Title: Celibacy is an Option

A/N: Well…I was in the shower when this little plot bounded into my head. I found the idea to be rather humourous. I know I'm not the only person who wonders if Anderson's a virgin or not.

Disclaim: I really don't own, promise; if I did I really wouldn't be writing this crummy little fic.

Alucard often wondered if Anderson was still a virgin. Of course, celibacy was often the path for priests, but since the 17th century, the Catholics had changed quite a bit. The question haunted Alucard inside and out. He really didn't want to think of Anderson as a sexual beast, but there it was.

The Judas Priest was a domineering force, with a devilish grin and a handsome face. Seras sometimes found the priest intoxicating. He had caught more than just a passing whiff of interest from Maxwell. Even Integra seemed taken in by the priest. Alucard simply wanted to know why. What was it that made people yearn for Anderson?

That question, he told himself, was why he was following Anderson into a seedy Irish pub. Well the question and the prospect of its answer.

Anderson was dressed as he normally was: black boots, black slacks, a white shirt and a long, black overcoat. The only noticeable difference was the absence of the priest's collar and gloves, but seeing as Anderson had been off slaying vampire this wasn't surprising, and the fact that the priest's cross was tucked into his shirt. The priest had taken a seat in a corner booth, his back to the wall and his coat draped over the back of his chair. His green eyes were more relaxed behind the rounded lenses of his glasses, instead of wide and insane.

A smile was toying at Anderson's lips, and Alucard was, briefly, mesmerized by the uncharacteristic expression. The smile was almost gentle. Alucard shook his head to disengage the attention toward the smile. He watched as the barmaid sidled up to Anderson's table.

Her skirt was short, her shirt tight and low-cut, and she was already flirting shamelessly at the priest. What surprised Alucard even more was the simple fact that Anderson flirted back, even if it was seemingly just an instinctual response. The Judas Priest looked up at the girl with lidded eyes and that little smile toying at his lips. Alucard quickly got up and moved closer when the girl blushed just barely.

Of course Anderson didn't notice the blush, but Alucard did. He tended to notice what blood did. Anderson's voice was a low, deep, almost sensual rumble. His tone had dropped down, turning his accent into something incredibly sexy. Then a flash of perfect teeth in a gorgeous smile had the girl practically melting into his lap.

She smiled, a sensual pout to her lips as she bantered back. Anderson tipped his head back just slightly, revealing part of his throat and allowing the girl to look down his shirt as the first three buttons gaped about his neck, and a soft laugh echoed up from his chest. The girl complained about having to get more beer from the back, and Anderson being the good soul that he was –even if Alucard was begrudged to admit it—offered to help her. She took Anderson's broad hand in her own, a lustful look dancing behind her eyes and pulled him off toward the back of the pub.

Alucard followed them quickly, shifting into the shadows and slinking into the next room before the pair. He crouched in a shadowed corner, his mimicked breath coming in short, almost angry bursts. The barmaid pulled Anderson in after her. Alucard felt his breath shrivel in his already dead lungs. Without the coat, Anderson's clothes fit snuggly, showing his powerful frame.

The girl turned on Anderson, wrapping her arms about his neck, and the priest gave her a bewildered look. He held his hands out away from her body, his broad palms and blunt fingers exposed as if in surrender. The barmaid whispered something against Anderson's neck, and whatever it was made Anderson blush hard. The blood coloured Anderson's tanned cheeks and swept down his neck. Alucard wasn't sure if the whole thing was funny because he could practically feel Anderson's embarrassment or if it was pissing him off because the priest hadn't stopped it yet.

Anderson pulled away from the girl, explaining in his low voice that he was a priest. She gave him a devilish grin and advanced again as if she didn't believe him. Anderson pulled away again and held up a hand to try and stop the girl. He reiterated what he'd already said, and the girl huffed. "If you're a priest, than why did ya flirt with me?" Anderson's soft green eyes narrowed in thought as his brow furrowed. "I didnae flirt with ya lass." She stomped her foot and heaved a sigh. "Ya did too. You've been flirtin' since ya came in." Anderson tilted his head down, staring into the girl's eyes with an almost heartbreaking sincerity to his soft green gaze. "I didnae mean to, and I apologize if it came off that way. You're a very lovely young woman, but I am a priest and have taken a vow."

She reared her hand back and slapped Anderson sharply; blood darkened his cheek and made the scar stand out more. He looked at her, grinding his teeth and let out a slow sigh. "I suppose I deserve tha." The girl glowered at him, "If ya didnae want me, ya couldae said so. Ya didnae have to string me along. Ya couldae just said ya was gay." The girl's large emerald eyes filled with tears, and she stomped out of the back room, leaving behind a very agitated and confused Father Anderson.

Mumbling under his breath, Anderson snuck out the back door, wrapped around and retrieved his coat quietly and then stalked off into the grimy city. He pulled the coat on harshly, squared his shoulders, shoved his hands deep in his pockets and glowered straight ahead. Alucard trailed after the priest, a playful smile tugging at his lips.

