WARNING!!!!!!! The author notes are 1000 words long, so if you want to skip them, don't hold back the pressure on the space bar. The real fic starts with a line of ======
Also, there is so much swearing in this that it puts chapter 7 to shame....
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I was just looking, and I realised that there are several of P/V fics that either have the words "pain" or "lonely" or some part of those words! First there's mine "The *Pain* of *Loneliness*" Posted 3rd of January 2002. Then there's "*Loneliness* becomes you" by Chibi Kennie, posted on the 10th of march 2002. Next in line came "*Pain* Is How You Know You're Alive' by Veresti posted on the 18th of march 2002. After that came "*Pain* of loss" by MajinPan16. This was posted on the 7th of may 2002. All these came after my fic became significantly popular. *Raises eyebrow* They *are* a useful pair of words, ne? Just pointing this out. But is it all a coincidence???? *Don don don don*
If anyone bitches to me about accusing them of plagiarism or some bullshit I'll get all medieval on their asses. I just advertised them!
I found this fic while browsing through the old fics. It's called 'Vegeta finds the perfect love' I can't remember who wrote it, but it's a plotless, poorly written Vegeta/18 lemon, with a summary which was made to make you guess who the possible partner is. The summary goes like this "Vegeta finds the perfect love. But who could it be? Chi-chi? Bulma? Marron? Lunch? Pan?! (Little joke
there) Find out! Please R&R."
Notice the tone of absurdity the author uses with Pan? HA! Now-a-days a "little joke there" like that would get the fic flamed by P/V fans. Just goes to show you how far odd couples have come since the time I first began reading DBZ stuff, back when there were only 87 pages of fics.
Now, more pointless trivia! (I know I should be writing the fic now instead of this stuff, but I've got writers block and I can't write more than a paragraph every few days.)
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During the down time that FF.net suffered (damn you Xing and friends for making us love the site so much!) I spiralled into fits of boredom (doesn't say much for my life huh? Actually, it wasn't so bad. My birthday happened on the 6th of July and I got some presents like MGS2 and FFX, two of the best games I've ever played). When the site came back as read only the second time, I read every author profile I could for the sole reason as to find something to do, and have come to some conclusions. There are two types of authors. The silent, controlled type (Piccolo) and the loud, hyper type (Chibi Goten). The Piccolo type is far outnumbered by the Goten type. In fact, many of the Goten type claim/admit insanity in their profiles! Usually by saying 'YEP!! UM...OH YA, I'M INSANE!!!!!!' or 'SORRY!!! I'M ON A SUGAR HIGH RIGHT NOW SO JUST IGNORE ME OR NOT BECAUSE I'M CRAZY!'. It was almost as strange as when I found out that people who watch Kerrang TV are followers of the cookie monster. Most of my reviewers are the Goten type too. The following survey is based on the last two pages of reviews I have.
The vast majority of my reviewers use multiple '!' marks per review. In fact, after a count of them all (remember, only from 2 out of 11 pages) they came to a total 218. That's 4.36 per review, but some of the reviewers were Piccolo's, and didn't leave any. On the other hand, two of them had nearly 40. You gotta love that little mark.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!- It may not seem like much, but try to count them! That's about 218 give or take a few.
Only 7 of the 50 reviews in the last 2 pages were submitted my people who appear completely sane. Of course, that means the Piccolo type of sane. They might be the other kind of insane, like me. Mumbling to yourself and scheming petty schemes.
There is a large amount of *grinning* and *laughing* that can be associated with Gotenism often combined with faces such as ;), :), ^o^, and I'm sure there's some O.O, ^_^ and @____@ in the earlier reviews. *_*;; be more original! Ý_Ý ¥¨^ø****¬°*·©f*ç**~~µ** Use these in some way and leave it in a review!
By the way, this observation has nothing to do with anything. I like all the hyper reviews. Without them, FF.net would be a boring place where old people and mutes hang out.
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"These evil people have just got to be stopped"-Ozzy in the movie "Trick or Treat"
The other thing is, I think I'm becoming an Ozzy Osbourne fanatic. Is that bad? It will be for my health. A while ago I had a dream that I was Ozzy Osbourne and I was going down a REALLY steep hill on a skateboard, dodging oncoming traffic while at the same time covered in killer bees. I swear I had this dream and it freaked me out. I literally woke up and said 'Holy fuck dude'.
