What Draco Malfoy Did On His 29th Birthday
Follow Draco Malfoy as he posts updates on his Twitter account throughout his 29th Birthday on the 5th of June, 2009. (Note: These are not real tweets, obviously. This is not a transcript of the Harry Potter RPG on Twitter. Paste the URLs into your web browser to see accompanying pictures.)
AlphaDraconis
Name: Draco Malfoy
Location: Malfoy Manor, Wiltshire, UK
Bio: It hurts to be this beautiful.
Following 11 Followers 9260
Following
MalfoyMILF LusciousLucius AstoriaLurvesDraco AmazingBlaise GMoney DontCallMePans Chosen1 LOLCatsMillieB GreenieD Tom_Felton R_Pats
AlphaDraconis Fuck you, screeching albino peacocks, for waking me. Fuck me, for forgetting to cast Muffliato b4 bed.
6:02 AM on June 5th from i-Magitext
AlphaDraconis Going back 2 sleep.
6:03 AM on June 5th from i-Magitext
AlphaDraconis AstoriaLurvesDraco Where are you, love? You werent in bed when I woke up. Youre not answering your i-Magimobile. Do you know what today is?
8:12 AM on June 5th from i-Magitext
AlphaDraconis AstoriaLurvesDraco Im still in bed by the way ; )
8:13 AM on June 5th from i-Magitext
Chosen1 AlphaDraconis AstoriaLurvesDraco Shes in MY bed, bee-och! Kidding. Happy Birthday, you little ferret.
8:15 AM on June 5th from wizardweb in reply to AlphaDraconis
AlphaDraconis Chosen1 Fuck you, Potter.
8:16 AM on June 5th from wizardweb in reply to Chosen1
AlphaDraconis AstoriaLurvesDraco Seriously, Astoria. Where the hell are you?
8:16 AM on June 5th from i-Magitext
MalfoyMILF AlphaDraconis Happy Birthday, my sweet darling boy! Can you come over to our wing of the Manor today for cake? I got your favourite – devils food cake.
8:17 AM on June 5th from TweeterOwl
AlphaDraconis MalfoyMILF Thanks mum. Cake sounds lovely. Have you seen Astoria this morning? Shes not picking up her i-Magimobile.
8:20 AM on June 5th from i-Magitext in reply to MalfoyMILF
MalfoyMILF AlphaDraconis No sweetums, I havent. Perhaps shes in the bath.
8:25 AM on June 5th from TweeterOwl in reply to AlphaDraconis
MalfoyMILF AlphaDraconis By the way, Scorpius is spending the day with Father and me.
8:26 AM on June 5th from TweeterOwl in reply to AlphaDraconis
AlphaDraconis Of course. The bath. *face palm*
8:27 AM on June 5th from i-Magitext
AlphaDraconis Id just like to say that I fucking love my wife. Really fucking hard.
9:34 AM on June 5th from i-Magitext
DontCallMePans AlphaDraconis Too much information. Eww.
9:45 AM on June 5th from wizardweb in reply to HairOfSltherin
Chosen1 DontCallMePans AlphaDraconis My sentiments exactly, Pans.
9:56 AM on June 5th from wizardweb in reply to DontCallMePans
AstoriaLurvesDraco AlphaDraconis I love you too, sweetheart. Especially your uncanny ability to make my morning bath the antithesis of clean. ; )
10:01 AM on June 5th from i-Magitext in reply to AlphaDraconis
AlphaDraconis AstoriaLurvesDraco I dont know what youre talking about. ; )
10:05 AM on June 5th from i-Magitext in reply to AstoriaLurvesDraco
LuciousLucius AlphaDraconis Might I remind you, son, everyone can see your Tweets, including the your employers at the Ministry?
10:07 AM on June 5th from AccioTweets
Chosen1 AstoriaLurvesDraco Your husband AlphaDraconis is too blond to understand big words like antithesis.
10:09 AM on June 5th from wizardweb in reply to AstoriaLurvesDraco
DontCallMePans AlphaDraconis AstoriaLurvesDraco I think I just may vomit.
