Yumi: Part 17, Kindness

I've started playing a little mahjong, enough to cringe at past mistakes. But that's gone, now is all there is! I lucked into houdei raoyui in my second game, but sadly I have no special powers.

"Well, that's it." Yumi-senpai smiled. "I suppose you could call it an ordinary story. Even though I'm not fond of it, somehow, it wasn't bad to tell it to you, Momo."

I nodded cautiously, feeling strange. "Thanks."

"No, I'm the one who should say that. Thank you for listening." Yumi-senpai held my gaze briefly, blushing slightly, before looking away. "It's probably for the best, after all. This is it for that story. I'm going to leave it here with you, and go to university without regrets. Even if Maiko's there, that doesn't matter. I don't have to be afraid of her."

I nodded. "Is she really that scary, though? It's a little difficult for me to imagine."

"It's not easy for me to explain, either." Yumi-senpai sighed. "But yeah, I don't trust Maiko. I don't trust myself around her, either. For all that, I'll still be fine."

I frowned thoughtfully. "I see. I guess I can understand to an extent. When I think about it, how we met is pretty similar, right? You bringing me into the mahjong club."

Yumi-senpai flushed, wincing. "That was a little different... I'm rather less smooth than Maiko."

"I still felt it was amazing, though," I said cheerfully. "You struck me as an amazingly confident person."

"That was the courage born of desperation," Yumi-senpai said, looking thoroughly embarrassed. "I'm sure you're classmates remember me for that, and not in a good way."

"I think they've all forgotten by now. But I haven't, and I still think it was amazing," I said. "I really am grateful, Yumi-senpai. Thanks to you, I've managed to change a little. I've made important friends, too."

"It's nothing. I had a great time, too." Yumi-senpai sighed, smiling wanly. "We really are at this point, aren't we? Looking at our experiences together as a whole, since they're about to end."

I blinked. "That wasn't exactly what I meant. It just reminded me..."

"I guess so. I shouldn't be melancholy." Yumi-senpai finished off her drink. "Well, we've all done our best. I wish I could say I don't have any regrets, but I can't. But it was fun."

"What do you regret?" I asked curiously. "Us not reaching the nationals?"

Yumi smiled. "A little. But that wasn't what I was thinking about." She looked at me. "Shall we go? I've kept you a long time."

I shook my head. "There's no rush. You know what my family's like."

"Even if you say that, I feel guilty. I should be more responsible." Yumi-senpai smiled. "Though being responsible is really tiring. I guess I'll be irresponsible one more time."

"Mm." Just a little longer. Honestly, that kind of feeling is grinding me down. Nothing has thrown my fondness for Yumi-senpai into sharper relief than the fact that we're out of time. "Um. Can I ask something strange?"

"Go ahead. If it's you, Momo, anything is fine," Yumi-senpai said.

"What did it feel like, liking someone that much?" I said, feeling awkward. Maybe this wasn't a good idea, but I was curious. "It's hard to explain, but even if know the events I'm wondering about your feelings."

Yumi-senpai nodded. "I suppose so. That's the hardest thing to describe." She frowned. "Do you find it weird? The fact I felt that way about another girl."

"Not really. I mean, it's not as if I can't imagine something like that," I said, blushing. "Um. I can't really say it very well, but you're just you. It's weird but I'm a weird person myself, so... I mean, socially speaking, we're weird. But that's different from what we think. Or at least, I think."

"I wasn't trying to trap you or test you or anything. You don't have to be flustered." Yumi-senpai closed her eyes. "Maybe I should have told you about this before. I was always afraid I'd be badly regarded... I have my mother's example springing to mind, after all."

"I like to think I'm a little more understanding than her," I said, pouting.

"That's certainly true. In any case, it was very strange." Yumi-senpai shrugged. "What I wanted most of all was change. I wasn't entirely happy with my current self. I hate being bad at things and I wasn't very good at talking to people, so in the end I turned that into a point of pride because it made me feel less bad about myself. And Maiko was very different, which I admired. Maybe all I was doing was entrusting my desire to change to someone else... the idea that she could change me. I wonder whether that was a good idea."

"I understand that, since I was very similar. You always struck me as very different from that, though," I said.

"I'm not who I was three years ago. I'm not perfect but I've progressed. I've tried to encourage you three in different ways, insofar as I can. Anyway, all of this is an aside." Yumi-senpai shrugged. "I wanted her to be kind to me. I've mentioned this before, but it was really extreme, in terms of highs and lows. Being around her was somehow more intense than being anywhere else, and it was enjoyable in itself, but also somehow tiring. More and more, I didn't feel natural around her."

"I see," I said thoughtfully. "Mm. Sorry to ask about something like that, but it made me curious."

"Not at all. If you're asking me questions, it makes me feel less self-indulgent," Yumi-senpai said.

