I'm Sorry

A Miharu Endou fan fiction

Summary: He left her, thinking that it would be the best for her. He never knew that his departure would leave a big impact on her, too big that it hurts. NxM

Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own Gakuen Alice. Who would want to give its copyright to me as a Christmas present or Sweet-sixteen gift?? I would gladly accept it! XD

A/N: Hey guys, it's me again with a new one-shot. I don't know why, but I seem to be having sad ideas right now. I'm sorry if I'm writing depressing stories, but, I just can't help it. It's the only way I can release my stress. Still, I hope you guys would enjoy this one-shot. I wrote my heart out for this one. :D

Natsume and the rest's ages during the flashback- 23

Natsume and the rest's ages in the present--- 35 (they sound old and everything, but this has a reason)

Story narrated by NATSUME HYUUGA

Enjoy my story~

"I'm leaving, polka-dots."

That was the last thing I've said to her when I left. Not a single 'I love you' was said, and not a single explanation was muttered by me. I just left her there, bawling her eyes out and trying to stop me from going. It was hard for me to see her like that. It was hard for me to leave, but I had no choice. If I were to stay in the university with them, they might get in danger. I don't want that to happen.

We were in our third year in Alice University, the college for Alices. You all know that I have the fire alice and that I am one of the targets of the Anti-Alice Organization, AAO for short. The officials in the school decided to transfer me to Europe, because it was far away from Japan. I accepted it immediately to avoid trouble.

"You love me, right, Natsume? You can't possibly leave me! You promised me that you won't!"

I didn't know that my departure would affect Mikan. I finally realized that it was I who was naïve. I was the one who wasn't listening. I never knew she was hurting. I never knew she wouldn't move on. I thought she would turn back into her cheerful state in a few weeks, but damn was I wrong..

FLASHBACK:

"Minna, let's all go to Central Town! It's been a while since we went there." Mikan said to all of us, jumping up and down excitedly.

The gang stared at her and nodded their heads happily, getting more excited by the minute. Polka-dots was right, it's been a while since all of us visited Central Town. That place was about 30 minutes away from the University grounds, so we didn't have the chance to go there.

Tobita smiled at Mikan and said; "That's a great idea, Mikan-chan! Let's all go and have fun!"

I stared at him. I always knew he fell in love with Mikan. I immediately noticed it when polka-dots entered our classroom when we were in 4th grade. It was practically love at first sight.

Imai only smiled faintly and sighed. Ruka did so too. I told them the proposal of the officials and that I've finally accepted it. Imai was the unhappy one between the two. She knew the feelings I hold for polka dots, and she knew that the little girl felt the same. But, well, I didn't.

I decided to come with them so that, you know, I can have my last bonding time with them. They were all cheerful and jolly. They never knew that I would be transferring to Europe tomorrow. What would change if I leave though? Nothing.

When we were passing by the world-renowned Howalons store, Mikan grabbed my arm and beamed at me, trying to use her charm to make me buy the wretched candy for her. I guess I have no choice, do I?

We were quiet while we separated from the group to buy the candy. She stared at me with those wide, concern-filled brown orbs. She tugged on my shirt to stop me and said; "Is there something wrong, Natsume-kun?"

Those 13 years we've been "friends" trained her to read me like an open book. I can't hide any secret from her forever. It would usually take her an hour or two to know my secret. But, this secret I have right now would take her a while to find out.

I shook my head and said; "It's nothing that concerns you, little girl."

She pouted and let go of my arm. She was disappointed again. She said; "There you go again, Natsume, acting all 'I'm dangerous, stay away from me' mode. Loosen up, will you? We've been friends for 13 years but you're still having a hard time opening up to me."

'Yeah. Friends. JUST friends.' I thought bitterly. She could never be mine. And I will never be insane enough to make her mine. It was suicide.

"It's nothing, polka-dots. It just feels awkward walking here after all those years of not visiting this place." I excused.

"Oh." She started. "I feel that too, Natsume-kun! A lot has changed in Central Town, ne? There are a lot of new stores, including that jewellery store over there."

