Series: Kara Stands Still

Part 1: Colonial Day

Pairing: Lee/Kara

Rating: (mild) PG-13

Spoilers: Everything up to "Colonial Day"

Disclaimer: It's not mine, it's Ron's. Even though after the finale I don't think he deserves it.

Summary: A different ending for Kara and Lee on Colonial Day.

A/N: Hi all! It's been a while since I've shared a fic, but this little series would not leave me alone. Some of you may remember my "Lee Steps Up" fic series; a series that detailed four different moments in Lee and Kara's relationship (one from each season) where things could have been radically different for them if Lee had just stepped up to the plate.

Well, similar to Lee's willingness to back down, Kara has a tendency to run away. So, I decided to give Kara her very own series. "Kara Stands Still" will again outline four different moments in their relationship (again, one from each season) and see how things might have changed if Kara had not run, but simply stood her ground.

My original intention was to cover four different moments than the moments in LSU, but no other season 1 moment resonates with me as much as the frakked up-edness that is "Colonial Day." It's tough to be a shipper … So, all the moments in the KSS series will coincide with the moments from the LSU series.

However, I just want to stress this is NOT a POV switch fic. I'm not retelling the same scene from a different characters point of view. Just reimagining these moments once again.

With all that said, I certainly hope you enjoy. And comments would be great, because I agonized over this one for a while and I'm a little nervous about the next (which is a different take on "Scar.")

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It would have been so easy to let Baltar take her to bed. Kara knew she was already drunk enough that her internal inhibitors, which were pretty diminished to start with, were all but non-existent.

But as Baltar groped her ass again, having managed to get her back pressed against a wall in a secluded corner, she caught sight over his shoulder of Lee frakkin' Adama. Her eyes tracked Lee as he moved about the room. She ignored the relentless sucking of Baltar's lips on her neck and watched as Lee circled the dance floor.

She could swear he was looking for somebody. She fought down the small thrill that shot up her spine at the thought he might be looking for her.

"Oh, Captain," Baltar teased, his ambrosia-laced breath sticky against her skin. "I do believe you're not paying attention."

Kara watched Lee take one more look around the room and then, with a sigh of defeat, head for the exit. And she suddenly wanted to kill him.

Glancing to Baltar with the sweetest smile she had, she pushed away from him gently and cooed, "You finally noticed, huh?"

Blinking at her dumbfounded, Baltar stood there as Kara gave him a wink and then turned on her heel, trailing after Lee, her rage building as she stormed into the hall and found him walking slowly toward the hangar deck.

"Apollo!" Kara wasn't even sure what she was going to say; she wasn't even sure why she was so mad.

But as Lee turned to her, his eyes sparking for a second with something she thought might be happiness, she knew exactly why she was so angry.

She reached him in two more long steps and swung her right fist at him, connecting solidly with his jaw. Her knuckles immediately ached with the impact, but she didn't care. Bastard deserved it.

"Gods, Kara!" Lee shouted, hand flying to his jaw as he ducked in case she swung again. "What the hell was that for?"

"You are the biggest kind of coward, Lee Adama," she told him, shaking out her hand once. Frak, that man had a thick skull—in more ways than one.

Straightening, he turned those ridiculously blue eyes back to her, hand still rubbing at his jaw as he stared. She could tell he was mad about the punch, but probably more pissed that he hadn't seen it coming. She'd certainly hit him harder than that before.

"Kara." He worked his jaw around and then took a step toward her. She tensed, waiting for him to retaliate, but instead, he kept his hands to his sides and asked, "What are you talking about?"

A peal of laughter interrupted her response. Glancing quickly over her shoulder, she caught sight of a few decidedly drunk knuckledraggers staggering into the hallway. Not interested in an audience, Kara grabbed Lee's arm and pulled him down the corridor until she found a smaller, empty meeting room. Closing the door, she turned to him, arms crossed over her chest and glared. "You really don't know, do you?"

The completely stricken look on his face might have been funny under any other circumstance, but Kara wasn't laughing. She had not gone to the trouble of finding a dress, shaving her legs, doing her hair and putting on makeup so Lee could pawn her off on the first guy who asked.

Adrenaline still coursing through her as her anger bubbled to the surface again, Kara advanced on him, poking a hard finger into his chest and backing him up a step at a time across the room.

