A/N: Hey! I'm back with another Chekov/Kirk fic! I know you guys are excited, but I have to say, this WILL be a multi-chap fic~!

Warning: It's a bit angsty in the beginning, but it all turns out fluffy and whatnot. Slash, MalexMale relationship. Maybe a lemon in later chapters. If it's not your thing, keep reading, it just might turn out to be!

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek, but I did win a Kirk plushie from the theatre. It's so ugly! but, nah, I don't own this wonderful movie!

So read on, my furry friends~!

It felt like he was dying.

Falling to his knees, Pavel felt what he shouldn't at this moment. It was long past time for him to feel such feelings. It was the after shock, a few hours after the initial shock.

He was in the corridor outside of his room. No, it wasn't his room, it was the captain's room. Only now did he realize that he had no place there. He had finished with his dinner and was on his way to bed when he remembered the conversation from earlier.

He wasn't supposed to be here.

A shock went through Pavel's body, leaving him breathless. Near tears. Near. He wouldn't cry out here, where anyone could see. He had to get back to his own room. Away from here.

Slowly getting to his feet, Pavel used the wall next to him as a support. He had to get out of here before Jim could see him out here. That would be heartbreaking and embarrassing. Pathetic. As he walked down the corridor, words from their conversation came back to him. Fragments.

"You're beautiful."

That part had made Pavel smile. Jim had said that he was beautiful. Beautiful!

"But I need you to understand..."

A chill went through Pavel's body as he replayed those words in his head. He was nearing the lift that would take him to the next level, where his room was. He hadn't been to his room in nearly two months. It felt awkward knowing that he would sleep alone tonight. It had been so long.

"I need you to realize..."

Pavel stumbled onto the lift and pressed the button for the next floor. The doors slowly shut and he watched the lights around him flicker as he leaned against the lift for support. His throat was clenching, and his eyes were already wet with near tears. Near.

"That what we have..."

The lift made a small 'bing' noise as the doors opened to his floor. He dragged himself up from the wall and trudged his feet so that they would walk him away. His left hand was gripping stomach, the other supporting it.

"That what we are..."

Pavel saw his door coming near into sight, but he didn't feel his legs moving. When he reached it, he pulled his card out and slashed it against the scanner. He could have done the eye verification, but his eyes were too wet for that. He wasn't crying. Near.

"Is purely and utterly..."

The door opened and he fell into the room. He called out for the door to lock behind him. To let no one in. It was bare and cold because of his lack of attentiveness. The lights turned on, but with a verbal command, they turned back off. He didn't wish to see bright lights at the moment. They hurt his already sore eyes. And he wasn't even crying yet.

"Physical."

The word hit him clear in the chest and Pavel fell to his knees for the second time that hour. The difference this time was that tears streamed from his eyes. He arms clutched his gut and his head fell forward, hitting the ground.

It was only physical. He didn't know why that hurt so much. He didn't know why he felt that the world had came crashing down around him. That it wasn't worth living anymore.

Wasn't worth living.

Those worlds felt right in his mind, but he didn't dare think on it anymore.

"So if you don't mind still continuing this, knowing that it's only physical..."

The room felt smaller and tighter than before. It felt like it was trying to suffocate him. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to clear his mind. To not think.

But he couldn't. His mind was still swirling around the captain. Jim.

"...Then I say we continue it."

Pavel fell to his side and wrapped his arms around his knees. The tears wouldn't stop, even though he told himself he didn't want to cry.

He had no right to cry.

"No."

That was how he replied to Jim. He didn't want anything to do with Jim anymore.

Pavel looked up at Jim and frowned.

"No."

"Why not?" Jim asked. Pavel quirked his eyebrows as he thought for a moment. Looking back up at Jim, he deepened his frown.

"Because if it iz peezical, then it is unhonorable." Pavel wasn't too sure if that was a real word, but he didn't think too much on it.

Jim's small smile fell off is face as he looked quizzically at Pavel. "When did you start caring about honor?" Anger was seeping onto his face and into his voice, but Pavel ignored it.

"When you stopped caring about me."

He had turned and left after that. Flew out of the bridge and down to dinner. There, he met up with Scotty and had dinner. He spent the next few hours trying to forget about Jim. Forget about just how 'physical' they were earlier. Forget about how they would probably never do that again.

That was when he had unconsciously went to Jim's rooms and not his.

Several hours had passed in the same fashion. Pavel was still on the ground, eyes still wet, but the tears long gone. His hands were wrapped tightly around his knees and his head was buried deep in them. It was time he got up and properly got to bed. He needed sleep so that he could get back to work tomorrow in his normal bright fashion.

Work. Work meant that he would have to see Jim, but if he was lucky, they wouldn't have to talk at all. Maybe not even look at each other.

Pavel's heart fell when he thought about it. Would that really happen? Would he just act like nothing happened? That he didn't love Jim?

Pavel's whole body froze as the thought entered his mind. He was in love. In love with the captain. It made so much sense now. Why he was heartbroken Why he was crying.

Why he felt like he was dying.

Slowly standing up, Pavel looked at the time and grimaced when he saw that it was nearing one. He had spent almost three hours on the ground, crying. It was very late, later than when Pavel usually went to bed.