10:15 AM on June 5th from wizardweb in reply to AstoriaLurvesDraco
AstoriaLurvesDraco DontCallMePans AlphaDraconis OK Pans, but dont expect me to hold back your hair while you do it. (Ah, childhood memories . . .)
10:17 AM on June 5th from i-Magitext in reply to DontCallMePans
AlphaDraconis Chosen1 Fuck you Potter.
10:21 AM on June 5th from i-Magitext in reply to Chosen1
AlphaDraconis #FollowFriday AstoriaLurvesDraco MalfoyMILF LusciousLucius AmazingBlaise GMoney LOLCatsMillieB GreenieD
11:03 AM on June 5th from i-Magitext
AlphaDraconis Having a leisurely, al fresco brunch on the terrace with AstoriaLurvesDraco. Were drinking Bloody Barons. /6o7g6
11:05 AM on June 5th from i-Magitext
AlphaDraconis Oh god, the things you can do with strawberries and whipped cream!
11:20 AM on June 5th from i-Magitext
AlphaDraconis Did I mention I fucking love my wife?
11:22 AM on June 5th from i-Magitext
MalfoyMILF AlphaDraconis Sweetums, I know I live on the opposite end of the Manor, but I would appreciate a warning notice next time you and Astoria decide to use the terrace that way.
11:23 AM on June 5th from TweeterOwl
LOLCatsMillie AlphaDraconis I know! Strawberry shortcake, strawberry ladyfingers, strawberry cobbler. Theyre so versatile.
11:37 AM on June 5th from AccioTweets in reply to AlphaDraconis
AlphaDraconis LOLCatsMillie Millicent, you should know after all these years that I do not bake.
11:59 AM on June 5th from i-Magitexts in reply to LOLCatsMillie
AlphaDraconis Shopping in Paris with AstoriaLurvesDraco. Nothing like spending an obscene amount of money to celebrate ones birthday.
1:22 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext
AlphaDraconis For the record, my hairline is not receding.
1:39 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext
Chosen1 AlphaDraconis No, your forehead is advancing.
1:45 PM on June 5th from wizardweb in reply to AlphaDraconis
AlphaDraconis Chosen1 Fuck you Potter.
1:49 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext in reply to Chosen1
AlphaDraconis Astoria picked out this shirt for me. I think its god awful. What do you think?
/6oc6y
1:50 PM on June 5th from i-Magimobile Tweetdeck
GMoney AlphaDraconis You look great in everything, mate. Birthday drinks tonight?
1:51 PM on June 5th from NitTwit in reply to AlphaDraconis
AmazingBlaise AlphaDraconis Rule of thumb: Never let your wife pick your clothes. Especially when shes a Greengrass.
1:52 PM on June 5th from wizardweb in reply to AlphaDraconis
GreenieD AmazingBlaise AlphaDraconis Hey! I saw that! :(
1:54 PM on June 5th from TweeterOwl in reply to AmazingBlaise
AlphaDraconis AmazingBlaise Rule of thumb: Disputing your wifes fashion sense will get you nowhere. Humoring your wife will get you everywhere. And I do mean EVERYWHERE.
1:56 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext in reply to AmazingBlaise
DontCallMePans AlphaDraconis I wouldnt be caught dead wearing anything Astoria chose.
2:01 on June 5th from wizardweb in reply to AstoriaLurvesDraco
AstoriaLurvesDraco AlphaDraconis AmazingBlaise DontCallMePans Ill have you know, thats from the Dior spring collection. Bold patterns are the new black.
2:05 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext
AstoriaLurvesDraco GreenieD Its a good thing our husbands AmazingBlaise and AlphaDraconis are rich.
2:06 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext
AstoriaLurvesDraco GreenieD If all AmazingBlaise and AlphaDraconis had
were their good looks, we wouldnt put up with their insolent mouths.
2:07 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext
AlphaDraconis AmazingBlaise Our wives are getting awfully cheeky today.
2:10 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext
AmazingBlaise AlphaDraconis Indeed. Its time to break out the paddle.
2:12 PM on June 5th from wizardweb in reply to AlphaDraconis
AstoriaLurvesDraco AlphaDraconis Ive been a bad girl and need to be punished.
