*New and Edited version*

A/N: Okay I skipped a part to do this one but I will back-track and do it as well it just wont be in order... truth is I was reading some fanfic's that where smutty Rose/Dimitri... and I started feeling sick... and I can deal with smut (ummmm HELLO I am a huge Sookie/Eric shipper! I LOVE Smutty S/E) I cannot, however deal with smutty Rose/Dimitri... because that is just not them... He wouldn't talk dirty and neither would she... at least not in the way some people are writing it! So yes this is rated M but NO it is not smutty... I can't write "Clit" and "Pussy" and "Cock" into a story... I just CAN'T! Ugh it reminds me of literotica... so if your looking for smut sorry it aint here! If you are looking for a realistic portrayal of how her first time with Dimitri could have been then TA-DA here it is!

Oh and sorry for making you wait so long... Although I did defend my honor on my profile...

[Standard Disclaimers Apply]

WARNING: M FOR SEXUAL CONTENT! (in case you ignore EVERYTHING up there)

"You can't let him go! You can't let him go!" I was looking over Alberta's head at the sight of Eddie Castile holding Rose back. At first I hadn't realized it was her because the voice was unrecognizable. It sounded purely animalistic, barely human at all.

"Rose calm down," Alberta said apathetically, "It's over."

"It is not over! Not until I get my hands around his throat and choke the life out of him." She was struggling against Eddie with more force now and it seemed clear to everyone around that something was definitely wrong with her. Alberta had warned me that this would happen… that she would snap.

"Get her out of here," said Alberta with a hint of disgust, "Get her cleaned up and calmed down." She hadn't been looking at anyone in particular but everyone moved aside, leaving a clear path to get to Rose, who was still struggling slightly against her human restraint.

As Eddie released her so I could grab her, she tried to break away. I held her arm tight and led her from the scene. I pulled and pushed her along for a while as she fought me like an undisciplined child. This was so unlike Rose that for a moment I forgot who I was walking with. I had to reason with her, somehow.

"We can make this easy or difficult," I said, walking next to her now, "There's no way I'm letting you go to Jesse. Besides, he's at the med clinic, so you'd never get near him. If you can accept that, I'll release you. If you bolt, you know I'll just restrain you again."

She seemed to ponder this a moment then huffed, "Okay." I paused momentarily, gauging her actions before letting her go. I didn't really trust her just then. I waited to see if she would run, and when she didn't, I let myself relax a little.

"Alberta told you to clean me up," she said in a voice I still didn't recognize. "So we're going to the med clinic?"

I let out a humorless bark of laughter. "Nice try. I'm not letting you anywhere near him. We'll get first aide somewhere else."

I led her to one of the cabins that sat on the edge of campus. The farther I could keep her from Zecklos the better. I opened the door and made my way blindly toward where I knew the matches and kerosene lantern sat. It felt a little weird to me to be here with Rose in the place where Tasha had stayed. After everything that had happened I really didn't want to be reminded of all the people I had hurt. But it was either this or closer to the med clinic and closer to Jesse Zecklos.

"Sit down," I said, motioning to the bed as I set to work getting a fire going in the fire place. Once the fire was going I grabbed the first aide kit and a bottle of water from the counter and pulled a chair over until it was sitting opposite her.

"You have to let me go," she begged. "Don't you see? Don't you see how Jesse has to pay? He tortured her! He did horrible things to her."

I tried staying calm as I wet some gauze and pressed it on the side of her forehead. This wasn't Rose. I didn't recognize anything about her right now. She was a stranger to me while she was being taken over by this rage. "He'll be punished, believe me. And the others." I had hoped that keeping calm would somehow calm her down as well. I was wrong.

"With what?" she asked, glaring at me. "Detention? This is as bad as Victor Dashkov. Nobody does anything around here! People commit crimes and get away with it. He needs to hurt. They all need to." The animalistic growl was back in her voice and I tried to hide the shudder that passed through me. I stopped dabbing at her head and looked at her, not masking the concern in my eyes.

"Rose, I know you're upset, but you know we don't punish people like that. It's… savage."

