Author's note:

This piece is based on the A Very Potter Musical. I have never read any of the books, so the only canon I'm going on comes from the musical and the first 4 movies. I did however do some research into the game of Quidditch. I hope you can still enjoy these characters with a small twist...

Pigfarts, not really that awesome. Or is it?

Draco sighed for the umteenth time that morning. Pigfarts, where he had arrived a couple of weeks ago, really wasn't all that awesome. His fellow students (apart from the other Hogwarts transfers, but those mostly ignored him) looked like rejects from the latest Pokémonmovie. Communication was helped by translation spells (he now understood a trillion languages and the others understood him when he spoke plain English), but what was there to talk about with insectlike being that ate stardust? He actually missed Crabbe and Goyle, even though conversations with them had never actually been that thriving. His time was now spent in the library, studying his brains out. The chance at being valedictorian of his year (and getting the reward of riding on Rumbleroar's back) was the only thing that kept him going.

Of course, that meant he'd also have to pass Dumbledoar's class "On the importance of pronunciation whilst spelling in a space suit helmet" with flying colours. He didn't see that happening soon. Their first meeting had been particulary akward.

"Dumbledoar? You're alive!?" Draco voiced the opinion of his fellow ex-Hogwardians, who stood equally schocked. (Only for a momen thought, after that they calmly took a seat. After all, resurrection didn't seem that rare these days...)

"Not thanks to you! Draco, you little shit: what are you doing here?"

"Studying?" Draco managed to croak out, afraid for his life, as Dumbledoar was waving his wand in his face.

"How did you manage to get one of the sholarships?" Seeing that most of Hogwarts teachers were dead, and that a 12-year old was currently in charge of the school, Rumbleroar had graciously opened his school for the best and brightest humans. One magical spaceship later, and tada! Pigfarts now had a new House consisting only of Humans.

"His daddy bought him one." Cho Chang sneered, and the other students giggled.

"Actually..." Rumbleroar bursted through the window. (At least Draco assumed it was a window, perhaps it was the Lion's door. Martian architecture was confusing).

"Draco is here on a sports' sholarship. He's the only human proficient enough to play in the Milkey Way-magic minigolf tournament. And I need a student of each house to compete."

Draco blushed. "It's a gift." Actually it wasn't. Magic minigolf was the favourite hobby of the Black Family. His auntie Bellatrix had taught him how to explode the opponent's golfballs when he was only three. Cheating was the entire point of the game, so naturally he excelled at it.

"The Malfoy's subsidiated energy system that ventilates your dinner halls and bedrooms with air, was just a perk." Rumbleroar added. "So if you want to keep eating real food and sleeping without helmets, I think it's best that Draco survives this year..." The lion stared at Dumbledoar until the latter lowered his wand.

"Alright." The greying wizard conceded, putting his wand safely away. "I won't kill him."

Rumbleroar nodded and moved over to Draco. He carefully used his paw to ruffle Draco's blonde hair. "See you at eight for practice, Champ." As Draco's cheeks turned an even deeper shade of red, the talking lion dissapeared.

"Don't just stand there, Malfoy. Take a seat and get out your books." Dumbledoar said. Draco quickly complied.

"Don't think I'll forget you tried to kill me!" The teacher then warned.

"I didn't! Snape did!" Draco defended himself, annoyed at himself for how high his voice shrilled.

"Because you were a coward! 20 points from the Human House."

"Thanks Malfoy." His classmates moaned.

Sursprisingly there had been no more trouble from his fellow humans. He'd expected that there would be at least some harrassing, after his stint as a junior-deatheater. Stupid home made dark mark wouldn't wash off. But they probably enjoyed not having to suck food through a tube in their spacesuits more than making his life miserable. Rumbleroar's threat had made an impression on them. Sometimes it pays of to be a teacher's pet, Draco thought. Then he wondered if it was possible to be the pet of an animal... Draco sighed again. He wasn't paying attention to his books. So he put on his spacesuit instead. Maybe a walk would clear his head.

