Roxas and Axel

"I've been going to Bastion for 2 years; known it for longer than that. I've never even so much as seen most of these people."

"Yeah. We're kind of a motley crew, ya know?"

"Who the hell is that?"

"The guy with the gray hair? He's Xemnas, our leader, our number one. He's got OCD like no other. Persuasive as hell. The blue haired guy next to him is his crazy ass attack dog/body guard/better half, Saïx. They're nuts; don't talk to them."

"Where did he get that scar on his face?"

"You'll learn not to ask those kinds of questions."

"Right…"

"Those three at the computer are teachers. Eye patch there is Mr. Braig, our sponsor. The blonde with the piercings is Mr. Keeting. No one really knows why, exactly, he hangs around. I, personally, think it's cause he likes to show off how well he can cheat at cards. Fucker's gonna get caught one of these days…. Yeah, anyway, the other one's Mr. Even, he's the school's 'site based clinician,' total bastard, freezing hands, but he's friends with Braig and Keeting so he can't be all bad…. They're probably looking at porn."

"Uh-huh."

"Oh! I bet you recognize Lexeaus. Him and Zexion are, like BFFs—totally inseparable. It's weird though, no one would expect our big ol' soft-hearted giant of a linebacker to even look at a cold little nerdy pants bitch like Zex, but—you know—whatever floats their boat."

"Hehe, who woulda thunk it."

"I know, right? Oh! See the guy with the dreads and mutton-chops? He's Xaldin. He's totally kickass for reasons I will explain later; outside. You just have to see it, it's awesome. No one quite knows where he came from cause he certainly doesn't go here. But admin doesn't give a shit, so we keep him."

"…That's nice. Hey, is that—?"

"Demyx Santini? Yes. He's a total pussy, but he's one of the coolest pussies you'll ever meet. Sings like an angel, riffs like a demon. God, he can play."

"Who's the girl he's talking to?"

"Girl?! Dear Jesus, man, not so loud! That, noob, is Marluxia and he is one sadistic motherfucker. Do not let the well kept pink hair, metro airs, or obsession with flowers fool you. He's no poof and, certainly, no woman. He can, and will if you cross him wrong, fuck your shit up."

"…"

"Don't make eye contact."

"O…kay."

"Good, don't want my bestest little blonde buddy gettin shanked with a rose stem…. The blonde chick on the other his of Demyx is Larxene. Don't ever think about dreaming of fathoming, in the deepest, darkest corner of your brain, that you might, one day, want to suggest looking at her funny. She's just as fucking nuts as Marluxia, if not moreso."

"…Yeah. Uh, okay. So, uh, what, exactly, does this club do? Besides recruit weirdos, psychos, idiots, and bored people."

"We build Kingdom Hearts."

"…Would 'Kingdom Hearts' happen to, by any chance, be that thing on the wall over there?"

"Yes. 'Officially' we 'explore the uses of uncommon items' but that's bull, we—"

"Are those—"

"Yellow 'Call Me' conversation hearts, all of which we stole from the Key Club Master? Yes, yes they are."

"The hell is the 'Key Club Master'? Sora Leonhart?"

"And company. Yes."

"…"

"What?"

"…"

"What?!"

"I'm getting the hell out of here. This is fucking crazy, and possibly illegal. Stalking? Theft?"

"Oh, Rox, come on. Xem just chose a random 'uncommon item' and we ran with it. Sora's the only person—possibly in the world—that eats the nasty shit year round. Come Valentines Day—"

"Axel?"

"Come on, don't give me that look! It… it's like… playing ninja tag! We—"

"Shut up, we're leaving."

"Yes, master."

"…"

"What?!"

"Shut. Up."