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It has been great fun writing this fic and I hope it was great fun reading it. Sadly, we have come to the end. This will be the finale but before we continue, I would like to thank all those who reviewed, plus some special thanks.
First of all, I'd like to thank Hikumi for proofing and posting the fic. Without him, I'd have to get someone I didn't know in RL to do it instead (old computer/browser. Don't ask). Lets give it up for Hikumi!! *The audience cheers* I know I promised Hikumi some lezbo's fanning him in his throne room with those big leaves you see in tribal communities, but I don't feel like writing it. Feel free to do it yourself H!
Next I'd like to thank Klara in Flares for the inspiration for this fic. The P/V Affair inspired me to write this rotting carcass for a fic.
Next, I'd like to thank Kid Phoenix (AKA Gerry) for his sarcastic remarks and stupid advice that he gave me in RL. KP, if I has listened to you, I'd be working in a McDonalds, or worse yet, in Skerries.
Next I'd like to thank Marianna (aka Mirai Mari), my first reviewer, for reviewing more times than anyone else and for a person to chat to some nights. Your support was appreciated.
Veresti- For sending me all those Q and A thingies and stuff. I fill them out because I have nothing better to do.
Dr. SQUEE- Could you tell me what Tattoo the planet was like? I wish I was there...at least I made Ozzfest BEFORE IT WAS CANCELLED!! HAHA!
Leaf Zelindor for actually IM-ing me and talking to me for a few hours.
And to everyone else for the support. Thank you!! And I hope that you'll ALL review seeing as how it's the last chapter. And Now.......(I bet your glad that the author notes are over huh?)
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Gohan awakened shortly after Vegeta came down from killing his son. He got up shakily and walked over to where Vegeta was with Pan, who was leaning on him for support, as she was still injured. 'P-Pan? Are...are you ok?' Pan looked at her father with an unsure expression on her face, like she was fighting an inner battle with herself.
'Umm......I....I guess,' she said looking down at the floor through furrowed brows. She sighed and decided to be blunt. She raised her head and glared at Gohan. 'Look, dad, I appreciate your help, but I thought I told you to fuck off?' Gohan cringed.
'Pan, honey, I'd still protect you in any way I can, even if you were actively trying to kill me. I still love you, Pan. I always will.' Pan's weak glare softened a bit. Gohan's face suddenly became frightened and he looked at the hole in the wall which Vegeta Jr. and Trunks had made.
'Relax, dad. They're alive. You'd better get them to CC though. They'll need the tanks,' said Pan quietly. Gohan visibly relaxed at this statement. He looked at Pan and winced when he saw her cradling her shredded arm. He began to feel sick when he caught a glimpse of bone.
'You're getting into a tank too, Pan,' he said. It wasn't a suggestion, he was telling her to.
'Thanks, but no thanks. It'll heal in a few weeks,' she said coolly.
'You're getting into that tank whether you like it or not,' said Vegeta before flicking the area of her arm where the skin and muscle had been torn away. Pan screamed in pain and kneed Vegeta in his princehood. His eyes bugged out and his face looked like he had just eaten a lemon as if it were an apple.
'Y-YOU BITCH!!!!' he roared as his hands rushed to swooth the area.
'Ahh...it's like you're married already!' grinned the ever jolly Goten, as he climbed through the hole in the wall. He plopped himself down on the ground painfully and laughed.
'I fail...to see what is so....funny.....spawn of Kak...arott!!' yelled Vegeta through gritted teeth. Despite the incredible pain she was in, Pan laughed, as did Goten and Gohan.
'Eww! What's so funny about my dad bashing candles in public?!' asked a disgusted Trunks, who was in the process of crawling through the hole. In truth he had heard the whole thing from outside, but wanted to embarrass Vegeta further. Pan began to laugh really hard, but stopped and gasped, clutching her damaged arm tightly.
'Umm...I think I'll take you up on that offer, dad. I really need a tank,' she said, wincing with every word.