She pointed a fancy-looking store with a big glass window, displaying breath-taking necklaces and accessories. They were obviously expensive. Mikan dragged me there and stared at the necklace in the center of the display. It was a white gold necklace with a sakura petal pendant, with diamonds in it. It was perfect for her. Too bad it was 45,000 Rabbits (approximately 225,000 yen).

She groaned and said to herself; "Oh well. That's too good to be true for me."

Seeing her disappointed face was heart-breaking for me, so I dragged her inside the boutique and approached a saleslady that was near the display in the window.

"I want that necklace with the sakura petals." I said to the saleslady. She immediately took it and showed it to us. Mikan was trying to stop me, but shrugged her off, and looked at the sakura petals.

The saleslady smiled at us and said; "You can personalize it, sir. If you want, we can engrave something like your initials, or we can change that diamond's color."

I nodded my head and removed Mikan's hand on my arm. I told her to wait for me while I went to the counter and said; "I want you to engrave MxN forever behind that pendant, and will you change it to pink diamonds? I'm willing to pay more."

The old man in the counter shook his head slowly and said; "It will be free for you, young man. This necklace is a special one. Legends and tales stated that this was the necklace made for the consort of the Gakuen Alice's founder. This necklace was the symbol of eternal love, they said. I promised the descendant of the maker of this necklace that I will give free services for the man who buys this."

I thanked the man and waited until they've done my request. After a few minutes (they had machines to engrave and change stones faster), it was done, so I payed for it. They placed it in a small velvet box tied in a red ribbon.

When Mikan saw me approaching her, she said; "You shouldn't have bought that for me, Natsume-kun. I don't want you to buy me expensive things."

"It's not for you. It's for my sister." I said jokingly.

Her smile ceased and said, embarrassed; "Oh. Sorry for jumping into con---"

I messed her hair playfully and said; "Silly girl. I was only kidding you. It's for you. Take it, or I'll burn it."

She immediately took it from my hands when she saw my free hand forming a small spark. She pouted and said; "You're sweet and all, but you just don't show it too much, do you? You always end up spoiling the moment."

I smirked at her and said; "That's my specialty, little girl. But, since you ASKED me nicely, I'll try to ride with you and act all charming and prince-y."

I took the velvet box from her hand and took the necklace out. I then held her shoulders and made her back face me. I moved her hair and carefully placed the necklace in her, well, neck. I, then, let her face me again and said; "Breath-taking."

She looked at HER necklace and blushed. She said; "You're right. It is breath-taking."

I didn't mean the necklace. What I found breath-taking was her slightly pink cheeks and her cute little dimples showing, with her smile never falling. She was the only woman for me. She held my hand and said; "Let's go back?"

Her hands were warm, but mine were warmer. I just can't help but stare at out intertwined hands. It's as if it fits perfectly. I'm sounding cheesy again. Oh well. I let her drag me back to the gang with her hand still clutching mine. This was the only thing I could do to let her remember me. We weren't together, but what I feel for her need not to be spoken, because somewhere in my heart, I knew that she felt it.

When we went back, Imai and Ruka looked at us. Imai was displeased. Ruka held her hand and shook his head. I forgot to tell you that the two of them are together now. She waited for me to look at her then mouthed; 'Tell her later. She needs to know.'

I nodded my head slowly and mouthed; 'I will. But, I won't tell her everything. I don't want her to follow me.'

Imai let go of Ruka's hands and glared at me. She lost it. She approached me and Mikan then said; "Can I speak with Hyuuga privately, Mikan? We need to talk about the special stars' meeting."

Mikan, believing what Hotaru said, nodded her head and let go of my hand. Imai walked away, so I followed her. When we were in the part were not much people lurked, she glared at me and said; "Are you stupid or are you on drugs, you little cat shit?! Aren't you thinking at all?? Didn't your puny brain think that you leaving the academy will leave Mikan in a dump?! Are you that stupid?!"

It was the first time that I've seen Imai lose her temper like that. She was usually composed and usually tries to control her emotions. I looked away and said; "It was the only way to make her safe."

She snorted sarcastically and said; "Didn't you think that she'll be in more danger if you LEAVE her?! No one will be by her side to protect her! AAO has found out your weakness, black cat! They know that it's MIKAN!They might use her as bait to lure you into their hands! Didn't you think of that??"