"You are a coward, Lee. You're so scared of dealing with me as anything other than a pilot that the first chance you get, you run." His back hit the wall and Kara saw a flash of panic in his eyes as he realized he was cornered. That made her smile. "Well, guess what, Lee? I didn't get dressed up like this to get ignored."

Closing the gap between them, she pressed her lips hard to his. It was almost bruising as she crushed their mouths together, wrapping one hand around the back of his neck so he wouldn't even think of moving.

She'd wanted to do this for such a long time she almost couldn't believe she finally was. But the reality paled next to the dozen or so fantasies she'd had about this moment. Lee wasn't responding. His mouth was unyielding beneath hers.

Pulling away, she took a step back, swallowing hard and vowing she would not let him see how much his unresponsiveness hurt her. Kara certainly wasn't going to throw herself at him. She had really thought … no, frak it. She'd obviously been wrong.

"Right." She muttered, wiping her hand across her lips. She could barely look at him, could only see him breathing heavily out of the corner of her eye, one hand gripping the wall while the other hovered in the air before him. Risking a look right at him, Kara met his eyes and felt the lump of emotion she wanted to fight rising again. She wasn't going to hold it back much longer.

Turning, she headed for the door. "See ya around, Apollo."

Hand on the knob, she glanced down to be sure her dress was in place. Satisfied that no one would have any idea how stupid she'd just been, Kara straightened and bit down on the inside of her cheek, calling on every ounce of Starbuck bravado she owned.

Convinced that she could at least keep it together until she reached Galactica and her bunk, she let out a deep sigh, ready to leave, when she felt the warm, firm grip of Lee's hand around hers. She stiffened as she felt the heat of him crawl up her spine. He pressed into her from behind, his other arm, wrapping around her waist as his lips made their way to her ear. "I didn't mean to ignore you," he whispered, lips grazing her ear lobe. Kara shivered, certain her legs would give out if he didn't take his hands off her.

The problem was she couldn't stand the thought of him letting go.

"Lee," she warned, refusing to lean back against him; refusing to give in after the way he'd treated her so far. "What are you doing?"

"You kissed me first, Kara," he teased, slowly turning her to face him, encircling both arms around her waist and bringing their hips together. Kara bit her lip to fight another shiver as it raced over her skin. "It's only fair that I return the favor."

"You don't have to—" Her statement was cut off as Lee kissed her, his lips almost tender as they moved over hers. She felt herself sinking into the warmth of his mouth, into the heat of his body and the sensual feel of his tongue as it gently probed her mouth and then entered, finding hers and starting a slow dance she hadn't expected.

He cradled her head in his hand, tilting it slightly to get a better angle and Kara felt consumed. She almost grabbed onto his shoulders to anchor herself, but resisted the urge, arms hanging out to her sides as she tried to convince herself this was just a normal kiss.

She almost laughed. This was her and Lee and nothing was ever normal.

He pulled back, breathing hard again, lips red and swollen and Kara knew she looked much the same. His arms returned to her waist and he leaned away slightly to get a good look at her. Then, he smirked. "Well, Starbuck, is that enough attention for you?"

She wished she had the perfect retort, but the truth was, she didn't. All she could think was that Lee had just kissed her to within an inch of her life and he was still standing there, holding her.

"Lee, I—"

"I'm sorry, Kara," he said, interrupting her softly. Stunned by the apology, she looked to him, an obvious question in her eyes as he explained, "I'm sorry. About before, about leaving you with Baltar. I shouldn't have." He leaned forward and brushed a kiss to her cheek before pulling her tight to him. "I didn't want to."

Kara still refused to return his embrace, but she let him hold her close. She worried that if he let go, she'd fall. "Then why did you?"

"Because you were right."

Okay, she couldn't let that slide. Leaning back, she cocked an eyebrow at him and felt her lips turn up in a smirk. "Wow, first you apologize and now you admit that I was right? Did somebody drug your ambrosia, Adama?"

He returned her smile, making Kara's stomach clench with desire as the expression went straight through her body. Gods, that smile, it was more than devastating—especially when directed at her.

"I left you with Baltar because I was frakkin' scared," he finally admitted in a sigh, pressing his forehead against hers. "You look amazing tonight, Kara."

She suddenly found her throat dry and had problems getting out words. "Thanks," she managed, eyes still locked on Lee's as he began slowly swaying them around the room in a gentle dance that didn't need music. Worried she'd lose her balance, her arms automatically wound around his neck, pulling them tighter, bringing them into contact from shoulder to thigh. Kara was beginning to feel lightheaded again.

