So this is it?

What now?

Seven years of friendship, secrets, and stories washed away. Replaced with stolen glances and disappointed sighs.

My world passes in a blur, a flash of technicolor that focuses only her. All I see clearly is her.

I can't tear my eyes from her, how I wish to be the books she so lovingly rubs her hands over, and how I long to hold her in my arms, just one time. One moment to ease my wounded heart.

What now?

When does the ache subside? Time heals all wounds, except a shattered heart it seems. Every breath is forced, as if my entire soul ceases to have meaing without her here. Noone warned me love would be this cold or painful. Every step pushes the knife a little further in my chest. It's an unbearable ache but as long I don't see her, smell her, or anything that reminds me in any degrees of seperation of her, I'm okay. As long as I don't meet her curious and probing gaze I don't want to break down then and there. I can ignore the glittering of a very large ring on an important finger. Ill have to, because tears of anguish and desperation aren't becoming of an eighteen year old man.

Working together was the stupidest decision we had ever made.

Jesus christ what now?

I just thought I had more time, before she just jumped into something with Longbottom for Christ's sake! A Malfoy beat out by a fucking Longbottom. And being the best friend, I have to be supportive. Excuse me if I don't fucking jump for joy.

So, what now?

What do I do now when my world is falling apart? Do I pick up my own pieces and try and be there for her? Can I even do that? Can I pretend to be happy being a shell of myself?

No. The answer is undoubtedly, unecquivocally no.

She is with me forever, I would spend forever waiting for her. I will spend forever waiting for her to see me.

Couldn't she see the pain etched into my every movement? How my absolute grief crippled me? What the fuck do I do now?

I'll tell you what I am doing, I'm standing at the end of an aisle, watching her walk toward me in a beautiful white gown, smiling so brilliantly I might just lose myself. But her smile isn't directed at me. It is directed at this pansy across from me, who is also smiling like a fool. Not that I can blame him, he is marrying the girl of my dreams after all.

I choose to forever hold my peace, because I know I'm not what she wants.

She approaches me for a dance, and I just can't bring myself to say no. Her touch is electrifying, I can physically feel energy pulsing where my hand touches hers, and its sinful the way our bodies fit so perfectly. We make a beautiful couple.

I don't say anything, for fear of saying it all, and opt for just fixing her with the most ambigous and indifferent stares I can muster. Her contagious smile is still plastered on her face as she chatters at me. But it doesn't reach her eyes and she knows somethings wrong. Concern marrs her features and I instantly regret my behavior, but I can't bring myself to do too much about it. I just give her a telling look, conveying what my words cannot.

Fuck.

I abruptly leave the dance floor, handing Mrs. Rose Longbottom to her husband, as I go to smoke.

There are tears threatening in her beautiful blue eyes, and I feel that knife wrench.

I finish my cigarette as she watches me from her spot on the dancefloor. I nod to her as I disapperate. Only in the comfort of my own flat to allow myself a tantrum. I punch in my bedroom wall and drink myself to sleep, the first of many identical nights.

That knife digs just a bit deeper as I blackout

Well fuck, what happens now?