Alucard followed Anderson back to the inn. When the blonde stormed through the door, Alucard hung back. He wondered if he wanted to rent a room or just show up and expect the priest to show some hospitality. The thought was almost laughable. He floated through shadows and found Anderson's room. Then Alucard trailed back down and entered through the door. He requested a room, but a specific room. He wanted the room that backed Anderson's room. The man at the front desk muttered under his breath that Alucard would be sorry, but made no attempts to change Alucard's mind.

He sat on the edge of the bed, facing Anderson's room and listened to the priest mumble under his breath. Alucard could hear shoes being kicked off, the heavy thump of the knife-heavy coat being tossed on the bed, the button and zipper of slacks being undone and dropped to the floor, a shirt being pulled off to land atop the slacks and the soft tink as glasses were placed carefully on the bedside table.

Moments passed, and Alucard could mentally see Anderson stalking across his hotel room floor nearly, or completely, naked. Alucard heard a door slam and then the shower start up. He mentally counted to one hundred and fifty before he melted into the shadows and followed the priest into the bathroom.

In the shower stall, Alucard could make out Anderson's form. The Judas Priest's broad shoulders were slumped as the water slammed into Anderson's back. Alucard saw the glint of metal through the steam and was unsurprised that Anderson would wear his cross into the shower.

Uncaring if his clothes got wet or not, Alucard stepped into the shower stall with the priest the very first time that Anderson turned his back. The water saturated his black hair, sending inky tendrils spilling across his face. Anderson turned around and came face to face with Alucard, a pissed snarl curling his lips took away the brief moment of shock from finding another in the shower with him. Anderson's left hand spread on the shower wall as if to steady himself. "Wha teh bloody hell do ya want!"

He smirked, glad that the priest could tell it was him even without his glasses. Alucard didn't say anything, just stared into those enraged green eyes. Soft pink lips curled further away from Anderson's teeth, and the priest growled just barely. "Did ya nae get teh hint ya heathen?" Anderson's voice was cold, dangerous, and Alucard smiled.

"I think I'll be fine," he purred, purposefully drawing his gaze down Anderson's dripped frame and making the lack of knives very obvious. Anderson's face burned with anger, his eyes widening into a crazed look, but the priest didn't move. Alucard cocked his head, determinedly keeping his gaze locked on Anderson's. "Did she piss you off that much priest?"

Anderson snorted, the exhalation causing his breath to string together from water droplets. "Of course ya where there fer tha." Alucard relaxed against the slick, tiled wall and regarded Anderson carefully. "I found it very interesting that you flirted back unconsciously. You didn't encourage it, but you didn't dissuade it." Anderson glowered at him but said nothing. Alucard let his gaze run slowly down Anderson's frame. The man's skin was tanned and littered with old scars that had stretched and smoothed as he'd grown, from the days before Anderson was turned into the Vatican's pet monster. Blonde hair curled on Anderson's chest, loosely spread across the massive, chiseled expanse of Anderson's chest. Anderson's stomach was a sculpted plane of strong muscles and tight skin.

Darker blonde hair trailed down from the Judas priest's navel and down to his groin. Anderson's hips and thighs were lean, the muscles tight against bone. There weren't that many scars on Anderson's legs. One scar curved up from his hip, and another dashed across his thigh but that was about it.

Alucard stared at Anderson's hand. It was broad, the fingers blunt and completely unlike his own feminine hands. Blonde hair speckled Anderson's legs and arms, where the muscles were tense as if waiting for the fighting to commence. Alucard stared at the tip of a scar that curved from Anderson's shoulder blade and ended in between a pair of ribs.

"So...I don't think she was right. I don't think you're gay priest." He leveled his red gaze from that shiny scar and stared into Anderson's wary, guarded gaze and noticed the soft flush to Anderson's cheeks. "Well tha's good. I'm glad ta have a monster on me side." Alucard smiled, revealing his fangs. "I think you don't know what you are. You've never been with someone, male or female so you don't know." Anderson blushed harder but said nothing, his lips set in an angry, tight line.

"And I'd like to know why." Anderson's lips curled in a snarl, a defense mechanism to remind Alucard that the priest was dangerous. "Why wha?" Alucard shrugged his shoulders softly. "Why you're celibate. Surely, being a Catholic priest, you know that the laws were changed quite some time ago. Priests can even get married and have children now." Anderson's gaze seemed tugged down before those angry green eyes snapped up again. "Wha does it matter ya beast?"

Unable to stop it, the laugh left his lips in a rush. It was, apparently, the wrong thing to do as Anderson's hand snapped out and closed around Alucard's throat, as Anderson's naked, wet body pinned Alucard to the slick, cool wall. Anderson's mouth was set in a snarl, his eyes narrowed and blazing with fury. There was a blush set soft in Anderson's dark cheeks, and Alucard swallowed his laugh.

