Retrospective

Looking Back, I Realize… After all this time, all the bad things you did to me no longer even bother me now.

I comb my hair, the last part of my daily morning routine. Today is a special day for me; I'm going on a trip, to visit my aunt Deborah in Newfoundland. "Bye honey, I'll be back in a week."-I tell my husband, Duncan. He wanted to come with me, but he had a very important job to do. My husband was a cop, a good one at that. So, I simply told him I would go by myself, that I didn't mind.

The plane trip was exhausting. Three hours sitting down? Doing very little? Should have bought a book at the airport. The only thing on TV right now is this stupid talk show. Who's the host? He looks familiar.

It had been a while since I had seen my aunt. Last time, I was getting married. That was 2 years ago. A visit was well overdue. I was actually rather excited. I even brought some magazines from when I was on the show…

I climb the stairs to her apartment. On the way, I pass this little girl who was sitting on the top steps of my aunt's floor. I don't know what to do in this situation, but maybe I should not approach the child. I am a stranger to her, after all.

I knock on the door. My aunt opens it. Her face seemed worried, but when she saw me, it lit u. "GWEN!!!! It's been years!!!" I hug her. "Hi auntie! I brought everything you wanted with me!" She leads me into her living room. 'So, how's Duncan? Are you two getting along?"- She asks me. Her face then brightens up even more when she says "Any children on the way?" I blush, and say "Auntie, it's too early for that!' She shakes her head, and says "It's never too early for children! But there IS a too late!!!" I laugh a little "Maybe down the road. Maybe. But not now."

I pick up a magazine, and show it to her. "Here, this is from when I was on that show." I gave her the article. It was an article promoting the show, giving brief bios on all 22 campers. It was circulated the day Total Drama Island premiered. It even included the Home school's biography, in spite of the fact that he got eliminated that same week. My aunt pointed to my picture, and said "Every day I thank God you got over that blasted Goth phase. You looked so scary!!!" I nudged her. "Auntie, I was just trying to be true to myself!" She looks at me, and says 'It's just, it was such a shame that the world had to look at you wearing those grim looking clothes, and that awful make up. You are such a pretty girl. But now, you are a beautiful woman!" I had long abandoned my Goth look. Nowadays, I went with my natural brown hair. People tell me I look better this way. Even Duncan thinks I look prettier.

"Wow! Is that Duncan? He looks so… funny!!" Duncan had also changed a little. He has gotten rid of his piercings, and his mohawk's gone too. He wears his hair short, with its natural black color. "Who's this?" She points to Trent. 'Oh, just an old friend."-I told her. Which was, in many ways, the truth. "What a pretty girl"- she points to Lindsay. Everyone says that about her.

"Huh? This is… can't be…"- Her face falls. "What's wrong, auntie?" She points to a picture of Heather, and says "I know her." My aunt had not seen the show, she didn't get that channel. Plus, she hates the tabloid media, and voided it like the plague. If she wanted to know anything, she would ask me directly. So, how could she know Heather?

I ask her- "How do you know her?" She tells me with a sad look on her face "She's my neighbor. Such a sweet girl." Wow. Heather? Sweet? Can't be the same person we're talking about. "Yes, this is her. No doubt about it. She looks a little younger here, but I still recognize her. Such a nice girl she is. Always talking to us, always a smile on her face. She and her husband are the nicest people I know." The Heather I know is NOTHING like my aunt describes. In fact, she is the exact opposite. I still feel like spitting every time I speak her name.

The little girl I saw earlier walks in. "Megan! Come, sit down, I'll prepare a little snack for you." The little girl nods, and says "Th-th-th-thaankoo" Aww, how cute!!! "Auntie, who's she? She's adorable!" My aunt says 'Her name is Megan. That's Heather's daughter. She looks so much like her mother." I look closely at Megan' face. She DOES have a resemblance to Heather. However, that still does not convince me that the Heather I knew, and the Heather my aunt knows are the same person.

Megan looks at the magazine, and screams "Mommy!!!! Mommy!!!" That did it. Now I knew, they ARE the same person. Kids recognize their parents, they don't tend to confuse them with look alikes. I am now amazed at the information I had received his afternoon.

I think back to those days. Wow, how things change, how people change. I used to be an antisocial Goth. Duncan used to be a punk. Geoff used to be a nice guy. Courtney used to tolerable. Beth used to be so desperate. Lindsay used to be stupid. And Heather… used to be evil.

I remember how I used to think that those days were pure crap. I remember how Trent and I used to hang out together. I remember how he used to write songs for me. That memory also comes with the memory of Heather reading my diary in front of the whole viewing world. I used to think that she destroyed me, that she humiliated me like no one else could. I was so naïve, it was adorable. That 'humiliation' could never compare to the way I felt the day I found out that Trevor, my ex boyfriend, cheated on me with practically every girl on campus. I was only 19 when it happened. He even admitted it in front of the whole campus. He even had the gall to say "Hey, maybe f you were a little better in bed, I wouldn't had to look for it somewhere else." I was on the brink of suicide. Duncan saved me from that. I fell in love with him in such a short while.

The time Heather kissed Trent? Yeah, that was mean of her. I thought I could never forgive her for it. But, Trent and I broke up o our own less than two months after that happened. It was all because of that stupid contest. We even tried patching up our relationship, but we just didn't connect. So, we broke it off completely. I was 17 at the time.

The more I thought about it, the more I realize that I have no reason to even be mad at Heather anymore. She changed. I changed. I was happy with Duncan, with my life. No, I AM happy with Duncan, with my life. I would never trade this off for ANYTHING. I had decided, I was going to tell Heather to her FACE that I forgave her, that what happened between us is in the past. Who knows? Maybe a new friendship can begin…

The phone rings. My aunt picks it up. In a little while, her eyes widen. I can see tears coming down her face. Now she is crying. "Auntie, what's wrong!?" She is crying now. She says "That was Paul. It's Heather!! She's. she's…" Now I'm scared. "She's WHAT!!??" My aunt then says, in sobs "She's DEAD!!!!!"

I feel like the world stopped spinning. Like I've been stabbed in the stomach. Dead? But, I knew her. I knew her! I WAS WITH HER!! SHE AND I WERE ON THE SAME TEAM!!! SHE AND I WERE ON THAT SHOW!!! WE WERE TOGETHER!!!! WE WALKED BESIDE EACH OTHER!!! WE SAT AT THE SAME TABLE!!! WE HATED EACH OTHER!!!!!! I hated her. And I was willing to give her a second chance. I was going to forgive her. I was going to offer her my friendship. And now…

I look at Megan. That sweet girl is now looking out the window. And it hits me. That girl has just lost her mother. And I just can't help but cry…