"You look amazing and the only stupid thing I could say was about your knees," he added with a slight chuckle. "And then, when we danced, I just—" He broke off abruptly and Kara stopped their movement, ducking a bit so she could catch sight of his eyes, a little surprised by the depth of emotion she saw.

"Lee?" One of Kara's hands traveled up his neck and she gently stroked the hair at his nape, watching as his eyes fell shut with a sigh at the touch. She knew he loved it, had discovered it once after a particularly trying day when he'd been trying to sleep and couldn't.

As she watched him try to get out whatever it was he wanted to say, she wondered now at the brilliance of her decision. Maybe this wasn't the right thing for them. Maybe confronting Lee about the flirting and the innuendo and the rest of it had been the wrong choice. She wished her heart didn't feel broken at the mere thought.

"I've wanted you like this since you crawled out from under that Viper and shook my hand," he finally admitted. "No, before, when I saw you in the brig that day. Or maybe before that, when—"

She didn't want him to finish that statement. It would open old, deep wounds that neither of them was prepared to deal with, at least not right this minute. So, she pressed her lips back to his and this time didn't hold back at all. She pulled herself flush against him and opened her mouth under his immediately, delighting in the touch of his tongue against hers, at the ability to breathe him in, at the feel of sinking into him.

He was consuming her again and she didn't care. It was impossible for Kara to tell where he ended and she began and she liked it. She no longer doubted her actions; the passion with which Lee was kissing her back told her she hadn't misread his signals. He'd just been too hesitant to act on them.

She supposed it was a good thing she wasn't a hesitant kind of girl.

They kept kissing and Kara lost all sense of time. Soon, she felt the cool hardness of the wall at her back and she squirmed slightly at the chill. In seconds, Lee had her so hot, she worried she might break into a sweat.

As he moved his lips from her mouth and down her throat, Kara let her head fall back against the wall. It was hard to form a thought when his mouth was doing such delicious things to her skin and her whole body pulsed with need for him, but she didn't think a quick frak in an abandoned room was Lee Adama's style. And the last thing Kara could afford to do was lose his respect.

No matter how much they wanted to do this, she wasn't going to let either of them be ashamed about it.

Lee's tongue traced her skin along the edge of one of the straps on her chest and Kara's body surged against his. She felt his smile against her skin as he placed a line of kisses there and then slowly worked his way back to her mouth. As his lips descended on hers again, Kara used every ounce of will power she possessed to turn her head slightly to the side, getting his lips on her jaw.

"Lee."

It came out sounding far more needy then she intended and Lee grabbed tightly at her waist, grinding his very aroused groin against her and making it almost impossible to think of anything else beside Lee getting the frak in her right now. Taking a deep breath, she managed to say again, "Lee. Lee, wait."

The forlorn look that greeted her forced Kara to kiss him again and it was minutes before she could break away. Breathing hard, foreheads pressed together, Lee caressed her face, the backs of his fingers trailing down her cheeks as she rested her hands on his chest. "What is it, Kara?" he asked softly. "I thought … with the dress and the kiss …"

"Lee, what is this?" Kara Thrace was not a girl who talked much about relationships. Since Zak, her relationships consisted mostly of warm showers and a few hot thoughts, or the occasional nameless, faceless enlisted. She had given up on puppies and roses and bright, shiny futures the day she'd watched them put her fiancé in the ground.

But the day she'd looked up in the brig and seen Lee Adama leaning against the bars, smiling and teasing her, she had a flash of bright future once again. And since their worlds had ended—since everything she had ever known had been blown sky high—she had found herself looking forward to the rest of her life.

As long as Lee was there.

He frowned at the question, leaning back to meet her eyes. He must have seen something, because instead of a flip answer about the birds and the bees, he asked quietly, "What do you want?"

She closed her eyes and sighed, not sure she could answer that honestly. It would mean laying her heart bear in front of the one man left in the universe who could crush it with a word. Even the Old Man's opinion didn't hold as much sway over her as Lee's.

"Lee." Kara sighed. She met his eyes briefly and had to step away. She couldn't do this surrounded by him and his touch. "Lee, I don't … I don't what to frak this up."

He was only a handful of steps from her, but it felt like miles and Kara shivered as the room suddenly felt cold. Lee looked incredibly sad and Kara wished she hadn't been the one to cause him pain. Was that really all she was good for? The screw-up Kara Thrace who frakked first and thought later? Who pulled ridiculously stupid, asinine stunts in the belief that she was truly invincible? Who got stranded on planets, causing the fleet to waste fuel because the Commander and the CAG couldn't bear to leave her behind?

