Author's note- I'm going to attempt a new style of writing here this time around. I decided I needed something new, something more adult sounding. That being said, I should explain what this is about. Just keep in mind that not everything is exact, I did take some artistic liberties during the story.

It is an alternate ending to Final Fantasy X. Tidus is still around, but Auron has left for the farplane just like the game says. Yet before his passing, he and Rikku shared a moment that she wonders whether it really happened or not. In the end, Rikku is driven to go on a journey to understand more of herself, and perhaps that moment more clearly. The story is told from Rikku's point of view many years after the events have happened, much like an autobiography.

--I want to thank Fwe for her amazing beta skills. Now while I didn't take all her suggestions, she did make some good points. I did make needed changes as the story called for it. But this is my story, and.....eh, never mind. Disclaimer says that Gin owns no rights to the places or characters within. Read at your own risk, but if you read, wanna review while you're at it?

What we do in life echoes through eternity. I heard that line so many times when I was a kid I had a hard time believing it was true. It sounded like one of those sayings parents use when kids are doing something stupid. But who knows? It seems true now. Perhaps it was my punishment for what I had done to Auron all those years ago. I'm sure Wakka would agree. He wasn't too thrilled when he found out.

Maybe I should explain what I'm talking about – it might help you understand. Name's Rikku, nice to meet you. I'm Cid's daughter. You know – the leader of the Al Bhed? Well he used to be, at least. After we defeated Sin and that crazy Seymour, my people just kinda gave up on Home and decided that it was much more fun to live in the world. I agreed, of course. I traveled, too, mostly to get away from Pops. He wasn't too happy when he saw me a few weeks later. Pops always was the type to think that a woman should be married and settled down by the time they reached nineteen. Well, guess what – I wasn't that type.

But, I think maybe I should start at the beginning. Not so far back as Sin, really. Well, maybe a little. But, that's not the story I have to tell. Mine's a little different. Mine has more to do with Auron.

The week before we went to fight Sin and Yevon for the final time, Tidus thought it would be a good idea to take some time and rest so we would be able to fight our best when the time came. We landed the airship in the Calm Lands and did just that. I was having a great time trying to forget why we were really together and thinking more about how fun it was just having all of us together. I don't know who it was, or when, but sometime during the night someone brought out a case of Al Bhed Puinpuh. They added it to the punch and, being the type of active girl I am, you can guess how dehydrated I can get. So me being me, I was at the drink table a lot. I must have drank over half that bowl by myself.

After some of the people on board the ship had gone off to bed, I noticed Auron sitting alone and staring at the stars above us. I can't stand to see anyone looking sad, and he was no different. I never thought he liked me very much so I should have stayed away, but in my inebriated state, I was unable to make myself do that. So with cup in hand I went over and joined him. I had almost made it behind him like the thief I am, but I tripped all over my feet. I never knew how fast Auron could move until that moment. Within the span of half a second he was on his feet and catching me before I could hit the dirt.

I was being held in his arms and all I could do was blink and stare up at him. I'm not sure what he was thinking in that moment, but I'm pretty sure one of them was not how cute I was. He tried to set me down, but I held tightly onto him. My arm wrapped around his neck and I pulled him close to me. I remember his eye opening wide in surprise before my lips covered his. He couldn't have been totally against it. He did kiss me back. The taste of him was one I know I will never forget. He was drinking himself, and there was sake on his tongue. I could taste it as he used it to run on the inside of my mouth.

I vaguely remember him saying words along the lines of not being right, or something like that. I'm not quite sure anymore. My feelings and the alcohol I had prevented me from doing what I knew should be done. I do know his protests only served to encourage me to keep trying to convince him not to stop. I was already in his arms and being carried inside the airship.

After that everything was a blur of action. There was some feeling of coolness and then warmth like I'd never known before or since. It was the most amazing thing of my short life up to that point. But then it ended much sooner then I would have liked. Daybreak came, and when I woke up I was alone and wearing little more then my sheets. (It wasn't uncommon for me to sleep nude when it was hot outside, I just never did it when I was with the group.) I began to wonder if the night had even happened. My head hurt and bits and pieces were fuzzy at best. Holding one hand to my head to try and remember what happened (and failing miserably, mind you) I made my way into the shower.

The next few days were full of preparations and training. I attempted to talk to Auron several times, but never found my chance. By the time the day came to fight Sin, talking to him was the last thing on my mind. We traveled for what felt like days, but were really only hours inside the body of Sin. When we finally met up with Sir Jecht, I know my heart went out to Tidus. We would have to fight his father. This was Uncle Braska's Final Aeon.

There were times when my Pops and I fought. Of course, we used words. Not swords. I don't think I could ever do what Tidus did. And yet, there was a freedom about the fight. Like Sir Jecht was going to be liberated after this. As he fell after the fight, I noticed Auron stiffen like he was about to run and catch his friend before he could hit the floor. His single eye closed in agony as we watched Tidus and Jecht have their last conversation together.

I wanted to reach out to Auron, but now was not the time. We still had to fight Yevon before Spira could be free again. There was so much burdening him down now that I couldn't bare to try to tell him what was on me. I looked away instead to Yunie who had begun calling each of her aeons one by one. I could see the sadness and determination on her face. I hated to do it, but I slashed and hacked each aeon as Yevon took over it. It was one of those kill or be killed times. I didn't think, didn't feel, just attacked.

