Formerly

This is a one shot that I wrote a long time ago and I just found it recently. enjoy!

I put on my hat and make up, it was really just a precaution, no one looked for me anymore and I was rarely spotted on the street. I was glad that people had stopped coming up to me and calling me Edward Cullen's former girlfriend, as if I needed a reminder that I was formerly in his life.

I didn't want to be seen attending his concert though; I would like to keep my dignity as much as possible in the situation at hand. But I needed to hear his music; it had been months since I had seen him play.

I ripped me open inside to know that I wasn't his any longer, to have to see him on the news, hear about him at the news paper I work at. It was like someone set my heart on fire and burned it to a crisp.

Sadly I needed to hear his playing like a drug, I wanted to hear my song, my lullaby, but he didn't play that one for his audiences. That was only mine. I wonder if he plays it for anyone else now. Pain jolted through me like an electric shock as soon as the thought crossed my mind.

I walked through the crowds with my head down, my hands shook. This was harder than I thought it would be, but the CD's weren't cutting my cravings anymore. I needed to hear him for real, to see the peaceful expression on his face. I think my whole body was shaking.

My seat was in the back of the theater, I didn't mind though because it might just hurt too much to see him. I settled into my seat and slouched down closing my eyes, I know the first bands were playing but I couldn't listen to them.

Then I heard it, the roaring rush of screaming girls, the one only Edward Cullen could induce. Almost reluctantly I peeled my eyes back open and saw him step on to the stage, with his head down then he looked up and flashed a brilliant smile.

He looks good, I noticed with some jealously and resentment. I know we had been broken up for over 6 months now, but it was still just as painful for me. I couldn't let him go though; he was an addiction I didn't want to drop.

He walked across the empty stage to the sleek black piano—the only thing on the stage. He graciously nodded and ran his hand across the screaming fans, all of them girls.

I felt a pang of nausea thinking about him with anyone else, I looked away until I was positive he had gotten to the piano. My jaw was clenched tight and I could no longer remember why I had made myself go through this torture. I could just watch a DVD of a concert at home or something.

Then he played a few notes to get started and I remembered, this is where the magic happens. I used to tour with him, I loved going to the shows, never missed one. Not even the shows when I had mono. I came and laid down on the couch in the back.

Now he was touring without me. Did he like it better this way, we he freer? I shook the thoughts out of my mind again and looked back at Edward. He was stretching his fingers and adjusting the mic as he sat on the piano.

"Hello everyone" Edward said and the deafening screams of the fan girls roared to life, he paused and waited until they were finished before continuing. "Thank you, I hope you enjoy the show tonight, now on with it" Edward smiled again and placed his hands over the keys.

He played his mother—Esme's favorite song, I knew it after he played the first note. He sang the words softly in his velvet voice and closed his eyes as his lips moved over the mic. I could hear the breaths he took in and I mouthed the words with him.

I might have even sung very quietly, I knew these words better than my own name. I could sing them backwards or from any point in the song. In fact I knew every one of Edwards songs just as well as Edward did.

He played the songs; I could name when he wrote them, how he liked them and who in his close group of family and friends liked the song the best. Not even that group had heard my song more than a handful of times.

He said it was only our song and he didn't want to make it less special by playing it for anyone else but me all the time. I loved my song and hummed it to myself several times a day.

I took a shaky breath and closed my eyes letting his words float around me and submerge me in memories, wonderful, happy memories. I wished they could be my future as well.

Edward and I became different though, he needed to focus on his carrier, when I would rather him be with me. I was surprisingly ready for anything Edward was willing to give me, anything more.

Then we fought, Edward and I didn't fight. We were the perfect couple, our fights were us calmly explaining the situation and then together we would find a solution. Everyone was jealous of our relationship. Obviously there was actually nothing to be jealous of.

Maybe that's why we couldn't handle the fight, because we had never had a huge fight before. I accused him of cheating; he called me a bad girlfriend because I was being unsupportive. I screamed at him, called him a liar and told him he was just like all the other Hollywood trash that washed up on the front page of the gossip papers.

He screamed back telling me I was full of shit and that I never believed in him. He called me jealous, told me that I was only angry because he was successful and I was not. It was a vicious fight; we tore out each other's throats.

I regretted it obviously but at the time I was so angry. I thought he would come after me, but I was left waiting at a hotel room, bags packed ready to go home when he called.

He didn't call, I didn't go home. I moved into a different apartment, lost contact with all of his family and friends. It was too hard to talk to them knowing Edward might be somewhere around them.

Edwards's music floated like background music in the movie I was playing in my head. Then Edward finished his set, I thought he was done, but when he stood up he looked like he was debating something. Then he sat back down.

"I need to play another song, not a new one, but you don't know it." Edward didn't look at the camera so his face wasn't projected over the big screen. He stretched out his hands and placed them on the keys. I gasped as he played the first notes.

No—no, not that song. He was playing my song, my song. He didn't even know I was here, I paid with cash. He was playing my song, the one he didn't play for anyone, at a concert filled with screaming fan girls.

Angry and hurt tears filled my eyes. I stood up to go, my legs wobbled but I managed to make it out of the area. I could still hear the music though so I kept walking, I was nearly running.