2:13 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext
AlphaDraconis AstoriaLurvesDraco Get your sexy little self into this dressing room so I can punish you with my wand.
2:14 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext
AlphaDraconis Fucking hell, I love my wife.
2:34 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext
AlphaDraconis This ones more my style. /6oecl
2:35 PM on June 5th from i-Magimobile Tweetdeck
Chosen1 AlphaDraconis The monochromatic look suits your monochromatic personality.
2:46 PM on June 5th from wizardweb in reply to AlphaDraconis
Chosen1 AlphaDraconis Let me beat you to the punch. Fuck you Potter. There. No need to reply now.
2:47 PM on June 5th from wizardweb in reply to AlphaDraconis
AlphaDraconis Chosen1 Go fuck yourself Potter.
2:49 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext in reply to Chosen1
Chosen1 AlphaDraconis Oooh. A slight varation. Youre starting to get creative now.
2:55 PM on June 5th from wizardweb in reply to AlphaDraconis
AlphaDraconis Chosen1 I could devastate you with a few words, but I just havent got time to waste.
2:58 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext in reply to Chosen1
Chosen1 AlphaDraconis Devastate? Dont flatter yourself Malfoy.
3:03 PM on June 5th from wizardweb in reply to AlphaDraconis
AlphaDraconis Chosen1 I dont need to flatter myself. I have minions to do that for me.
3:08 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext in reply to Chosen1
Chosen1 AlphaDraconis Your mum, your wife, and Gregory Goyle hardly constitute a minion.
3:13 PM on June 5th from wizardweb in reply to AlphaDraconis
AlphaDraconis Chosen1 I have over 9,000 followers on Twitter and nearly 10,000 friends on Facebook. What do you have, Potter?
3:16 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext in reply to Chosen1
Chosen1 AlphaDraconis What do I have? Better things to do with my time than fishing for friends on the Wizarding World Web.
3:19 PM on June 5th from wizardweb in reply to AlphaDraconis
AlphaDraconis Chosen1 Like what? Polishing your wand?
3:24 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext in reply to Chosen1
Chosen1 AlphaDraconis Gotta keep it nice and shiny.
3:25 PM on June 5th from wizardweb in reply to AlphaDraconis
AmazingBlaise AlphaDraconis Chosen1 Would you two shut up and just fuck each other already?
3:27 PM on June 5th from wizardweb in reply to AlphaDraconis
AlphaDraconis AmazingBlase How bout I kick your face in?
3:29 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext in reply to AmazingBlaise
AlphaDraconis Got bored with French couture. Being fitted for a new suit in Milan. But first, a cappuccino.
4:41 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext
AlphaDraconis Stupid tailor stuck me with a pin. So I bitch slapped him.
4:54 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext
GMoney AlphaDraconis Do you need me to beat his arse? Because I can skip out of work and do it. Then we can have birthday drinks.
4:55 PM on June 5th from NitTwit in reply to AlphaDraconis
AlphaDraconis Shopping was a bust. I only managed to spend 2100 Galleons.
5:24 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext
AlphaDraconis Dinner with MalfoyMILF LuciousLucius AstoriaLurvesDraco and Scorpius at Malfoy Manor. Seared mermaid with pomegranate coulis.
6:02 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext
GMoney AlphaDraconis So are we meeting for drinks after dinner?
6:05 PM on June 5th from NitTwit in reply to AlphaDraconis
AlphaDraconis Devils food cake was certainly created using the Dark Arts. Best birthday cake ever.
6:52 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext
AstoriaLurvesDraco AlphaDraconis I concur. I daresay it is better than sex.
6:54 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext in reply to AlphaDraconis
AlphaDraconis AstoriaLurvesDraco Im highly offended.
6:56 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext in reply to AstoriaLurvesDraco
DontCallMePans AstoriaLurvesDraco AlphaDraconis Considering youre comparing it to Draco, that cake is probably only mediocre at best.
