gum, and popped it loudly in response.

"Man, she's got the latest pants in fashion," Heather whispered to Ezekiel. "They're called bubble gum pants, just to let you know."

"Why are they called that, eh?" he asked, looking rather confused. "They look like vinyl, like a vinyl chair skinned and made into pants, eh."

"I'm afraid you just don't get fashion, Zeke," she said, patting his shoulder.

"Hubba hubba," Howard chanted, looking at Sandra. His eyes scanned her from her red hair done up in a bun, down to the bright red high heels she was wearing.

As he started to head over, Belinda called to him, "You'll regret it."

About three seconds later... SMACK!

Howard came back with a fresh hand print on his face. "You know," he muttered, rubbing the sore cheek, "I should listen to you more, methinks."

The next contestant could be heard before seen, as Jasmine was letting out loud cheers before the truck had even pulled up all the way. The actress leapt out, holding onto her beret with one hand so as not to lose it.

"I'm here," she cried out. "I'm actually here on Total Drama! This is a dream come true!"

"Yes, Jasmine, and we're glad to have you," Chris said, as Jasmine hugged him in her excitement. "Leshawna told us a lot about you."

"It wasn't all that flattering," Leshawna grumbled under her breath, right before Jasmine practically tackled her.

"We're gonna rock this contest, Leshawna babe," Jasmine cheered, then she noticed Harold nearby. "Oh," she grumbled, "he's here?"

"Yes, he's here," Leshawna cried out as she pushed Jasmine away, "and I expect you to be nice."

"I wouldn't count on that," Jasmine said, lifting her nose up at the lanky nerd.

Before a serious argument broke out, another one of the trucks arrived, and the passenger door was kicked open. What looked like a teenaged boy dressed as a samurai stepped out.

"Yoshi," Chris said, bowing in Oriental fashion, "hello and nice to meet you!"

"Greetings," he replied. His hand was holding the handle to his sword and the scabbard it was inside. His eyes wandered over the others.

"Dude," Izzy exclaimed, "is that a real sword? I haven't seen a real one since the last ninja I had to fight off."

"Yes, of course it's real," Yoshi remarked, then pulled the sword out of the scabbard to show it to everyone. Several people, including Harold, Cody, and Daisy, were fascinated.

"You let him bring something that dangerous?" Heather asked Chris, looking at the blade like if it was a snake ready to strike.

"Yep! It's cool, it's a katana blade," Chris explained. "Besides, he wouldn't come without it."

"But what if he threatens someone with it?"

"That'll make for good TV."

"Hey, what if he kills someone with it?" Heather said, stepping away from Yoshi. Ezekiel patted her shoulder in comfort.

"Then we will be sure to disqualify him," Chris assured her. "Also, sadly, we'll have to kick off the person he decapitated too."

"Rather handsome weapon," Daisy was saying to Yoshi, grinning at the sword then at him. "You're rather handsome too, sugar."

"Thank you," Yoshi said nonchalantly as he slid the sword back into his scabbard. Then his eyes widened and he looked over at Daisy. "Wait, what about me?"

Before Daisy could repeat herself, the next truck pulled up, and the next contestant jumped out. An African-Canadian, his long, black hair whipped around him from the jump. He pushed it back, and several of the contestants marveled at the tiger-stripped tattoos he had on his arms; several others were disgusted by how his pants were so far down, his boxers were exposed to the world.

"Okay then, Zachary," Chris said, walking over and patting his shoulder, "nice to see you! Plan to win it big?"

"Oh, why even bother?" Zachary grumbled. "Everyone knows minorities never win these shows. Only white people ever win, it's all favoritism."

He continued to rant as he walked past the others, and several of the others were starting to look uncomfortable. Owen and Bridgette exchanged guilty looks, and Izzy raised a dubious eyebrow. Yoshi's eye was starting to twitch at Zachary's remarks, and Sebastian shook his head.

"I mean, we all know what's going to happen during this show," Zachary griped. "We all know the big man is going to keep the little man down-"

He was interrupted when Rodney came running back in a happy rush ("I just got all their autographs," he was shouting happily), and Zachary tripped right over him. As the whiner groaned and picked himself up, Rodney stumbled and bumped into someone new.

"What do we have here?"

The new person picked up Rodney by his backpack, and a very unnerving smirk met him. The smirk belonged to Colin, the bully with hair spikes and spiked bracelets.

"Did they give me a little punching bag for starting?" Colin asked, his grin becoming even more cruel than Chris Maclean's. "How nice."

Rodney whimpered, and Colin laughed. "You'd best be prepared, twerp," he whispered, "because this contest is going to be hell for you, I'll make sure of that."

