All right; everyone loves The Princess Bride, right? Well, so do I, but as much as I love the movie, there were just a few things that happened in it that I didn't care for, so this story is going to go off-target again, but it's a lot closer to the tale than my last attempt of it was. I hope everyone will love it anyway.

P.S. It's another attempt at comedy, feel free to tell me if I've hit the mark yet.

Chapter One: The Ward

Hasho Yoshioka looked over his shoulder nervously, to the young boy sitting behind him on the horse. The golden –haired lad hadn't spoken a word, since Hasho took him away from his boarding school, but then, the tall dark man couldn't blame his new ward.

He sighed with apprehension, looking at the overhanging branches shading the path to his home. "I'm certain that you'll be content here," he told the boy softly. "There's plenty of room for you to run and play in, but I'm afraid that I and my wife will need your help with the chores. Nothing too strenuous, but enough to earn your keep. I promise I'm no slave-driver."

The blonde boy nodded numbly, still lost in a world of his own.

Hasho sighed, wishing that the boy would talk to him. It was hard enough, trying to talk to a boy that has been so recently orphaned and then taken to a completely different country to live with a man he had never seen before, but it was so much harder when the boy just refused to say anything.

"I had a lot of respect for your father," Hasho continued as he eased his tired grey mount up the mountain slope. "He was a good man, and an excellent soldier. I always considered it an honor to fight at his side."

Suddenly, recognizing a familiar landmark, he pulled in his horse, and turned around to look the boy straight in the eye.

"Try not to panic, but it's somewhat of a tradition for a certain member of my family to attack me while in this area when I return home. Just try not to panic, Humbert, and keep the horse from running off, all right?"

The green-eyed boy nodded with a slight hint of interest, and relaxed his hold on the man's chest considerably.

Hasho nodded in satisfaction, and urged his mount back to a trot. His senses were on hyper-alert, watching, waiting for the inevitable to strike.

There! A shadow in the trees. Hasho grinned, and tried to look as casual as possible. 'Three, two, one-'

The shadow burst from concealment, grabbing him by his waist and knocking him completely off of his horse with a happy squeal.

"PAPA!" the attacker cried out happily while rolling back on her feet, making Humbert's mouth drop open in surprise as the man also rolled to his feet and began sparring with his tiny assailant.

It was a little girl, perhaps one or two years younger than himself, wearing a plain peasant brown dress and no shoes as she dodged her father's fists with ease, and hopped onto his back like a squirrel to begin a tickle attack, one that her father was not able to ignore.

"Ha-Haru!" Hasho cried out between his bursts of mirth. "Enough! I surrender!" he protested as he was driven to the ground.

The small brunette crowed with delight, and threw her arms around his neck to hug him happily. "I've missed you, Papa! And so has Mama!"

"Have you been good?" he asked sternly, sitting up so that he could hug his little girl, who flinched slightly.

"Well… I try," she said with a nervous giggle, making her father laugh and mess her hair with one hand.

"I guess I can't ask for more than that. Haru, I'd like you to meet a new friend of mine. Humbert," he called to the boy still sitting on the horse, his mouth agape.

"I'd like you to meet my daughter, Haru. Honey, this is Humbert Gikkingen, the son of a friend of mine that died recently, so he's going to live with us for a while," he said softly, withdrawing his arms so that Haru could work her usual magic on the distraught lad.

"Oh," was all his daughter offered to say before crawling off of her father, and bowing politely to the golden-haired boy. "I'm sorry to hear that, Humbert. That your father died, I mean," she added hastily with a nervous smile. "But life here isn't too bad. Home's just up this road, if you want to walk the rest of the way."

The green-eyed boy nodded wordlessly, and slid off of the completely calm horse to adjust his shoulder bag slightly, and urge the relieved mount forward with one gentle hand as Haru and Hasho walked beside him. But his amazed eyes were still on the slim brunette beside him.

"How old are you, Humbert?" Haru asked politely, looking back at him, but he didn't answer, although she could see him biting his lip nervously.

"He's ten, Honey. Only a year older than you," Hasho told her, squeezing one of her shoulders gently as he thought about what his wife would say, when she found out he had taken in an orphan without consulting her first.

"Can't you talk?" Haru asked sadly, making the boy jerk a little, and nod slowly, still looking at her.

"He doesn't do it very often, Sweetie. Just be gentle with him, all right?" her father asked her, making the girl nod solemnly.

"Okay. Come on, Humbert! There's a lot to show you!" Without warning, she grabbed the slightly older boy's hand and started running up the trail. The blonde lad gave only a startled gasp as he was dragged up the mountain path, making the older man shake his head as he took his horse's reins, and started jogging.

"Did she misunderstand what I meant by 'gentle'?" he asked himself, although he was secretly glad that his daughter was taking to the newcomer so well. Poor Humbert more than likely needed a friend right now.