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One year later
The bus pulled off the road and into the parking lot. There were hundreds of people of all shapes and sizes, race and gender. The majority were young and dressed in black. Dozens of other buses were parked all over the place and a very long line stretched for ages towards a building before disappearing behind it. The bus parked and the doors opened. Out came dozens of people, all dressed similarly, but differently. Some had tee shirts, some had hoodies and some wore fishnet clothing. Last came Pan, followed by Angela, Matt, Mark, Carl and Vegeta. The lot were more mature looking than ever before (except Vegeta, who looked the same...mostly the same). They were no longer kids, but adults. On the outside....inside....
'Yes! Yes! I don't believe it! I'm here at last! Ozzfest!! And after a 6 month wait! Ah!!' yelled a nearly hysterical Pan. 'Come on guys, let's go!' The lot of them went to the line at once. Vegeta was wearing the same stuff as that day at school almost 2 years ago. The most obvious difference was a red streak in his hair which started from his widows peak and ended at the very top, making it look like more of a flame than ever. The other difference was tattoos that he had got along his arms of haunting faces and screaming souls. Pan had similar ones too. She and Vegeta had got them together after her arm healed, along with a tattoo of each other's names across their chests. Her arm had a scar on it, adding to her impressive collection, but was covered up by the tattoos.
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GOOD FRIENDS AND A BOTTLE OF PILLS by Pantera
I fucked your girlfriend last night.
While you snored and drooled, I fucked your love.
She called me Daddy and I called her baby when I smacked her ass. I called her sugar when I ate her alive till daylight.
And I slept with her all Over me, from forehead to ribcage I dripped her ass.
Sometimes I thought you might be spying, living out some
Brash fantasy, but no. You were knocked out. But we were
All knocked out you know. In a way
I serve too many masters.
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As the line moved slowly forward, so did the gang. The sunny day made the atmosphere carefree and joyful, but not all was happy. Two guys who had been drinking too much were desperate to go to the bathroom, but were still in line and weren't about to go all the way back to the entrance. Instead they walked to the grass and relieved themselves there. For some reason the line cheered for them. It may have had something to do with the fact that more than half were already drunk, despite the fact that the concert hadn't even started.
'Idiots,' said Vegeta while shaking his head.
'Yeah. Hate to be them when they wake up in the morning,' said Pan.
'Come on, Pan. As if we're gonna be any better,' said Angela. Pan grinned and kept her silence. They gradually reached the entrance and handed in their tickets, which were torn along the dotted line and handed back. They all got a red band around their wrist which granted them access to the mosh pit up front. They proceed to the next check point and were searched for drugs, guns or anything else illegal. They got a bit nervous when Vegeta was checked, but he checked out clean. They walked over to a huge warehouse where the second stage was and went in. Once inside Vegeta got out a large block of hash from his hair and handed it to Mark.
'We all got a bit worried when he checked you, Vegeta. If you were caught with this much you'd be mistaken for a dealer,' said a very relieved Angela.
'Yeah. A nine bar is a whole hell of a lot, Vegeta,' put in Matt. Vegeta smirked at him.
'Well you know how much Saiya-jins need, although this is more than I would normally use. Half is mine, three quarters of the other half is Pan's and the rest is for you lot.'
'And how did you fit that in your hair?' asked Carl.
'................'
'........'
'I....don't.....know. I just did. Don't ask stupid questions!'
'The music is starting! To the mosh pit!!' yelled Matt. The gang made their way across the stony surface, winding their way around the crowds of people to the huge stage which dominated the horizon. There were easily 10000 people there, maybe more. They showed their bands to the security guard and were let in. It was Drowning Pool on at the moment. The crowd was jumping about violently, sending hair everywhere. People frequently fell over, but were helped up almost immediately by someone before jumping back into the action. 'Oh yes,' whispered Matt while rubbing his hands together in anticipation. 'Anyone shorter than 5"7 should NOT be here,' he announced. He heard a cough behind him and turned to see Vegeta punching his palm with his other hand. 'Oh shit,' he said before running as fast as he could into the crowd and jumping in. Literally. Vegeta chased after him and started knocking around. He was followed by Pan, then by Mark, then by Carl and finally by Angela. They were all powered down to the level of a normal human, so the only one who really had an advantage over the rest of the crowd was Vegeta because of his muscles. He took full advantage of them too. He would push some one into another person, they'd crashing into another person and so on and a domino effect was created. The "little dude with the hair" became a recognised figure and everyone in the pit knew he was an excellent mosher. The gang soon retired from the pit and went inside and sat up against a wall. They weren't the only ones. In fact, they were lucky to even get wall space. Many other people had to just sit on the floor. The music was blaring and the smoky haze made it impossible to actually see the stage where the music was being played, and of course the smell of hash was heavy in the air. The managed to get a corner by some stroke of luck, and they were sitting around an invisible center.
