A/N: Hi, I'm back. Bet you thought you'd got rid of me, didn't yah?

The idea of this is 'What would Catherine's train of thought be if she and Gil were in a relationship that crumbled, and she had to watch him move on to Sara.'

Reviews are loved, as usual.

I don't own CSI. Or do I? Nope, I don't. Damn.

I knew it couldn't last forever. Forever is an impossible hope that people cling onto, for reassurance, for guidance, a common goal that unites people that differ on every other level of humanity. It never was to me.

I always thought that we would just go round in endless circles, neither of us strong enough to break away. I thought that how how we were.

I've never been to good at predicting the future.

Your courage tore our circle of friends apart like a bomb. It took every ounce of our mortal strength to crawl back to each other from the wrecked remains, and months to rebuild ourselves to what we were, though the memory is still there, scarring each of us in a different way.

But, the way I do every moment a challenge presents itself to me and threatens to overwhelm, I pick myself up, dust myself off, and continue down the path of the mortal journey we call life.

It's what I've always done. It's what I'll continue to do.

I always wondered if, deep down, you regretted it. When you confessed you did, I knew I could have you back. But the fear of a deja-vu relationship held me back, stopped me making a decision. But, sometimes, not making a decision is your decision.

When I heard who had captured your heart, I was shocked, but not as I should have been. I had always thought that I would be the first to move on.

She's beautiful, though she won't admit it. She's got an inner courage and strength I can only envy. I've watched her go to the pits of hell and bring herself back. She's a survivor. I could see why you were attracted to her.

When she learned that she had captured your heart, it was not happiness that became her primary emotion. It was concern, disbelief, worry. But not for herself, for me. Concern that you being together would tear apart the friendship we possessed. Disbelief that it was her and not someone else. Worry of what the future held.

You continued to dance round the issue of your relationship for another month. Each day that passed, people who witnessed this would wonder when you would gather the courage and take the plunge into the unpredictable yet exhilarating oblivion of a deeper relationship, a whole new understanding of each other.

When you finally decided to take the plunge, the decision was welcomed with a warm reception from everyone, even me. Seeing you together and happy made me sure that I had made the right choice in not taking you back. Saying no, I thought, had set you free to be with someone who could make you happy in a way I never could. She may have broken one of the oldest rules in the book of dating, but if it made her happy, who was I to stand in her way? Happiness is all she deserves, and more.

But since then, I've had my doubts, and so have you. I never tell anyone, for fear of losing the internal war that rages in my head. I know other people crave the day your relationship crumbles like the walls of Jericho, and your faced with a harsh reality. They know that when you fail (they see no if, all they see is a when) you will blow a lot of worlds apart, and it will take every ounce of strength to pull back together.

One of our friends asked me if I would ever consider taking you back when your relationship crumbles. My answer, in all honesty, is no.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't shatter her heart. And although, in moments like this one, I wonder if the second time would be better, I'm going to put my friends above myself.

People change.

Feelings change.

Circumstances change.

Things change.

Reviews make 15 year old girls happy :)