Tears blurred my vision so I had to stop and place my palms over my eyes, hoping in vain to push back the tears. I didn't know how he could do this, were all his words lies? Was I right about him after all?

I stood up from the wall I had been leaning on and walked on towards the door, my hands were still shaking so I bunched them into fists. I was walking with a purpose, the exit.

I could hear the crowd screaming and applauding for my song. A grimace formed on my face. I couldn't clear my face of it, I couldn't hide my obvious distaste. I had to stop again as I got too shaky to walk. Now the crowd was starting to walk out of the arena.

"Hey, are you ok?" a teenage girl asked she had blonde hair and braces. I looked up at her.

"yea, I'm fine" I said robotically.

"Wait—I know you! Your Edwards former girlfriend right? Did you hear that song before, it's so good!" she gushed. My snarl was back.

"It's my song" I said sharply and pushed past her roughly. I was walking with my teeth clenched and arms tight across my torso in the opposite direction of the little girl, and the opposite direction of where I wanted to go.

Suddenly I ran into someone solid. I didn't even look up as I moved to get past this huge wall of person. Suddenly I was pulled into a huge hug, a bear hug. I let out a yelp of surprise, it was shaky and fragile to my own ears.

"Bella" Emmett said quietly, I knew Rose, Alice, and Jasper stood behind him. Emmett let me down and looked at me, I was right about who was with him. Alice rushed over to my side.

"You ok Bells?" Emmett asked. I shook my head "no".

"He played my song, that bastard played my song at his stupid concert" my voice shook, I could feel myself ready to burst into tears at any second. My bottom lip trembled. Alice wrapped me in her little arms and pulled me into their private room.

I sat on the comfortable couch and put my face in my hands. I let a couple of tears fall. Alice sat beside me playing with my hair, she had taken away my hat. Everyone was settled around us.

"I know we broke up but… that's my song… he doesn't play that song for his fans… he said…" I stopped there, I didn't want to finish. I was hurt, angry and confused. Doesn't he know how much that song means to me? How significant it is to me?

"Does he always?" I asked Jasper, whom shook his head "no"

"This is the first time" Jasper said, I clenched my teeth again.

"I want to go home now" I said standing up I was almost to the door when it opened and the person who hurt me most stood in the door way. His emerald eyes grew wide and his perfect lips parted slightly.

"Bella" he murmured, his lips barley moving. I closed my eyes as the pain in my heart grew.

"Why did you do that?" I asked before I could listen to the logical part of my brain that said look away and get out before you get sucked in again.

"I missed it" Edward said.

"It's my song" I said, tears sprang into my eyes again. "You played my song for your fans" I spat at him.

"It's my song, when you left you left the song behind with me" Edward said.

I clenched my jaw "You ruined my song. You wrote it for me, said you wouldn't play it for everyone because it would ruin it for us. You might as well sell it for big bucks if that's all I ever meant to you." I spat at him before turning to the side and letting myself be hurt.

"I didn't ruin it, it's my song, I can do what I like with it even though you know that's bullshit, I would never sell it. Don't pull that shit now." Edward said defensively, he would defend his music over me any day.

"You made it for me, something just us had. Then you shared it with everyone. You took the last thing I had away from me Edward" his name burned my throat as it left my mouth. Tears gathered in my eyes.

"I may have taken your song but Bella, you too you away from me. I played it in front of everyone because who else would I play it for Bella? Your not around for me to play it to." Edwards eyes were hurt and guarded.

"I'm not around because you sure as hell don't want me to be" I yelled at him, the tears leaked down my cheeks.

"What are you talking about Bella? You're the one who left, you gave up not me. It was you." Edward yelled back.

"You should have come after me Edward. If you really wanted me to be with you, you would have come and gotten me. You don't let go of someone you love, Edward" I pushed my finger at him.

"You let go of me Bella! You know I would never force you into anything you don't want. For some strange reason I thought that when you packed all your bags and left that it meant you were done. I didn't want to pressure you or make you feel bad about doing it, if it was what was right for you. I cant read you mind Bella!" Edward yelled with passion.

My bottom lip trembled and suddenly I couldn't handle it anymore. I burst into tears, no loud sobs really. I crumpled on the couch pathetically. I wrapped my arms around my knees and cried. Edward was next to me on the couch pulling me to him whispering "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" over and over again. I unwrapped my arms so I could attach them around his neck.

I pressed my face into his neck as I rested my cheek on his shoulder. My body shook with the sobs. He wrapped me up tight in his arms and held me close to him. I couldn't stand to live another second without Edward in my life.

"I waited for you to come and take me home" I murmured into his neck.

"I waited for you to come home" Edward responded. I pressed myself into his neck further and held myself to him. "That's why I really played it, hoping it would guide you home… to me" Edward admitted.

"You want me to come home?" I asked in a small voice.

"I'll always want you to come home. I love you Bella" He said quietly but powerfully I my ear. I closed my eyes and breathed in his scent, I couldn't get enough of it after being without it for so long.

"Do you still?" I asked quietly, I almost didn't want to hear the answer.

"I could never stop" Edward assured me.

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