'I have never been in a pit that good,' stated Vegeta, a sense of satisfaction evident in his voice. Matt shook his head.
'The one during Ozzfest 4 years ago was better,' he claimed.
'Aw man! I missed Ozzfest 4 years ago!' whined Pan.
'What!? How could you? It was the best ever! What could have made you miss it? It must have been big! I had a choice of studying for my Jr. Cert, or going to Ozzfest. Guess what I chose. I failed my Cert because I missed out cramming the night before!'
'Um.....It was....big,' said Pan, searching for the right word.
'Ha!' started Carl. 'I did the smart thing back then. I studied AT Ozzfest!' All eyes turned to him, with an 'Are you crazy' look to them. 'I was crowd surfing and reading my history book at the same time. As I moshed I was calculating where my hair was gonna go next. Oh, I had long hair back then,' he claimed. The gang groaned and rolled their eyes.
'So Pan, why did you miss the last fest?' asked Matt again. Pan sighed.
'I was in outer space with my grandfather and Vegeta's second son,' she said wryly.
'Wow. You've been in space, you're an alien, your Grandfather is THE Son Goku, your father beat Cell, and loads of other things. What next? You're pregnant?' said Carl in a tone that made it all sound absurd. The was a silence. Pan looked from one person to another. They stared at her with wide eyes. 'Pan, you're not...? Are you?' asked Carl.
'Not what? Hehe....' she said nervously. Why were they all staring at her? She had zoned out for a second and when she came to, they were staring at her like she was pregnant or something. Another tense silence. 'WHAT IS IT!?!' she burst out without warning.
'Oh..uhh...nothing at all. Sorry,' said Matt submissively. They were all thinking the same thing. Hesitation to answer? Mood swings? Pregnancy!!
'Right.....' said Pan unsurely. 'I'm gonna go get some hot dogs. Be right back.' She left and the gang, minus Vegeta who was howling with laughter on the inside, sat in silence. It was broken when even over the sound of the music, they could hear Pan complaining. 'WHADDAYA MEAN YOU'VE GOT NO PICKLES!!! WHAT!!??! FINE!'
Every human member of the gang was thinking the same thing. Hesitation to answer? Mood swings? Sudden urge for pickles? Pregnancy!! Vegeta was of course reeling with glee. They thought she was pregnant? And Pan didn't know they thought she was pregnant? And he knew Pan didn't know they thought she was pregnant?
She came back 5 minutes later with a big black bag filled with food slung over her shoulder. She slung it to the ground and plopped herself back in the corner and began to eat hot dogs whole. The gang talked while she ate. After 20 minutes she had finished. There were wrappers everywhere from hot dogs, chips and burgers. Matt had whipped out the hash and had been rolling joints while Pan was eating. He handed them out to everyone except Pan.
'Hey! How come I didn't get one!?' she demanded. Angela answered.
'Do you really think you should smoke that now?' Pan snorted, a bit mad that they would question her.
'Why not now? Better than later!'
'It's just that you may hurt someone other than yourself. Like your....' She trailed off. Pan was about to get angry, but Vegeta cut in. He didn't want the fun to stop now.
'Give her the joint, Angela. Saiya-jins are much stronger than humans.' Angela relented and gave Pan a joint about 3 inches long made of pure hash. Pan liked her stuff strong. Compared to hers, everybody else's (minus Vegeta's) was a splif. She was finished after an astounding 3 minutes. That was one downside about being a Saiya-jin; extremely high immunity to everything. Well, never getting sick was good, but it meant buying huge amounts of everything. It took a big bottle of Vodka to get Pan tipsy, and it didn't even do anything for Vegeta.
'Now, why didn't you want me stoned?' she asked suspiciously.
