Hello all! This is my first attempt at a multi-chapter story. :) This chapter mainly tells about my OC - Haya. Ichigo doesn't feature yet, but he will be mentioned soon. The chapters will be updated quickly (in the beginning at least!) So, there's no need to fret if you find yourself craving a little Ichigo time.

What else.... Well, the title is inspired by the song of the same name by Oasis. It's a fantastic album if you're into high energy, slightly chaotic music.

So that's about it I think.... Enjoy!

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Chapter 1: Midnight Runs

And once more I was running. It seemed like it was all I did these days. No, that isn't entirely true for I teach part time at a school, I train like crazy with Tessai and Yoroichi in the afternoons and sometimes I train by myself; I really did have a rather full schedule. So why was I running? Short answer - because I'm an insomniac. Long answer – it's far too long and I don't wanna remember.

And so I run. Roxy panting beside me, slowing down when only when I do. Roxanne - my constant companion, my friend, my confidant. She had found me on my darkest day and has never left my side since. I have no idea where she came from, she just ran up onto my porch in a flurry of yellow fur and sharp puppy teeth. She had loved me for no apparent reason and although I had no love to give, I took her in and went through the motions hoping that one day I will have the strength to… care? Dare I say love? No, I merely hoped to be brave enough to feel. Her big brown eyes and happy demeanor dragged me kicking and screaming out of the clutches of despair. What had I been holding onto?

And now we run. We run headlong into the nothingness of tomorrow, feet pounding into the sand, yearning for the impossible – I yearn to forget while Roxy… I don't know what she yearns for.

I breathed in the salty air, felt the soft night breeze in my hair and the sand beneath my feet and strained to listen to the undulations of the waves upon the shore over the pounding of my heart in my ears. I would do anything to drown out the voices. I did not stop. I could not stop. I was running… forever running.

My muscles ached from the work out Yoroichi had put me through earlier, my arms weary from handling the katana, my legs almost numb from the prolonged abuse. But I could not stop. 'You cannot run forever.' Whispers a nagging voice in my head.

"Watch me." My voice rasped into the night.

What are you running from?

"My foolishness."

And what are you running to?

"The abyss. The void. The cocoon where I will hurt no more."

Roxy looked up at me, jowls stretched in a reassuring smile, but the tension in her neck and shoulders told me that she was aware of my turmoil. I tried to peer into her eyes in the darkness, trying to find the words to reassure us both, but in stead I found myself toppling forward, rolling, tumbling, eating sand, finally splashing to a halt in the salty water.

I could not move. My limbs no longer responded to my demands and so there I lay on the shore, waves lapping at me disinterestedly, sand abrading my knees. My lungs burned, my head pounded but the numbness would not come. I rolled onto my back and instantly felt Roxy's tongue on my face. "Yes Roxy, I'm still alive." I murmured.

She settled down into the crook of my arm, resting her head on my chest and we gazed out into the ocean.

"What do I need to fucking do?" I screamed at the stars. "Tell me what I need to do!" Why wouldn't anyone tell me what I needed to do to numb this ache? Would I need to fucking die? Lie here till the tide swallowed me whole?

Roxy whined to let me know that lying around in the water on a deserted beach was a bad idea. "You're right girl, we should head back." Yes, back to the empty house and my vodka. I dragged myself to my feet and we started the trek back. No more running, I knew what I would be returning to and I had no wish to hurry. The empty abode, the cold bed, the echoing voices in my head… they could wait. Yes they would, they were in no hurry to torment me. Why would they be when they had forever?

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So now we're back on the porch, dearest Roxy at my feet and numbing Smirnoff in my hand. "Is this what you have been reduced to?" Grumbled the voice, "A drunk fitness freak?"

"For now… yes."

I let the haze settle over me, slowing numbing the pain, taking the edge off the memories. Oh god the memories… why couldn't I forget? God knows there have been a billion things I have forgotten in my life, why was this any different?

"It had to be fucking orange." I said to Roxy and she quirked her eyebrows questioningly. "I know you don't believe me 'cause you haven't seen it, but trust me girl… it's orange. The brightest orange you will ever see, a blatant arrogant challenge to the fucking sun. And it's not just his hair mind you… HE is orange. Prominent and brazen and as imperturbable as the star that we revolve around."

She chuffed as if to say I had to be exaggerating.

"I'm serious Roxy. He really is all that and more. Strong, beautiful, alive… but dangerous too and I… I got too close and I burned."

She licked my ankle in empathy.

"Yeah… tough luck I guess." Smirnoff beckoned to me lovingly and I dove into his comforting arms. "I was hella stupid wasn't I?"

Roxy inched closer to me, nuzzling my right leg softly before resting her head on my feet.

"But not everyone got burned." I recalled bitterly. "That was saved for me and me alone. Inoue…" That bouncing floozy. She was dead now and I felt for Ishida and the boy she left behind but it did nothing for the feral beast in me that longed to tear into her flesh, rip into her gut and eviscerate her, all the while reveling in her shrieks of agony. The beast wanted to bathe in her blood, craved to drink in the sight of her pain. But the bitch was dead, she had died far too quickly and the beast was unsatisfied. I was unsatisfied.

"It was the boobs, Roxy. It's always the boobs."

