A/N: Hey folks! I'm baaaack. (grins)

To those who are new around my ficcies, this is once again a addition to my 'The One Thing You Want' –collection. This was a request from VERY dear readers.

WARNINGS: YAOI, sadness, oddness, spoilers to those who follow the anime-storyline… Ya knowm, the usual. (grins)

DISCLAIMER: ME, own?! (laughs hysterically) Yeah, right…

Awkay, because I guess it's time to stop stalling… (gulps) Let's go! I really hope you'll enjoy!

Why is the one thing you want often the only thing you can't have?

The One Thing You Want - Shakou

If anything, Kisame was a proud man. Ever since he was a little boy, he hadn't expressed grief or pain to anyone.

But Itachi Uchiha wasn't anyone. That night he knew it better than ever, although he'd had a hunch from the moment he'd first met those red eyes that held fire and storm.

/ "Uchiha Itachi", he stated with stretched words while examining the Akatsuki's newest addition with his gaze, feeling something foreign in his stomach and chest. The younger looked at him with eyes that gave away everything and nothing at the same time. "I heard you killed your entire family. The Leader seems to have great faith in you."

Itachi 's features stiffened for a fleeting second until everything returned to normal. "I assume you came to test if I'm worthy. So let's get started."

He grinned toothily as a part of his future opened up before him in those eyes.

When Itachi managed to punch him that day, he lost a part of himself, allowed it to transform. And the scary part was that he didn't even care. /

Itachi had always been something close to invincible – almost inhuman – in Kisame's eyes. During those lonely, dark hours of the night he finally saw the truth while watching his partner lay on a bed.

The changes had been so swift and sudden that he hadn't noticed them before, but now shadows betrayed them all.

Itachi had lost weight, painfully lot of that, and when he thought about it he couldn't remember the last time the Uchiha had eaten something proper without vomiting straight after. Itachi's face had also lost the little color there'd once been, making the skin almost transparent. Things weren't made any easier by the high fever that just wouldn't go away. The Uchiha was fading away, right before his eyes, and he couldn't believe he hadn't noticed it sooner.

And at that moment he – a man who'd killed far more people than he could count, enjoying it – found himself close to praying. For there was only one thing in the world he wanted, so badly that it hurt him inside.

In the darkness he emitted a tiny, bitter chuckle. "I should've known you were right."

/ From the very beginning Kisame loved watching Itachi in action. When the Uchiha hunted and killed, made blood spatter, it was like watching a dance of some sort. He was hooked.

He could've never imagined that killing was something that sickened the younger man – not until he saw the evidence one stormy night.

Thunder boomed in the distance when he knocked on the inn-room's door with a frown. "Itachi, what's going on? We were supposed to start heading back for over an hour ago."

There was no response, and in the end he decided to abandon all reason and enter. What he found made him blink twice.

Inside the almost completely dark room Itachi was stood before a window, shaking visibly with what looked like shock or abhorrance. The Uchiha's hair was loose and messy, making the younger male look far more frail than the raven actually was.

His frown from before deepened. "Itachi, what's going on? It was just a bunch on ninjas."

For the longest time nothing happened. Then Itachi turned and looked at him directly to eyes, the for once black eyes seeming to reach every furthest corner of his soul. "One day… you'll understand, Kisame."

If he'd been capable of feeling such, Kisame might've said he fell in love that night. But demons don't feel love.

That's why he turned and left without saying a word, leaving his partner to gather himself. /

His mind eteventually returning to the present, Kisame glanced towards Itachi, his chest somewhat tight as he stood soundlessly, listening.

Itachi wasn't asleep, that much he could tell from the Uchiha's breathing pattern. But he wasn't ready to talk to the raven just yet – his head was just too full of things that didn't make any sense. And so he remained absolutely still for the longest time, watching, as they both wandered in worlds of their own.

In the end the urge became too strong. His steps didn't make a sound as he made his way to the Uchiha, who rested with his back to him. Quite rapidly his hand found a scar from Itachi's neck that could just be seen from the black hair. The shape was almost like that of a heart, he discovered.

His eyes darkened while his stubborn mind broke free from his control.

/ The first time Kisame thought he'd lose Itachi arrived when they'd been partners for a little over two years. That extremely cold day of winter, the younger man got severely injured on a mission they'd both underestimated due to their misleading assignment. Itachi got a blow to his neck, and remained unconcsious for three full days. Although he would've never admitted out loud, Kisame didn't leave his partner even once during that time.

The fourth night – just when he was about to doze off – Kisame's full attention became claimed by the faintest movements in Itachi's bed. He was fairly sure his eyes turned into something foreign when he discovered that his partner was finally awake. "You sure took a long nap – almost four days, I think. The Leader's not going to like this." It was ridiculously hard to keep his voice cool. He then frowned when looking at Itachi, who seemed ready to pass out. "Are you okay?"

It took a brief moment before there was a response. "I'm alright." Most likely without noticing it Itachi shifted so close that their warm, somewhat erratic breaths mingled. The man coughed harshly. "I just… need a moment to catch my breath. Then we leave."

