62 years ago He left me. He ran off with his sister. My best friend, my ex-best friend.

He left me in a forest crying, searching for him. He wasn't there, I searched until I tripped. I lay on the cold hard forest floor, and I cried. I cried until I fell asleep. I didn't have the energy to get back up, that was the first time I hoped to die, and my wish didn't come true. Sam found me, I was completely out of it, I didn't care, I was a shell. I was a shell for 2 years.

2 years I lived with the worst of the pain

2 years of thinking of different ways to help stop the pain, different ways to make my heart stop beating.

As I said that was 62 years ago. 62 years of knowing I wasn't loved. 60 years of being damned to an immortal life.

**Flash back**

I lay once again on a forest floor, the memories flooding back. I had planned this; Charlie had left to go fishing with Billy.

I used his gun, I walked to our meadow. His meadow. I lay for a few minutes thinking about the pain. The pain He caused me. I decided I didn't want my life anymore. I left a note for Charlie and a note that I pinned on my chest.

I rose the gun to me head and pulled the trigger. The pain was excruciating.

I lay for a few minutes and then I blacked out. I hoped the black out would last that the pain would sees and when it did. My life would with it.

**End Flash Back**

I remember the note I wrote Charlie. I remember sitting at the table, tears running down my face whilst I wrote my pain on paper.

Dear Charlie,

I'm sorry. I can't live like this anymore. I loved them. When they left they took my heart with them. I love you. I always will, never forget. If they come back, tell them I loved them, tell them I missed them, tell him it's not HIS fault. I loved him, I couldn't live without him, I wanted the pain to stop.

Tell Renee I love her, she was a brilliant mom; I will never forget either of you. Never forget how much I love you.

I'm sorry about the gun, it was the quickest way. Please don't feel bad

If you find me, please bury me there. That was our meadow, our place, I want to die near him and that's the closest I could be.

I'm sorry Charlie, I'm sorry for causing so much trouble, I'm sorry for being so caught up with love, I'm sorry I'm not there to help you

I love you daddy, always will

Love

Bella

XXXX

That was the note I wrote to him. Wrote to my dad. The person who is long dead, the person I never got to see before he died.

I miss him.

As I said that was 62 years ago. This is the new me, the me with no family. The girl who looks like she has been through hell and back, the girls whose eyes look like they are too old and have seen too much and in many ways I have.