Author's Note: This is a one-shot for Bronze's Epic T-Rated Contest. I may continue this, but I can't say for sure. I had a lot of fun writing this and hope you'll have even half as much fun reading it.

The rules:

1. No lemons. Must be rated 'T.'

2. Has to have a line or reference to a cannibal.

3. Has to have a line or reference to a fireman.

4. All canon pairings.

5. Has to be a one-shot, but is allowed to be continued once the contest is finished.

6. Must copy/paste these rules to the top of your submission. Two entries per person. Collaborations acceptable.

7. Must PM Bronzehairedgirl620 to alert me of your entry so we can add your story to the C2 if it fits the requirements.

Disclaimer: To the tune of Mary had a Little Lamb- I don't own the Twilight Saga. Twilight Saga. Twilight Saga. I don't own the Twilight Saga. I don't make money either.

Claire was looking at Nessie pensively. She'd been holding this stare for the last thirty seconds without waver.

"What is it, Claire?" Nessie asked, letting some of her irritation slip into her voice.

"Vampires are cannibals," Claire answered.

"Wait, what?" Nessie asked, taken off guard by her best friend's blunt statement.

"Vampires are cannibals, right?" Claire continued. "I mean, I know you guys don't hunt people, but most do. So, technically not all vampires are cannibals, but most are."

Nessie just stared at her blankly.

"I think spending so much time with werewolves is killing off your brain cells, Claire."

"No, really," Claire insisted. "Think about it. Vampires are just people who eat other people, like cannibals."

"I guess, but vampires don't age, and they have super powers," Nessie qualified. "Cannibals are just regular humans who are sick and enjoy eating other humans."

"So then, vampires are like the superheroes of the cannibalistic world, then?" Claire tried.

Nessie couldn't help but laugh at this. In her sixteen years, she'd heard a lot of theorizes about vampires, but never anything quite this ridiculous.

"What are you laughing about?" Claire asked, seeming a bit offended at Nessie's reaction. "I'm a genius. I just summed up the mystery species in one sentence."

"Oh yes, I must call Carlisle to reveal this groundbreaking discovery!" Nessie replied sarcastically with a roll of her chocolate brown eyes.

"Shut up, Ness."

"Or what? You'll sick your dog on me?" Both girls laughed at this. They both had a tendency to refer to their werewolf counterparts as their dogs.

"You know it, girl," Claire said with a grin. Then her grin faded and her face grew pensive once more.

"What now?" Nessie asked, wondering what random thought Claire would have next.

"Well, since you guys have super powers, why aren't you like superheroes?"

"Because we're the bad guys, not the superheroes," Nessie answered without hesitation.

"What?" Claire said, shocked. "Oh, come on. You and I both know that's not true. You are totally the good guys. Seriously, you're superhero cannibals who choose not to eat people. That makes you a good guy automatically."

Nessie laughed again, harder than before.

"If not eating people is all it takes to be a good guy, then the world is stuffed full of them," Nessie responded.

"Regardless," Claire sighed. "You should be out there fighting crime and saving helpless victims from their impending dooms. You should be wearing a super-hott red cape with matching stilettos. You should have one of those awesome masks that just covers your eyes, making you seem mysterious in a sexy way-"

Nessie cut her off. "Are we talking about saving the world or planning a superhero wardrobe, because those are very different things," Nessie laughed. "If all it takes to be a superhero is great fashion taste in action, then move over Superman! Aunt Alice is in town."

They both laughed at that, before Claire returned to her rant.

"Seriously, go save someone. I'd bet you'd love it. I could be your Alfred." Nessie shot her a confused glance.

"You could be my what?"

"Your Alfred, of course," Claire repeated, as if her meaning was obvious. "You know how Batman's butler was in on his superhero secret and assisted him from the home front?" Nessie nodded. "Well, that was Alfred. I'll be your Alfred."

Nessie laughed again. "Jake's going to hate this."

"So will Quil, but we have leverage, so what are they going to do to stop us?" Claire said happily.

"Absolutely nothing, that's what," Nessie answered. "Alright, let's do this."

"Up, up, and away!" Claire exclaimed, raising on fist in the air and planting the other on her hip.

"Claire, I can't fly."

