This was originally written for comment_fic over at livejournal

The prompt was Spike/Xander watching SPN

Xander complained, "Why do we always have to watch this show? It's just 2 dudes fighting 'demons' with salt and shotguns. Seriously lame."

"You're not fooling anyone, Xander. You cried like a baby when Sam walked out of the hotel room."

"Well you cried when Dean went back to meet his mother!"

"A boy needs his mother, Xander!"

"Shut up, the episode's not over," Willow said.

"Oh, sure," Spike pointed out, "We can't watch anything that portrays witches as evil, or as vengeful, or as old, or as wearing pointed hats, or even as having bad fashion sense-"

Xander put in, "Yeah, Willow, there's nothing wrong with watching Charmed."

"But it's totally fine to watch a show where vampires are a bunch of stupid obsessive wankers. Real politically correct, Willow."

"Shhhh!!" she answered. They were silent until the show was over, and when she got up to leave, she casually mentioned, "Yeah, it's pretty obvious why you guys like the show. You two are just like them."

As the door shut behind Willow's exit, they stared at each other.

"What is she talking about?" Xander said in confused disgust.

"No idea, mate. Those two are always getting themselves into some mess they can't get out of."

"And they're totally gay for each other."

"Obviously. And they are obsessed with cars. We aren't obsessed with cars."

"Not even a little. Though they really do have a nice car."

"Isn't it, though? But yeah, you might be kind of a wanker sometimes, but you're not like Sam."

"What!?? Okay, first of all, what's wrong with being like Sam!?? And second, I think Willow meant to say that I'm like Dean."

Spike rolled his eyes. "Yes, Xander. Because you're so very, very macho."

"Hello! Demon blood? Evil? Complains a lot? That's you, Spike."

"Uh, hello?" Spike mocked. "Irresistible to the ladies? Atoning for all the people I tortured in the past? STOPPING the apocalypse? I'm totally Dean."

"You're such a delusional."

"You're such a wanker."

"You're such a dick."

"Bitch."

"Jerk."

They looked at each other in surprise, then amusement, and then said in unison, "Never tell Willow."