Oz x Gilbert

Title: "Soft"

Note: Takes place right after episode 20…..

Dislcaimer: I own nothing!!

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Heavy footsteps unevely travelled back and forth, back and forth, in the dimly lit hallway.

I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't

I will!

He reached out his hand towards the doorknob, full of new-found confidence… that fizzled away after his skin only barely touched the cold metal.

I really can't.

He hated being like this. He hated this uncertainty, this fear.

But this other feeling, one that has plagued him for 10 years, he hated even more.

I just really need to talk to him.

I wanted to earlier, but I lost my train of thought, and I started cryi-

He shuddered at the blurry, drunken memory of what happened only a few hours ago.

God, he really saw me like that.

I haven't cried like that in front of him in over a decade.

He found some comfort in that far-off memory.

He had always enjoyed looking back to those days…

During those dark and lonely years he spent without the boy behind this door, those memories were all he had… all he could hold on to, to try and forget this darkening world around him.

And now he's finally back.

He's finally here again… I can hear his voice now, I can see him, I can touch him…

He let out a deep sigh, leaning his forehead against the mahogany door in front of him.

It felt really nice and cool against his hot forehead.

He lifted his forearm as a cushion between his face and the door.

His temperature was still up… he must still be drunk.

He didn't care.

Even if he wasn't drunk, he was still plagued by these thoughts.... they never left him alone.

I finally have him back with me… he's here…

I can't… I can't let him ever leave me again without saying this.

His hot hand found the doorknob, slowly turning it.

He childishly hid his face against his arm.

Before he could tell, the door was already swung all the way open, but he was still leaning against it.

"Gil?"

That voice!

Raven suddenly stood up straight.

He kept his arm on the door, feeling a little woozy from the sudden movement.

"Oz!" he said a little loudly.

Raven's eyes found Oz sitting in an armchair, curled up with a book, the fireplace crackling dimly.

"You're still up." Raven commented on the obvious, unsure of really what to say.

He had had a whole plan set out of what he was going to say, but his frazzled nerves and blood-alcohol level erased those plans.

"Ah, I've had trouble sleeping for a while now…" Oz commented quietly, closing his little book.

Raven cringed a little at the look on Oz's face.

He looked like he was thinking of some sort of far off land, away from him…

"Oz…" Raven said a little quietly, looking towards the floor, losing his already weak confidence.

"What's the matter, Gil?" Oz asked, sitting up in his chair.

Why do I love it so much when he calls me that?

"I-I need to talk to you…" Raven muttered a little, staring at the rug.

He heard Oz chuckle light-heartedly.

Raven immediately looked up… his head feeling a little wobbly.

Oz was out of his seat walking over to Raven.

"What is it now, Gil?" Oz asked playfully, like he was looking down on what Raven was trying so hard to get into words.

"Oz…" Raven said his name again… "Please, please just…"

Raven lifted his other arm to the door, feeling weaker than before.

He remembered this familiar sensation from when he was little.

Every time he got upset or over-anxious, his legs would start to give out.

He felt a small hand land on his shoulder.

He wanted to hold it.

"Gil, are you okay?" Oz's voice was suddenly concerned.

"Oz, please just…" Raven repeated, feeling completely incompetent and shaky. "Just listen to me…" Raven finally said out loud, moved his hand away from the door to grab Oz's fingers.

His other hand fell on Oz's shoulders.

Oz's face was slightly confused.

Raven slumped forward like he had earlier that night, trying to support himself… but failing.

"I really need…" That was all he could say before his knees hit the floor.

He was getting too flustered. He hated it… he hated being out of control like this… but that's what Oz did to him… ever since they were young.

"Hey!" Oz grabbed hold of his shoulders. "You don't look too good, let's get you a seat." Oz helped Raven pick himself up.

They trudged over to one of the armchairs.

Raven practically collapsed into one of them.

"You really can't hold your liquor can you, Gil?"

Oz's sweet laughter rang out… Raven suddenly found his thoughts again.

"Oz… listen to me…" Raven slouched forward. Oz was standing in front of him, his face only a few inches higher than his own.

When did Oz get so short? Raven was distracted by that useless question for only a moment.