The walk had been a bad idea. The entire surface of Mars was red. Red stones, red mountains and red dust that clung to his suit. The colour reminded him of that stupid family Weasley's hair... Of the loudmouthed Ginny that clung to hero Potter like a deranged groupie and of Ron that was always stuffing his face. How Hermione, the most beautiful and intelligent girl he had even met, had ended up with that dope, was beyond him.

Draco groaned. He was supposed to be angry at the mud... the Gryffindor witch. Everytime he thought of Earth, he immediatly thought of her and it caused little pains in his stomach (and elsewere). He was sure she had cursed him! Cursing him, after helping her and her precious Potter. If he wasn't so angry, he would be impressed at the evilness. Still, he couldn't stop thinking about her, and that made life hard. His concentration was shot and it was interfering with his school work and his mini golf. Even the amoebe champ was currently beating him during practices. How embarrasing! That thing didn't even have arms!

Frustrated he kicked a red (surprise there) rock. Due to the lower gravity it flew quite a few feet and landed out of his sight behind a rock. Draco heared someone curse. Damn, had his rock hit someone? He hoped it weren't Rumbleroar's cubs. After they had devoured him, their daddy would give him such a telling off. The lion was already dissapointed enough in him.

Still debating whether he would run for his life, of go and check if he had caused permanent damage, a figure emerged from behind the rock. Seeing the space suit he relaxed. It was just a fellow human.

"Who are you? Why are you throwing rocks at me?" she asked.

That voice! He'd recognize that voice (that was telling him off as usual) everywhere, even on Mars. But it couldn't be her, she was back on Earth! As she came closer (he couldn't run, it was as if he had been petrified) and he could look through the glass bowl of her helmet, his worst fears were confirmed.

"Hi, Hermione." He managed to croak out, willing his hand to wave. It was a pityful wave.

"Draco. Off course you would ruin my first walk on Mars."

"I wasn't aiming at you Granger. I didn't even knew you were there. I was just kicking rocks. There's not too much to do around here, as you can see."He dramatically twirled around to show her the vast landscape of little rocks, bigger rocks and dust. To his surprise, Hermione actually agreed with him.

"I know. I've seen the library. The only English books I found were textbooks that I already read. I asked Rumbleroar if I could take some language courses, because those stupid translationsspells only work for spoken languages. But he says I first have to pass Dumbledoars pronunciation classes. Which I kinda get, because why not learning to speak a language when you're learning to read and write it. But still... "

Draco just stared at her. It was the longest string of sentences directed at him for months (save classes). His ears and brain had some trouble understanding everything the girl just tolded him. His mouth on the other hand had no problem reacting, as it seemed detached from his brain.

"You're such a nerd, Granger!" Insulting her had become a force of habit.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "And you haven't changed a bit."

She turned around and returned to Pigfarts, leaving Draco alone in the dust to kick some more rocks.

Unbeknownst to them, Dumbledoar and Rumbleroar were spying on them from yet another rock, hiding under an invisibility cloak.

"Are you sure this is going to work?" asked the lion worriedly. "They don't seem to get along."

Dumbledoar shrugged. "He once told me the only things he really wanted were Hermione Granger and a space ship. Now he's got them both. Happiness his on the way"

Rumbleroar still looked dubious.

"Speaking of which, Rumbie, how exacly did you convince Granger to come here?" A curious Dumbledoar asked.

"That part was easy, she had already petitioned me. So I just needed to convince the board to make an exception for her late arrival, pay for the scholarship, build another specially adapted to humans bedroom and arrange for a magic rocketship to bring her here."

Dumbledoar whistled, clearly impressed.

"You should know by now that I take the Miley Way-magic minigolf tournament very seriously. If Malfoy doesn't get his act together, we could loose our chance at the cup. It's been far to long since the cup was in its rightfull place." He sighed.

"In your pawns?" Dumbledoar guessed. The lion roared in answer.

