ALMOST DOESN'T COUNT
Chapter Seven: For the Birds
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
This chapter is in JAY'S POV, since I did one of Ellie's and I wanted to show where he's at with it all. The language is just a little less refined than Ellie's (i.e. our boy here has an issue with certain colorful phrases), and the chapter is sort of short, but it's mainly used as a tool to show you where everything is at and what exactly happened when he left the night before.
I'd like to ask anyone and everyone reviewing to throw out some suggestions as to what they'd like to see in the story, if they feel like it! I've got a pretty good idea of a few events that are to take place, but before, in between, and after that, I'm totally willing to stick in some reader ideas, if they grab me. I love you all like a fat kid (or anyone, really) loves cake for all the kind words and encouragement, as well!
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LAST CHAPTER:
"Red," he chided, burying his face into his pillow and saying something else under his breath. Obviously he wasn't a fan of the idea of driving me to class, that morning. I couldn't say I blamed him, considering that he probably felt like hell. It was still dark outside, and I had to admit, sleep did still seem tempting. "Can't we just go back to sleep?"
"Y-yeah, why don't we?" I agreed, nodding despite the fact that I wasn't completely sure of what I was saying. Did I really want to go down this path, again?
"Great. 'Cos I can't move, yet," he mumbled, seeming either too self confident, too hung over, or too asleep to really care what my motivation or true colors behind the answer was, and accepted it at face value. Seeming satisfied enough, he merely tossed his arm around me and pulled me back towards him from where I'd edged away, until I was flush against his chest. I breathed in his scent as he rested his chin on the top of my head, and listened to his breathing as it evening out in moments. He was back to sleep as quickly as he'd woken up.
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I couldn't believe she was still there when I looked down.
Backtracking a little, I couldn't believe she'd agreed to stay in bed with me, at all. Things hadn't ended well the night before, and her agreeing to sleep in a bed that I was doing the same in had surprised the hell out me. One minute I'd been having a dream about Sean, of all people, and swimming in the lake in the middle of December, and the next, she'd been staring up at me talking about leaving. I hadn't turned on the bullshit or the charm when I'd asked her to stay, too sleepy and much too hung over to place whatever part one would call that, and she'd stayed regardless.
As much as I was trying to be logical, to remember that catching feelings wasn't necessarily a good thing with this girl, I couldn't help myself from thinking that maybe that meant something. Not that she wanted to run off and get married, but maybe that I wasn't the worst consolation prize she could've hoped for. I was getting something out of the deal, so I couldn't find my platform to complain. After all, I'd never made a big deal out of it in the past when a girl wanted to be something more than just friends, yet something less than a girlfriend to me. I didn't understand what made Red any different.
I'd gotten over the factor of forbidden fruit, her being Sean's ex-girl, a long time before that. I preferred brunettes to red heads. She didn't have much of a bullshit tolerance. She had more baggage than I typically wanted to claim. And yet, none of these reasons was good enough to chase away the fact that I liked her. 'Liked' being the most mundane and simple way to explain how I felt. At the same time, however, I knew that there was really no use explaining it at all, whatever I felt about her. She wasn't my best friend's girl anymore, but mentally, she was having a little trouble seeing that no matter how clearly the picture was painted.
It shouldn't even have bothered me because I didn't have any great reason to care. Especially after everything that had happened last night, I thought. And then it hit me, like some sort of a wave. Even thought Ellie had been a royal bitch, in some aspects, it didn't seem like that was enough to make what I'd gone and done peachy. It was probably the first time I regretted fooling around with someone else, especially when I hadn't even been caught yet. In fact, I was in a perfect situation to never even have to discuss let alone feel any sort of guilty over what had happened the night before – as she was so keen on reminding me, Ellie was not my girlfriend, and I wasn't even considered in the same dimension as a boyfriend. There was no one to punish me, and yet, I couldn't help but offer to do it myself.
It hadn't been sex – not full on sex, anyway – and it hadn't been with anyone she knew, so the rush of regret for the whole thing was more than just a little unexpected for me. The only time I could ever recall feeling guilty about anything was when I had been or was going to be caught, a catch that didn't seem involved in this case as there was no one to really dole out the punishment. Still, I felt some aggravating ache of a conscience hanging around the pit of my stomach as I looked down at Ellie, curled against me and sleeping. This 'feelings' shit was truly for the birds if I was going to be feeling like trash every time I turned around and stepped on the princess's toes.
After all, I hadn't called her someone else's name, the night before. That mistake had been all hers, and honestly, what was I supposed to do after something like that? I'd done damn near everything I was capable of, and still, like magic, I turned into Sean in her head. It wasn't fair, considering he hadn't even cared enough to hang out and make sure her crazy alcoholic mother didn't drive her so crazy that she kept tearing up those arms of hers, let alone care enough to come pick her up and try to take care of her. Like I even knew how to or even had to in the first place, right? My obligations to her ended where hers to me did too, which seemed to be the bedroom. Or at least, I would have liked to believe it was that simple.
But it wasn't, not by a long shot, and as I finally detangled myself from her long limbs, I was beginning to see that. My head ached like someone had hit me over it with an iron skillet and my legs felt a little like jell-o, but I couldn't just lay there in bed and marvel at Red all morning. It was a little tempting too, if only because I couldn't afford her seeing me making the googly eyes I had a feeling I was, especially not when she was awake. The last thing I really needed was to give her more ammunition for big set ups and huge let downs, like the night before.
The best and seemingly only thing to do was just to forget that the entire night prior had even happened, period. She didn't kiss me and didn't call me Sean. I didn't get drunk and fool around with some random girl because of those things. It was a clean slate, absolutely.
Yeah. Right. As if those things ever worked out for me, in the first place.