Disclaimer – If you recognize it, then I don't own it.
*Notes – Once again, I apologize for how long this chapter took. Blame a very, very hectic life. But I hope you enjoy!
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"Here, Noah, let me get that for you."
"Noah sweetie, sit back down! I can manage this."
"What are you doing down here, Noah? Go back to bed!"
"No-ah! Sit down! You know Grandma Emma will freak out if she sees you cleaning!"
*
*
Noah flipped onto his stomach on his bed, resting his chest on a pillow as he absently watched the movie playing on the TV in front of him. He sighed heavily, unable to bring himself to even critique the movie. He cast a lingering glance at the door, wondering if anyone would notice if he snuck out for an hour or two.
The Snyder's had been fussing over him from the moment that he had left the hospital; hell, they'd been fussing over him in the hospital. A vague smile twitched his lips as he remembered the disaster checking out of the hospital had been.
*
*
"Are you sure you feel like you can come home, Noah?" Lily asked, her hazel eyes wide in concern. "And," she added as she turned on the doctor, "are you sure that it's completely safe for him to leave the hospital?"
"Yes, Mrs. Snyder, I'm sure," the doctor responded with an imperceptible weariness that came from answering the same question dozens of times within a short period of time. "Just make sure that he-"
"Get's plenty of rest, doesn't overexert himself, avoids strenuous activities, and takes it easy," Luke rattled off, his fingers unconsciously entwining with Noah's. "Right?"
"Right," the doctor replied, looking as if he wondered why he even bothered asking the question in the first place. "Now, Noah…" the doctor began, only to be cut off once again as Lucinda whirled in through the front doors, making a beeline for Noah.
"Darling!" she greeted, standing up on her tip toes to give him a kiss on the cheek. "How are you doing?"
Noah smiled ruefully back up at her before saying, "The exact same as I was yesterday when you asked." Lucinda, Natalie and Faith had all visited the night before, with mixed results. Natalie had been dying to tell Noah about every single thing that had happened in his very brief absence; Lucinda had scolded him until his ears burned before making him promise to never run off again; Faith had yelled at him and tried to storm out, but Noah had grabbed her and held her as she cried out her fear.
"Noah, you in there?" A voice cut into Noah's thoughts, and he looked up to see Luke's concerned eyes examining him. "Are you sure you don't want the wheel-"
"No!" Noah yelled, wincing at how loud his voice was. "I mean… I don't need it. I promise." The doctor's had fought to make him leave the hospital in a wheelchair, as per protocol, but Noah had vehemently protested. Eventually, both Noah's reluctance and Lucinda's intervention on his behalf had allowed for Noah to leave on his own two feet.
"I was… I was just thinking," Noah added when he saw Luke's face fall. "I'm fine though, I promise." He smiled, albeit half-heartedly, hoping Luke would believe him.
"Noah, you're not fine," Lily unexpectedly jumped in, her loose hair falling around her face. "You have a grade three concussion, two fractured ribs, and more bruises than I can count. You better not be saying you're fine until you actually are fine, okay?" The warmth in her eyes softened her lecture, and she patted his cheek before turning to the doctor.
"Am I allowed to continue?" the doctor muttered under his breath before continuing. "I mean, you're free to leave, Mr. Mayer."
"Thank you," Noah replied, watching as the doctor walked off, perhaps faster than needs be. "I think we were going to drive him crazy!" Noah commented, flushing when the rest of the Snyder's chuckled around him.
"Well, what can I say?" Holden said, bumping his shoulder lightly with Noah's. "We're very protective of our own." A wide grin threatened to split Noah's face, even as he looked down at his shoes. For the first time, he didn't feel like he needed to refute Holden's words. Maybe that had something to do with the fact that there had been at least two Snyder's with him at all times during his hospital stay; besides Luke, of course.
He'd protested, said he'd be fine on his own, but no one would hear of it. Lucinda, at one point, had memorably told him to "be quiet and accept that we're staying, or I'll get the nurse to give you something to make you accept that." Not sure if she was joking, Noah had quickly quieted his protests.