"Please, take better… better care of yourself." Raven started.

"Yes, you told me before, Gil." Oz spoke up, brushing off his words.

Raven's hands found Oz's shoulder's again, trying to get his attention.

"Gil?"

"If anything happens to you… and I can't be there with you… I- I don't know what I'd do…" Raven could feel his speech pattern revert back to old habits.

He felt even worse when tears threatened the corners of his eyes.

Why did he have to get like this every time…

"I can't lose you again…" Raven found his most important words calmly. "I really can't bear to lose you again… not after I only got you back…"

His eyes started to water a little.

Oz's skinnier shoulders didn't move under his hands.

Raven got a little scared that he said something wrong, but decided to finish what he was saying anyways… before those tears started.

"You said that you wanted to know about those ten years…. I know it only felt like a few days or hours for you… but ten years… ten years… ten... years…" Raven's heart was tightening painfully. "I really missed you… more than anything else of my old life…. I missed you....so... much." He felt a few tears fall. But he couldn't stop talking now that he had already started.

Oz was still standing there, motionless

Raven lifted his head to look at his face.

He hadn't ever seen that look before… not on Oz.

Oz was always somehow cheerful and bright… but right now his eyes were so… pained.

Raven lifted his, rarely ungloved, hand to Oz's face.

His skin was so smooth. Comforting.

"I really missed seeing you, hearing your voice, your laugh… touching you." Raven's fingers reached towards Oz's hair. The golden strands felt soft against his fingertips. "I was always scared… always worried… every day… that you would forget me… wherever you were."

Raven's grip on Oz tightened, pulling him a little closer.

"Gil…" Oz's voice was worried again…

Raven tried not to pay attention.

"I was always scared that you were… happier… wherever you went." Raven admitted those childish fears that had haunted him for so long. "But I kept looking for you… kept hoping that I would be with you again.... Master."

Raven looked into Oz's emerald eyes.

He loved it when they looked only at him.

"And here we are…" Raven could feel a real smile spread on his face.

Raven felt his fingers find their way through Oz's hair, his other hand reached up from Oz's shoulder, landing in the other side of his face.

He rubbed his thumb against Oz's comforting skin.

Everything about him seemed so soft. His skin, his hair, his eyes…

Everything about Oz was what he needed.

The only thing he needed.

Raven's thumb accidentally brushed against Oz's lip for only a moment.

His lip is so soft.

Raven noticed, almost hypnotized by his curiosity to know more about how soft Oz's lips were.

His thumb revisited Oz's lips again, rubbing agianst both of them, back and forth.

"Gil?" That was all Oz had been saying for a while... but every time he said it, Raven felt so overwhelmed by all the memories attached to that name, and the way Oz always said it.

Right now, all Raven could focus on was how Oz's lips moved agianst his thumb when he said his name.

He loved it.

More than anything else he could think of.

Raven's hand reached farther, to the back of Oz's head, pulling him closer.

His lips really were as soft as Raven has wondered.

They felt so fragile against his.

Raven kissed the unmoving lips, taking in the feeling like it was oxygen…

His heart was beating hard.

Raven's arm reached around Oz's back completely, pulling him closer.

He really needed more of this feeling...

He felt a pair of hands weakly push against his firm chest.

All he could focus on was how Oz's lips were quivering now.

Raven kissed deeper, wanting to feel more, pulling Oz closer to him.

He felt familiar weak forearms lay against his chest.

He was starting to lose his breath.

Raven broke away, still feeling Oz's lingering softness, leaning his forehead onto Oz's shaking shoulder, breathing a little harder.

His eyes felt really dry now that his tears had dried, his eyelids were heavy…

Raven couldn't think of anything else he had wanted to say… anything else he had wanted to do.

He let the darkness take over willingly.

"Gilbert…" On the edge of darkness, he heard his favorite voice call his favorite name… but with a new tone he couldn't recognize…

Please stay with me Oz….

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This might be a one-shot… maybe not, I guess it all depends on the status of my other story, and of course, if any of you guys want another chapter….

So, please, review if you do… :)

Thank you so much for reading!!!! :D