Recovery

Chapter 1

So, this was death. It was very dark. Severus hadn't expected that. The darkness was so thick that he could almost feel it caressing his body. It seemed endless. Darkness enveloped him like a blanket, welcoming him to his new existence. How could it be so very dark? Severus had always thought death would be very bright, not dark. Perhaps, as in life, his death would also be filled with darkness. It seemed that no matter what he did, he never won.

His senses started to return to him. He was glad he would have those in the afterlife. Unfortunately, with those senses came something unexpected… pain. He began to feel a deep throbbing in his neck, which was slowly turning into a never-ending, searing pain. Aren't you supposed to be free from pain when death takes you? This really wasn't what he had expected at all.

He had known all along that he would die. How could he not? Either his master would find out his true allegiances, which was not likely, or he would be struck down by his supposed allies in the Order. Being the world's most hated man had its disadvantages.

Still, Severus was disappointed. He had been preparing himself for a long time for a possible confrontation with Voldemort over the Elder wand. He had known that once the Dark Lord had put the pieces together, he would make a beeline for him and kill him to take control of the wand. Knowing Voldemort, he had understood that just a simple Killing Curse wouldn't be enough for the sadistic madman. He'd known he would make his death as painful as possible.

The thing that Severus had figured would be the most painful would be the venom of the snake, Nagini. Insipid venom that it was, it coursed through the body and filled it with an excruciating pain, unlike no other. Its paralytic properties caused the victim to become frozen while the venom finished its evil work.

Unfortunately, I thought I had been ready for such a fate, he thought. All of that antivenin I've been taking for almost a year… worthless. I must not have built up the tolerance I'd thought I had.

Concern and puzzlement filled him. And what about the potion I created to counteract the pain and other effects of the venom? Well, I guess it wouldn't work in the afterlife, would it? Even if I did take it right before the Dark Lord's summons to the Shrieking Shack, it only was to last for twenty-four hours. Little did I know that death would be as painful as life. Maybe I could have concocted a potion for that, too.

What went wrong?

He had tested the potion repeatedly with a synthesized version of the great snake's venom. He had been unable to use the true venom for fear of alerting the Dark Lord to his plan, but the simulated tests had worked.

Something went wrong, though, for now I am in this endlessly dark place with pain coursing through my veins. Death won't be the release that I had hoped it would be, evidently.

As his senses became sharper, Severus came to a startling realization. He had been floating around in unconsciousness. His eyelids were closed. He could now feel them covering his eyes. His hands began to tingle, and he could feel the length of his legs lying along what he supposed was a bed. The pain had spread from his neck now. It was muted in the rest of his body—only a dull ache—but it seemed to fill his entire frame. This pain was the result of being very much alive! It seemed that his plan had worked after all.

He cracked his eyelids open and was still assaulted by darkness, but it wasn't as dense as before. His eyes could pick out shadows and shapes in this darkness. Yes, he was definitely alive, and he was in the most hated place of all… the Hogwarts infirmary. How he had come to be back at Hogwarts, alive and not murdered by those who had been his friends, was a remarkable mystery to him. He shifted his eyes back and forth and realized that he was alone in the infirmary. He was unsure what to make of that. Had Potter won and the Dark Lord been defeated?

Trying to move his neck, he found himself quite immobilized. He groaned as the pain in his neck shot all the way to his toes as he tried to move his head to look around. His groan did have a good result. He heard clacking heels approaching him and soon the face of Poppy Pomfrey was looking down at him.

"Severus?" she murmured. "Oh, you're awake! I thought you would never wake up. Goodness, you have given all of us a fright!"

Severus narrowed his eyes at Poppy. The last time he had seen her, she had yelled at him for the Carrows and their torturing of students. She had not had this benevolent look upon her face, that was certain. Perhaps word of his true allegiances had come out. It would be nice not to be sneered at all the time.

"P… Pop…" he tried to stammer.

"Severus, don't speak. Your vocal cords are still mending. You must not try to speak until they are healed, or you could damage your voice irreparably."

Severus narrowed his eyes at her. How could he get answers if he couldn't speak! Poppy seemed to understand his frustration and reached over to the table at his bedside. She removed a parchment and a quill from it and showed it to Severus.

"This quill is charmed to suspend itself. It will be able to read your mind and write what you want to say. You're almost healed, Severus, it should only be a week or so that you'll have to do this."

Severus nodded and then concentrated on the pen. How long? Who won? The pen scribbled furiously.

Poppy looked in Severus' eyes. "We won, Severus. Harry killed You-Know-Who. You have been unconscious for three weeks."

Severus' hands balled into fists. Three weeks? How? The pen wrote.

"It was an aftereffect of whatever potion you took to protect yourself against the snake. It kept you in a coma up until yesterday, healing much of the internal damage done by the venom. It also did a good job of healing your neck, but it has not quite finished its job, thus your inability to speak. I imagine that when it's done, you'll only have a few scars from this whole ordeal. It's healing you much better than I could have."

The dead? asked the pen.

Poppy told him of those who had fallen. Severus was shocked to learn that both Lupins had perished in the battle. It was incredibly unfair for the child they left behind. He was also saddened by the death of Fred Weasley. He had always admired the twins' ingenuity, even if they got carried away rather famously. His loss and the losses among the Hogwarts students were probably the hardest to bear. So many young lives simply snuffed out by a madman.

"Can I get you anything? Are you hungry?" Poppy asked as she rubbed Severus' shoulder.

Why are you being nice to me? The pen wrote, almost as snappishly as if Severus had uttered the words himself.