"HEY!"

Colin's arm was slapped away, Rodney falling down to the ground. The bully was startled, but even more so when someone pushed him back and away from the child.

"You leave the kid alone, Spiny Norman," Alfred shouted at him, jabbing a finger in Colin's chest.

Most people watched with rapt attention, wondering if a fight was going to break out this early. Colin scowled at Alfred, and it was a rather intimidating look, but Alfred wasn't backing down.

"Oh, who's going to stop me?" Colin asked. "You?"

"No, actually," Alfred admitted with a shrug. "But he will."

Before Colin could ask, someone pinched his neck, and after a second of pressure to the right nerve, he let out a, "Hey, wha... grk," and fell to the ground unconscious. Sebastian retracted his fingers, and smiled.

"Way to go, my brother," Alfred said, him and Sebastian exchanging a high-five.

"Oh, must you people knock out your fellow contestants so quickly?" Chris exclaimed, throwing his hands up. "Honestly, the first batch of contestants weren't this bad."

"You mean," Noah tapped his temple as he began to list, "besides Leshawna trying to fight Harold, Tyler crash-landing into the luggage, Izzy banging her chin in on the dock, or Duncan threatening to give me a lip piercing?"

"Good times, huh?" Duncan said, clapping his hands. "Gods, there are times I really love this show, you know?"

"So," Zachary spoke up again, "are we gonna continue or something? And is anyone going to wake up Spiny Norman, or whatever the heck that guy's name is?"

"I think it's Semicolon," said Lindsay.

As the people started to debate what the unconscious bully's name was, the next truck pulled up. The next person to step out caught the attention of most of the guys, and even some of the girls.

"Anita," Chris shouted, clapping. "Hoorah, we needed some more good-looking people on the show by now."

The girl let out a scoffing laugh, throwing her long, ebony hair back. "Thank you so much, Chris. I know, however, you're going to be trying to make me look my worst for the next few weeks."

"You know me too well, dear."

A lot of the guys weren't really paying attention to the conversation. Howard was staring at her legs, covered in fishnet leggings and a short black shirt; drool was starting to form in his mouth. Duncan couldn't help but look at her heart-shaped belly button piercing. Alfred was fascinated with her emerald eyes, and Cody was having a very, very hard time not staring at her large chest, covered only by a purple tube top.

"Don't stare, don't stare, don't stare," he was chanting in thought, pounding his head. He didn't realize how ridiculous he looked.

When he braved looking up, the gorgeous ravenhair was staring right at him. She waved, shyly, at him! Cody, feeling his face get bright red, waved back at him.

"Do you know Cody?" Jasmine asked, looking quickly between Anita and Cody.

"No, I just...," Anita said, digging her toes into the ground, "you could say I'm one of Cody's fans."

The large chorus of "aww's" made both Anita and Cody blush very red. One contestant who was not enjoying this at all was Eva, who was grinding her teeth and seething in air through her teeth.

The teasing was cut short when the roar of a motorcycle came close. Coming up the ramp of the platform, a motorcyclist clad in dark leather from shoulder to toe parked the ride on the platform.

"Xander buddy," Chris exclaimed as the new contestant removed his helmet, "fitting entrance for you, biker boy, but where's the truck?"

"Driver was way too drunk," Xander said, pushing his black hair away from his face; most could see a long scar traced from above his left eye down to under his right eye. "In fact, he was so drunk, he couldn't get into the truck."

"You really do have a morale problem," Justin said to Chris.

"I knew that just by watching Chef," Tyler whispered to his friends, jerking his thumb at the large cook. Luckily for him, Chef was too fascinated by the ride Xander had brought.

"Wanna take the bike off the platform, Chef?" Chris said to his co-host.

"Hell yeah, been a long time since I got to ride a bike," Chef said, happily getting on the ride as Xander tossed him the keys. As Hatchet took it away, Xander began to look at his new contestants.

"Hmm, not bad," he mused to himself, "you all seem like a good bunch... oh, guys?" he spoke up now.

"Yes?" a good deal of people, fascinated by the rebel teenager, asked in unison.

"Is the guy with spiky hair I'm standing on of any consequence?"

"No!"

"Oh good."

"Get the hell off me," Colin shouted.

As the bully struggled to get to his feet, the next contestant arrived in a truck like most of the others; however, unlike most of the others, this one was not quick to get out of the ride.

Very nervous and shaking slightly, the short, asian girl exited the vehicle and looked around cautiously. She was practically hiding behind the door.

"Hey everyone," Chris shouted, "it's Sakaki! Let's give her a big welcome!"