"So are you sure this girl is going to make him happier?"

The former headmaster scratched his head with his wand. "Well, you could always build a MacDonalds. So they could go for a Happy Meal together?"

Rumbleroar rolled his eyes and stalked away.

At dinner, Hermione also rolled her eyes, when she saw the only free seat in the Human dining hall was the one facing Draco. She sat down, giving him a curt nod, before engaging a conversation with the Ravenclaw girl that was sitting next to her.

Pretending not to care, he picked his food, suddenly not hungry anymore. To his own horror, he realised he really wanted to talk to her. So it was up to him to take the initiative.

Getting up, he asked: "Granger, I'm going to get some desert. You want some? The Venusian Jello looks discusting, but it actually quite good. Sweet, but good." Great, now he was rambling.

The entire table stopped talking and stared at him.

"Suuure?" Hermione hesitently agreed.

"What?" He asked when he returned and the other students were still staring at him. "Can't I just be nice?" He considered what he just said and quickly held his hands out : "Don't bother answering that." He didn't need to hear it. He handed Hermione the yellow jello and placed the green one on his own plate. "Granger is the only source of information from Earth we'll probably have in months." He pointed at the jello. "Quid pro quo, Granger."

Hermione rolled her eyes and the rest of the table returned to their own meals. That explanation seemed right enough. They all knew Earth was too far for regular mail. Even howlers wouldn't travel this far to deliver their acidic message.

"So, how's Hogwarts?" Draco asked in a conversational tone. "And better yet, why aren't you there?"

Hermione sighed. "I wanted a decent education. Hogwarts ..." Draco nodded, eager for her to continue. "Hogwarts isn't the same now that Harry's in charge." She sighed before continuing.

"Can you believe he changed the Defense against Dark Arts classes into guitar lessons? And Herbology has been replaced by mandatory Quidditch. And the're dances almost every week."

A few of the other students turned their heads. "That actually sounds like fun." One of them dared to say.

"FUN?" Hermione roared. "FUN never got any wizards his O.W.L.'s. And what are they going to do when a dragon attacts? Guitar him to death? Realising what she had just said and what Harry had done about a year ago, she quickly spoke: "Never mind."

"By Rowling, I miss Quidditch." Draco sighed.

"Yeah." Oliver Wood agreed with him. So did several others who had also been on the teams.

"What? Rumbleroar doesn't let you play?" Hermione asked.

"It's too dangerious, flying around with glass helmets." Wood said. "We could die.." He added in a spooking voice, showing exacly how much he agreed with that assessment.

"Well, that sucks." Everybody at the table agreed.

"Who made the team for Slytherin back home, Hermione?" Draco asked, hoping that Goyle had made it. "Crabbe, Goyle, Pansy, the Greenland triplets and Anthony."

"What?!" Draco and the other Slytherins at the table roared. "Pansy is like the least athletic person I know." Draco moaned.

"Didn't you take her to the Yule Dance." A Hufflepuff asked, finding Draco's statement about his former girlfriend strange.

"Doesn't mean she can fly a broom." Draco answered.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "The other teams aren't that great either seeing as the best players are currently on Mars. Harry is team captain of Gryffindor and he just picked his best friends."

"Neville?" Wood asked with horror on his face, not daring to look to see if Hermione was nodding. She was.

"And Weasley I suppose?" He continued.

"All of them."

"Even your boyfriend?" Draco sneered. "Can he get his broom up?"

The others sniggered.

"I meant because he eats so much." Draco defended himself, blushing. Damn his complexion!

"I know what you meant, Malfoy." Hermione said dryly. "And for your information, Ron, my ex-boyfriend is a perfectly good keeper."

Draco snorted. "Sure, he just puts himself between the quaffles and the hoops. Anyone can do that."

Oliver jumped up. "Oh yeah, Malfoy. Think that it is that easy?" Oliver had been the Grynfindor keeper for years now and was insulted. Draco just smiled at him. He was in his element.