With that, Claire dropped her arms and started to walk back to Nessie and Jake's place where they would spend the planning their upcoming superhero adventures under the pretense of making supper for their husbands.

After two hours of planning and baking, everything was in order and the dining room table was set with lasagna, a recipe passed down from Nessie's mom, Bella. It was Jake's favorite, and even though Nessie sometimes hated the bond Jake and her mother shared, she wouldn't begrudge him his favorite supper, especially when she was in such dire need of the suck up points.

After all, just three days prior she had promised to keep herself safe and on the reservation, away from any possible harm. Now she was planning on becoming a superhero, where she would go out looking for harm and then fight it off.

She knew that Jake was only so overbearingly protective because he loved her, and that was the only reason she'd made the stupid promise in the first place. That, and he was distracting her with a heated kiss while proposing this new deal.

Jake and Quil walked in together, both wearing nothing but a ragged pair of gym shorts.

"Smells great, Ness," Jake called, sauntering over to Nessie and wrapping his arms casually around her waist.

"As always," chimed Quil with a wide smile on his face as he caught sight of Claire putting what was left of the mozzarella cheese back in the refrigerator. "Come here, you."

Claire was by his side in an instant and pulled into a tight embrace.

The four of them enjoyed the dinner together, much the way they usually did. Since their situations were so similar, what with both girls being imprinted on at such a young age, the two couples formed a close bond of friendship.

They exchanged stories of their days, the men telling of an uneventful day at the body shop followed by a quick run around La Push to make sure everything was safe, which it was, and the women talking about anything other than their superhero aspirations.

"Something's up," Jake said, looking at Nessie expectedly.

"Why do you say that?" Nessie said innocently. Too innocently. Jake was instantly suspicious.

"You're going to do something dangerous aren't you?" Jake groaned. "Ness you just promised me. It's only been a couple of days. You can't even go a week without sticking your neck out for someone to bite."

Nessie couldn't help but laugh at his choice of words. Claired joined in, but they were both met with the unwavering glares of their husbands.

"Claire-bear," Quil started, "You know better."

"So do you, Ness," Jake added.

That was it. The ladies lost it.

"Excuse me?" They both said in unison. The boys sank in the chairs a bit, trying to get comfortable and prepare for the lecture that was sure to ensue. The two women looked at each other, and Claire nodded at Nessie, signaling that she could go first.

"Jacob, I'm not a child anymore," she began, keeping her voice steady, but fierce. "If you believed me to still be a child, you shouldn't have married me. This marriage is supposed to be a partnership, not a 24/ 7 daycare for poor little Nessie."

She took a deep breath, and Jake started to say something, but she clearly wasn't finished yet.

"I'm every bit as strong as you are, so I don't even want to hear your ridiculous worries of my safety. I was raised by a coven of vampires. I'm a vampire hybrid. I married a werewolf. I think I can hold my own walking around a bunch of weak humans."

Claire coughed, bringing the attention to her. "Sorry, Claire. No offense," Nessie amended.

"You're forgiven. Continue."

"So, Jake," Nessie said as she slowly approached her husband, "I guess what I'm saying is that if you don't start treating me like an adult, then I'll stop behaving like an adult."

With that she touched Jake's cheek in a deceptively tender way, filling his mind with the image of him sleeping on the couch, limbs sticking out where the sofa was too small to hold his large frame. He groaned at the sight of it.

Nessie smiled sweetly back at him, and it didn't take Nessie saying the words out loud for Quil and Claire to know exactly what just happened.

Claire grinned in triumph. "Ditto" was her only addition to Nessie's rant.

Both men sunk further into their chairs, signaling their surrender as they mumbled out apologies. After a minute of silence, Jake finally worked up the courage to speak.

"Alright, Ness," he began, "What's the plan, then?"

Nessie giggled, slightly embarrassed of the plan she and Claire has concocted. She was arranging the words in her mind, trying to determine the best way to explain to her werewolf husband that she was going to become a superhero, when the doorbell rang.

Nessie took this as her opportunity for escape and quickly ran to answer it. She was surprised to see her Aunt Alice standing in her doorway. Her family rarely ventured into the reservation, although they were allowed. They stayed away out of respect for the elders who still held some suspicions toward her family. Most of the time, Jake and Nessie visited them.

