*A.N. – Hi there guys! Thanks for the reviewing again I was blown away by the support. Unfortunately I have to address an issue – if you are reading this story and due to the way I perceive the character believe that I have never truly been bullied then you need to stop reading it – I say this because I have received a few rather upsetting and rude messages and reviews basically accusing me of not understanding being bullied and that this is not how the victim would feel. I am going to tell you a one hundred percent true and surprisingly recent story – it happened this morning and is most probably the reason I am posting this chapter tonight.

This morning was my nephew's (I'm Scottish) first day of primary school (I'm sure it would be kindergarten to you US guys) and I was shocked to learn he was going to my old primary – the original one not the second one I was moved to because the bullying became so intense – I hadn't realised this and was caught unaware by how haunted I was as I stood in the playground that was in my nightmares for years. I took pleasure in seeing my adorable little nephew so excited for school but also worried pretty irrationally as I know how cruel kids can be. As I stood cooing over my nephew a girl who had been two years above me in school and who had physically and emotionally bullied me quite severely for a time came up the playground steps with her adorable little daughter hand in hand, laughing and smiling and excited for her daughters first day of school. I can't describe the horror that went through me and rather shockingly the fear. To be in the school playground and to be confronted with someone I truly did not expect to see gave me a pretty big fright. But I tell you her daughter was utterly adorable and I found I was testing my own words from this story as I thought in my head 'would I wish you the pain I went through so your mum could understand what she did to me' and I was so proud of myself because I knew not even a small part of me could ever wish that on her and as much as her mother scared me I hope she NEVER has to go through what my mum had to go through with me. Everyone reacts and recovers differently from the emotional trauma of bullying.
I told this story so you all understand the perspective from which I write and could pretty please try not to judge me or the character I am portraying Bella to be so rashly and harshly. I write from experience... now enjoy my chapter!*

I saw their expressions as if through a glass screen. The silence was deafening as I studied the looks of utter shock on Emmett and Rosalie's face and the confusion on Jasper and Alice's. So I guess they hadn't told them about their younger antics then.

I could feel adrenaline coursing through my body and it took me every ounce of strength to keep my whole body from shaking. I gritted my jaw and curled my fingers into tighter fists before I could speak again.

"What?" Alice was looking around her confused and I'm pretty sure her confusion was aimed at Rosalie and Emmett as she could see from the look on their faces that they knew me; she could tell something was very wrong.

I smiled at her darkly, "Let me enlighten you both, I was their punch bag many years ago. Jasper, while you were getting treated for cancer Rosalie thought it would be a good idea to torture me. And Alice, your perfect big brother was a nasty little brute who caused me innumerable bruises." I looked at Alice and Jasper as I spoke; I couldn't look at my grown tormentors faces, I couldn't invite their excuses because as my mind had just realised in the past minute – there were none. They had been wrong no matter their reasons and I couldn't stand around in my own living hell breaking myself apart any longer while they picked at me and hated me for something that wasn't my fault. It was theirs. "I lived in hell for years as the four of them made darker and darker attacks on me." I could see Alice and Jaspers face paling at my burning rage. The tone of my voice was rising as was the volume but I could bring myself to quieten down, not now that the damn had finally burst.

"YOU'LL NEVER FUCKING UNDERSTAND THOUGH." I finally managed to grasp all my courage and turn to them, Rosalie had her head in Emmett's shoulders and Emmett's eyes were on the floor. "LOOK AT ME!" They never moved "FUCKING LOOK AT ME!" They both looked up that time and both faces were streaked with tears. They looked ashamed of themselves and too right they should be. My throat choked with an angry sob and I breathed deeply before I spoke again, managing to lower my volume.

"Remember the time you chased me up a tree and I fell out and onto my bum and you all stalked off laughing at me?" They nodded almost imperceptibly, "Yeah, I had a bruise the size of my hand on my backside and struggled to sit down for days – even now my mum still laughs about the time 'clumsy little Izzy," they winced at my old nickname, "fell out of a tree'."

Emmett's eyes pleaded with mine as he spoke, "we're sorry," his voice cracked as he spoke and I laughed a harsh, almost feral sound.