6:57 PM on June 5th from wizardweb in reply to AstoriaLurvesDraco
LusciousLucius AlphaDraconis AstoriaLurvesDraco Stop twittering on your i-Magimobile phones under the dinner table. Its quite rude.
6:57 PM on June 5th from AccioTweets in reply to AlphaDraconis
AlphaDraconis LusciousLucius Ill stop when you stop downloading porn on yours.
6:58 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext in reply to LusciousLucius
AstoriaLurvesDraco AlphaDraconis Care to prove me wrong, darling?
7:00 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext in reply to AlphaDraconis
AlphaDraconis AstoriaLurvesDraco I knew you were just baiting me.
7:01 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext in reply to AstoriaLurvesDraco
AstoriaLurvesDraco AlphaDraconis Of course. Nothings better than you. After you open your presents lets go to bed.
7:02 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext in reply to AlphaDraconis
AlphaDraconis B-day presents: Goblin hewn gold watch encrusted with diamonds from LusciousLucius (a little too ostentatious for my taste).
7:11 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext
AlphaDraconis B-day presents: Little Scorpius decorated a card for me using feathers he yanked off the peacocks. No wonder they were screeching so much this morning.
7:12 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext
AlphaDraconis B-day presents: Subscription to Cake of the Month Club from MalfoyMILF (because my metabolism is still astonishingly fast for a 29 year old).
7:17 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext
AlphaDraconis B-day presents: Bottle of elf-made cabernet sovignon from LOLCatsMillie and GMoney. Also a bag of Canabis sativa from Goyle. (I swear its for a medical condition!)
7:24 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext
AlphaDraconis B-day presents: Fruit basket from AmazingBlaise and GreenieD (probably more from Daphne than from Blaise).
7:28 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext
AlphaDraconis B-day presents: Strip-o-Gram card from AmazingBlaise (would have been amusing had it not been a naked man in the picture).
7:30 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext
AlphaDraconis B-day presents: Floral arrangement of pale yellow roses from DontCallMePans (quite lovely but Im allergic to them and she damn well knows this).
7:32 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext
AlphaDraconis And my present from my dear AstoriaLurvesDraco? Im about to find out.
7:33 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext
GMoney AlphaDraconis I see you received your birthday package. That herb is the best shit from Jamaica. So are we going out for drinks or what, mate?
7:33 PM on June 5th from NitTwit
Chosen1 AlphaDraconis Ginny and I sent you some of her homemade raspberry tart. But I guess were not important enough to mention.
7:33 PM on June 5th from wizardweb in reply to AlphaDraconis
AlphaDraconis Chosen1 I wouldnt dare put anything in my mouth that was touched by a Weasley.
7:34 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext in reply to Chosen1
AmazingBlaise AlphaDraconis Did Chosen1 ask you to suck him off again?
7:35 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext
AlphaDraconis I cant explain Astorias birthday gift in 140 characters.
9:45 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext
AlphaDraconis Did I mention I love my wife?
9:46 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext
DontCallMePans AlphaDraconis You did. About fifty times today.
9:47 PM on June 5th from wizardweb in reply to AlphaDraconis
AlphaDraconis My wife made it quite apparent that she really fucking loves me. Oh god, she loves me so fucking hard!
9:47 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext
AlphaDraconis Bloody hell. If thats what AstoriaLurvesDraco does for my 29th birthday, what will she do for my 30th?
9:48 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext
AmazingBlaise AlphaDraconis Would you tell the world what Astoria did for your birthday already? You know you like to over-share with your minion of 9000 followers.
9:50 PM on June 5th from wizardweb in reply to AlphaDraconis
AlphaDraconis AmazingBlaise Astoria would kill me if I told the world. All I can say is that it involved polyjuice potion.
9:52 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext in reply to AmazingBlaise
AmazingBlaise AlphaDraconis Will you at least tell us whose hair was in the polyjuice potion?
9:53 PM on June 5th from wizardweb in reply to AlphaDraconis
AlphaDraconis AmazingBlaise Mine
9:54 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext in reply to AmazingBlaise
AmazingBlaise AlphaDraconis Merlins pants! Youre one kinky narcissistic bastard!