The random cheers and claps startled the very shy girl, and she cried out in terror, squatting down and hiding her head. This was probably the reaction Chris was hoping for, because his suppressed laughter wasn't very suppressed.

"What a weakling," Colin laughed at the shaking girl. "Man, short and moe and a 'fraidy-cat! Are all asian girls this lame?"

The sharp sound of a sword being unsheathed echoed across the stadium, and Colin saw the tip of Yoshi's katana blade in front of his face.

"Hey now," Sebastian was at Sakaki's side, patting her shoulder in comfort, "it's okay to be nervous. You all right, not feeling sick or anything, are you?"

"N-no," she stammered, looking at him with quivering eyes. "S-sorry, I g-guess I over-r-reacted."

"All of us are nervous, you know," Sebastian assured her, "but there it could be worse. Chris could have not been too cheap to afford a crowd here at the stadium."

"Hey," the cheapskate host protested; however, this seemed to momentarily cure Sakaki of her shyness. She smiled at Sebastian, and the two headed over to the others.

"H-hi, guys," she said to the others and her favorite contestants, like Katie and Sadie. As she greeted more of the others, Colin was trying desperately to apologize to Yoshi.

"And I love manga and animé, and I think you guys make the best video games, and sushi is the best damn tasting food in the world, and oh dear God, please stop pointing that at my face-"

His ranting apology was cut off short when the next truck slammed into the side of the platform, startling everyone. A very angry teenaged boy struggled to get out, cursing angrily.

"You stupid, drunken hobo," he spat out. Whirling around, he kicked the side of the truck in a fury.

"Whoa whoa whoa, Arthur," Chris exclaimed, waving his hands. "Don't damage the trucks, man!"

"Your stinking, boozed-up driver already has done enough to it to be considered collateral damage," Arthur snapped back. "The moron almost got me killed! Damn it all..."

He sighed and started massaging his temples. "Dear God, I've got a headache... being near him, I could practically feel the hangover he'll be having."

"Man, he was that drunk?" Izzy asked, looking into the truck. "I've heard of people being so drunk, they give people secondhand slur!"

Arthur raised an eyebrow at her. By now, people could actually get a good look at the angry teen. He was wearing a rugged leather jacket, matching leather pants, and his brown hair was slicked back into two deadly-looking points. Everything about the boy seemed to be rugged or pointy.

"Still, you can put this down as a positive experience," Tyler said, slapping the new guy on the back. "You lived, and you kicked the crap out of that truck."

"Yeah, real positive," Arthur groaned as he tapped his forehead.

The busted trucked was hauled away, just in time for the next one to arrive. Out stepped a girl who, like Arthur, had a similar dress pattern to her. Only for she, it was a bright pink look.

"Valerie, darling," Chris exclaimed, clapping his hands. "So glad you could come."

"I'm sure you are," Valerie said, batting her eyes at Chris. She observed all of the contestants, new and old, and something caught her eye: Arthur was staring at her with a very obscure look.

"What's your problem, pal?" she hissed at him.

"You're... pink," he stammered, pointing at her accusingly.

Valerie looked down at herself. True, she was wearing a pink tank top, a dark fuschia skirt, pink nylons, and pink heels, but she didn't really notice it until now. "Yeah, and what of it?" she asked, glaring at him.

"Just... ugh."

"Oh, so you have a problem with a girl wearing pink, huh?" she snapped, storming up to his face.

"You're so pink, you're practically cotton candy," Arthur gagged.

"I'll have you know, I'm student president at my school," she hollered, "and I got there because of how I lead, not how I dress! You wanna make something of it?"

"Ugh, don't stand so close, the pinkness is making me nauseous."

"That does it! I'm gonna-"

She was interrupted by some coy giggling. Both she and Arthur looked over to see the next contestant had already arrived, and she was watching the two argue.

"So, Crystal," Chris said, also observing the two fight, "what do you think, since you're our matchmaker? The start of a new couple?"

"Oh, I dunno," she said, batting at her cravat in thought. "A good argument sometimes really starts a good couple, don't you think, eh what?"

Arthur and Valerie reacted as most teenagers do when accused of liking someone they don't: they turned up their noses, turned away from the other, crossed their arms and said, "Hmmph!" This only made Crystal giggle more.

"Well, Crystal, go meet the others," Chris said, pointing to the others, "go help with couples, hook people up, do what we recruited you for!"

"Cripes, I was hoping that I was here to win the money too, but there you go," she joked, "Bob's your uncle, and all that."

"What's she saying?" Sadie whispered to Katie, who shrugged.