Oliver smiled back. "Want to try it?"

"I would, but I don't see a quaffle, do you?"

"I bet I could find something!" The Hufflepuff girl (Draco really needed to learn the names of his fellow students) spoke and ran into the kitchen. Minutes later she returned with some eggs.

"Engorgio." She waved her wand and suddenly the eggs were as large as balls.

"Are you serious?" Draco questioned the girl's sanity.

"Afraid, Malfoy?" Hermione asked.

Now it was Draco's turn to roll his eyes. He took out his wand and pointed at the half-eaten baguette so that it would fly towards him.

The others started to protest when he started waiving the bread around, gesturing they could give it their best shot. "What? A keeper is allowed to use his broom. And this isn't exactly a Quidditch court, now is it?" He motioned at Oliver. "Just trow it."

What he had failed to mention, is that Rumbleroar had been training his team for weeks now how to duck and evade or how to return exploding golf balls. Out of self preservation he had gotten quite good at it. So when the egg flew his way, he easily hit it, causing it to burst.

Egg goo splattered over the entire room, but the brunt of it landed on Hermione. He had aimed it, of course, and now he was laughing hysterically.

"Draco, you little shit!" Hermione yelled and grabbed what was left of her red jello, trowing it at him. At the same time Oliver aimed his second egg.

Draco managed to hit the egg, but couldn't avoid the jello.

"Not fair!" He yelled, aiming his wand, planning to hit Hermione with his own green jello. She ducked, and it hit her neighbour. The Ravenclaw girl wasn't amused that her neighbour laughed at her misery, so she poured the remainder of her soup over his head.

Cho Chang calmly walked over to Oliver, took one of his eggs and broke it over his head.

"It's a food fight, y'all!" She screamed, quickly running from Oliver who followed in pursuit.

The food fight was epic! By the time Dumbledoar had been ably to tear himself away from High School Musical 2, every student in the room was covered head to toe in food. Some of them were rolling around on the floor, faux-wrestling, while Oliver and Cho kept circling the table (it no longer was clear who was chasing who). Draco and Hermione were engaged in their private war of jello chucking.

Dumbledoar had been furious (mostly because he was now missing his favourite song). The Human House lost 500 points and they were busy for hours cleaning the hall (without magic, which was totally unfair...). But Draco didn't regret one moment of it. It had been the most fun he had had in months. The next golf practice he managed to score two black-hole-in-ones. Rumbleroar was over the moon for joy.

Several weeks later Draco arrived in the diner hall for lunch, Oliver yelled to him: "Think fast Malfoy!" Without thinking, Draco reacted and held a small rubber ball in his hand.

"Hey, where did you get that?" He asked in surprise. Rumbleroar had been very strict in forbading every sport that could break their helmets. (Miniture golf being the only exeption, of course).

"Heidi made it from an egg in transfiguration class!" The Hufflepuff girl beamed under the attention.

"Well done!" The compliment escaped him when he threw the ball at her. But he wasn't planning on taking it back. It was impressive.

"A bunch of us are going to use in a "calm and completely not violent" game of catch tonight." The airquotations Heidi made with her fingers told Draco they had gotten permission from Rumbleroar to play after promising they would be careful. "You want to come?"

Draco was surprised. He shouldn't have been. The others had been including him more and more, starting with the invitation of watching an alien-made sciencefiction movie together. The movie itself had been dumb (most aliens believe humans looked like pink apes), but the company and the popcorn had been nice. The former Slytherins now regurlary invited him for poker games (a Muggle game he did enjoy). Even Oliver and Dean joined him for walks sporadicly, reminiscing about Quiddith and recounting the games they had once seen.

He promised he would come over after his golf practice. He would be tired and probably wouldn't be able to even throw the ball farther than two feet. But then again, it seemed they liked him more when he wasn't being all competetive. It was food for thought.

He grabbed a plate of spaghetti and went to sit at the table.