'Umm....you know? You're pregnant, right?' asked Angela. Pan looked at her oddly.
'NO. At least, I hope not. What the fuck makes you think that?!'
'Well....your mood swings, your craving for pickles, your hesitation to answer?' said Matt while moving his hands in circles. Pan was about to lash out at him when Vegeta stepped in, becoming bored with the situation.
'She's not pregnant. Saiya-jin females are only fertile on the night of the full moon. That was some time ago,' he stated. The gang ceased their investigation with this new information.
---
'Sex sex sex. Pot pot pot,' sang Carl as he happily puffed away. Pan sighed, feeling relaxed from her joint.
'Pot and sex. That's all you *guys* think about,' Pan accused the guys. Mark snorted. 'What? It's true!'
'Maybe, but you're one to talk,' he said smoothly, leaning back. Pan was taken back by this.
'Wha?' She tried to feign innocence.
'Oh don't play dumb! We know you're sex crazed. You can't get enough of Vegeta.'
'How did you know? Vegeta leaked, didn't he!!' she yelled while sending glares to Vegeta, who pretended not to notice.
'No. You told us that time when you were stoned out of your fucking mind.'
'Which time?' asked Pan questioningly. She didn't catch herself in time. 'Fuck,' she sighed into her hands.
'See? You're a hypocrite.' Pan laughed and scratched the back of her head.
'Yeah. I guess I am. At least I'm not a coke addict,' she said, glaring at Vegeta, who shrugged. 'I'm tired of picking up empty coke bottles all over the house, Vegeta! It's fucking....fucking annoying!'
'Fucking fucking? asked Vegeta bluntly.
'I um.....couldn't think of anything for the second one so I used fucking again.'
'What the fuck ever,' said Vegeta, before taking a long drag from his third super sized joint. Cradle of Filth, who were up on second stage just happened to play 'Of Dark Blood and Fucking'
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We didn't know you'd break the bottle that the magic
Came in to use those jagged shards to slit our wrists
And neck. And you'd do it too, you're that kind of dude.
But you wouldn't know what you were doing because
I didn't, your girlfriend could have been a burn victim, an amputee, a dead body. But god damn I wanted to fuck.
-----
Suddenly Matt shot up. 'Holy fuck Dude! Fuck just lost all meaning to me! I'm like....fuck....ffff---uck. What the fuck does it mean? I fucking hate when this fucking happens. Help me...' He was clearly lightheaded and maybe even paranoid.
I'll tell you what fuck fucking means. I am an expert after all,' Vegeta said slyly while looking at Pan, waggling his eyebrows. 'USAGE OF THE WORD FUCK,' he began. Pan groaned. Not again!
'Perhaps one of the most interesting words in our language today is the word "fuck." Out of all of the words that begin with the letter F,
"fuck" is the only word that is referred to as the F-word. It's the one magical word, just by it's sound can describe pain, pleasure, hate and love. "Fuck", as most words in our language, is derived from
German.
"Fuck" falls into many grammatical categories.
As a transitive verb for instance : "I fucked Pan."' Oh dear lord, he was loving this speech. He always did.
'As an intransitive verb. "Pan fucks."'
Pan groaned again. 'Vegeta? Why must you do this every time you fucking can?' Vegeta flashed her a grin and went on.
'Its meaning is not always sexual.
It can be an adjective such as "Vegeta's doing all the fucking work."
As part of an adverb: "Bulma talks too fucking much!"
As an adverb enhancing an adjective: "Pan is fucking beautiful!"' He he held out his hands to her at this one to illustrate his point.
As an interjection: "Fuck! I'm late for my match with Kakarott."
As a conjunction: "Kakarott is weak, fuck he's also stupid."
As a noun: "I don't give a fuck."
As part of a word: "Abso-fucking-lutely" or "in-fucking-credible"
And, as almost every word in a sentence: "Fuck the fucking fuckers you fucking fuck."' He looked around to see them all looking at him. 'What? What! You're all out to get me, aren't you!?'
'THAT'S ENOUGH, VEGETA!! You're being paranoid!' yelled Pan, exasperated. 'What the fuck do you think this fucking is? Some kind of fucking fuck-a-thon? You're some kind of...gimp! Only gone wrong!'