I didn't think about that idea. I shook my head and said; "The academy will be giving you the best guards they can have. They will be protecting you and will not let you out of their sight. All of you will be safe."

"You're not getting the point, Hyuuga! And besides, do you want to treat us like prisoners?! Natsume, Mikan will be in too much pain if you leave her! Then you'll turn her into someone like she's done a horrible crime? Are you crazy? Do you really love her or are you just playing?? Because if you are, I will be the one to kill you!" Imai said, trying her hardest not to slap me.

I took her hand and let it rest on my right cheek. I sighed and said; "Slap me. Slap me all you want if one slap is not enough. Hurt me and make me feel helpless. Do all that you can to release your anger."

She glared at me. She removed her hand from my cheek, and then hit it forcefully back. She then punched me in my left cheek and kneed me on my stomach. I knelt down while trying to forget about the pain in my gut. I looked up and stared at her. She was crying. She glared at me once more and wiped her cheeks. She was about to hit my head when someone stopped her. It was Ruka.

He said; "I know Natsume's acting like a complete idiot right now, but please Hotaru, he doesn't deserve this. He has good intentions."

"He DOES deserve this! What I'm doing to him is not enough to what he'll be doing to Mikan! The pain that he's feeling wouldn't be enough to replace Mikan's tears and pain and hurt in the future! I know her, Ruka. Her body may not take the depression. He just had to be selfish and leave her here in this rotting junk place." She said, pleading Ruka to let her go.

His grip tightening on her hand, Ruka shook his head and said; "No, Hotaru. Mikan's your best friend, and I know what you're going through, but Hotaru, Natsume's my best friend, too. I know what he feels. He's feeling as much pain as Mikan will be feeling soon. You don't know how hard it is for him to let her go. He sacrificed a lot for her happiness and he risked his to make her safe. He doesn't deserve to be called a selfish man, because all his life, all that he did was for his loved ones' sake. He never did anything to satisfy his needs and he never complained. Hotaru, he's doing this to help Mikan. Please understand."

Imai cried more and didn't talk anymore. After calming down, we went back to the group. They were shocked to see Imai's red eyes and my swollen cheek. Mikan was the most concerned one, so she asked; "What happened to you, guys? You look like you had a fight. Ruka-pyon even followed you to check up on you. What's wrong?"

I lied; "I felt a bit sleepy, so my head landed on the plate full of pepper powder. It flew and hit Imai's face. The pepper powder entered her eyes and irritated her. Because of her irritation, she punched me."

Everyone stared at me in disbelief, and looked at Hotaru, waiting for her assurance. She just nodded her head and said; "Yeah. Hyuuga just HAD to be an idiot to sleep on top of a table with a plate full of pepper powder."

They laughed at our 'story' and shrugged it off. Mikan wasn't convinced. She stood beside me and whispered; "I'll need an explanation later, Natsume. I'm not convinced."

I stared at her then nodded. There was no way I could change her mind. I've decided to tell her that I'll be leaving tomorrow as well.

AT THE SAKURA TREE

Mikan glared at me and said; "Why did you and Hotaru-chan lie, Natsume? It was obvious that Hotaru cried, and it was obvious that YOU said something that made her cry and punch you like that. Please explain."

"She doesn't want me to leave." I stated.

She blinked. She was confused. She asked; "What? Why? I'm confused. What's happening here?"

I couldn't explain after all. My eyes felt hot and watery. I was about to cry. I said, my voice slightly cracking; "I'm leaving, polka-dots."

"Stop lying, Natsume. Don't do that. It's not funny anymore." She said, not believing what I said.

I shook my head and looked straight into her eyes, making her believe me. She started sobbing and said;

"You love me, right, Natsume? You can't possibly leave me! You promised me that you won't!"

She gripped on my arm and started shaking me, forcing me to talk. I couldn't. No words could come out of my mouth. I was such a coward. I hugged her tightly while she was trying her best to break free.

When all her energy was used up, she cried more and said; "How could you do this to me, you idiot? You promised me that you promised me that you won't leave me, but you are! How come?!"