Gods, what was she thinking?

"Lee, I'm sorry," she murmured, unable to look at him again before turning to leave.

He didn't even let her touch the knob this time. "Kara, you go for that door again and I'll let you leave," he warned, his voice edged with a hint of frustration. "But I don't want you to go and something tells me, you don't want to go either."

"I don't," she admitted, eyes closing as she rested her forehead to the door. "But staying could be worse."

"How, Kara?" He turned her again and swept her back in his arms and Kara felt like one of those beautiful women in a romance vid. The ones she'd always loudly detested, but watched in secret when she needed a good cry. "How can staying be worse than walking out that door?" He caught her eyes with his and she gave him the smallest smile at the earnest look on his face. "How can staying be worse than walking away from this? Away from me?"

She bit her lip and inhaled sharply, worried the tears she'd been fighting before would win the battle. Then, she'd be humiliated for a whole other reason and she wasn't sure she could take it.

Gingerly, she laid her hands on his chest again, fingers toying with the sash that ran from his shoulder to his hip. Focusing on the pins at his collar, she said quietly, "I can't lose you."

"And you think us sleeping together is going to make me turn away from you?" he asked, his voice still soft, but clearly incredulous. "Kara, you know me. I don't frak random women and then dump them. That's—"

"More my style," she said, feeling a bit of her resolve returning, allowing her to look up and meet his eyes. "Right? Isn't that what you were going to say?"

He sighed and hung his head and Kara saw a flash guilt on his face before he could conceal it. "Kara …"

"No, it's okay, Lee. I know I've got a reputation. I worked pretty hard to get it actually." She stepped away again, but this time, instead of heading for the door, she crossed to the other side of the room and took a seat in one of the few chairs left in the space. It wasn't comfortable, but her knee was starting to ache and she was suddenly, exceptionally tired.

But she hoped Lee could understand the importance of her stepping away from the door. Now, if anybody left first, it'd be him.

"Why is that, Kara?" he asked quietly, turning to face her, but not approaching. "Why do you—"

"Frak around?" she asked with a bitter smile. She glanced down to her dress smoothing the fabric in her lap and suddenly realized she was going to cry. She watched the first tear hit the blue fabric, creating a dark blue circle where it fell. She hoped it wouldn't stain.

Inhaling a shaky breath, she didn't look up, but answered him softly, "You know why, Lee."

She fully expected him to leave, fully anticipated going back to her rack tonight alone and crying until she was hoarse and red and puffy. A few more tears fell, but they were quiet and she figured in the dim light of the room Lee wouldn't be able to see them. If he did, he'd stay. Lee could never pass up a damsel in distress. He'd stay even if it was the last place he wanted to be.

Kara continued to stare at the floor, wondering why she had frakked this up so badly. Just thirty minutes ago, she'd been ready to sleep with Lee until reveille and now, she'd given him every reason not to do it. She'd practically opened the door for him, it wouldn't take much now for him to escape.

She started slightly as she felt his hands clasp hers in her lap. Forgetting about her tears and the way she must look, she glanced up at him as he knelt before her, an equally pained expression on his face.

"What do you want, Kara?" he asked her again and this time, the answer was there.

"I want to stop frakkin' around," she admitted softly, swallowing hard to keep her voice from cracking. "I want to be important to someone." She stopped again to take a deep breath and realized she might as well kick in the thrusters—there was no point in doing any of this if she wasn't willing to risk it all. "I want to be important to you."

Shocked at such an admission, she felt more tears fall unbidden down her cheeks before ducking her head so she wouldn't have to see Lee and the laughter that was no doubt evident on his face. How could she think she had any chance of Lee—

"Kara." His hands, rough and gentle, cupped her cheeks again and lifted her face to meet his. Her breath caught in her throat as she saw tears reflected in his eyes. "You already are important to me," he whispered, sitting up on his knees so their faces were level. "You're more important to me than anyone," he added before leaning forward and pressing a kiss to her mouth.

Kara's shock faded as Lee kissed her harder, telegraphing in his touch just how much he meant his last statement. Realizing that maybe for the first time in their lives they were on the same page, Kara wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled herself out of the chair, sinking down onto her knees. Now, they were level and when Lee pulled away to catch a breath, he was smiling.

And so was Kara.