'You mean a gomp?' Pan blinked a few times.
'Yes. Yes I do. I'm gonna kick your ass one day, you know that?' threatened Pan. Vegeta laughed out loud.
'Trying to best me in combat is like trying to pull a ten pound roast out of your ass with a rubber fork. It's impossible!' Pan crossed her arms and put on a pouty face. She had began to understand why her father and all the 1st generation Z-senshi had given up fighting when she herself had ascended to level 3. No matter how powerful they became, they were always in the shadow of her Grandfather and her mate. No matter how much they trained, they would never be able to compare. The same was true for her. Vegeta was so insanely stronger than her that it would be pointless in fighting him. He could move at the speed of light whether it was flying or fighting. It took him less than one second to fly around the world 7 times. It took Pan 7 minutes to fly around it once. But she didn't care. She felt safe knowing that Vegeta could be with her in less than a second if she needed him. Not like she would need him. She was still the second strongest being who ever lived. She had surpassed her gramps after she recovered from her injuries 1 year ago.
'I'm hungry,' stated Carl. 'Vegeta, get us some food, would ya? You're the one with the money.'
'I'm older, and I say you do it,' he said.
'So? I'm saner,' retaliated Carl. Vegeta considered this argument for a second before relenting.
'True. Fine, I'll go, but only because you're too weak to carry back my order,' said Vegeta mockingly. He came back 20 minutes later with more food than you'd think he could carry. He dumped it on the floor and started to eat. There was so much garbage from Pan's earlier conquest of food that it covered the floor completely, making it safe to eat off it. They all digged in, even Pan who was still hungry. They got drinks as well and more food. After 3 hours. Vegeta was still eating. An extremely large crowd of people stared at him in awe. They had gathered to see 'The dude with the hair' eat more than any 100 people could eat in a week. A tall figure emerged from the crowd. He had long black hair and wore loads of crosses. Pan noticed him and balked.
'Ozzy Osbourne!!' she cried. A few people looked at him, but went back to look at Vegeta who was far more interesting than Ozzy.
'What the fuck is going on here?' he asked in his British accent. 'Almost everyone is in here, so I had to see what was so damned amusing,' he said. Vegeta looked up.
'If you lot of fucks think I'm amusing, then visit my web site. It's www.what-the-fuck-are-you-looking-at.com. As for Ozzy Osbourne, I guess they like me more,' he said, standing up from his pile of garbage. Pan was shocked. How could he talk like that to THE Ozzy Osbourne!?
'Vegeta! That's Ozzy Osbourne, the fucking prince of fucking darkness you're insulting!!' Vegeta looked over his shoulder at her, then back to Ozzy.
'So? I'm Vegeta, the fucking prince of fucking Saiya-jins, and think Ozzy Osbourne is a washed up old geezer who couldn't outrock me if his life depended on it.' The crowd gasped and shouts of protest broke out. Ozzy raised his hand for silence and the place went deathly silent. Most of the whole Ozzfest attendance was there. If they hadn't been there watching Vegeta eat before, they followed Ozzy when they saw him. He looked Vegeta in the eye.
'Was that a fucking challenge?' he asked.
'What if it was?' said Vegeta in a halfway menacing tone. Ozzy shook his head in disbelief.
'Well then I guess I'd have to fucking prove you wrong, wouldn't I?'
'Well then, let's begin,' said Vegeta darkly while entwining his fingers in a dark fashion. Ozzy looked at him like he was mad.
'Not now! I've got a show to do. After I'm done. See you at my trailer,' said Ozzy as he turned around and walked away. Just before he left he turned around again to say something. 'Can I ask you something?' Vegeta nodded and Ozzy continued. 'What in the mother fucking depths of hell is a Saiya-jin?'
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'Beer!!!' cried Carl in joy as he spotted a row of tents with huge lines of people waiting to get in. Inside there were beer kegs stacked on one another as high as the tents would allow. He rushed over and hurriedly got into line, and was followed by the others. The line went down and soon everybody had a beer.
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'But fucking Heineken!!' yelled Vegeta. 'Can't they get something better!? It tastes like fucking shit!' They were now standing at the back, far away from the main stage where Ozzy was performing. It was about a 5 minute walk to the stage. At the back were all kinds of food and merchandise stands.