At that moment, watching how his partner fought to keep himself together, he lost absolutely all self-control, although he hadn't known he'd been holding himself back. It didn't manage to stop him that Itachi was still very much recovering – he'd already waited almost too long. His hands and mouth gained a life of their own under something nearly primal that took a hold of him.

Itachi's eyes were strange and wild while they looked directly to his, and the raven's hold on him was so tight it almost hurt. "What are you doing?"

"This…", he growled in the grips of something he couldn't understand. "… will never happen again. Understood?"

Itachi responded with attacking his lips so that it almost took his breath away.

He knew he couldn't trust Itachi, that they were making a huge mistake and stepping into something extremely forbidden, that the whole night wasn't much more than an illusion. But his body and mind refused to care. For just one night he abandoned all reason.

They had countless of nights like that in the future. Every single one was supposed to be the last.

The only reminder of the secret that was born that cold night – of their pledge that never held – was the scar on Itachi's neck. /

Looking at his partner and losing himself to the memories of brighter days, Kisame grit his teeth, fighting with himself although he couldn't understand the turmoil that was foreign and ridiculous to him.

Just a little bit more, damnit – that what all he wanted, all he would've needed. Was it really too much to ask?

He was just a man, after all. Even his soul yearned.

In the darkness of the night, he dared himself to believe that perhaps fate would have some mercy on him, too.

Those thoughts comforting him a little, he eventually crawled underneath his partner's bedcovers, pretending that he wasn't supposed to sleep in his own bed. Surrendering under the guilty pleasure, he ran a hand through the Uchiha's surprisingly soft hair.

Just before falling asleep he whispered – almost murmured – once more, fatigue tearing down his pride. "'Night, Itachi."

-

He, of course, couldn't know that Itachi's almost blind eyes were wide open, stared vacantly at the wall.

Even now he saw his fate clearly, had from the beginning. But he didn't have the heart to break Kisame's illusions.

And so he lay absolutely still, waiting for the dawn while his troubled mind lingered, searching for an escape.

/ Kisame most certainly wasn't one to worry easily. Yet when the first signs of Itachi being ill appeared, his mind grew so restless that he barely knew what to do with himself anymore. Needless to say, he hated such a state of mind.

It took one hour's walk before he finally entered Itachi's room, and found himself wanting to wince at just how sick the younger man looked. Quite miraculously, he managed to keep his expression neutral. "How are you doing?"

Itachi was barely conscious, yet looked towards him. "Konan… said it's nothing but a flue." The Uchiha brought a hand to his mouth while breaking into a fit of wrenching coughs. "I'm… fine."

Of course he, deep down, knew those words to be a lie. But nonetheles he smiled, allowing himself to play along. "That's good. I don't know what I'd do with these lunatics without you." It was disturbing, really, how he didn't know how much of that was a joke.

Itachi's eyes were startlingly solemn, almost sad, when looking away from him. "You'd live." The raven coughed again, the sounds making him want to wince. "No one's irreplaceable."

Several years later, Kisame wished his pride would've allowed him to answer – but it didn't. And as it was, he settled with emitting a tiny sound before getting up and going to his own bed.

-

If he'd looked back, he might've noticed how Itachi's eyes strayed towards the younger man's palm. The raven's eyes turned even darker than usual when spotting stains of crimson against white. /

The next morning, Kisame had already made his way to his bed when Itachi started to move on his own. Even though they acted like there was nothing out of ordinary going on, they both felt that something was about to change.

And when Itachi headed to meet Sasuke, they still pretended that everything was going to be alright, that nothing was wrong.

Although before Itachi was out of the room they basically shared, Kisame grabbed his partner's hand almost possessively. The raven stopped, but didn't turn towards him. "Be careful, will you? I'm expecting you to come back by nightfall. The bed is too damn cold without you."

Itachi responded first with squeezing back lightly, then with a quiet voice he barely recognized. "I'll see you later, Kisame." With that the raven walked away without a glance towards what he was leaving behind.

For a little while – as Itachi walked off with his head held high and Kisame looked at the door, fighting to control his body – they both managed to believe that there was still a little bit of hope. That the time they'd been running against from the beginning wasn't over yet.

It wasn't until later that day Kisame had to learn that sometimes the answer to even the smallest and most desperate pleas is 'no'.

Owari.

In case you're wondering, according to my knowledge the title means 'pretence' in Japanese. Quite fitting, ne? (grins)

A/N: (sniffs) Awww, those poor things! Heh, though it's kind of weird to feel sorry for Kisame, but still. The Fish-guy would've deserved some more loving from Itachi. (pouts)

The poll is still open – I'm very gladly taking your requests as to more stories for this theme! (grins) So far there'll eventually be a NarutoMatsuri and NejiHinata fic. (rubs hands together with excitement)

Awkay, I've really gotta go. PLEASE, do leave review – I'm anxious to know what you thought about this one! (gives puppy's eyes) Pwease…?

Thank you so much for reading! I really hope I'll see several of you later!

Take care!