"Yeah? What's wrong with that? I'd bet it'd stop the from doing it again." She started trembling with rage, and I knew I was losing her. "They need to suffer for what they did! And I want to be the one to do it! I want to hurt them all. I want to kill them all." She shot up ready to leave and I grabbed her by the shoulders, shoving her back down onto the bed. She struggled against me, fighting under the spell of some rage bubbling up from deep inside of her. I held on though, refusing to let her leave.

"Rose! Snap out of this!" I knew I was yelling but I didn't care – I had to calm her down. "You don't mean any of it. You've been stressed and under a lot of pressure- it's making a terrible event that much worse."

"Stop it!" she shrieked back at me, causing me to blink. "You're doing it- just like you always do. You're always so reasonable, no matter how awful things are, What happened to you wanting to kill Victor in prison, huh? Why is that okay, but not this?"

"Because that was an exaggeration. You know it was. But this… this is something different. There's something wrong with you right now." I don't know why I was trying to reason with her when it was so obvious she wasn't in there. This person standing in front of me was an angry …well, monster.

You will lose what you value most.

I couldn't stop the words from sneaking into my mind. I couldn't stop the fear raising inside of me. Was this how I was going to lose Rose? To the darkness inside of her, threatening to swallow her whole? I didn't think I would be able to handle that. Losing someone that was still physically with you was by far harder than losing someone physically.

"No, there's something right with me," Rose continued in a growl. "I'm the only one who wants to do anything around here, and if that's wrong, I'm sorry. You keep wanting me to be some impossible, good person, but I'm not! I'm not a saint like you."

"Neither of us is a saint," I said, thinking back to everything we had done and been through. "Believe me, I don't – " She shoved me aside and tried to dart for the door. I grabbed her quickly and threw her back down on the bed, and used the full weight of my body to keep her pinned. I wasn't just worried anymore, I was terrified. Something had snapped inside of her.

"Let me go!" she yelled, shaking violently, trying to free her hands.

"No," I said, trying to keep my voice from cracking. "Not until you break out of this. This isn't you!"

There were angry tears in her eyes. "It is! Let me go!"

"It's not. It isn't you! It isn't you." I knew I sounded desperate but I didn't care. I couldn't lose her to this, I couldn't lose her at all.

"You're wrong! It is – " Suddenly she stopped struggling, as if realizing something finally. Then I saw it. The inner struggle…the struggle to break the surface in whatever she was drowning in. I could see a hint of the old Rose that I loved.

"Rose," I said looking down at her. She looked at me then, really looked at me. Then I saw it. I saw her break the surface and she stopped struggling completely. I knew I could let her go and I did.

"Oh my God," she said, voice trembling and scared.

I stoked the side of her face lightly with my fingers. "Rose," I asked, barely more than a whisper. "Are you okay?"

She fought with more tears. "I… I think so. For now."

Suddenly something snapped in me and I felt like breaking down as well. I brushed the hair out of her face. "It's over," I said softly. "It's over. Everything's all right."

She shook her head, looking terrified still. "No. It's not. You… you don't understand. It's true - everything I was worried about. About Anna? About me taking away spirit's craziness? It's happening, Dimitri. Lissa lost it out there with Jesse, She was out of control but I stopped her because I sucked away her anger and put it into myself. And it's- it's horrible. It's like I'm, I don't know, a puppet. I can't control myself."

"You're strong," I said, trying to calm her down again. "It wont happen again."

"No," she said, trying to sit up. I shifted my weight to allow her room. "It will happen again. I'm going to be like Anna. I'm going to get worse and worse. This time it was bloodlust and hate. I wanted to destroy them. I needed to destroy them. Next time? I don't know. Maybe it'll just be craziness, like Miss Karp. Maybe I'm already crazy, and that's why I'm seeing Mason. Maybe it'll be depression like Lissa used to get. I'll keep falling and falling into that pit, and then I'll be like Anna and kill – "

"No," I said cutting her off. I couldn't let her think this way. I moved my face close to hers so that our foreheads were almost touching. I needed to be the only thing she saw, I needed to keep her focused. "It won't happen to you. You're too strong. You'll fight it, just like you did this time."

"I only did because you were here." I wrapped my arms around her and she buried her face in my chest. My heart gave a squeeze at the innocent closeness between us. "I can't do it by myself," she whispered.