'So? Beer's beer. At least it's not stout. Or wine,' said Pan.
'It's just so....it's almost as bad as American television!' he yelled.
'But...I like American TV..' said Angela.
'AHH!! Nobody understands me! especially when I say, "the boom boom like
shockalocka!!! . . . flibbaflobba!!!" It's just so frustrating!'
'Woah...calm down dude,' said a skinhead who was passing by. 'You look like death warmed up.' He licked his lips after that sentence, having just finished a hot dog and left. A vein on Vegeta's head began to throb.
'And I keep getting hit on by necrophiliacs! That's the 3rd one this week! Why do people look at me like I'm a goddamned, mother fucking, granny bashing CORPSE!!?!!' Pan and Angela exchanged glances and nodded. 'I know I'm a fucking SEXY BASTARD, but that's no damned excuse!!'
'Vegeta,' began Pan gently. 'You're being paranoid. It's just a side affect of the gange.' She fell over and had to be steadied by Angela.
'I'm not the only one under the influence. You seem pretty out of it too, spawn of Kakarott!'
'HA! At least I know what I'm saying when I say I'm a sexy bitch.....plus, I have no problems with necrophiles hitting on me, because I'm young and your not!'
'Hey! I won't even start to age for at least another 40 years!' Pan looked at him seductively and purred.
'Mmmm.....good,' she murmured while snaking her arms around his neck and kissing him deeply. He kissed back passionately and soon the two were in their own little world of lust....and bondage. Vegeta had restrained Pan's arms behind her back and was still kissing her. She pressed herself into him and closed her eyes. The rest of the gang discreetly made themselves scarce, leaving the two love birds all alone in a crowd of drunks and junkies. Pan came up for air. 'So Vegeta.....you wanna go somewhere more....private?' Vegeta just growled seductively and walked with Pan to somewhere behind the stage. He thought he saw a bathroom of some kind, but he was so out of it that he wouldn't have been able to tell Freeza apart from Chi-Chi, and Pan was almost worse. They went in the door of what was really a trailer. The door closed behind them, showing the name 'Ozzy Osbourne' on it.
He pushed Pan up against a wall and kissed her very hard on the lips, forcing his tongue into her mouth. He roughly squeezed her breasts through her clothes and deepened the kiss. He kissed down from he mouth to the scar on her neck and bit down on it, reopening it once again. He proceeded to fuck her brains out for the next Satan-knows how long. In time, they were lying on the ground, sucking each others' blood through their neck wounds like vampires.
Suddenly the door opened and none other than Ozzy Osbourne stepped in. He flicked on the light switch and put his crosses on a table. He waddled across the room, passing Vegeta and Pan, not even noticing them, mumbling to himself about yelling into the mic as loud as possible when he's standing in front of the speaker just to see what would happen. He went to the back and opened the fridge, poured himself a glass of orange juice and rubbed his head. Pan and Vegeta were still going at it, Vegeta lapping at her blood as it spilled from her neck. When Pan moaned loudly, Ozzy looked up and saw them. He freaked.
'AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!' Pan and Vegeta's heads shot towards Ozzy and they too freaked.
'AHHHHHHHHHH!!'
'AHHHHHH!!'
'AHHHHH!!'
'AHHHH!!!!!!!'
'.....Ah!'
'Umm...ah!' A silence overcame them all. Their eyes were constantly darting from one to another.
'......'
'.....'
'..............AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!'
--
5 minutes later.
'.......Well....you said to be here to outrock you, and I'm doing just that! I'm here, and I'm outrocking you! I bet that you wouldn't have sex with your wife in someone else's bathroom like we are! What are you doing in here anyway?' yelled Vegeta. Unknown to the trio, a large crowd had gathered outside the trailer, wanting to see the outrocking contest that they had heard was happening after Ozzy's performance.
'Well.....first I said outside my trailer.....'
'Yeah, that's why we're here, in the bathroom,' said Vegeta as he swayed about.
'This isn't a bloody fucking loo! It's my personal trailer!' Vegeta looked around for a while before answering.
'Oops. Sorry man, we thought this was a shit stall.' Ozzy looked at him indignantly.