"Hey, Aunt Alice!" Nessie greeted as she pulled her pixie of an aunt in for a quick hug. "What brings you here?"

"I have a special delivery for a certain niece of mine who I hear is in need of a red cape, red stilettos, and a red mask."

She grinned at Nessie knowingly. She had seen a vision of Nessie and Claire's previous conversation and was excited to help.

"Let's go try them on, then," Alice said, shooing Nessie off toward her bedroom and ignoring the questioning glances of Jake and Quil. "Your dad heard me thinking about this, so he's on his way to lecture you. We have exactly two minutes."

Nessie groaned at the thought of receiving another safety lecture this evening. Wasn't having a husband who treated you like you were a child enough? No, she thought. She also had to have a ridiculously paranoid father who could overhear all of her scheming.

"So, I told Carlisle about Claire's cannibal theory," Alice said nonchalantly, effectively pulling Nessie from her reverie. "He thought it was very perceptive of her and immediately went to work on researching the similarities between vampires and human cannibals."

"You're kidding me right?" Nessie questioned while trying on her outfit. "He can't really be taking that seriously."

"Oh, he definitely is," Alice replied, her face absolutely serious. "He'll have a 300 page book written about it by tomorrow afternoon."

Nessie's face showed her complete surprise.

"What?" her pixie aunt said, smiling innocently. "I knew you weren't going to actually pass on the information, so I did it for you. It really is a legitimate comparison."

"And what of the superhero theory?" Nessie countered. "Did he take that one so seriously?"

"Duh, Ness," Alice said, looking at her niece as if she were crazy. "Think about it."

"What?" Nessie questioned, obviously missing something Alice thought was obvious.

"Carlisle spends all of his time either saving people with his abilities at the hospital or using the time he's supposed to be sleeping doing research that benefits humans, vampires, werewolves, and half-breeds. He's already a superhero," Alice explained exasperatedly.

Nessie had never thought about it like that before. Her grandfather really was a superhero. He was constantly saving people from their impending dooms. He just did it in a more conventional fashion.

"I can't believe I had never thought of that before," Nessie admitted, embarrassed by her ignorance. "He's amazing."

"Yes, he most certainly is," Alice said with a smile playing on her lips. "Now look at yourself."

Nessie turned around to see herself in the full-length mirror than hung on the inside of her bedroom door. She was wearing the red cape, heeled shoes, and mask ensemble along with a tight black one piece suit that clung to her curves perfectly. She looked like something straight out of a comic book.

"Alice, it's perfect!" she cried, unable to contain her enthusiasm.

"Of course it is," Alice shrugged. "I designed it."

Just then Nessie heard foot steps approaching the front door, followed by the sound of the doorbell.

"Two minutes up," Alice reminded as Edward let himself into his daughter's house, not bothering to wait for someone to answer the door.

"Dad," Nessie scolded. "Just because you're my father you don't have the right to come barging into my house whenever you please. You have to wait patiently on the other side of the door for it to be answered just like everyone else."

"Calm down, Renesme," Edward replied with a small smile. "Jacob told me to come in."

"He did not."

"Mind-reader, darling," Edward reminded his daughter, making her feel completely ridiculous for her previous lecture.

"Sorry, Dad," she mumbled, knowing she should have thought of that before.

"I know a way you can make up for it," Edward tried, hoping to talk his daughter out of this new adventure he thought was completely ridiculous and unnecessary.

"Oh, close but no cigar," Nessie said with a smile.

"What's going on?" Jacob called from the kitchen, still unable to see Nessie's costume. "Why am I always the one left out of the loop?"

"Because you're the dog," Nessie, Edward, Alice, and Claire all said in unison, causing them all to burst out laughing.

"Very funny," Jacob said sarcastically.

"These blood suckers get more hilarious every day," Quil added.

"Hey!" cried Claire.

"You, too," Quil amended with a roll of his eyes. He was being sarcastic anyway.

"Ness," Jacob warned. "You really should tell me what's going on."

"He's right, you know," Edward said, holding on to his last thread of hope that maybe someone could talk Nessie out of this. Nessie let out a gust of air and quickly mumbled out her answer.

"I'mgoingtousemygeneticgiftsforgoodbybecomingasuperhero."

"I hate it when they talk at vampire speed," Quil complained.

