Dear Diary,

I feel really angsty and emo today. Ever since I got into this whole "rehab" thing (after all, Lindsey and Britney are doing it, why not me?), I've been a little bit bitchier than usual. John and Mark think it is my PMS. Like whatever! I need to go reapply some eyeliner.

Dear Diary,

Mark won't stop emo bitching about his sister being dead. That was like months… or years ago. (I can't remember. The timeline in this series is so screwed up). Just get over it already! I might actually sleep with him if he'd stop whining all the time. Maybe I should tell him that. I bet that would shut him up!

Dear Diary,

John pissed blood today, so I acted as serial killer assistant AND NURSE. Whew. It's exhausting dealing with all this!

Dear Diary,

Haha, Amanda. I read your diary.

Dear Diary,

Damn. I shouldn't leave this thing lying around. I think Mark stole my diary and wrote "Haha, Amanda. I read your diary." Whatever! Like anyone cares! It's not like you're going to go blabbing my secrets to all your FBI buddies. Because they are YOUR secrets too! Gotcha there!

Dear Diary,

I cut myself today because I got overly emo again. I just can't stop the urge to lash out and apply my emoliner, er, I mean eyeliner. Maybe it's because John is getting so sick, and it's making me sad.

Dear Diary,

Well, the emo butch look for chicks is out, so I'm growing my hair out again. I think I'll wear extensions in the meantime. Oh, on a side note, I beat the *beep* out of Eric today, and he probably died.

Dear Diary,

Yeah, Mark and I finally hooked up. Don't judge me! It's frustrating being in a warehouse with some old guy and a crooked cop with no other source of sexual satisfaction around. I guess I could try to convince John to build me a sex toy, but I don't think that would go over very well. He might get mad, say it's interfering with our "overall mission" because it's "a distraction". Okay, I lied. I actually did ask him and he said exactly that. Whatever old man. Maybe I could just find something around here that vibrates to suit my needs...ah! But that might be dangerous! Nevermind!

Dear Diary,

Things are dull around the warehouse. We're laying low for awhile, but we are about to kidnap a crap load of people at once and do some master scheme with overlapping storylines and people connected in ways they didn't expect...all that crazy stuff.

Oh, and Mark isn't emo bitching as much now that I screwed him. I should have thought of that a long time ago. Kill two birds with one stone!

Dear Diary,

I read this long ass letter that was supposed to be from John, even though it was clearly written by Mark since John is on his deathbed. Okay, I lied – I SKIMMED it. Something about the test not being over, I should detach myself emotionally, listen to what he says...but then he added a "P.S. I deleted your Myspace account. It is distracting you from our overall mission." THAT BASTARD! I WILL MAKE HIM PAY!

Screw it. I'm going to go full emo. I even bought by own emo kit today (first aid kit), and I am GOING AT IT! THEN I AM GOING TO MAKE THAT OLD MAN STFU FOR GOOD!

Dear Diary,
Haha, Amanda. I read your diary again.