Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note.

It was time for Mr. Ide's second period Honors Chemistry class. It was a Wednesday, and Wednesdays were lab days. The class was excited for the chance to leave their seats and roam about the room, even if they had work to do. All except one. Nate River, commonly called Near by his classmates, grimaced at the student sitting next to him, the one destined to be his lab partner:

Misa Amane.

Near didn't like Misa. She was dim. He wondered what Light Yagami saw in her; he suspected that the relationship was her idea, not his. He wondered how she had gotten into an Honors Chemistry class; he suspected a scheduling mistake. He wondered why she hadn't failed out yet; he suspected that Mr. Ide took pity on her simplistic soul. Regardless, she was there, and he was stuck with her as a lab partner.

Today's lab was a flame test. Just heat the different chemicals, record the flame color, and it would be done. If only it were that easy…

"Misa, put on your goggles." Near threw a pair of safety goggles at Misa.

"But they're ugly and they hurt and they leave weird lines on my face!" Misa complained.

"Would you rather a vial explode and shards of glass fly into your eye, blinding and horribly disfiguring you?" Near asked, hoping she wouldn't notice that there was no glassware involved in the lab.

Misa swallowed hard and donned her goggles.

"Now, first we should get the Bunsen burner going… Misa, tie your hair back."

"Whyyyyy?" Misa whined. "If I tie it back, that'll mess it up!"

"Misa, if you don't, it might catch fire."

"I think I have a hair-tie in my backpack." Misa ran back to her seat.

"Don't run in the lab, Misa!" Near called after her, but to no avail.

Not only did Misa have a hair-tie in her backpack, she had a hand mirror to make sure it looked all right.

"Honestly," Near sighed. Now Misa was touching up her makeup. He took advantage of the time to read the procedures again… and again… and again…

"Yuri! You're so lucky to have Kiyomi as a lab partner! I'm stuck with Neeear. Eww!" Misa confided to her friend Yuri. Rather loudly. From the other side of the room. Kiyomi Takada waited patiently for her lab partner to finish her conversation. At least Yuri had a brain. Near had to drag Misa back to their lab table.

"All right, first we light the Bunsen burner," Near said. Misa picked up a match, struck it on the matchbox, shrieked, and dropped it on the floor.

Near stomped on it until the fire was extinguished. "How about I light the Bunsen burner?"

Misa consented to this.

"Now, you hold the Bunsen burner at an angle and record the color of the flame as I put the heating wire with the compound into it," Near ordered.

"First is nako-three," Misa called out.

"Sodium hydrogen carbonate it is then," Near muttered.

The lab almost went well. Near and Misa observed the flame color for sodium hydrogen carbonate, sodium chloride, and calcium chloride without incident.

"They're all orange," Misa huffed. "This is boring."

"Different shades of orange," was Near's only attempt to console her as he prepared the potassium nitrate.

The potassium nitrate turned the flame a lovely shade of peach.

"Ooh!" Misa jumped up. "That would make a pretty lip gloss color!"

But most of Misa's fashion revelation was drowned out by Near's scream of pain. Misa had thrust the Bunsen burner in his hand and the sleeve of his shirt, which was now burning.

For once, Misa followed lab safety procedures perfectly of her accord. She calmly raised her hand and said, "Teacher, Near is on fire!"

A classmate who went by the name Mello threw the fire blanket over Near's arm.

"I feel your pain," he whispered. Poor Mello had been the last guy to have Misa as a lab partner for a lab involving fire. He would have that scar for the rest of his life.

"Too much to ask to trade partners?" Near asked.

"Way too much," Mello answered.

"Be partners?" Near would rather not work with Mello, but he was desperate.

"I wouldn't do that to Matt. Sorry," Mello shrugged. "You're stuck with her."

Near cursed under his breath as Misa returned to her hand mirror to make sure her hair still looked okay.

Author's Note: Poor, poor Near… My heart goes out to him now… We actually did this lab in Chemistry this year, although everything went fine. Still, I couldn't help but think that so much could go wrong with it, especially with someone holding the Bunsen burner, instead of leaving it flat on the table… I told my one friend that I was writing this, she shook her head and made me promise not to set Near's pretty white hair on fire. Well, I didn't set his pretty white hair on fire… Poor Near….