"Code Geass"
Pizza Hut: A Slice of Heaven
Synopsis:
Pizza Hut: Serving thousands of pizzas to the world daily and rejecting hundreds of unworthy applicants by the hour.
Chapter One: So You Were Zero, Huh?
Name: Lelouch Lamperouge (a.k.a. Lelouch vi Britannia)
Objective: To rule the world obtain part-time employment at a Pizza Hut.
Skill Sets: Terrorism, massacre, coming back from the dead, getting others to do stuff for me.
Past Employment: Zero, Demon Emperor.
ooo
It had been a long day for Lydic Verell. A very long day. Long days meant he wasn't in the mood for anything—especially sifting through dozens and dozens of resumes piled neatly on his desk by his secretary. He glared at the large stack of resumes angrily—as if they would spontaneously combust were he to hate them enough.
Not that he didn't hate them enough as it was.
Upon opening the top drawer for his flask of pick-me-up he spotted the red, plastic lighter and eyed it thoughtfully before sighing and closing his drawer back.
While he was willing to do a lot of illegal activities, he was only willing to do the ones he could get away with.
The first three resumes were in pink and immediately thrown out. The next two were written by hand and also thrown out. The next seven or eight had stickers on them and looked really pretty, but were also thrown out.
And this was how the remainder of his day went until there was a knock on the door and his secretary popped her head in. "Mr Verell, there's an applicant here to see you. He says he has an appointment with you about a job interview."
Lydic sighed and followed it up with a groan. "Send him in, Lydia."
She frowned. "Nakuru," she corrected pointedly. And then she was gone.
In her place stood the living definition of an albino anorexic.
Lydic mentally frowned but it didn't match the overly-enthusiastic, plastic smile he had to wear. He remembered this kid; his resume was interesting. In hindsight, the kid was probably a liar and wouldn't be hired, but he was polite enough to be someone any girl would want to bring home to daddy and that was enough.
After a few pleasantries, Lydic asked him to take a seat in front of his desk.
Opening his file folder, Lydic pulled out his resume. "So…" he glanced down at the paper, "Lelouch, it says you were Zero? Didn't Zero commit treason?"
The young man shifted and cleared his throat. "That depends on who you ask. I would hardly call it treason per se."
"You aimed to and succeeded in killing members of the Britannian Royal Family. That's pretty much the working definition of treason."
Lelouch coughed uncomfortably. "Only in some countries."
"Well, it was murder. Last I checked murder was still illegal almost everywhere in the world. Or at least frowned upon. Especially in Britannia. Especially when that murder involves the Royal Family."
Lelouch winced at the simple breakdown of it all. "I wouldn't even call it murder. I was just making the necessary sacrifices out of them for a better world."
Lydic snorted.
He'd make a terrific politician.
"I see. It also says here that you were…" Lydic looked down at the resume again, "…the Demon Emperor?"
Lelouch nodded. "Yes. For a short while. I—ah—retired and let my little sister take over."
For a brief moment Lydic recalled the day the so-called Demon Emperor was slain—not killed, murdered or anything else, but quite literally slain.
Sword and all.
In front of many, many cameras and eye-witness accounts.
Lydic was not one of those eye-witness accounts on the account of him being in too much pain from the hangover he received as a reward for drinking a country's worth of booze the night prior.
"If I recall correctly, the Demon Emperor was slain just a while back. It was quite the fanfare."
Lelouch cleared his throat slightly. "Well, if you look under my—"
"Oh, yes, yes. It says here one of your skills was coming back from the dead. I'm not sure I believe you."
"It's kind of a difficult skill to explain. I'm not sure if you'd understand it or not. It involves witches and, uh, magical powers."
Lydic's eyebrow rose. "Witches?"
"Yeah. The immortal ones. That eat lots of pizza. Specifically from here."
"So an immortal, pizza-eating witch gave you the magical power to come back from the dead?"
Lelouch shook his head. "No, no. CC just gave me a magical power. Coming back was just a, er, perk benefit. Unintended really." A pause. "Really unintended."
This kid was off his rocker.
Lydic wanted to pull out the whiskey.
"Alright. Fair enough. So explain to me how terrorism and massacre are valuable skills?"
"Well. What if Dominoes across the street decides to play dirty? I could use my special set of skills and make sure they never bother us again."
Another eyebrow rose. "By terrorizing and massacring them?"
"Er, to be awfully specific, yeah."
"Hmm."
Lydic considered it.
It would be good to point out that one Lydic Verell was the living definition of amorality and so this idea was more than just a little appealing to him.
He really hated those jerks at Dominoes after all.
"What about this last skill of yours? 'Getting others to do stuff for me'?"
Lelouch seemed to ponder that one for a bit. "Well. I could get away with my last two skills by not really getting my hands dirty—and by my hands I mean other than yours or mine. I don't actually know if that one still works."
Lydic blinked, and then frowned. "Why not?"
"CC wasn't terribly specific about what happened to it if you—er—technically died. She's never had first-hand experience."
"I see. Is this that 'magic power' you were mentioning earlier?"
"Uh… kind of."
"Getting other people to do stuff for you… Doesn't that mean you're just incredibly bossy? Zero did lead a rebellion after all."
"It's a complicated skill," Lelouch concluded, looking like he wasn't about to go into the specifics.
"I see. Well, Mr Lamper—er—vi Bri—Ah… Oh Hell; listen kid, I'll call you in a week to see if you're workforce material."
Lelouch smiled and Lydic shook hands with him. "Thank you very much, Mr Verell. I hope to be hearing from you again soon."
The very next day Lydic Verell took that lighter out of his top desk drawer and went out back and had himself a little bonfire.
Comments:
Heaven have mercy. I just had to put this one out there, I just had to.
This is for all the disaffected, unemployed, college students (and maybe equally disaffected, unemployed, high school students) out and about right now looking for work. This doesn't include me. Just remember there are always worse applicants than you.
And better ones than you.
Please R&R.
- Minute Maid
Beverage of Queens.