Jack Snyder and Dallas Griffin had both shown up during Noah's hospital stay as well. They were both on 'official police business', as Jack put it, but there had been an element of a social call to it, as well. Dallas had explained how they had located him via GPS, and Noah couldn't believe that he'd forgotten to leave his phone. Maybe part of you wanted to leave a way to be found, in case the Snyder's wanted you back, some part of him whispered.
They'd also informed him that his father was being held in a top security cell at the Oakdale Police Station, waiting to be transferred to a higher security prison out of town within a few days. Jack also mentioned that Winston had been requesting to see Noah ever since he'd been arrested; the rush of incredulity that had swamped Noah had taken his breath away.
Someone squeezed his hand, and Noah shook himself from his thoughts. Looking down, he saw that Luke had brought their entwined hands up to his mouth, and pressed a gentle kiss to the back of Noah's hand, their eyes locked the entire time. The gentle touch of lips to skin still sent shivers down Noah's spine.
"You okay?" he mouthed, tugging Noah ever-so-gently towards the entrance. Noah flushed, wondering how long he'd been standing in the middle of the hospital foyer, lost in thought. Thankfully, none of the Snyder's had called attention to it.
Noah started to nod weakly, but stilled his movements at Luke's doubtful gaze. He instead shrugged one shoulder the slightest bit upwards, and pulled Luke closer, so he could feel Luke's warmth beside him. Part of him wanted to sling an arm around Luke's shoulder, but he knew his ribs wouldn't forgive him if he did so.
"How about you?" Noah whispered into Luke's hair, inhaling the clean scent that was his boyfriend – a scent he hadn't been sure he'd ever be able to smell again. A wave of love swept over him, nearly strong enough to cause his knees to buckle. Part of him ached to hold Luke, ached with a physical thing. Instead, he contented himself by knowing that he had the rest of his life to hold Luke; love him, cherish him.
Luke shrugged as an answer to Noah's question, mimicking Noah's previous movement. "Hey," Noah asked, suddenly remembering, "did you end up visiting Eric?" Noah saw Luke stiffen for a brief moment before nodding once, leaning into Noah as they walked. His ribs protested, but Noah ignored them.
"How is he?" Noah asked, not sure why he cared. Maybe it was because he felt guilty. Maybe it was because Eric had risked everything for his child, something he knew Winston never would've done. Or maybe it was just because despite everything, Noah could understand why Eric had done what he had. If it had been the same situation with Luke, or any of the Snyder's… well, Noah couldn't say that he wouldn't have acted differently, to save his family. My family.
"He's surviving," Luke said, before elaborating. "It was close. I don't think that Winston had expected anyone to find him so quickly. He shot to wound… I think he was expecting for Eric to bleed out." Noah felt the blood drain out of his face as he nodded. "Hey, hey hey hey," Luke whispered, "it's not your fault. Don't feel guilty."
"How's his daughter… Sarah?" Noah asked, changing the subject. "Do you know?" An unexpected smile touched Luke's face, transforming his weary expression.
"Oh, Noah, she's adorable," Luke crooned, smiling up into blue eyes. "She was playing in the hallway with a nurse when I was heading into his room. She told me that if I was visiting her daddy, I had to be careful because he was sick and she 'wouldn't let me make him even more sick, because that would be bad.'" Luke imitated a high pitched girl's voice, and Noah couldn't help the laughter that bubbled out of his throat.
"What did you say to that?" Noah asked, imagining Luke's reaction to being lectured. Then again, he's probably used to it, considering what a powerhouse Natalie can be.
"I told her that I would be extra careful, because I wouldn't want her daddy to get any sicker," Luke replied, "and I think she believed me."
"Of course she did," Noah smiled, "who could resist you?"
"Obviously not you," Luke teased before kissing Noah's cheek. "Hey… shouldn't we probably leave, now?" Noah looked around in surprise. They were in the parking lot, standing outside Noah's truck; someone had brought it to the hospital during Noah's stay. The other Snyder's were long gone – Noah had been so wrapped up in his conversation with Luke, he hadn't noticed that they'd stopped walking, let alone that the other Snyder's had left.
"Yeah," Noah replied, reluctantly breaking away from Luke and opening his truck door.
