Genre:Humor/General

Rating:K+

Set: Seasons 1 & 2

Spoilers: Children of the Gods, The Nox, Hathor, Within the Serpent's Grasp, Within the Serpent's Lair

Disclaimer:SG1 belongs to MGM, Gekko and the actors who so wonderfully portray the characters. I just get to play with them for a short while (cries forlornly into pillow).

A/N: This has been sitting around half finished on my computer for about 2 years now, and has existed longer as a rather persistent plot bunny! Initially it was just one page (the obvious one when you read it) but like a lot of things, it has grown somewhat with time! This is intended to be the first of a series of interconnected stand alones…

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Chapter 1: Mr Popularity (Mutiny = Defiance)

Absorbed as he was with the mission files from P4X 338 and the effects of a nagging headache, Daniel Jackson still managed to pick up on the strange atmosphere in the SGC this morning.

There was an unusual 'buzz' about the place – as if something exciting was in the offing, and whatever it was, somehow, someway, it appeared that he was involved.

Maybe this impression had something to do with the fact that in complete contrast to their usual indifference or sometimes outright hostility, even the Marines on base were giving him approving looks!

As he couldn't remember doing anything to cause this sudden change of opinion, he was beginning to find the attention somewhat unnerving. It had even managed to do what Jack thought impossible – distract him from 100% immersion in his work!

Frowning slightly at the not completely unfamiliar sensation of bewilderment he felt with regards to the military mindset and behaviour, Daniel dodged another friendly pat on the back from one of the Base SF's, giving a fleeting smile to the man as he made his way towards the Commissary.

It was downright spooky!

The same man had completely blanked him in the corridor just two days ago, and not for the first time either!

Eyes focused on the floor, he distractedly turned into the next corridor and walked straight into SG2 who had just returned from a mission.

"Way to go Dr. J!", Feretti called to him, slapping Daniel's arm on the way past, "Always knew you had it in you!"

Daniel stopped and turned towards the Major, frown deepening.

"What are you talking about, Lou?" he queried.

Lou Feretti raised his eyebrows in surprise, "You mean you haven't heard Doc?"

At the puzzled expression on the Archaeologist's face he laughed, shaking his head in disbelief;

"Then you must be the only one around here who hasn't!"

Still laughing to himself, he continued on his way towards the change rooms, leaving Daniel standing alone in the corridor, arms full of papers, looking after him.

Gathering his scattered thoughts to himself once more, Daniel headed into the Commissary with the intention of refilling his empty coffee mug before the briefing.

Even while engrossed in his thoughts he noted the cessation of conversations on his entry as people turned to stare, smile or otherwise acknowledge the young archaeologist far in excess of normal.

Self conscious at the level of attention, Daniel ducked his head as he made his way to the coffee machine, wondering if someone had stuck a funny note or label on his back this morning (as they often had in High School), without his knowledge. Short of making like a puppy chasing its tail there was nothing he could do about it and still maintain a certain degree of dignity!

He fidgeted as he waited in line behind Sgt. Siler, trying to think if things had been like this last night.

He'd been holed up in his office all night translating a fragile goa'uld papyrus SG 5 had discovered on one of Ra's abandoned worlds and had, as usual, lost complete track of the time. He remembered grabbing a chocolate bar from the dispenser in the Commissary around 2 am, and the few people he had met during that short break had been acting as they normally did – giving him either friendly nods or completely ignoring him.

So, obviously whatever had changed had happened this morning before 6am when he woke!

Ignoring the ever increasing pain of his headache, he tried to recollect if any of the other teams were due in early today, but came up blank. He hadn't heard any unscheduled activations in the short time he'd been asleep in his room, so something must have occurred in the hour he had been awake.

He looked up as Siler collected his coffee and turned to leave. On seeing Daniel, his face lit up, and he pounded a slap onto the bemused archaeologist's back. "Congratulations Dr Jackson!"