My tears fell and I hugged her tighter. I can't explain. I can't tell her why I'm doing this. I can't tell her that I love her and I don't want to leave her. I'm such a wimp.

She finally broke free and ran away, leaving me standing there, finally crying my eyes out. I can't believe this is happening to me. I'm only doing this for her sake. But, why does this hurt so much?

NEXT DAY

I was at the car, waiting for the principal to enter the car. He was speaking with Ruka, Imai and… Mikan. She was sobbing. It was if she was convincing the principal to let me stay. The principal just shook his head and walked away to the car. He entered the car and said; "Are you sure about this, Natsume-san?"

I immediately nodded my head and said; "Yes. I'm sure."

When he heard my reply, he ordered the driver to bring us to the airport. I then went to Europe.

END OF FLASHBACK

Here I am, in my office in London, working my eyes out. After graduating from Alice University in Europe, I was hired as a manager in a company. I was promoted to a supervisor, and the next thing I knew, I was vice president of the company!

I was surprised when my phone started ringing. What surprised me more was when I looked at who was calling, it said "HOTARU IMAI".

She never called me unless she had news about Mikan. I answered it immediately and said; "What's up with her?"

She was breathing sharply, as if in pain, and said; "Mikan… she…"

I caught my breathe. Her voice sounded hoarse and tired, obvious that she'd been crying. I said; "What's wrong with her?"

"You should come back to Japan before it's too late. You know where we are." She said before hanging up. What was it that made her scared to tell me?

I dialled the number of my secretary and told him to buy me a ticket to Japan, pronto. I need to go there immediately. He bought me plane tickets and thank god he got the ticket for tonight.

JAPAN

When I arrived there a few days after, I went to Tokyo, and went to Ruka's place. Mikan was living with them. Hotaru let me in and I saw her eyes, they were red and puffy. She indeed was crying.

She guided me to Mikan's room and I saw her sleeping peacefully, a nurse beside her. I stared at Imai and said; "What's wrong with Mikan?"

She sighed and said; "She has the Alzheimer's disease, Natsume. She may be young, but she caught it. The doctor's didn't know why, but she just did. She's had it since she was 25, 2 years after you left."

"Why didn't you tell me??" I asked.

"She didn't want me to tell you. When she was still conscious about her state, she begged me to hide it from you. I did. Natsume, Mikan can't walk anymore, nor can she speak properly. Her time… is soon up." She said, newly formed tears falling down.

I couldn't believe it. Mikan was dying, and I wasn't beside her when she was ill. I entered the room and woke her up.

She opened her eyes and stared immobile there, staring blankly at the ceiling. When she noticed my presence, she looked at me and tried to say; "W-who…. A-a-are… y-y-you?"

I started to sob but tried to control it. She didn't remember me anymore. After calming down, I said; "I'm Natsume Hyuuga."

She tilted her head innocently and looked at me. She said; "N-na…"

"Natsume." I finished.

She stared at me. Unconsciously, she gripped something on her neck. When I saw it, it was the necklace I gave her before I left. Her tears rolled down unconsciously and said; "N-Na Tsu M-me…"

I nodded my head and said; "Yes, Mikan. It's me. I'm back. I won't leave you anymore."

I hugged her and cried more. She didn't hug me back. She just kept on repeating "Natsume". It didn't matter if she didn't hug me back. As long as she can remember me, it's enough. But, she didn't.

"W-who's N-nat-tsu-m-me?"

All those years I've stayed away from her were useless. If only I knew that I'll lose her this way, I should never have left her. If she were made this way to forget me, then damn the AAO. Damn everyone. I should never have left.

"I'm sorry, Mikan."

FIN.

:) that's it. Sorry for the crappy quality, folks. This story was a bit rushed. XD
I know. It's tragic. I just can't help it. It's all I've got today.

My friends didn't believe that I'm the one who wrote this story, so to make them believe...

Guys, si Nissa Marie Devora ito.. :P

anyways.. R and R please~

me no likey flames.

especially if they're "why did you make mikan get sick? i hate you! rawr!"

I will be uloading the latest chapter of MMP soon... very soon! please wait for it. :D