She snorted, which in my drunken haze I assumed to be in agreement.

It had to be the boobs. What else could it be? God knows I gave him everything. Every last ounce of my soul until I was living on borrowed time… What was it then? Not helpless enough? Not clueless enough? Maybe it was the fact that I could cook? If it had been the lack of record breaking sized boobs, could it have been what I did have? The long ugly lines of puckered skin that lined my side, not to mention, the two that ran down my face! Reminders of my dark past riddled with disturbing events… "But let's not think about that right now." warned Smirnoff. "I am not strong enough to carry you through that tunnel…"

"Don't I know it?" I smirked mirthlessly. "Don't I know it…?"

Smirnoff helped dull the pain but his powers came with a nasty side-kick… sleep. That dreaded state in which I had even lesser control over my thoughts, the time when I subconsciously put myself through the ritual of self-flagellation and remembered it all; the color of his hair, the warmth of his smile, the tingle of a calloused finger on my cheek. And his eyes, the burning amber eyes that I had once loved but now dreaded more than the fires of hell. Those eyes had once gazed upon me embracing me in their warmth and I had foolishly believed that they would do so forever, but then they had turned cold, disbelieving and hateful. Smirnoff you bastard… who's side are you on?

I tried in my delirium to remember the warmth and bask in them one more time. 'Would you at least let me forget the cold?' I begged my sinful vice. 'Please let me forget the cold…' But it wasn't my choice to make and I remembered, I remembered it all.

"His eyes… they had pleaded with you as well." Reminded the voice in my head.

"Yeah… when it was too late."

"But…"

"Don't even THINK about going there! I barely have the strength to breathe for myself. There is NOTHING more to give. Nothing…"

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Morning came, as I knew it would, with the surf pounding on the beach and bright sunlight incinerating everything it touched. Or was that merely the hangover? The sea was calm and nothing was burning so I guess it was just my alcohol-sensitized retinas that felt like they were being seared. I stumbled into the kitchen and reached for the lemonade and the pills that Hanatarou had left with me.

After the third refill he had unhappily handed over a large bag of them. "I don't like doing this Haya-san. I feel like I am encouraging your alcoholism." He had muttered softly.

"Do I look like I care for your discouragement Hana?" I had snapped testily. "Besides I am not that far gone. I don't need a drink to function on a daily basis, I just need it to sleep. It's my sedative of choice."

He muttered something that sounded like "imprudent choice", but I had ignored it and walked out of the room.

Hanatarou's kindness soothed and irked me at the same time. It was comforting to know that someone out there remembered me, but God dammit I didn't need pity! Now I was being unfair to my crew (I can't quite bring myself to call us a family, we are far too bizarre for such a domestic term) for I knew they remembered me, and so did my friends.

"But does he remember?" whispered the voice.

"Y'know for a zanpaktou you are really nasty to me." I croaked hoarsely sipping on the lemonade, waiting for the pill to kick in.

"I am being reasonable for you while you are unable to do so for yourself." Came the terse answer.

"Inadzuma… I fucking hate you."

"Yes I can see that. Your anger and hatred has turned my home into an unforgiving desert. Mind toning it down a little bit?" he asked coldly.

"I am trying Inadzuma… you fucking know I am." I barely had control in the midst of a battle, maintaining control every single minute was not something I had down quite yet. We were creatures of the night, Inadzuma and I. Springing forth from a storm, drawing our strength from nature's fury, savoring the tingle in the air that indicated the coming of a devastating hurricane. A desert, huh? No wonder he was so snappy.

I sipped on the lemonade and recalled my downward spiral into vodka. It had started with one harmless beer (doesn't it always) and then had grown over time to include 5 more. And then one-day beer just didn't help anymore. I had despairingly looked over the choices in the store, questioning my need for stronger liquor when Smirnoff had beckoned slyly from the corner. In the beginning I had tried to exercise some form of restraint and always made myself a cocktail, a Screwdriver or a White Russian. Then, on a calm spring night, the breeze brought with it a whiff of more than just the surf and I spiraled out of control, running in drunken panic into the out stretched (unadulterated) arms of Smirnoff.

The next morning Yoroichi's voice had called to me from far, far away. "What the fuck happened last night?"

"I… I… I think I'm loosing my mind Yoro." I had croaked hoarsely.

"You're not losing your mind, you're just wasted. Hana! Get your ass over here."

"He was here… I sensed him. I smelt him and oh god I could almost taste him…" said a frightened voice that horrifyingly sounded a lot like mine.

"He wasn't here, Haya. You just remembered him is all."

"And that was the day you decided to make the transition from fitness freak to fitness freak with a drinking problem." Inadzuma remarked dryly, drawing back into the equally unforgiving present.

"Oh shut up already." I grumbled aloud, gulping down the last of the lemonade. "Why don't you go find a rock to crawl under?"

"Inadzuma pestering you again?" asked Yoroichi from the open porch door.

"Yeah… we were just thinking back to the day I fell in love with Smirnoff." Yoroichi always knew; there was no point in hiding it.

"Of course, how could anyone forget?" She said as she sauntered into the kitchen smiling.

"Well I don't remember much."

"Of course you don't."

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If you've got all the way down here, I'm hoping it's cos you read the story :) Please review.