"Hey Granger." he said. "Yesterday at practice Squib told me he and his friends found a deactivated Muggle android in the Maroon Desert." Since his head was back in the game, he had started to become a real member of the Golf Team. The strange creatures were quickly becoming his friends.

"Squib? Is he the amoeba?" Hermione asked.

"No, he's the spiderlike creature. He's got mad skills with the clubs, but who wouldn't with 8 arms!" Draco got back to his previous topic: 'He said it was powered down, but that it still looked intact. I thought maybe we could use it for our project?"

Dumbledoar also gave the class "How to escape from the deserted planet you crashed on using the crap you find." Hermione had been forced to work with Draco, who had been the only one left after all the others had paired up.

"You can't fly away on a buggy that takes pictures." Hermione argued.

"No, but maybe you can make a radio to signal for help." Draco countered. "And maybe a shelter from the sun, if the thing is big enough."

Hermione looked impressed, which pleased him tremendously. It was always a task to get one over Granger, the impossibly smart kid.

After dinner, they both got their space suits on. Draco wondered for the umteenth time where Hermione had found the sticker of a pink unicorn to stick on her suit. It was sickly sweet and childish, but at the same time Draco really wanted one of his own. A snake of course. Maybe a unicorn, but surely not a pink one!

After a half an hour of walking Hermione started complaining. "Are you sure we're going in the right direction?"

"These are still the Burgendy fields. The Maroon desert should be right behind those hills." Who knew there'd be so many colours red?

Looking at those hills and even thinking about having to climb them, made Hermione groan.

"C'mon Granger, not getting tired are you?" Draco teased.

She rolled her eyes. It seemed to be her standard response to whatever came out of his mouth. He wasn't insulted though, he thought it was cute and often said things just to prompt it.

"You're one to talk, Mr. I'm tired, can't we just be death eaters?" That was less cute. He didn't respond, but walked ahead, leaving her in his trail of dust.

Hermione knew at once she had hurt his feelings and went after him.

"I'm sorry Draco." The fact that Hermione used his first name for once, made him pause. "It was just a joke."

"Wasn't funny." He crossed his arms and turned away, not wanting her to see he was genuienly hurt. He'd tried his best the last months to make everyone forget he once was on that twat Voldemort's side. But he was never going to get rid of the blame.

"Oh, c'mon you said worse things to me." Hermione prodded. When he still didn't turn around, she started to get angry with him.

"So what, you can insult me, but I can't say anything back? That's childish, Malfoy."

Back to Malfoy again. Draco sighed. Met with silence, Hermione fell out again, this time sounding more dissapointed than mad.

"After all I... By Rowling, they were right about you, you are just a little shit."

She stomped off, determined to as far away as possible from the blonde boy. Meanwhile, her words hit Draco like a ton of brick. He should have known. Everyone only started to be nicer to him after she arrived. Stupid fool he'd been, thinking things had changed.

"Hermione, wait!" He called after her. "It was you wasn't it? You're the reason why I'm part of the group now."

Hermione stopped and turned around, explaining shyly. "Rumbleroar was moaning that the Human House didn't really to be a tight group, so I arranged for a group activity. But the boys didn't feel like inviting you, so I made them."

"What? You threathened to kiss them?" Draco lashed out.

"Jellified their legs actually." She ignored his attempt at hurting her.

That made Draco snort. "And they couldn't guess the counterhex was just unjellify?"

Hermione looked at him: "You still know the counterhex?"

Draco faltered. "I wasn't the most popular kid in school. A collection of ounterhexes came in handy."

She shortened the distance between them. "But that's changed now, don't you see?"

He scoffed and turned around, not feeling like facing Hermione. "Because you told them to like me, doesn't mean they do." Rowling, it had all just been a lie.

"Just once, Draco. I only told them to do it once. I guess you convinced them you were allright after all."

Draco snorted. "Yeah right." She was just trying to cheer him up.

"I mean it. I even swear it, on my Muggle mother's heart."

"Really?" That got him to turn round again even though he was still a bit dubious.