"She's British," Noah said.

"Oh," Katie replied with a smile and a nod, "does that mean she's really smart too, which is why we cannot understand her?"

The next contestant arrived, and was very slow to open the door of the truck, even slower to jump out. When the contestants saw who it was, most winced.

"Oh yuck," Sandra remarked, speaking for the first time. "An emo? Ultra-yuck."
The emo kid looked at Sandra with sad, heavily shadowed eyes. They looked baggy, just like his black, heavy clothing. He stroked his black headband as he looked around the stadium.

"Aw c'mon, everyone loves an emo kid," Chris said, walking over to Clive and thumping him on the back. "Everyone, this is Clive. Clive, what do you have to say to everyone?"

Clive looked at the empty seats of the stadium, and groaned. "A colossal stadium with absolutely no fans? Rather like life, empty and meaningless."

"Isn't he great?" Chris cheered, thumping him on the back again. Clive sighed and joined the lineup.

"Yuck," Sandra said again, then snapped her gum. "So, that's everyone, right? We done?"

"I think we're missing one person," Chris said, looking around.

"Where's Joel?" Chef Hatchet asked. "Wrench boy is showing up, right? He wasn't just a flash in the pan in the second season, was he?"

As if it was the secret word, there was a flash of green light in the middle of the platform. A metallic disc started to form on the ground, unfolding and glowing bright green. Another flash of green light, and Joel, dressed exactly as he was during the second season, materialized on top of the disc.

"Joel?" Chris exclaimed, astonished.

"That's me," the young inventor said, stepping off the disc. The metallic objected folded up, and sprung up in the air, to which Joel caught it and tossed it behind his back off the platform. "And that, ladies and gentlemen, was the third successful teleportation I've ever done!"

A small explosion rocked the stadium, coming from where Joel threw the device. He didn't seem phased by it, until the smoke blew over him.

"You made a teleporter?" Cody shouted in nerd-crazed excitement. "Oh, too cool, tell me how you made it!"

"I *cough cough* kind of made it on the fly, since *cough* my driver was really drunk. I made it out of the truck's engine, a couple things I found out of the glove compartment, and the last beer that guy had."

"You made a teleporter out of beer?" Cody said, taking notes on a little notepad.

"It was kind of like the fuel, but made it rather explosive," Joel explained, observing Cody's notes. "It's actually the first time I have an excuse for someone of mine blowing up."

"Now we have everyone," Chris Maclean said, standing on the edge of the platform as he threw up his hands in celebration. "From Alfred to Zachary, from Beth to Tyler, we have all forty-four contestants! Chef Hatchet and myself, we have one heck of a cast!"

"In other words, this season is going to take frickin' forever to end," Gwen bemoaned, rubbing her forehead. "It might take three seasons to vote off forty-two people!"

"At the least, it'll take forty-two days," Harold pointed out.

"Forty-two," Cody repeated. Harold and Joel laughed.

"Forty-two!" the three cheered.

Chris blinked, then said, "Whatever, nerds. Well, you know how you're all upset that Maclean Stadium is empty?"

"I don't mind," Sakaki admitted.

"Cheapskate," Duncan groaned.

The host chuckled, then pulled a small remote from his head. "I kind of lied."

Pushing one of the buttons on the remote, a highly-advanced, soundproof and holographic barrier retracted from around the stands, and all of a sudden, the empty seats were full of shouting, roaring, cheering fans.

All of the contestants were startled. Sakaki screamed and hid behind Sebastian. Izzy immediately began appealing to the audience by waving and blowing kisses. Chef Hatchet nervously straightened out his apron, muttering about how much of a mess he was right now.

"Live, to a sold-out crowd of thousands and thousands of fans," Chris announced, "we really hoodwinked you all, didn't we?

"And now we bring to you a member of Total Drama, almost as important as the contestants: the Confessional Can!"

A helicopter hovered down, with the special outhouse dangling from steel cables. The smelly box was placed in the middle of the platform, where most of the contestants, even the new ones, groaned in disgust.

"It smells like sewage, even from the outside," Valerie gagged.

"The wood's starting to turn green," Beth whined.

"Ugh, there are flies buzzing around the outside of it too," Courtney remarked.

"This is unsuitable even for puny mortals," Mandy grumbled.

"Bloody hell, I'm not going in that," Crystal muttered.

"Is it even sanitary inside?" Lindsay asked, slightly opening the door. She screamed when it swung open, and Fuzzy Wuzzums the Bear fell out.