"That so doesn't count," Jacob said and waited for Nessie to try again.

"I'm going to use my genetic gifts for god by becoming a superhero," Nessie said, at a normal speed this time. For an entire minute everything was silent. Everyone turned to look for Jacob's reaction, but it was indecipherable. He just sat there, dumbfounded with sauce still smeared at the corners of his mouth. Finally Quil broke the silence.

"Awesome!" he shouted. "This was my Claire's idea wasn't it?" Then a proud grin spread across his face.

"But of course," Claire said proudly. "Like Ness could ever come up with such a great idea by herself." Nessie slapped her best friend's arm. "Ouch! Human, remember? That's gonna leave a mark."

Nessie just laughed at her overly dramatic friend, quite aware that the slap would do no damage, but her laughter was interrupted by Jacob's resounding voice, sounding more full of authority than she'd ever heard before.

"No."

"Excuse me?" Ness questioned, shocked that after their previous discussion he still thought he had the right to tell her no.

"I agree," Edward said quickly.

"Stay out of this, Dad."

"Renesme," Jacob started, and everyone knew he was serious because he very rarely used her whole name. "This isn't some joke. You can't just go out putting yourself in danger because the idea made you and Claire laugh one afternoon. I don't think you've thought this through."

"My thoughts exactly," Edward supported.

Nessie thought for a moment, not sure what to do. She knew she could never get away with this if both her husband and her father were against the idea. There was only one thing in this world that held the power to convince both of them to step down, and Nessie knew exactly what that was.

Her mother.

Across the room, Alice's eyes glazed over. A vision of how Bella's involvement would change the situation played in Alice's mind.

"Brilliant!" Alice cried with a smile that took up half of her face.

Edward groaned. It wasn't so much a groan of irritation as Nessie would have expected but a groan of defeat. Nessie had won. All she had to do was have a talk with her mom, and she would win.

"Once again, I missed something," Jacob said, getting more irritated with each passing moment. "I don't see what Alice could have seen that would change anything in this situation. She's not doing this."

"Bella," Edward stated simply.

Realization dawned on Jacob, and he slumped in his chair, letting out a groan similar to the one Edward had just a few moments before.

Nessie wasted no time in putting her plan into action. She ran to the Cullen's, not even bothering to use a car. When she opened the door, knowing knocking was completely unnecessary, she was hoping that she could make a b-line to her mom, so she could get this all taken care of quickly. Of course, it didn't exactly work out that way.

"Ness, we're gonna be superheroes!" Emmett screamed, pulling his niece into a bone crushing hug. "I already know what I'm gonna be!"

"What are you going to be, Uncle Em?" Nessie asked with a laugh.

Edward's booming laugh interrupted Emmett's answer. "A firefighter?" Edward questioned through his laughter. "Really, Emmett? A firefighter?"

"Eddie, I wanted to tell her," Emmett whined childishly. "What's wrong with wanting to be a firefighter? I want to use my powers for good, too."

"Emmett," Edward spoke slowly, so his apparently slow brother good understand him. "We're not fireproof. In fact, fire is the only thing that can destroy us."

"That's like superman saying, I think I'll dig up kryptonite for a living," Nessie added, trying to stifle her laughter.

"Oh, crap," Emmett said, hitting his forehead with the palm of his hand. "I forgot about the burning thing."

Nessie and Edward walked off toward Bella, still laughing, leaving behind a very disappointed Emmett.

"Back to the drawing board, I guess," they heard him mutter as they left.

"Mom," Nessie called, not raising her voice because she knew her mom could hear her.

"Nessie, come here," Bella said with outstretched arms, before pulling her daughter in for a tight hug. "What's up with my girl?"

"Jacob and Dad are trying to tell me I can't be a superhero," Nessie explained.

"Ness, you know you can do whatever you put your mind to," Bella said with a smile. "I think heroism is just the thing for you, but you have to promise me you'll be careful, okay?"

"Oh, of course. I promise," Nessie said quickly, then turned to her father. "Dad, is this okay with you?" she asked, but couldn't keep the smile from spreading across her face.

"Whatever, smarty-pants. Go save people."

"Thanks, Mom. Thanks, Dad," Nessie said as she ran back to her place. She was about to start a brand new journey in her life. She was going to become a superhero.