A/N: Basically, the tried and tested plot. YOU CAN NEVER GO WRONG WITH FOUR/FIVE TIMES SOMETING HAPPENED!! :D
Disclaimer: Do not own...unfortunate wot? :(
Four Time Spock Had To Beam Kirk Up And One Time He Didn't
1. It was supposed to be a simple recon mission. Beam down to the planet, asses present life-forms, beam back up. Looks easy on the PADD but when you throw James T. Kirk into the mix, easy takes on a whole other meaning.
The moment they (Kirk, Spock, Doctor McCoy and a dark-haired Ensign, Walters) get beamed down, these squidgy alien blobs start streaming out of the dense green foliage and start attacking them. Well, more specifically, they start attacking the Captain. The whole thing devolves into a brief tussle resulting in a –once again- dead Ensign, a banged up Captain and a practically frothing-at-the-mouth Doctor, leaving Spock to do the logical thing and get them beamed 'the hell outta there' to quote the good Doctor McCoy.
Upon re-assessing the situation, it was concluded that Kirk's distinctive blond hair was what attracted the aliens in the first place. The Captain protested quite vocally but was silenced by a timely hypo-spray.
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2. Being taken on a tour of a dry, desert-like island surrounded by looming volcanoes could get pretty boring. Or at least, that was the excuse Jim Kirk gave when asked why he had wandered off.
He had ducked behind a shrub in order to escape the tall, spindly humanoid that was their tour-guide as well as the rest of their away team and had promptly gotten captured by a group of babbling natives who had decided that he absolutely had to be thrown down the nearest active volcano in order to replenish the soils and bring fertility to the land and the women.
I mean, hey, if you want the women to have babies, a few rounds with him would go way farther than chucking him into molten lava. Unfortunately, the natives did not seem to find the Captain particularly funny and had him tied to a stick before you could say "Spock".
Fortunately though, the Terran saying 'Speak of the devil and he appears' seemed to apply to the Vulcan in question who leapt out of the crowd, nerve-pinched approximately three-quarters of the wild-eyed natives, picked the Captain up (bridal style of course) and beamed directly to his personal quarters where he proceeded to berate the Captain on appropriate behaviour while on a tour on a foreign planet.
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3. "GODDAMN MY EYES!!"
"Hey! I'll have you to know that I look 'positively ravishable' according to the Ambassador."
"SHIT JIM! YOU'RE NAKED AND CHAINED TO A BED POST FOR CHRIST'SSAKE!!"
"Oh…yeah. Forgot about that. Sorry."
"Beam the Captain and myself directly to his quarters Mr. Scott. We need to have an immediate discussion on the appropriate actions to be taken when accepting offers from Ambassadors."
"Aye, Commander"
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4. When Jim stepped into the large, domed building, he expected to be met by stone sculptures and old artwork. To have over a thousand people bow to him in obeisance was not on his list of Things to Experience on an Away Mission.
This time however, Commander Spock was well prepared. Before any of the groveling humanoids could approach the Captain, he grabbed said person by the back of his tunic and beamed right back onto the Enterprise much to the dismay of Jim.
"I do not believe it necessary for you to beam back down Captain. The logical conclusion would be that a confusion as to your identity has occurred and would simply complicate Federation relations with the planet leaders. Instead, Lieutenants Sulu and Uhura shall take our place."
"Our?"
"Yes, as the inhabitants have already noted my visage, it would be prudent for me to remain aboard the ship."
"Oh…right."
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+1. "I may place your life in danger Captain." Worry.
"Jim, Spock. If we're at this stage, the least you could do is call me Jim." Exasperation.
"Very well, Jim. Are you sure about this? This is not the best place to ask you of this but as our communicators are broken and I see no other way as to get back aboard the Enterprise-" Rambling.
"Yes Spock! Absolutely." Accedence.
"Even if I may hurt you." Stalling.
"I know Spock. Now, are you going to blather on or are you going to kiss me?" Demanding.
Acquiescence.
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