"What are you doing?" Luke said, his voice unexpectedly high-pitched. Noah stopped abruptly, looking at the hand that was resting on the door on the driver's side as if it had done something without him knowing.
"Umm.. I'm getting into my truck?" Noah asked, part sarcastic and part confused. At Luke's shocked and sceptical gazes, Noah asked, "What?"
"You think you're driving?" Luke asked, incredulous. "When you're all battered up? Nice try, Noah. I'm driving us home."
"Luke, I'm okay. I can drive," Noah insisted, before backtracking as he saw his boyfriend's face cloud over. "Okay, okay, maybe I'm not completely fine," Noah conceded. "Fine. You can drive."
"Good," Luke replied simply. "Get your butt in this truck! By the way, mom's insisting that we spend the next week at the farm. No way is she letting you out of her sight with your injuries. Or me for that matter, after…" Luke's sentence trailed off, the other words hanging ominously in the air. After Damian's death.
"Luke, are you okay?" Noah asked, searching his boyfriend's face and noticing the tautly pulled skin, pressed lips and shadowed eyes.
Luke's head twitched to the side in the slightest sign of a 'no', surprising Noah with his honesty, before he smiled half-heartedly and hoped into the driver's seat of the truck.
**
Noah sighed for the umpteenth time as he flicked the TV off. The car ride home had been quiet, both of them lost in thoughts, both of them hurting. Luke had tried to deny how deeply everything had affected him, choosing to throw himself into nursing Noah.
Absentmindedly, he arched his back and neck, stretching them. His body had begun to ache slightly, begging him for a workout. Whenever he was confused, or frustrated, or anything, really, he'd always jog it off. He'd tried to sneak out for a run twice; the first time, Lily had marched him back to the couch and guilt tripped him. The second time, he tried sneaking out in the morning, but Emma had intercepted and refused to let him leave. Noah smiled involuntarily as he remembered what a powerhouse seemingly sweet Emma could be.
The smile faded as he remembered the first night back at the farm. He'd been allowed to sleep in the same room as Luke, since Lily wouldn't allow them to go back to their apartment.
*
*
Luke bolted upright in the middle night, wide eyed and drenched in sweat. His thrashing had already woken Noah up, and he didn't hesitate to pull Luke into his own arms. Noah's dreams had been just as dark, and he took just as much comfort in the embrace as Luke did.
"Shh, baby," Noah soothed, running his hand over damp skin. "It's okay. We're okay. It's over. Shhhhh." He slowly leaned back, gritting his teeth against the pain in his abdomen and allowing Luke to rest his head on his chest.
Reaching a free hand out, he tapped the bedside lamp once, turning it onto the dimmest setting. Feeling absurdly grateful to the touch-activated lamp, Noah turned his attention back to Luke. "Do you want to talk about it?" he whispered, fully expecting a 'no.'
Instead, Luke exhaled heavily once against Noah's skin before he spoke. "I was back in that tower in Malta," he began, "but I wasn't a kid. I was the same age that I am now. And dad wasn't with me; you were." Noah made a conscious effort not to react physically to that news, and was rewarded when Luke continued.
"We were locked in that room, and then Damian walked in. He said – he said he was going to get us out." In the dim light, Noah could see the confused expression on Luke's face. "I knew he was the one responsible for us being there. I knew it. But… I trusted him. He reached out a hand, and I was going to take it…" Luke trailed off, and Noah could feel Luke's eyelashes fluttering against the skin on his chest.
"And then what?" Noah prodded, keeping his voice soft and low, never pausing his hand's motions across Luke's back.
"Winston walked in," Luke said blankly, a lack of inflection in his voice. Although Noah had been expecting it, he still shuddered; Luke ignored it, allowing it to go unnoticed. "He shot Damian," he whispered, "and he fell on me. Blood was everywhere." Noah realized the statement didn't just apply to Damian's dream-death.
"Luke, you don't have to-" Noah said softly, feeling Luke's body trembling on his own. But Luke paid him no mind.
"Then he turned the gun on you, and said that, that if it wasn't for me, you'd be fine. And then he shot us." A warm drop splashed against Noah's chest before running down towards his stomach, quickly followed by others.