"You've changed, Malfoy. Grown up a bit. And it does help that you've stopped posing all the time."

Draco blushed at the accusation. He hadn't stopped striking cool poses willingly, but had had to give it up because it was getting harder and harder to get up again wearing a space suit.

"Thank you, Granger." He said quietly, but he meant it.

"It's the truth."

"Can I ask you something else?" Draco asked. He wasn't sure if it was a good idea, but the question had been burning on his mind for weeks now. At Hermione's nod, he took his chances.

"Why did you leave Hogwarts? I mean, curriculum aside. You, Potter and Weasley were joined at the hip."

Hermione was silent for a long while. Draco almost told her it didn't matter, but then she spoke.

"We fought." It was all she said.

"You and Ron fought?" Draco asked to clarify.

"No, I fought with Harry. Ron just ... he ..." She couldn't say it.

"He took Potter's side." Draco wasn't that surprised. If the fool wasn't stuffing his mouth full of food, his lips were permanently attached to Potter's rear end. He opted not to voice that opinion however, instead nodding to Hermione she could continue if she wanted to.

She did. "It was on Hogwarts' first dance. I only attended because Ron had asked me to. Everyone was tipsy on butterbeer within the first hour. Crabbe was dancing with Pansy.."

Well I'll be. Crabbe 'I hate girls and I always will" was going out with Pansy? Good for him! Draco thought.

"They bumped into Harry and Ginny. They apologized, even though it was hardly their fault as everyone was spinning like crazy on the dancefloor. Anyway, Harry started harrasing Crabbe, saying he had done it on purpose. Ginny tried to calm him, but it didn't work. Ron and I came over to see what the fuss was all about. I tried to calm him as well. But Ron..."

She took a deep breath before continuing. "Ron said that I shouldn't defend Slytherins 'cuz everyone knows that they're evil'".

Draco gritted his teeth. If he hadn't hated the Weasley boy until now, this would be the moment to start.

'We.. .I dissagreed off course. Most of you were on our side, by the time the final battle began. So that was totally uncalled for. I reminded them that you were the one that had helped us to reach Harry.. and then the fight really began."

"Potter still hates me, doesn't he?" Draco asked, already knowing the answer.

She nodded. "Don't you?"

"It's kinda hard hating the person who defeated Voldermort and thereby saving all of our sorry asses." Draco reluctantly said. "But I don't think we'll ever be friends."

"Ron has it in for you too. I asked him to back me up. But he told me that if I liked you so much, I should move to Mars to be with you."

Draco quickly gulped in some air. If only she knew how much he liked that idea.

"So you did?"

"Not for another few weeks. We made up the next morning. But it was never the same. And then Harry started futzing with the courses..."

"And the rest is history." Draco concluded. "For what it's worth... I 'm glad you came."

Hermione smiled shyly. "Thank you."

Unsure what to do next, they both stood staring at each other for a while.

"So..." Hermione started, not really knowing how to continue.

"We probably should keep going. We still need to cross those hills." Draco added.

They walked in silence. The hills were steeper than they had first thought. The climb was difficult, but they helped each other over the more difficult parts. Easy walk, my arse, Draco cursed Squib inwardly, maybe if you had 8 legs! By the time they had reached the top, they were both breathing heavily.

But the trouble had been worth it. The view was absolutely stunning! For miles there was nothing to see but desert, in all shades of red. The sun reflected of the rocks that were scattered here and there and the winds drove the sand in a perpetual movement, so they had the impression that they were looking at a giant sparkling red sea.

"Wow!" Was the only thing Draco could think of to say. Hermione agreed, her eyes still fixed on the horizon. Draco looked down and spotted the android.

"Look, the android! It's lodged to the side of the hill. It probably got stuck, when the controllers underestimated the steepness of the hill." Exited Draco started to make his way down.

Hermione stopped him by grabbing his arm. "Let's stay here for a while. The view is too beautiful." Shocked by the sudden contact, Draco complied. They both sat down on a ruby rock, that was just big enough for the both of them. The arms of their suits touched.

