Prologue

"Look, Robin, I'm sorry. You're not a robot." Marshall glanced over at his friend, suddenly uncomfortable at the prospect of being alone in a car with her for another half an hour to the airport. Sure they were friends, but they always had that buffer in between them to keep the conversation going; they had never really gotten to know one another alone.

"I already said it was okay, Marshall. Just stop bringing it up, would you?" Robin's response was icy, as it always was when feelings were involved, but once Marshall had started, it was impossible to get him to stop.

"I mean, not everyone falls in love. You could be one of those cool, jetsetter types, who just flies around, going cool places, bringing home presents for your awesome friends. And you do have to bring presents for us. Love isn't for everyone, you-"

"Who said I never wanted to fall in love? Just because I don't want your cutesie, over-sharing, lunch time phone call kind of love doesn't mean I never want to be happy."

She paused for a moment, trying to recover from her outburst. Marshall looked down awkwardly, praying to God that his Lilypad would somehow appear in the backseat of the car. She would know what to say that wouldn't piss Robin off.

"So…what do you want then?" he asked after the silence had lasted just long enough to get uncomfortable.

Robin stared at the road ahead for a moment before answering.

"I don't know, I just want someone I can have fun with, you know? Make dirty jokes, have sex whenever I want, exchange dirty text messages while you, Lily, and Ted drone on and on about your love lives. Someone who makes me laugh, who challenges me, someone who's really hot. Someone who likes me for being a "robot" or whatever it is you called me."

Marshall let a small snort escape his nose.

"What? Whats your problem now?" Robin's voice had raised to the octave Lily only used that one time he and Ted broke her easel when playing with the flail, so he knew he better answer fast and not risking her pulling out her gun.

"Nothing, it just sounds like you want to be with someone like Barney." Marshall laughed again, waiting for Robin to join in, but she remained suspiciously quiet.

Marshall turned slowly to look Robin in the eye, but she continued staring deliberately at the road ahead of her.

"No…"

This was so much worse than her trying to kiss him.

Chapter 1

"You, you like, Barney? As in Barney Stinson? Oh my God!" Marshall covered his face in his hands and tried to stop himself from hyperventilating while Robin stumbled over her words.

"No, I mean, that's not what, I didn't…No. No, no no. Marshall, no. Not a chance, no, I just, no. Not at all, no that's completely, no. Just no. No, no. Barney? No. No. Absolutely…no." Yeah. That was convincing Sherbatsky. See if you can giggle just a bit more. Why on earth didn't you go into acting?

"Sixteen no's? Oh my god, sixteen no's? Jesus, Robin, how long has this been going on?"

"Nothing is going on. Do you hear me? If you want to get to the airport alive you need to just drop this. Got it?"

"Yeah, no, ok." Marshall stared out his window, trying to piece together the last couple of months. Suddenly a lot was making sense. Why Robin kept going from guy to guy without trying to make a meaningful connection, the weird vibe between her and Barney, and, oh crap. This was not good. So, so not good.

"Lily is going to freak over this," he muttered to himself, imagining his wife's reaction to the news.

Robin slammed on the brakes in the middle of the road, bringing them to a screeching halt on the icy street.

"Jesus, Robin, are you trying to kill us?" But Robin wasn't listening. She grabbed a handful of Marshall's shirt and yanked his head close to her so that she was whispering threateningly into his ear..

"Lily is not going to find out about this. Ever. Do you hear me, Marshall? Do you?"

Marshall's eyes were wide with terror as he nodded quickly. Satisfied, Robin let him go, refastened her seatbelt, and resumed driving as if nothing had happened.

Barney better watch out, Marshall thought. This chick is crazy.

xxxXXXxxx

Okay, that went okay. Marshall knew better than to ever broach the subject again, and soon enough he would just forget that it ever happened. All I have to do is distract him. As long as he never tells Lily I can escape this hell I dug myself into unscathed.

I just need to survive until these stupid feelings disappear. And they will. Soon. I'm totally sure of it. This is just some weird fluke from having spent way too much time around Barney. God, I'm even starting to act like him. Fistbumping people, making crude jokes. Heh, Barney told me the funniest joke that morning about peanut butter and jam and- no. No, no no. Don't think about him. Cleanse your mind Sherbatsky.

Deep breath.

Just keep driving, get to the airport, welcome Lily home, and this nightmare will be over. God, I knew better than to spend time with Marshall alone, damn my random urge to help. This is all Marshall's fault. If he hadn't needed to "mature" his relationship he would've just caught a damn taxi like he was supposed to and I never would have had to drive him, we never would have had this awkward conversation, and he never would've thought that she somehow liked Barney.

Which I don't. At all. Especially not when he smiles at me, his mischievous eyes twinkling after tricking Ted, or accepting a challenge or..

Focus. Focus on the road. Its snowy, I should be on alert. Don't want to crash. Unless…

Unless I crashed the passenger side. Marshall could hit his head real hard, get amnesia like in those stupid (awesome) soaps I started watching while I've been unemployed. That would solve all my problems, there's a tree up ahead…

No. That would be wrong. Plus, it doesn't matter. Marshall doesn't know anything because there is nothing to know. Exactly. No feelings here.

Crap, he's still looking at me. I wonder if he saw me contemplating the tree… He couldn't possibly know what I'm was thinking, right? Oh, God, how much longer until the airport?

If there was one thing Robin Sherbatsky now knew for sure, it was she was never doing anything nice again.

xxxXXXxxx

How long could a twenty minute drive to the airport possibly take? Okay, just don't look her in the eyes, yeah, just stare out the window. Pretend everything's fine, don't want her to freak out again. Shit, what do I normally do with my hands? On my lap? No, in my pockets. Yeah, that's right.

Robin. Robin and Barney. Barney and Robin. Oh God. How could I not have known this? I mean, what if…wait. Shouldn't think about this. She might be one of those mind-reader types. Like Parkman on Heroes. They both do carry guns, have brown hair, oh my God the similarities are endless! And, oh crap. She caught me staring. Okay, look away. Good.

Lily. Yes, think about Lily. Robin won't get upset about Lily. Lily, waiting all alone with her six pack, hoping he would show up. Oh, he wished Robin would hurry up.

But, Barney? How long…is this why they slept together last year? Is this why Ted got so upset? Does Ted know? Did Ted not tell him about this? Are we driving towards a tree?

No. I'm being too paranoid. Robin isn't going to kill me, and she (probably) can't read my mind.

Hey, lights! Finally.

xxxXXXxxx

They both remained determinedly silent as they drove haphazardly through the airport and found the nearest parking lot. Marshall grabbed his hat and sign and dashed towards the door, followed closely by Robin.

They pushed their way through the throngs of people and to the gateway where Lily should be arriving.

"Lily! Lily?" Marshall scanned the room, but saw no sign of his petite wife. His smile faded and he collapsed onto the airport bench, clutching his chauffeur sign close to his chest feeling dejected. "Where is she?"

"Seattle," came the unexpected answer.

"What?"

"Her flight's cancelled, it never took off."

"No, no, she would've called me," Marshall broke off, a thought occurring to him. He pulled out his cell phone and listened to the lunchtime phone call he had ignored. After he looked up with a sigh.

"She's not coming in until Thursday. I mean we came all the way down here and she's not even coming in until Thursday. I feel so stupid. Let's just not tell Lily about any of this."

Robin smiled slightly as she nodded; that certainly worked for her. Problem solved. Except…

"So, I guess we have to drive all the way back now."

Shit.