"Luke, none of this is your fault," Noah murmured, trying his hardest to focus past the dream itself. "None of it."
"I know that," Luke said, surprising Noah. "I know I didn't do anything physically. But if it wasn't for me, you'd…"
"I'd be what, Luke?" Noah asked. "I'd be living with him, hating life more by the day. I'd be miserable, hiding in the closet, terrified of life. You've taught me to live, Luke. Don't regret that," Noah said fiercely. The tears on his chest fell more and more frequently, yet Luke didn't sob.
"What about Damian? And Ethan?" Luke asked suddenly, violently. "If it wasn't for me, they'd be alive! How can you say they're better off?" Luke propped himself up on his elbows so he could look into Noah's eyes. Steady streams of tears were making their way down his face. "Don't you get it, Noah? I've wrecked everything!"
"None of that was your fault," Noah whispered, pulling Luke down so that he was on top of him. "And I'm going to keep telling you that until you believe it. Okay?" With that, Luke's control snapped. He sobbed, his entire body heaving, into the warmth of Noah's shoulder.
The crying continued for minutes, hours; time ceased to be meaningful. Eventually, the torrent turned into a trickle, and Luke's heaving breaths morphed into slow, even ones. "Luke?" Noah whispered, checking if his boyfriend had fallen asleep.
"Hmm?" Luke moaned, resting in that place between consciousness and sleep. His left hand unfurled from his side, and came to rest on Noah's far shoulder. Noah felt something wet on the hand, and gently lifted it off of his skin, checking to see.
He angled Luke's hand into the light, and couldn't stop the tiny gasp from escaping him as he saw small but deep cuts in his hand, blood welling out of them.
"What?" Luke murmured, too unaware to realize what Noah had discovered.
"Luke…" Noah hesitated, unsure of what to say. "What happened?" Luke's eyes cracked open, and he seemed to finally realize what Noah had discovered. He tried to curl his hand into a fist to snatch it away, but Noah caught his hand and refused to let him move.
"Nothing happened," Luke snapped, tugging his arm back; Noah wouldn't let it move. "Noah, let go!" Luke said, a tinge of hysterics entering his voice.
"Luke, please," Noah whispered, letting his suffering and hurt and fear enter his voice. "Don't lock me out. Talk to me. I love you, and I'll love you no matter what. Talk to me." Luke's body was stiff, too stiff. The light was still on, and Noah could see the muscles and tendons in his arms bulging.
"I don't know," Luke whispered, three words that were undeniably the truth. "It helped, with, with everything. But it's too much, Noah. I can't stop." Luke's voice caught, and the hand Noah was still holding trembled violently.
Even as Noah's mind went blank with the shock of confirming what he already had guessed at, his instincts kicked in. He kissed the back of Luke's hand and his tugged him close, ignoring the strain it put on his ribs. "It'll be okay," Noah promised, hoping he was telling the truth. "Shhh."
They'd lied together, tangled together, until the pull of sleep was too irresistible, even to their frazzled minds.
*
*
"Noah! Supper!" Faith's voice floated up the stairs, drifting into his ears. He sat upright, realizing that at some point in his recollections, he'd fallen asleep. Again. Slowly shifting off the bed, he realized that someone had come up and pulled the bed cover over him and turned off the TV.
Figuring it was Luke, Noah made his way down the stairs, his face still flushed and warm from sleep. When he entered the kitchen, Natalie immediately barrelled over to him, bouncing on the balls of her feet.
"Noah, guess what!" she said excitedly, talking so fast that Noah could barely follow. Not waiting for an answer, she said, "I helped Grandma Emma make supper!"
Noah smiled, even as he began to wonder how long he'd been sleeping for. "You helped make supper?" he repeated, an image of Emma baking her famous apple pies in an Easy Bake oven coming to mind. "What did you make?"
"I helped make biscuits!" Natalie informed him seriously, tugging on his hand and leading him over to the counter. "Look!" Noah looked at the cooling biscuits, barely holding back his laughter as he realized that some of the biscuits were shaped as hearts, stars, and flowers.
