AN: Set basically the instant after Caleb kisses Amy in the season 2 episode 'Showdown'. A review by earthgirl16 prompted me to post this, as it has a mild kissing scene. I don't think I'm that great at depicting such scenes, but it was an attempt.
This is not a Caleb/Amy ficlet! (I mentioned in 'Back on Track Again' that I don't think much of him) it is set immediately after that nauseating part.
Finally, I like where I finished the fic, but not exactly how I got there and the more I read it, the more I think some of it is just out of character. Again, suggestions would be helpful! =)
Caleb drew back, visibly savouring the moment and Amy barely refrained from a shudder at the unpleasant emotions coursing through her. He had not said a word, and she seized the opportunity.
"Don't ever do that again."
Caleb raised an eyebrow at her, "Why not? Seemed to work."
"Work?" Amy demanded, voice slightly hysterical. "You don't shut someone up like that!"
Caleb half smirked, then tipped his head thoughtfully. He shook it after a moment. "I think its something else. Is this about Ty?"
Amy's eyes widened, her jaw dropping, "No! I just don't want you to go around kissing me. I think I'll decide when I want that, thanks!"
"Come on, Amy. You didn't exactly slap me, did you?" Caleb asked, almost patronisingly.
"I could," she fired back furiously. "Or I could hang you on the fence till dawn for the vultures."
"We don't get vultures out here."
"You're missing the point," Amy hissed, even more irritated that he was amused by the situation. "But do it again, and I promise you'll live to regret it."
Caleb let out a huff, "Amy! What's so bad about this? We're not doing anything wrong!"
"Feels like it," her admission was quiet, broken.
"Why should it?" Caleb's own voice had lowered with hers.
She looked like a hard war was raging in her head, before she reluctantly whispered, "…Ty."
"I knew it. See?" Caleb seized on the excuse, voice rising again. "You're still hung up on him? You aren't together, Amy."
"Things happened with us," she argued immediately. "Things you have no idea about. How can you stand there and tell me what is going on?"
"So maybe I can't. But what should it matter?" Caleb demanded.
"Because it does! I…I feel like I've betrayed him," Amy sucked in a breath, as if this truth shocked her too, but she did not refute the claim.
"You shouldn't feel guilty," Amy recognised the softer tone in his words, and felt frustration flare inside her. He was trying to make her think that this was right.
"I said betrayal, not guilt," she corrected. "And why shouldn't I? I thought I just told you not to make assumptions!"
"Bet you wouldn't treat Ty like this, if he did the same thing."
The comment came out of nowhere and Amy found herself unable to look at him as she turned the words over in her head.
Doesn't that tell you something? Was rushing through her brain without sanction.
"I don't know," she decided on. "I can't say he's tried. Obviously not as stupid as you…despite some pretty dumb stuff…I don't know. Maybe I wouldn't be yelling…" and that surprised her again as she accepted silently it was likely true.
"So why me?" Caleb asked, eyes shining in hurt when she looked up at him finally.
"I told you! I feel like I…I've betrayed him, somehow."
"And you wouldn't feel you'd betrayed me, if he did it?"
Amy didn't speak for a long moment, but an answer had to come, and there was only one truth to that question, "…No…"
"Why not?"
Amy quickly looked away from him again at the hardened tone. She was hurting him, but another part of her was angry he would assume she would reciprocate. It was the anger that made her talk, breaking a dam that held back a hither-to unspoken secret.
"Because!...Because every time I kiss him…it feels like coming home."
Caleb's breath gushed out of him audibly and Amy let hers follow suit. Her eyes were fixated on the saddle rack nearest, but the shadows and noise alerted her to the fact he was walking closer.
"Amy…" he was closer than she'd thought, voice low again, trying to wheedle her around.
"Stay away from me, at least for a while," she whispered, keeping her eyes down as they swam with tears at the turn of conversation. "Ten feet at all times or I swear to god…"
Caleb almost staggered back several feet and Amy spun around, walking briskly to be away from the situation. His hardened, angry voice pulled her back.
"I get a limit?! What about Ty? He got a set distance too?"
"He wouldn't listen to one," she answered, knowing it was true. Her grandfather told her and Lou his terms of Ty's work. Not a couple of months later and he was standing next to her, moving her bodily from the stalls of crazed horses and muttering in her ear about missing grandparents.
"And you think I will?!" Caleb's demand broke through the almost strange memories. She had been so different then.
"You will," of that she was almost certain. Caleb would do many things to stay in her good graces. She had learnt with the mustang, Ghost. Her question here, was how long would he heed her?
Amy spun away again, intent on leaving, curling up in her bed and seeing the entire thing over again behind her eyelids as she went to sleep. Something else halted her steps now.
A patch of moonlight from the door of the barn reached past her, bringing an outline on the old stairs into sight. Amy didn't have to squint to know who it was.
Ty was stood, frozen near the top, arms folded over his chest, expression blank, but forced so. A gasp slipped through Amy's lips as she vaguely acknowledged he must have been there a while.