He snapped. He knew somewhere in the back of his mind that it probably wasn't a good idea, but these things always seemed to happen before he was sufficiently caffeinated!

"Could you please tell me what the hell is going on today!!," he loudly interjected into a sudden silence in the Commissary.

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To an embarrassed Daniel, it seemed as if the words reverberated through the room with all the subtlety of an enraged System Lord.

Oops!, he cringed, maybe he should have held onto that question a while longer.

"Relax, Daniel. Breathe in the coffee fumes and relaaaax!!," a cheerful voice said from the vicinity of his elbow. "Go to your Happy Place!"

"Go away, Jack, unless you can tell me what's going on", Daniel sniped as he turned back to the coffee machine to fill the oversized mug with his elixir of life.

"As a matter of fact Danny boy, I can!" said Jack, grabbing the reluctant scientist's elbow firmly. "Come on. Take a large sip of your favourite beverage – you'll probably need it!."

Obeying without question for once, Daniel took a gulp of the hot coffee, trying to still the unsettled feeling in both his head and his stomach as Jack dragged him towards the Commissary notice board, followed by the eyes of nearly everyone in the room.

The sounds of talking and sniggering that had resumed in the background whilst Daniel and Jack conversed abated once more, this time in anticipation.

"What am I supposed to be looking at Jack?" Daniel asked in a puzzled tone of voice.

"The Notice Board, Daniel," was the reply.

"I got that bit, Jack. Which part of the Notice Board?"

"The part covered by the large, yellow piece of paper that has strange writing and your picture on the top right corner of it!!" Jack retorted.

Pushing his glasses further up his nose, Daniel stared at said paper, blinking owlishly while his brain engaged its automatic pilot to translate the alien text. He then took a huge gulp of coffee, swallowing audibly.

"Oh Crap! Oh crap,crap,crap,crap,crap!! Jaaack, tell me this is one of your jokes. Pleeeease!"

"Now Daniel, do you really think I am capable of coming up with something this complex in such a short period of time? You know the amount of effort I have to put into even my April Fool's Day contributions!"

At Daniel's suspicious look he added, "Sam's group has analysed the paper & contents and as far as they can determine, none of the components used are currently available on Earth."

"You know what it says, don't you?" Daniel queried.

"Oh yes, Daniel. I think it's fair to say that everyone in the SGC knows what it says!" Jack replied in a smug tone of voice. "I think a copy of the translation had made the rounds of the entire base before we even woke up this morning!"

At Daniel's appalled expression, Jack relented a bit. "Relax Daniel. Think of it as a Badge of Honour, so to speak! Of all the SGC personnel who travel through the gate and stand against the Goa'uld, you are the first one, the only one as far as we know, to get yourself on a 'Wanted' poster!!!"

Jack's words didn't seem to have penetrated Daniel's rather focused attention. He remained standing in front of the notice board as if in shock, coffee forgotten, muttering under his breath in multiple languages as he read the bulletin over again and again …

Official Bounty Number: BHT:J 994-84329/G-2

Wanted:ALIVE

Subject:Dr. Daniel Jackson

Planet of Origin:Earth Race: Tau'ri

Occupation: Linguist/Anthropologist. Member of Earth Exploration Team: SG-1.

Age: Approx. 30 Earth solar cycles

Height: Tall : Approx. 1.9 metres (earth units) or 1.3 times galactic mean height.

Hair: Light Brown Eyes:Blue Build: Slender

Skin Colour: Fair Number of Limbs: 4 Designated Body Type: Humanoid

Distinguishing Features/Characteristics:

* Subject wears ocular correction facilitators (see image).

* Subject is known to speak over 25 languages fluently, including some goa'uld dialects.

- When excited, is known to speak in a language unrecognisable to most sentient beings.

* Subject talks extremely fast and a vast amount of the time.

Known Weapon Proficiencies: Small caliber projectile weapon (Earth origin); Zat'nik'tel (goa'uld origin)

Subject has been known to use a goa'uld Staff Weapon with accuracy; Highly proficient with insults and sarcasm!.