"They look great, Nat," he said, "but I was wondering…"
"Do you wanna know where Luke is?" she asked expectantly. When Noah asked how she knew, Natalie replied, "It's obvious! You two are always together." Not for the first time, Noah found himself taken back at how good she was with people.
"He's in the barn, with Shadow," Natalie answered before bidding him farewell and prancing over to Faith, who flicked her fingers at him in what Noah assumed was the teenage girl version of a wave.
Glancing over his shoulder, Noah slowly made his way over to the kitchen door. He reached out, grasped the doorknob, and started to twist it when a cry of "Noah!" echoed through the kitchen.
Caught. He looked up to see Lily staring at him. "Where are you going?" she asked, her eyes examining him for injuries.
"I was going to go to the barn, to see Luke," he replied, his hand still on the doorknob. He saw Lily's mouth tighten, and braced himself for what he knew was coming.
"Are you sure that's okay?" Lily asked, unaware that Holden was hovering behind her shoulder. "I mean, is it dangerous for his injuries if…"
"If he walks down to the barn?" Holden finished, a slight laugh in his words. "Lily, the barn's like a thirty second walk away. He'll be fine. Won't you, Noah?"
"I'll be fine," Noah replied, hoping his expression was convincing. Although being coddled to such an extent had been endearing (and embarrassing) at first, Noah had begun to wonder how long it was going to go on for. It had already been three days, and Lily didn't look like she was going to be lightening up.
"I know you will be," Lily confessed, taking a step closer to him. "It's just, with everything that's happened, I need to know that you're going to be fine." Her eyes were gleaming, and Noah took an instinctive step forwards and kissed her on the cheek.
"I'll be fine, Lily. I promise." Noah knew that Damian's death had been weighing on her heavily, more so than anyone else, and that was the reason that she'd been acting so overprotective.
Nodding once, she was about to tell him that he could go when Emma bustled over, carrying a plate of cookies.
"Noah! Take these to the barn; you and Luke can have some. But only some! You need to have an appetite for supper." Emma pressed a cloth-covered plate into his hands, and Noah's mouth watered as the scent of chocolate chip cookies wafted upwards. "And be careful," she added.
"I will," Noah said, smiling and turning before anyone else could stop him. When he arrived at the barn, he knocked on the wood to let Luke know that he wasn't alone.
His boyfriend was by his horse's stall, brushing her. Shadow's ears were forwards, but she appeared to be completely relaxed. Luke brushed a hand down her neck and kissed her nose before making his way over to Noah.
"Hey," he said, almost shy. Noah set the cookies down on a stack of hay bales and kissed Luke gently, lingeringly.
"Hey," Noah replied, linking hands with Luke and walking over to the horse's stall. "How's Shadow doing?"
"She's doing good, aren't you, big girl?" Luke directed the last half of his sentence at his horse, crooning to her. "You're such a good girl." Noah smiled, tentatively reaching a hand forward and stroking it down Shadow's neck. At first, he'd been terrified by the sheer size of the horses; now, he was as comfortable around them as he was another human being.
They stood in silence after that, surrounded by the warmth of the barn and the smell of hay, until Luke abruptly broke the silence.
"I made an appointment with a therapist," Luke said, his voice low but clear. "I had made one a while back, but with everything that went on… I missed it." He opened his mouth to say more, but shut it at the realization that he'd be babbling.
Noah chose to say nothing, pulling Luke into his arms and kissing the top of his head instead. "I'm so proud of you," he ended up whispering into that mop of blonde hair. Luke pulled back, his expression a mix between relief and worry.
"I might not be better right away," he said tentatively. "I want you to know that. I'll try, but, it might take time."
"I'm not going to be better for a while, either," Noah replied. When Luke just gazed at him, he added, "And I don't mean just physically." Luke's eyes widened slightly in recognition, and Noah didn't move as Luke's hand came up and cupped his cheek.
"But we're going to get through this, right?" Luke asked, his thumb stroking across Noah's skin.
"Of course," he replied, staring into Luke's eyes and knowing that it was the truth. "We'll get through this, together."
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I know everyone probably hates me for this chapter taking so long, but please review anyways? It would make me a very happy camper =)