"Sorry? Is that right? You're fucking sorry? Just brilliant, I'm glad you've said that – now I'll be able to stop having nightmares, I mean I only stopped taking panic attacks a year ago so I guess I may as well forget about it all and be best friends forever." Scorn dripped off of every word. The dark smile left my mouth as I stepped closer to him. "You think I don't know that if I was still fat, specky and covered in acne you wouldn't even be a friend of mine."

Rosalie reached out and touched my shoulder but I jumped back, "Bella, we're ashamed of ourselves; you don't understand how much I've hated myself for everything I've done."

"Like the times you turned everyone against me, remember when you told everyone that they weren't allowed to talk to me, or the time you poured salt over my head and told everyone in school I had nits and that you could see they eggs? You isolated me and then you preyed on me, you manipulated everyone into hating me." I shook my head at her, "I didn't think I'd ever be able to tell you this, to tell you how depressed you all made me. Now you're going to be a parent... How would you like it if your baby went to school and came home with bruises all over them – although I reckon there wouldn't be many 6 year olds as brilliantly wicked as you four were at hiding my bruises in all the right places so my mother couldn't be sure anything was actually going on; you knew exactly what you were doing. All of you."

As I had spoke the horror on Rosalie's face had grown, "Bella you can't understand how sorry we are – we know we did wrong and we're so ashamed you have to understand that we were kids and that we've grown up now-"

"And what? You're different people? Yeah, I agree, in the time I've spent with you all you don't seem nearly as immoral but where does that leave me? You will never understand the frustration, pain, anger, humiliation and HURT I've gone and am still going through. You will never know what it's like to feel such vile hatred for someone!" I collapsed backwards onto a seat, angrily swiping away the tears that were running from my eyes now at an unstoppable pace. "I'm not a bad person," my voice cracked under the strain of holding in the full force of my emotion, "yet I have to live with myself everyday hating you, I have to live with hating Edward but caring about him now so very deeply. I had to be moral when you told me you were expecting. I had to be compassionate when I heard what had happened to Jasper when you were younger. I had to sit and listen to Esme talk about how good a boy her son was and how misunderstood he was. How he had been bullied for a few months as a child and had never been the same." I laughed slightly manically then, "What the fuck am I meant to do with that? How do I deal with what you have done to me? I can honestly say that hering you apologise, seeing you cry... it makes me feel right in having hated you in the first place... but it doesn't help me, I can't just forgive you with a click of the fingers."

I sighed deeply and was suddenly aware of how silent and morose everyone else in the room looked.

"I think I made a big mistake in coming back here."

"Bella – I don't know what to say – I can't tell you enough how wrong I was, I know I was wrong-"

As I listened to Emmett prattle away an apology I knew there was no point in me listening; it wasn't enough and I shouldn't be here. They shouldn't be my friends – it should never have happened in the first place. God I had finally realised myself worth. Even with Emmett ploughing on in the background I felt a wash of joy, a weight lifted from my shoulders as I appreciated for the first time. I was above these people. I would never wish my pain on an unborn child, on any child for that matter. I had my morality and it was a pillar of strength at that moment. I was better than them and I did not need them in my life.

I felt like I was taking the first easy breath for months, years even.

"Stop."

Emmett stopped mid-sentence his watery, red eyes pleading with mine, "What did I-"

"Save it, all of you, just save it." My hands gripped the armrests tightly, "Please, remove yourself from my house."

"Bella-"

"No. Out."

"Bella please-"

"Out."

"But Bella I didn't-"

"I'm sorry Alice, but get out."

They argued with me all the way to the door but now I had finished listening to them and there was only one last loose end to tie up before I spoke to Charlie and informed him that I would be leaving Forks once again. As I closed the door and almost numbly searched for my car keys – for my emotions were oddly calm and succinct – I knew what I wanted now, I knew what I had to do and I was focused and in tune with myself. It was the ultimate sign that I had done the right thing; that I didn't feel that I was bordering on bipolar any longer.

It was peaceful inside my brain now, a peace that I had been searching for for such a long time, since I could remember really, and had only now come to understand that I had been searching for it in the first place and that I had achieved my goal. Self acceptance.

*A.N. I would love to hear your thoughts on my chapter, so review and tell me them!*