"You can. You're strong - you're so strong. It's why I love you."

"You shouldn't. I'm going to become something terrible. I might already be something terrible." I could feel her slipping away from me. Back into a deep closed off place.

You'll lose what you value most.

I pulled away so that I could look at her and cupped her face in my hands. "You aren't. You won't. I won't let you. No matter what, I won't let you."

So value it while you can.

Her arm wrapped around my neck and I bent in closer, our lips meeting. I felt like I was home. The familiarity of her lips caused something inside me to stir. I needed her in every way. The electricity between us returned and I knew we were on a slippery slope. I should have stopped it. I wanted to stop it but something inside of me that needed Rose seemed to take control.

Rose had one arm around my neck and the other clinging to my back, her nails almost digging into my skin, causing me to lose every sense of control I might have been able to hold onto. I laid her back on the bed, snaking my hand down to her waist, trying to take in every inch of her body as I brought her thigh up, wrapping her leg around my waist.

We both pulled back then and looked at each other. This was my last chance to make the right decision.

"We can't…" I said lamely. But I need this, I silently added.

"I know," She agreed. Me too, she silently added as well.

Then we were kissing and I knew this was it. I had imagined this evening for what seemed like forever. But no matter how many times I had played this scene in my head, it didn't come close to how I felt with her right now. She raised up on the bed with me until we were both on our knees, exploring each other's body as we undressed. She pulled my shirt above my head and kissed me softly as she ran her hand down my stomach lightly, leaving tiny electric sparks in her finger's paths.

I pulled her shirt over her head as well and kissed her neck, letting my hands wander over her warm stomach, between her breasts and then along her back, unfastening the bra she had been wearing. I tossed it aside and pressed against her as I crushed her lips with mine. The feeling of her hot skin on mine seemed to break the last bit of reservation within me. Even if I had wanted to turn back, I wouldn't have been able to.

I looked into her eyes and drank in the sight. I could see how much she loved me and it made this moment that much more special. I tried to convey the same feeling through my eyes and I saw her smile slightly and I knew she understood. Soon the rest of our clothes were on the floor and our bodies where pressed together. Rose looked up at me, ready.

Slowly, I entered her, stopping when she gasped. I couldn't tell if it was from pain or pleasure. It had been a long time since I'd had this particular experience that I was almost afraid to continue. I gazed down at her as she slowly opened her eyes and looked at me. She watched me for a few more seconds then nodded and I kissed her softly as I continued. I took my time, fighting the masculine urge inside me that needed more. I could wait, and I would.

I kept the same slow and steady pace until Rose started to move against me as well. I quickened the pace a little and she raised her leg to wrap around my waist. I pushed in deeper and she gasped.

"Roza," I said stopping, looking down at her closed eyes. "Did I hurt you?"

She opened her eyes and looked at me for a second, then slowly she raised her lips to my ear and whispered, "Don't stop, please." That was all I needed.

I worked in and out with the same rhythm as Rose pushed against me, her back arching slightly. A small moan escaped her lips and I had to fight not to take total control right then. I needed to be careful with her. I needed to be gentle.

I quickened my pace a little more and another moan came from her. I was starting to lose control and as she moaned again, I moved faster.

Soon she was moaning louder and more frequently until she suddenly swore and her body seized a little, I felt her tighten around me and I was gone… over the edge with her. As we fell into a blissful white form of ecstasy, I kissed her neck softly and she wrapped her arms around my neck and head, holding me close.

I rolled off of her gently and pulled her to me, kissing her forehead and running my fingers through her hair.

"I love you, Roza," I said, kissing her again. "I'll always be here for you. I'm not going to let anything happen to you." I knew the words were wrong as I said them. I knew this was all wrong. I should be concerned about the person I was supposed to be protecting but the same words played over and over in my mind.

You'll lose what you value most.

I held onto her, convinced that if we stayed here like that forever, that the prophecy would never come true.

"And I won't let anything happen to you," she said, and I felt a chill run down my spine. "I love you." I kissed her then, ignoring the chill, ignoring the rational part of me telling me this was all wrong, ignoring the rest of the world. The only thing I could hear was the words "I love you" ringing in my ear.