Caleb looked up, plastering his usual expression on, and moved around to be able to follow her gaze. Five minutes ago, he'd have been thrilled to know Ty was watching. Now, he wished he hadn't been.
"Oh god," Amy breathed, voice rough with despair.
Caleb cleared his throat pointlessly, and Ty shot him a look, before studying Amy again.
"I need to talk to you."
"I…" Amy began, before realising she had nothing to say.
"See you in the morning, Caleb." It was a clear dismissal, and Amy could have smiled at the thought that the cowboy would listen to Ty.
"Like I'm gonna-" Caleb's voice had risen instantly, indignant but with an underlying note of desperation.
"Goodnight," Amy told him simply, eyes telling him to go. Caleb took in a breath, but held his tongue. He nodded tersely and strode from the barn with a last look. A steady glare at Ty, then a hurt, apprehensive gaze at Amy.
He disappeared into the night.
"Oh god…," Amy breathed again. She cautiously moved to the bottom of the stairs. "How much of that did you hear?"
"All of it…saw more than that," Ty replied flatly, his voice rough, too.
"No…" Amy whispered desperately, turning away and putting some space between her and the stairs. She heard Ty make his way down them, then stop behind her.
"You don't think I'm that stupid then?"
It only took a second to remember that part of her recent argument, and she swung around in shock, "Ty…!?"
His lean frame easily cleared the distance, and he pressed his lips firmly to hers. She was acutely aware of his hand in her hair, and arm around her waist and was unsure if her utterance of his name was a warning or a plead.
This contact flooded her out of her own mind in its intensity, enough to rival their altercation in the rain a couple of weeks back. She didn't realise she had begun crying until they finally parted to breathe and Ty was brushing the tears away with his thumbs.
"Shh…its going to be okay…" he soothed, hugging her tightly the way he usually did when she was upset.
"How can it?" Amy murmured through tears. "All I keep doing is hurting people! I've hurt you and Caleb over and over. I can't keep doing this. What am I doing wrong, Ty?"
"Nothing. It isn't your fault," he told her firmly.
She didn't cry herself dry, but was calmer when she pulled back a few moments later. Ty pressed a kiss to her forehead, then searched her eyes intently, asking her permission this time.
"I can't…" Amy whispered, wanting a repeat anyway.
"You can," he said, just as quiet, but more decisive.
"No…I…I can't."
"I heard you, Amy. You said that being with me felt like coming home. I never had a real home, so I don't know what to feel, but I think it's the same thing you do. Doesn't that tell you something?" Amy knew he was imploring her, but it wasn't irritating her as Caleb had.
"But I…Ty, I can't keep doing this. I can't have you and keep Caleb happy. I can't have him and keep you happy. I don't know how to balance anymore!"
"What do you want, Amy?" Ty asked. The question sounded so simple when he asked it. But there was still the problem that someone would be hurt.
"Does it matter? Either way-"
"It does. What do you want?" he insisted, brushing her hair from her eyes.
"I…I want you. I want to be with you," she felt almost light headed with relief that she had finally told him.
All those months ago, when she was first ready to see where they went…and he left. Then the anger she felt when he just turned up again, and she tried to avoid her feelings at seeing him back by hanging with Caleb.
The cattle drive, when things began to look up again, all through the tentativeness of things left unsaid and finally to the dispute in the long awaited downpour.
"Then don't keep running away from me," Ty whispered.
"I have to…I don't want to hurt Caleb because we…" Amy took a breath and looked up at him. "Look, maybe this isn't-"
"Don't say that," Ty interrupted. "If it bothers you, we can keep it low. No one has to know."
"That's not fair on you," Amy protested quietly.
"It'll make it easier for you," Ty answered, as if it was easy. "So its fine. Just try this with me. Please."
Amy bit her lip, casting her eyes everywhere but at him as she thought about how irritable and miserable she was if she and Ty had another fall out. How could she heal horses if she herself needed healing?
She comforted her decision by the thought that the secrecy was not forever. They would give Caleb time enough to regain his attitude and move on, then introduce the idea.
"Okay," she said, feeling a smile slip onto her face. "We'll keep it quiet and go from there."
Ty smiled brilliantly, and laughed quietly as he tugged her off the floor to hug her. A small yelp slipped from her lips as she clung tightly and revelled in the peace that accompanied her decision.
When she left the barn, she hurried straight to her room, ignoring Lou's curious expression, and changed. She burrowed into the bedcovers and could not stop a smile as she closed her eyes. She was all too happy to put off the morning and inevitable greeting to Caleb, but she knew it would come. For now, she was happy to drift off thinking of Ty, despite some things still being left unsaid.
AN: ATTENTION – for those who did not know, Heartland is being shown in the UK now on E4 and E4+1 at 4:00 and 5:00 respectively!!! S.1: Ep.3 is on this, the 19th of July, Sunday!