It suddenly wasn't funny anymore. Anderson might not be able to kill him, but the Judas Priest could do some God-awful damaged.

"Ya think it's funny? Nae all of us can be pretty." Alucard stared at Anderson's mouth, where it hovered so close to his own. Anderson's tone had dropped an octave, sending his words into a deeper, almost sensual tone, making the growl something powerful and desirable. Alucard swallowed hard as heat slowly slithered down his spin. A muscle in Anderson's cheek twitched, making the tip of the scar the curved from his jaw jump slightly. "I know wha I am, wha I look like."

There was no self-depreciation in Anderson's tone, simply the truth. Alucard licked his lips nervously, watching Anderson's gaze flicker to the movement before darting back to meet Alucard's gaze. "And what's that priest?" Anderson's snarl became a demented, feral grin. "A dog. Same as you."

He swallowed softly, eyes locked on Anderson's lips. "What makes you think you're a dog priest." Anderson let go of Alucard's throat and took a step back. Slowly, the priest turned about, showing off all the scars that were etched into his body. Alucard's mouth watered slightly at the thought of running his tongue along each of those smooth, stretched scars. "Look at me. I'm an old, scarred beast of destruction, used by teh Church so teh Vatican donae have ta get their hands dirty."

Anderson turned back and looked at Alucard, his head dipped slightly. A feral grin stretched his lips, but Alucard could see the sadness that lingered in Anderson's gaze. Alucard took a step closer to the paladin; the Judas Priest simply stared back, lifting his head in a questioning manner. Alucard tilted his head up to stare into those soft green eyes. "I don't think you're a dog." He took another step closer; Anderson took a step back.

The shower stall wasn't that big, and it didn't take too many of Anderson's strides to have the priest pressed against the opposite shower wall. Alucard pressed softly against the taller man, staring up at the Judas Priest from behind the strands of hair that trailed wetly across his face. He pressed his hips against Anderson's briefly. "You're an attractive, powerful man." Alucard lifted up on his tiptoes and let his lips hover over Anderson's. "Your scars are incredibly sexy, your voice is sensual, and your body is almost godly."

Alucard's lips seared to Anderson's, his gloved fingers curled in the priest's short, blonde hair as he tried to mesh their bodies together. He nipped softly at Anderson's soft bottom lip and soothed the flesh with a sweep of his tongue. Anderson's mouth fell open in a soft moan, his broad hands scanning up to fist in Alucard's hair. He felt his body being pulled against Anderson's, felt the heat of the priest through his layers of clothes.

His priest forced Alucard back onto the soles of his feet, pulling him closer. Alucard could feel Anderson about to pull away, and when the Judas Priest did, Alucard wanted to scream. He wanted to pull the priest back to him. He could feel Anderson's erection throbbing against his own and feel the priest's unsteady breath flaring on his lips.

Within seconds, a blush covered Anderson's cheeks and was seeping down his throat and barely darkened his chest. Alucard stepped into the stream of water and watched as Anderson scrambled to wrap a towel around his waist. "Wha teh was tha!" Alucard stepped slowly out of the shower. "A kiss…which we both seemed to enjoy." He looked pointedly down at Anderson's covered erection. Anderson blushed harder and turned away. Alucard stared at the sculpted planes of Anderson's back.

When he finally got out of the steamy bathroom, the shower still running, Anderson was pulling his slacks up over his ass. The priest was breathing deeply, in an attempt to get his body under control. Alucard stepped closer as Anderson pulled his shirt on and laced the buttons closed. "Tha didnae happen. It never happened." Anderson turned his burning gaze on Alucard, and Alucard felt like something had broken off in his chest.

Slowly, Alucard nodded. He could still taste the priest's mouth on his lips, those broad hands curled in his hair, that strong body pressed insistently against his own. Anderson gave him a lingering look before shrugging his coat over his shoulders. "Dammit!" Anderson spun on his heel and glowered at him. Alucard could hear the bayonets hidden within the coat's depths clink against one another. "Ya goddamned heathen!" Anderson hid his face with a hand. "Next time, I'll kill ya!" The threat rang hollow in Alucard's ears, but he stayed still while Anderson stomped from the hotel room. The door slammed shut, and he realized he was dripping all over the floor.

Uncaringly, he dropped down on the carefully made bed. He buried his face in Anderson's pillow and caught lingering traces of the paladin. Alucard hugged the soft lump to his chest and tried to slump down into sleep. Instead, his mind continued to run through the kiss over and over. In his mind, he saw in striking detail Anderson' strong frame, the conflicting emotions dancing behind his emerald eyes, the feel of Anderson's hands in his hair, the priest's body against his own.

It made his heart ache. But at the same time, he knew he could wait, because in the Catholic religion celibacy was an option and sooner or later, Anderson's will was going to break. And Alucard knew he'd be there to sweep the paladin off his feet and into bed. And that simple thought alone was enough to let Alucard be happy enough to just linger in the scent of the other and the memories burned into his skin, mind and heart.