9:55 PM on June 5th from wizardweb in reply to AlphaDraconis
Chosen1 AlphaDraconis Regarding the rude remark about my wifes cooking, Id retort with a hearty go fuck yourself, but it seems youve already done that.
9:57 PM on June 5th from wizardweb in reply to AlphaDraconis
AlphaDraconis Getting dressed to go dancing in London with AstoriaLurvesDraco AmazingBlaise and GreenieD. My outfit for tonight: /6pynp
10:44 PM on June 5th from i-Magimobile Tweetdeck
GMoney AlphaDraconis Am I not invited? WTF?
10:45 PM on June 5th from NitTwit
AlphaDraconis AmazingBlaise Fine. You can come.
10:49 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext in reply to AmazingBlaise
AlphaDraconis Anybody who wants to party with me, were going to The Dungeon. Though I doubt you lot are important enough to get in.
10:50 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext
AlphaDraconis VIP lounge, bitches! Poppin bottles of Crystal like Im a fucking pimp!
11:21 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext
AlphaDraconis With AstoriaLurvesDraco AmazingBlaise GreenieD DontCallMePans and Theo Nott.
11:22 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext
GMoney AlphaDraconis I cant get into the club. Can you come out and talk to the bouncer?
11:25 PM on June 5th from NitTwit
AlphaDraconis Im so fucking lit right now. GMoney was right – this is some good shit. Woo!
11:46 PM on June 5th from i-Magitext
GMoney AlphaDraconis Seriously. Let me in, mate.
11:48 PM on June 5th from NitTwit in reply to AlphaDraconis
AlphaDraconis We all just dropped Ecstasy courtesy of AmazingBlaise. As if this evening werent entertaining enough.
12:03 PM on June 6th from i-Magitext
AlphaDraconis I probably shouldnt mix alcohol, cannabis, and Ecstasy. But I just did. Oh well. . . . .
12:07 PM on June 6th from i-Magitext
AlphaDraconis OMFG! I just watched my wife snog my ex girlfriend after they both gave me a lap dance. Ecstasy FTW!
12:32 PM on June 6th from i-Magitext
AlphaDraconis Fuck. Potters here. Alone. Stalker!
12:46 PM on June 6th from i-Magitext
AlphaDraconis LOL! AmazingBlaise and Theodore are dry-humping each other on the dance floor to Love Game by Lady GaGa. GreenieD is not amused.
1:07 AM on June 6th from i-Magitext
AlphaDraconis Lets have some fun. This beat is sick. I wanna take a ride on your broom stick.
1:08 AM on June 6th from i-Magitext
AlphaDraconis Chosen1 Quit staring at me from the bar and come here.
2:06 AM on June 6th from i-Magitext
AlphaDraconis Pansy just sicked up in the champagne bucket while Astoria held back her hair. Just like old times.
2:07 AM on June 6th from i-Magitext
AlphaDraconis I shouldnt be tweeting this, but fuck it. I just snogged Harry Fucking Potter.
2:41 AM on June 6th from i-Magitext
AlphaDraconis AstoriaLurvesDraco I got a strand of Potters hair. 30th birthday? ; )
2:43 AM on June 6th from i-Magitext
Chosen1 AlphaDraconis Theres more if you want. Meet me in the cloak room.
2:45 AM on June 6th from i-Magitext
AlphaDraconis That didnt happen. Im hallucinating. I didnt just . . . FUCKING HELL!
3:03 AM on June 6th from i-Magitext
AlphaDraconis With Potter, no less. Fucking Hell.
3:04 AM on June 6th from i-Magitext
Chosen1 AlphaDraconis Come off it, Malfoy. You wanted it. And you liked it. A LOT.
3:06 AM on June 6th from i-Magitext
AlphaDraconis In bed with my wife, as it should be. Going to sleep. Gnight tweeps.
4:45 AM on June 6th from i-Magitext
AmazingBlaise AlphaDraconis AstoriaLurvesDraco GreenieD DontCallMePans Chosen1 Guess what? That wasnt Ecstasy. It was paracetamol. SUCKERS!!!
11:39 AM on June 6th from wizardweb