His wife was standing in the doorway of the modest cottage he had built, her face grave as she listened to her daughter proudly introduce Humbert. She gave her husband a very stern look as he approached, but pushed the children inside her home. "Give Humbert a little bread and milk, Haru. He's likely very hungry."

"Yes, Mama!" the small brunette chirruped as she dragged her new companion into the house.

The redhead slowly turned, and marched purposefully to her husband as he led his mount to the stable. "Hasho, what were you thinking, bringing home another mouth to feed?" she asked sternly.

"I swore to Harold just before he died that I would look after his son," the tall dark man explained, gently taking the saddle off of the horse as it fed hungrily on hay. "I'm sorry that I couldn't tell you earlier, dear, but this is something I had to do. His majesty was going to just drop him off in a distant orphanage. Besides, his majesty's giving us a modest yearly consolation for raising him."

She sighed tiredly, and took the large brush to the horse's body. "Darling, your heart is too big."

"Maybe so, but at least Humbert won't be alone if he stays with us. If anyone can help him through his father's death, it's our daughter. Also, weren't you saying something before I left about wishing that Haru could have someone to play with, more often than just the monthly trips into town?"

"I was hoping for another child of our own," Naoko admitted as she kept brushing the horse down. "After all, what are we going to do with Humbert after he reaches… you know, that age? It wouldn't be proper to have both him and our daughter in the same house in perhaps five years. People will talk."

"Let's not borrow trouble, love. We'll worry about that when it happens. But for now, let's just make him feel at home. He needs one right now," Hasho said softly, wrapping his wife into a tender embrace.

A sudden crash came from the house, making the couple look at each other worriedly, and make a mad dash back to the cottage.

As they stepped into the cottage, they found their daughter lying on the floor crying with the shattered remains of a clay pitcher and an overturned chair next to the shelf where most of the kitchen utensils were kept. Humbert was kneeling at her side, holding an arm that she had accidentally cut with one or more shards. He looked up sharply as the parents came in, and turned bright red with embarrassment. His mouth opened and closed as he waved one hand frantically, using the other one to help Haru into a sitting position.

"What happened?!" Naoko asked in alarm.

The small brunette wiped the tears from her eyes, and sniffed noisily. "I just wanted to get the pitcher for Humbert. He tried to stop me, but I wouldn't listen, Mama, Papa. I'm the only one that should get punished for breaking it."

The mother flew to her daughter's side, and wrapped both children into a warm embrace. "Just clean up this mess, and I'll call it even. But if Humbert tries to tell you not to do something, try to actually do as he says in the future, all right?"

"Okay," Haru sniffed, rising to her feet as Humbert silently pulled a handkerchief from his pocket, and tied it firmly around her arm to stop the bleeding.

The small girl looked up at the boy with her large brown eyes, and smiled through her remaining tears. "Thank you, Humbert."

He nodded softly, and smiled back at her before looking around the main room, searching for something. After making sure that the small brunette was back on her feet, he nearly ran for the broom and dustpan lying in a corner of the room, and brought them back to where the shattered pitcher was.

But instead of handing them to the girl when she held her hands out for them, he kneeled on the ground, and began sweeping the shards into a neat pile.

"Humbert," Haru protested, pulling on one of his homespun sleeves. "I'm the one that made the mess! Please, you don't need to clean my mess."

He looked at her with obvious surprise.

"Don't look at me in that tone," she said defensively, holding her hands out for the broom and dustpan. "I don't mind that you're willing to clean my mess, but I should do it. Please?"

The blonde boy blinked once, smiled, and handed over the cleaning utensils without a fight. "As you wish."

"So you do talk," Haru squealed with delight as she finished the cleaning job he had started, completely missing the soft gasp that her father uttered.

Humbert nodded, his soft green eyes looking at her warmly as he smiled at her again and stood up.

'That's the first time I've heard him talk since I had to tell him he was orphaned,' Hasho thought numbly, watching his daughter smile back and sweep up the rest of her mess. 'And I've never seen him smile like that. I guess bringing him home to meet my little Haru was an even better idea than I thought.'

ooOoo

"But Papa!" Haru protested as her devoted father tucked her into bed, a few days after he had returned home with the mostly silent ward. "It's the only thing he'll say to me!"

Hasho sighed as he leaned over and kissed his daughter's face tenderly. "Just give Humbert time, sweetheart. He did lose his father recently, so he won't feel like saying much for a while."

"But couldn't he say something besides 'as you wish'?" she begged him, holding onto his hand. "It's driving me crazy!"

"But at least he says something to you," he reminded her, brushing her soft brown hair away from her face. "He hasn't said anything at all to me or your mother. He likes you, sweetie, and he really needs a friend right now. Just be patient, and he'll eventually start saying other things."

"I hope so," she muttered as he picked up the candle so that he could walk out of her little room. "It'll be boring, trying to talk to him if he doesn't have opinions of his own."