But with Jim, he usually didn't sleep for several hours after he went to bed.

A shock jolted through him and he remembered that that didn't matter anymore. Jim didn't matter anymore.

No matter how much he loved him.

Slowly walking over to his bed, he shed his clothes so that he was left in only his underwear. He fell on top of the bed that felt so unfamiliar to him. He slowly worked his way under the covers and wrapped himself tightly in them.

Almost as tightly as when Jim held him before he drifted off to sleep.

It was purely physical.

Why didn't he realize that before? He should have. It must have been so obvious, what with the way Jim had told him.

He didn't think he could have cried anymore from crying too much earlier, but the tears streamed back into his eyes again, easy as ever. As if they were always there and never gone.

Jim was gone.

Not dead, obviously, but would that have been better? Would it have been any easier if Jim had died and left Pavel with the knowledge that he loved the Russian boy? Or was it better to know that Jim didn't love him? Was it better that Jim was alive?

So much better.

Pavel thought he might have killed himself if Jim died.

He could probably kill himself now, with the given situation.

But he wouldn't. He was stronger than that.

Pavel thought about the way the crew would react tomorrow. They all knew that he and Jim were together, but how would it turn out when they found out that they weren't anymore?

With thoughts as such, sleep consumed Pavel Chekov.

The whole bridge looked up when a certain Russian boy bounded into the room, smile as sweet as ever. It had taken nearly an hour for that smile to get there, but it had.

He walked over to his seat and sat down, greeting Sulu with his signature smile.

But everyone saw that something was wrong. Something was off.

Chekov usually bounded off over to Kirk first, giving him a kiss. Or sometimes they would even walk in together, coming from the same bed and all. But today he didn't. It was as if Kirk had never existed. As if they never knew each other much more than the captain-crew relationship.

Spock was the first to notice, though. He took Uhura over into a corner and whispered his concerns. She had gasped and covered her mouth, a sad look dawning her face. She immediately left the room and stepped out for a few minutes, leaving Spock and half of the crew to look back after her. Several minutes later, she returned, but only to drag Kirk by the arm. She left again.

Pavel paid no attention to it and continued on his way. Sulu looked knowingly towards Spock and the Vulcan merely nodded. The crew slowly came to realize that this meant that something was wrong.

And that Kirk was probably getting his fair share of beatings from Uhura.

Pavel shrugged it off and continued to work. This was easier than he thought.

"What the Hell did you do?" Uhura growled out to her captain.

Jim shrugged and frowned. "I have no idea what you're talking about. You'll have to clarify."

Uhura chose her words more carefully this time. "Why the Hell isn't Chekov making out with you?" A flash of emotion flickered on Jim's face before it was immediately replaced with a mask.

"We're through." Uhura growled at the answer she got.

"I got that! But why are you through? Why does Chekov look like he's been through death and only just started smiling about it?" And it was true. Nobody else might have seen it, but she had seen it. It was the desperate subconscious glance he gave Kirk on his way on to the bridge, but he looked desperate nonetheless.

Jim's mouth was slightly open in shock, confused himself. "What do you mean?" he asked, voice just above a whisper.

Uhura felt her insides boil at the stupidity that was her captain. "He loves you!"

If nobody was listening before, they sure were after that outburst. People who had ignored him minutes earlier were now silently standing off to the side, comments flying between them. "He... What?" Uhura felt her palm sting after she had slapped it against her own forehead.

"You. Pavel Chekov. Are. In. Love." Each word was pronounced for her captain to hear each with clarification.

Jim scoffed at her. "Impossible," he whispered. "He's the one that ended it with me, so how could he love me?" It was plausible and true. He never wanted to end it with Pavel. "He left me."

"Only because you probably said something stupid." Jim thought about it. What had he said to the Russian boy last night? He told him he was beautiful. That he wanted to continue the relationship. That it was only phys—

"Shit!" He was sure what he was thinking when he had said that, but it was stupid. Something about how even if Jim loved Pavel, there was no way the younger returned his feelings. So he made sure to make— No, it didn't make sense to him anymore, but he had sworn that, at the moment, it was crystal clear.

Jim turned around and prepared to dart off to the bridge to talk with Pavel, be it private or not.

"No, you don't," Uhura said as she caught the back of his shirt before he could run off. "You have to make yourself up to him fully. He's been crying since he got into his room."

"How do you know?" Jim asked as he turned around. Uhura's hand slipped from his shirt and she crossed her arms instead.

"I saw him last night making his way back to his room. It was odd because he's usually in your room, but when I saw him on the crew floor, I had see what it was all about." Jim felt sick. Disturbed. He had done this to Pavel. He had!

"How do I make it up to him?" he asked, looking at Uhura skeptically. "He must hate me, now."

Uhura shook her head and heaved a sigh. "Didn't I already mention that he's in love with you?" she asked. "There's no way he can hate you. He might dislike you for a while, but only because you deserve it."

Jim nodded and smiled. "So, how do I make it up to him?"

A manic grin spread across Uhura's face and Jim almost regretted asking her. Almost.

Eh, it's a little short, but jsut imagine! If you review, the next chapter might be longer! I'm planning this to have maybe three or four chapters. Hope I get the support!