A little different, then. I've never felt uncomfortable around Yumi-senpai. With her, more than anyone else, I feel I can be my natural self, even if I've made mistakes. I want to be able to thank her for that, but I can't, not overtly. "I'm one who feels selfish right now," I said awkwardly. "Hearing about her... well... I suppose I hate her. I don't know whether that's good or not."

"Well, I'm happy that you're upset on my behalf. I was fishing for a little sympathy, as well." Yumi-senpai reached out, touching my head affectionately. "I'm fine now. Don't worry about her."

I closed one eye, blushing slightly as her fingers brushed over my hair. "I'm angry, not worried. It sounds like she was a bad person."

"I think Kanbara feels the same way. Maybe I should be more angry than I am."

Honestly, that's not what I meant. I hate her for that, but I also hate her because she was someone my beloved senpai loved. That makes me feel really selfish, in a way. "No, you're right," I said, trying to sound cheerful. "It's best that you just forget about her."

"Right." Yumi-senpai glanced at me. "I've never been like that, have I? For long time now I was worried I'd end up doing that to you."

"You're completely different from her," I said. Yes, this was a chance. Maybe I could say it now. "You're always kind, so there's no way I could have any reason to hate you." I guess that's a start.

"That's reassuring. The situation felt similar to me." Yumi-senpai closed her eyes, looking away. "I guess I should trust myself a little more."

"Exactly! Whether you're confident or sincere but worried like this, I like you, senpai," I said, leaning forwards slightly on my seat. My heart's beating too fast. "But I think I like you most when you're looking straight ahead."

"Thank you," Yumi-senpai said, looking surprised. "That's flattering."

I breathed out slightly. I guess I know what she means about this kind of situation being tiring. Just a little. "It's nothing. If you ever feel down, I'll do something about it. Even if you're far away. You can do the same for me, right?"

"Of course. I just wish I could do it right here. But that's how life works." Yumi-senpai was going to say something more, but she was interrupted by her mobile ringing. "Sorry. Give me a second." She pulled out her phone, answering. "Hello?" She paused for a few seconds. "Sorry, I lost track of time... I'm still in town. I'm sorry."

This went on for a while. It looked like she was being scolded again. Senpai's older than I am, and I consider myself old enough to stay out later than this. But if it's her mother, it can't be helped.

In the end, Yumi rang off and sighed. "Well, it looks like I have to get back."

I nodded. "Okay. Let's go back to the station together."

I touched her arm again with my free arm when we left the café. I've never been very good with words. But since normal people can't see me at times like this, I've always been able to do this without fear. I guess it's my way of expressing myself.

Yumi-senpai glanced at me for a long moment as we walked, before looking away. "There's one more thing I'd like to tell you, if I could. But not now. Even if that's being unfair of me, not now."

"About Miura-san?" I said.

"Next time. I'm only saying this now so I can't back out of it somehow. I know what I'm like." Yumi-senpai looked up, keeping pace with me as we walked together through the street. "Next time we meet face to face like this, be sure to ask me what it was I didn't tell you today."

"Okay," I said, feeling confused. "I will."

"Thanks." Yumi-senpai was silent for a few seconds. "In any case, I'm leaving the club to you, as well. Mutsuki will be a fine president, but you can't leave anything to the president. Everyone needs to work together."

I nodded, smiling. "I'll do my best. And if it's me, I won't do what you did to poor Kanbara-senpai and overshadow her."

"I never overshadowed Kanbara," Yumi-senpai protested. "I just gained a reputation due to that incident."

"Everyone in my class thought you were the president, until I corrected them," I said cheerfully. "It's always been that way."

"I feel sorry for Kanbara," Yumi-senpai said. "She worked hard, as well."

"I know that. I think she likes things the way they are, though," I said.

Yumi-senpai smiled. "I suppose so. Well, I won't say anything more. About mahjong, either."

"That's what we normally talk about, though," I said playfully.

"Is that a bad thing?"

"Not at all. I like it, after all. Shall we play each other again tonight?"

"That's a good idea," Yumi-senpai said. "As usual, I won't go easy on you. I need to prepare for Todai."

"I doubt I'll help with that," I said. "Maybe we should bring in Kaori. Her mahjong isn't useless online, like mine is."

"What are you talking about? Online or off, with or without stealth, you're mahjong's strong." Yumi-senpai gave me an encouraging smile. "It's always been that way."

I smiled back. "I've still got a long way to go. Both of us have, right?"

"That's certainly true. But that's what makes it interesting. I'm sure it's really lonely at the top of the world, whoever stands there." Yumi-senpai smirked. "Though even if I say that, I want to be there. However impossible a dream it might be. You should come too."

"I'll see what I can do."

She's totally different from Miura-san. I know that without even meeting the latter. It's that kind senpai I'm very fond of and I'm afraid to part from.