Emboldened by everything that had happened that afternoon, Draco gathered his courage and spoke: "Don't take this the wrong way, Granger. But.. I'm really glad you and Ron aren't together anymore. You deserve someone more grown up." He meant it with all his heart.

Because of their closeness, Draco could only see his own face reflected on the side of Hermione's helmet. He had no idea if she was touched or hurt or even shocked by what he had just said. And when she spoke it was in a monotone voice that gave nothing away.

"What do you mean? Someone like you?"

Draco gulped. Without any confirmation his confidence and courage went down the drain. Danger, danger, Hermione Granger! his guts went. So he took the easy way out and turned it into a joke.

"No, more like Victor Krum." He knew she liked the Quidditch player. After all he had seen the autographed poster in her room, when they had practiced Romeo and Julia (a stupid Muggles' play) together for Dumbledoar's class.

She reacted immediatly by slapping his side with her arm. Draco grinned, ignoring the feeling of regret in his stomach. Things were back to normal, and he could live with that.

Hermione though, seemed to think otherwise. "So this is it?" She asked. "The end of being serious, and back to teasing each other?"

Was that dissapointment he heard? Should he take another risk?

"Well..." He started, his voice shaking just a bit. "Some people interpret teasing as a sign of affection."

Confused Hermione asked: "Do you mean? ... Should I?"

Draco turned his head towards her. Finally capturing her eyes, for the first time in the conversation, he quietly said: "You can, if you want too." He strechted out his hand, with the palm of the glove up.

When she grabbed it, and let her hand rest in his, tiny explosions went of in Draco's brain. She likes me back! he thought. The feeling warmed his entire body and he felt like jumping up and pumping his fist, screaming: SHE LIKES ME BACK! But instead they sat quietly together, ignoring the view and just staring in each other eyes.

All was well in the world of Draco Malfoy. Even if the world in question was red and full of dust...

A couple of feet away, Dumbledoar and Rumbleroar were spying on them again under their invisibility cloak (specially infused with sound dampeners so they could have this conversation unheard.)

"See, didn't I tell you?" Dumbedoar gloated, almost glowing in satisfaction. "Am I not the greatest wizard slash matchmaker that ever lived?"

The lion ignored him. After spending some time with the Earthly wizard, he had found out it was the wisest thing he could do for his blood pressure. "I do not understand." He spoke. "They didn't seem to like each other."

"It's called teasing, Dumbie. It's like in those old Muggle movies: when a boy pulls a girls hair, it really means that he likes her... or that he wants to see her underpants."

Rumbleroar just blinked. Earthlings really were the most curious creatures in this galaxy. He'd never understand them.

"Speaking of movies. You didn't forget our bargain, did you?" the human wizard continued.

"No, I haven't forgotten. If young Malfoy wins his first game of the tournament, I'll arrange a meeting with Zac Effron for you."

Dumbledoar made a little victory dance. It looked akward though, because he was forced to stay under the cloak.

"I do not understand your fascination with this human. He has weird looking manes."

Before the outraged Dumbledoar could elaborate on Zeffron's awesomeness, they were startled by the sound of glasses clanging together.

They hurried to their two young wards, afraid that their helmets had broken. Their worries were quickly assuaged when they saw the two youngsters blushing furiously and grinning at each other. In their eagerness to experience their first kiss together, they had forgotten about the helmets. It was cute, Rumbleroar thought, like when his cubs were chasing their own tails. Moronic, but cute.

"You know, for two of the brighest students I have ever seen, they can be quite daft." Dumbledoar said, shaking his head.

"I am afraid I am going to ask you to take on a new course." The lion said.

Dumbledoar groaned. "Sexual education with the added twist of being stuck in a space suit?"

At Rumbleroar's nod, Dumbledoar cursed, unheared from the two lovebirds, "Draco, YOU LITTLE SHIT!"