'Oh, thanks! My trailer is now a bleedin' shit stall! And what the hell were you doing there?' he asked, waving his hand at their now bloody necks. 'Trying to outrock me again by sucking each others blood?' Vegeta and Pan looked at each other and laughed.
'No!' began Pan. 'We always do that! We didn't even mean to be here!' She fell into a fit of giggles.
'Lemme get this straight! You two came in here thinking it was a loo, boinked each other, then started to suck each others' fucking blood?!' shouted Ozzy. Pan and Vegeta nodded dumbly. 'Ohhh......fine! You win! I refuse to even try to outrock you. And for gods sakes put some bloody clothes on!'
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Epilogue
Vegeta slowly opened his eyes and found himself in a bed in a strangely familiar room. He got up and looked around and instantly knew where he was.
'How did I get here?' he wondered aloud. 'The last thing I remember was.......meeting the Prince of Darkness? Man was I out of it! Haha! Prince of Darkness! That's a good one!' He was interrupted by a moan coming next to him. He looked down and saw his mate tossing under the sheets of the king sized bed. The fresh rays of sunlight streaming in from the bay windows shone on her face, lighting up her features like a Christmas tree. She slowly awoke and rose, stretching. Pan looked around and saw Vegeta.
'How did we get to Capsule Corp? Last thing I remember was being pregnant....or something like that.' Before any reply could be made a third voice rang through the air.
'Last thing I remember was you and Vegeta coming out of Ozzy Osbourne's trailer half naked and bloody, into a crowd of a thousand people!' said Carl as he sat up in bed with them. Pan and Vegeta freaked and instantly checked to make sure that they still had clothes on. Thank fuck, they did. Carl was expecting a beating, but he was surprised.
'I'm not even going to ask...' said Pan. When she said that, the was referring both the Carl's being there, and what he had said about the trailer bit.
Soon, Pan and Vegeta were down stairs and the round table.
'So Vegeta and Pan, what would you like for breakfast?' asked Bulma with a cheery smile plastered onto her face. Vegeta smiled up at her.
'I'll have your world famous Irish breakfast!' he said happily.
'Two baked potatoes, coming right up! And you, Pan?'
'Oh, I'll have the snails and frogs please!' she replied with an equally happy sing song voice. Before Bulma could begin cooking, Yamcha come in and snaked his arms around her waist.
'Hi honey! I love you, Bulma. So, how 'bout some toast?' he requested.
'Sure, sweetie! Anything for my loving husband!' Vegeta and Pan 'Aww'-ed and began to talk, when Bra bounded into Vegeta's arms.
'Guess what, Daddy! Goten asked me to marry him! Aren't you happy!' Vegeta looked like he was about to cry from happiness.
'My lil' baby girl is all grown up now!' Suddenly, Goku appeared in the middle of everything and smiled his goofy smile. 'Goku!' yelled Vegeta as he bounded over to Goku and hugged him, his chest sagging with relief.
------
The peaceful night air was interrupted when Vegeta shot up like a rocket from his bed, screaming as loud as he could. 'AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!' He paused for air and resumed. 'AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' Pan shot up from her bed in a fighting stance. She looked at her mate and relaxed. He was covered in a cold sweat and was shaking violently and was hyperventilating.
'Vegeta!!! What's wrong?!' she screamed, genuinely worried about him. Vegeta felt his chest, his face and his crotch and relaxed, but the hyperventilating didn't cease.
'It.......was nothing. Just a dream. Just a horrible, horrible dream.' He lay back and pulled Pan very close to him and closed his eye. Pan was unsure, but let it slide.
'Just remember that we're going to Bulma's wedding tomorrow. Ever since Vegeta Jr. died we've made peace with everyone. I'm so glad that everything worked out fine.' Vegeta nodded and mumbled in agreement. An occasional shiver overtook his body, but he was otherwise fine. His eyes shot open and he shot back up.
'Bulma's not marrying Yamcha, is she?' he asked in alarm. Pan looked at him from he place on the pillow like he was mad.
'NO. She's marrying Travis, remember? You got into a bar fight with him when you found out he was cheating at canasta?' Vegeta chuckled nervously and lay back down.
'Ozzfest, then a wedding the next morning? What were we thinking!?' He fell asleep and Pan followed soon after.
The End