Wanted for:Crimes against the Goa'uld System Lords and Goa'uld administered planetary systems, including:

Deciphering and decoding the Tau'ri Chappa'ai;

Attempted god killing (five SIX counts);

Resisting apprehension (numerous, more than numerous! );

Resisting legitimate intimate overtures from ones god;

Killing ones beloved husband;

Destruction of Goa'uld interplanetary vessels;

Destruction of Goa'uld property;

Inciting a rebellion and the overthrow of ones god;

Attempted kidnapping;

Unlawful bodily harm to ones Jaffa;

Refusal to die;

Refusal to stay dead;

Excessive use of large words;

Excessive use of sarcasm.

Issued by: Goa'uld System Lord Apophis; Goa'uld Lord Klorel; Goa'uld Lord Hathor

Bounty Offered: Details available on application.

Bounty Completed and Registered via HyperNet Data Link™ the instantaneous automated recording system.

(Hyperspacial link not included).

Note: The opinions and views expressed within the body of this document do not necessarily correspond with or reflect the views and opinions of the Galactic Bounty Hunters Guild and associated organizations.

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Jack watched in amusement as Daniel spluttered in suppressed outrage at the notice.

"??!#!!##!! Slender?...Build: Slender?? … What am I, a teenager or something? I've got muscles, particularly after the workouts you and Teal'c have been forcing on me this past year! Makes me sound like some sort of wimp!..."

Ignoring Jack's snigger, he pointed indignantly at the 'Distinguishing Features' section, "And what do they mean by: "When excited, is known to speak in a language unrecognisable to most sentient beings" ???? … Don't they speak perfectly good English, or Common, or Trade or whatever it is they call it out there??", he waved his arms around in a wide flapping motion, spraying his forgotten coffee on the ever growing crowd of people around the two of them.

" 'Killing ones beloved husband, Inciting a rebellion, Excessive use of large words'… what sort of ..of … of …charges are these anyway? This, this – THING bears as much accurate information as a copy of Budge!!! Who writes these things anyway?? The galactic equivalent of the Three Stooges … ???!"

Curbing his mirth, Jack attempted to get the somewhat upset archaeologist to calm down, "So, maybe rather than Badge of Honourwe'll have to think of it as a Budge of Honour! – You know, a slightly inaccurate honour … or … something!" he trailed off.

At Daniel's glare he shrugged sheepishly and continued, "Look, forgetting all the inaccuracies and stuff, don't you feel just a tiny bit proud that you managed to actually do all the things on the list and severely piss off at least three big time Ghouls? … And all in just over a year of working at the SGC? … All the marines are green with envy. Next thing you know, you'll be their mascot! …Go on! Admit that you're at least a little bit pleased!!!"

A reluctant smile tugged at the corner of Daniel's mouth as Jack's words penetrated the red haze that had enveloped his brain.

"There! … See, I told you! Deep down even you are slightly chuffed!"

"Chuffed, Jack?"

"What?!! … You're not the only one who likes to mix it up now and then! I can make with the vocabulary too!"

He threw an arm over Daniel's shoulders as he urged the younger man out of the Commissary and in the direction of the Briefing Room.

"You know, you are probably the only person in the world who, when confronted with a threat like this of literally Galactic proportions, doesn't panic, but just gets annoyed at the content and syntax of the document that contains it!", Jack said, shaking his head in disbelief. "I know experienced soldiers who would be worrying themselves sick over something like this!"

"You realize this may impact on how we conduct our missions, don't you Jack?" Daniel pointed out.

"Sure I do, Danny boy! That's part of what the General wants to cover in the briefing – how we are going to handle this. You didn't think we'd simply pull you off the team and leave you to cope with things on your own, did you?" Jack replied as they walked along the corridor.

"No, Jack," Daniel said as he smiled an acknowledgement in response to another congratulatory thump. "No, I think I realize you won't leave me on my own."

"Never, Danny … Never!"

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