Tears formed in Poppy's eyes. "Severus, I'm sorry I thought so horridly of you. Harry Potter explained everything. Next to him, you are the biggest hero of the war. You've been cleared of all charges against you." Poppy squeezed Severus' arm. "I wish I had known, Severus. I should have known."

No one was to know.

"Still, I wish someone had. It must have been incredibly lonely having to bear such an awesome burden."

Severus looked away from Poppy. I did what I had to do.

Poppy nodded. "I know. I also know that even though you just awoke, you should try and get some sleep. The potion will work better if you're well rested. Send the quill and parchment if you need anything."

With that, Poppy squeezed his arm again and retreated back into her office, not to return until morning.

Minerva came to see him once she found out that he was awake. She hurried in and grasped Severus' hand in hers as she gazed upon him with eyes that were filled with sorrow and guilt.

"Severus, I'm so glad you're all right!"

I didn't get that feeling from you when I fled Hogwarts, Severus' pen wrote out.

Tears filled Minerva's eyes. "Why didn't you tell me, Severus? You let me go on and on about how horrible you were whenever I saw you. I was so bitter and angry about Albus' death, and I took it out on you. Why didn't you tell me?"

No one could know.

Minerva's jaw clenched. "Why not? Did Albus order you to keep quiet?"

Severus gave a curt nod.

"The man has always been a fool! One person knowing would not have threatened your position, Severus. I… I can't imagine how you've felt for all of this time."

I would not risk another's life just so I could have that person treat me better.

"But, surely, Severus…"

No! I did what was necessary. You are not to blame for what you thought. It needed to happen that way.

Minerva looked sadly at Severus. Severus grumbled and looked away. Changing the subject, Minerva cleared her throat and began to speak again.

"Poppy told you that the Ministry has cleared you of all charges."

Severus nodded.

"There's one stipulation."

There always is… Severus' pen scribbled.

"You are to stay on as a teacher at Hogwarts for five years."

Severus' head snapped back, and he winced in pain at his rapid movement. Finally, he was able to glare at Minerva loathingly.

Why don't they just throw me into Azkaban if I am to be a prisoner here for five years?The quill wrote.

"Severus, it's much better than a cell, and you know it! The Ministry held a trial, and Harry Potter was the star witness for the defense. When he was done telling your story, there wasn't a dry eye in the courtroom."

Wonderful, I'm a circus freak now!

"Severus, it wasn't like that. The Wizengamot took all of five minutes to clear you. They only want to assure your trustworthiness with this monitoring. They figured that you would be happy to live your life as you had before."

Severus eyes narrowed at Minerva. How is this living as before? Was I not Headmaster just last month? The Wizengamot can clear me of murder, but they cannot trust me enough to run their prized school? No, I am denigrated to teaching, a position which I loathe! What will it take to convince them that I am not a danger? Do you have to kill me? Would it be better if I were dead? Then no one would have to worry whose side I'm on!

Minerva took Severus' hand again. "I know this isn't what you want. I even appealed to the Ministry. Their decision is final. If you'd like, you may have the Defense position. I'll try to make this as easy as I can for you."

You are the new Headmistress?

Minerva nodded.

Severus put his head down and thought to himself for a while. Which would be the lesser of two evils? Would I rather teach Potions or Defense? Severus rolled his eyes. He'd had enough of exploding cauldrons to last a lifetime. It seemed his decision was made for him before he had even a chance to consider it fully. His head snapped back up, pulling a grimace from his mouth. The pen scribbled furiously.

I will take the Defense classes. I assume with Riddle's death, the curse has been removed.

"I would assume the same thing, Severus. Fine, I'll make the arrangements."

What hoops will I need to jump through to convince the Ministry that I am not the devil incarnate?

Minerva actually chuckled at Severus. "You will have to do nothing but live your life. There will be a tracer placed on your wand. If anything nefarious happens with it, the Ministry will know."

Severus scowled. How am I to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts if I am incapable of using the Dark Arts in my classes?

"That won't be a problem. I've already spoken with the Ministry. Your class hours will be provided to them. You will need to alert them when you are going to use and teach about Dark Magic. There will be an Auror present on those days."

Severus steamed within himself. So, I am to be watched like a lab rat, the Ministry waiting for me to slip up at every turn, hoping against hope that I'll do something worthy of Azkaban?

"I believe once they see that you are not evil, they will leave you alone."

The quill scratched the next statements in capital letters, Severus was so irate.

AND HOW LONG WILL THAT TAKE? A MONTH, A YEAR, ALL FIVE YEARS?

"I'm sorry, Severus, those are the rules the Ministry has drawn up."

Get out.

"Of course," Minerva said with a sigh. "I'll come by tomorrow. Work on getting better."

Minerva rose and nodded to Severus. He watched her go. Severus looked out the window and fumed. He had thought he would die, and that didn't happen. His plan, if he had survived, was to escape from Hogwarts and hide himself away from the world, but that could not happen now for five years. He would now be Snape on Exhibition, a puppet of the Ministry as they awaited his downfall.

Blasted life, blasted profession, blasted Ministry. How dare they put such stipulations on me! Why did they exonerate me if they don't trust me? Why didn't they just given me a long prison sentence and let me rot for the rest of my life?

Realization dawned on him. It was because of Potter. It must be a reward of some kind for his valor in the war. Now, not only was Severus stuck in a job he hated, he owed it all to Potter. Could his life get any worse?

A/N: Unfortunately, his life will probably get worse.