With an airsick groan, the bear hurried off to find the nearest toilet to throw up in. After his departure, Groucho the Duck and the Raccoon fell out too. Quacking and chattering in disgust, the two scurried towards the crowd. The duck perched on Cody's shoulder, and the raccoon curled around Izzy's neck.

"It's got things growing in it," Xander shouted after an observation. "There's no way in hell I'm doing any confessions in here."

Chris tut-tutted. "Now now, beggars can't be choosers."

"Except we aren't beggars," Heather snapped.

"Remarkable how it made the trip," Joel said casually, then he looked at his watch. "Chris, is it 10:15 AM?"

"What?" Chris looked at his watch. "No dude, it's 9: 27!"

"Oh really? Let me correct my watch..."

The inventor pressed a button on his watch, and flames shot out. The outhouse was consumed in flames, and burnt down to ash in a couple seconds. "Oops," Joel said, raising an eyebrow.

A moment of silence, then loud cheering from the stadium audience and the contestants. Several of the competitors gave Joel hugs, thanking him repeatedly. Chris was left fuming over the ashes of the smelly Confessional Can.

"Well, now we're gonna have to get something new, darn it all," he shouted. "You picky teens!"

He sighed then pulled a camera from his pocket. "Okay then people! Since this is the start of a new season, let's get a picture before we let you unpack in your new rooms, and then start the first challenge!"

Most contestants exchanged glances. "I'm no dummy," Jasmine said, shaking her finger at Chris. "I know what you're planning."

"What are you talking about?" Rodney asked innocently, looking down at the platform. "We're not on a dock."

"The kid's right," DJ declared, patting the prodigy on the head. "Chris wouldn't try to pull the same prank twice!"

So the forty-four teenagers posed for the camera, with Chef Hatchet, Groucho, and the raccoon joining them. Chris stood at the very edge of the platform, holding up the camera. "Smile," he instructed, "smile! Clive, smile for one second, c'mon!"

"No."

"How about you, Eva?"

"No!"

"Jeez, you teenagers today with your emotions and your moods."

"That's describes everyone, Chris!"

"Noah, quiet down. Okay, on three, smile if you can! One... two... three!"

On three, Chris pushed a button on the camera, which actually wasn't a camera at all. It was a trigger for the platform they were standing on. Only one contestant realized the trap, and jumped off before the trapdoor opened. Forty-three contestants, Chef Hatchet, and the raccoon were all dunked in the pool underneath the platform.

Chris burst out laughing, slapping his knee. He pointed at the blubbering, thrashing teenagers and his co-host, as Groucho fluttered down next to the host. "You all fell for it! I owned you all! Who's the master owner, huh? Who?"

A forceful push from behind knocked Chris off the side and into the pool. The host spat out water as all those he owned cackled and laughed at him; even Groucho was quacking in laughter at the soaked host.

"You got owned," Alfred shouted, standing on the platform where Chris had been. "I saw that prank coming a mile away, too bad you don't have the foresight, dude!"

"I cannot believe I didn't see that," Belinda admitted, brushing her wet bangs away from her face. "Guess I was a little distracted or something."

"I'm drowning, and I'm wet too," Beth wailed, clinging to Justin for support.

Alfred chuckled, then turned to face the audience. "All right then, people, I may not be the most knowledgeable on this show, but I guess since everyone is soaked, you gotta leave it up to me...

"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, Canadians and Americans, and all those not mentioned specifically, it's time to get things started on the most insane, crazy in the membrane, untamed, the campaign of pain and strain...

"This! Is TOTAL... DRAMA... BATTLEGROUNDS!!"

He then jumped into the pool for the hell of it.

So what are the room arrangements among our new and old contestants?

What is the first challenge, and what will the teams be?

What are they going to use as a confessional now that the outhouse is burnt down to ashes?

And how are we ever going to memorize all these names?! Jeepers, this is hard.

And there you have it! In case you need more reference to the new contestants, my Deviant Art profile (name is ComedyMagmar) has biographies on all of them; just look up Total Drama Comeback for the best results.

Here's a quick cheat sheet:

Hannah the Religious Girl; Alfred the Gonzo; Carol the Enthusiast; Rodney the Prodigy Child...

Daisy the Tomboy; Belinda the Clairvoyant; Mandy the Cultist; Howard the Ladies' Man...

Sebastian the Philosopher; Sandra the Popular One; Jasmine the Actress; Yoshi the Warrior...

Zachary the Whiner; Colin the Bully; Anita the Bombshell; Xander the Rebel...

Sakaki the Moe; Arthur the Schemer; Valerie the Politician; Crystal the Romantic...

Clive the Emo; and Joel the Inventor.

Next Up: The contestants meet their new roommates, and the first challenge begins!