After it was all over and Yunie began to dance to send the pyerflies of Sin to where they belonged, I smiled in relief. I was still smiling as I turned around to look at everyone. We did it! We defeated Sin! My smile faded quickly. There, in the back, behind us all stood Auron. Colored lights flew around him and I had to rub my eyes before I realized they were not floating around him, but from him. Yunie gasped from behind me, and that was when he spoke.

"It's all right. Don't stop." He walked by us all, giving each of us a passing glance as he moved. It seemed at the time that his eye might have lingered on me longer than it should have; but, that was probably only my imagination. I was so struck by the fact I would never be able to see him, to talk to him again, that I was making more out of the look than I should have. It's just that I never expected for him to vanish before my eyes!

How was I to talk to him now? I wondered that more than once as his body became more and more transparent. I could feel tears as they tried to run down my cheeks, but I blinked them back quickly. How could I explain them, after all? I wasn't even sure if that night was real or not between us. I knew then that it was time for me to forget that night and to stop trying so hard to remember it. Just like most things, it was gone and not coming back. And Auron was just another one of those things.

Days passed and I decided that the only way to forget about Auron was to travel. That might seem like such a quick time to move on, but you have to remember, there really wasn't anything between Auron and I no matter how broken I was by his passing. All I wanted was to move on. I had been around Spira at least twice when I finally met up with Pops once more outside the city of Bevelle. I had been on a delivery for Rin when Pops saw me entering the city from Macalania Road. We stood in place staring at one another in silence before I noticed his eyes shift down on my body. I had taken to wearing a halter top and skirt now. The top was short, but really not that bad. Sure my belly was exposed, but no more so than half the woman in Spira. I didn't understand the frown he wore at first.

"You've gone and done it now, girl." He stated at last before adding a few swears here and there. A tiny vein in his head began to pulse and I wondered what he was talking about.

"I'm sorry, Pops. I don't get it." I had hoped he would understand and explain it to me. But, of course, he wouldn't. He simply shook his head and passed me by muttering about what we do now echoing through eternity. I stood in place, watching him as he ignored me and continued on his way.

I spent that day in a daze, unsure of what I was doing or where I was going. My body seemed to know even if my mind did not. Rin let me go after I traveled back to the Thunder Planes to give him his gil from the goods that I delivered. He gave me my pay as he too frowned down at me and stared at my midsection.I stood in that place shifting from foot to foot.

I asked Rin what the matter was. He hummed once before offering a weak reply at best. "There are just some things you don't talk about in public."

My jaw dropped until I realized that a customer had walked in at about that time. I closed my mouth with an audible clack of teeth before I turned around and walked out of the agency. Outside I leaned against the building and sighed. I had learned how to control my fear of the lightning, but I still flinched from time to time as it flashed. The storm picked up at this point and I began to feel quite ill. I held my stomach as if I feared I might throw up right there, but I managed to keep it all inside.

When the feeling had passed I stood up straight once more and stared over the rocky landscape. "I wonder what Yunie is doing right now?" I never expected an answer, so when the sound of the wind sounded like 'Go,' I didn't know what to do. Several more times it happened until I felt I had no other choice. I went to Besaid.

It was there in Besaid that I began to understand why Pops and Rin looked at me the way they had. I had arrived three weeks after parting from them. Lulu had been the first to greet me when I arrived to the village gate. She was still the same as always. Her hair was pulled back away from her face except for the thick piece of bangs that hid one eye from view. Her pale skin still stood in stark contrast to the rest of the island dwellers' dark complexions. It was obvious she was used to being inside working on cloth like some of the other woman of the village.

It should have come as no surprise when Lulu took me first to see Yunie before anyone else. We found her inside the old temple sitting in one of the rooms with children all around her. She was in the middle of telling a story, but I noticed when her bi-colored eyes jumped up and met mine. It was almost like a shock running through my system in that instant. There was a feeling like she knew more about me than I did. And knowing her, she probably did.

We stood there for about ten minutes waiting as she finished her story. The children around her hugged at her legs before running past us and out the door as she stood. She rested one cheek in the palm of her hand as she looked at me.

"Um, Yunie?" I questioned weakly.

With a voice so silent I had to strain to hear, Yunie asked me one question. Now if anyone else had asked me this question I probably would have screamed and shouted and told them to mind their own business. But this was Yunie. You can't just tell her off in the same way you would anyone else. "Rikku, when was the last time you had your monthly?"

I gasped since this was not a thought I had given much attention to. In seconds, I was sobbing great sobs like I never had before. It was like every memory hit me at once and with startling clarity. In that moment I knew the night between Auron and I was real. Just as I knew Lulu's dress was black and Wakka's hair was red. It was as real as the fact that my mother was dead and not coming back. If you had asked me what it was like in that moment, if you could understand my words between each sob, then I'm sure it could have made even the most extroverted of people blush red.

I don't know how long I sat on that stone floor and cried, but not once did Lulu or Yunie leave. They didn't yell at me or tell me what a terrible person I was, either. They simply held me, stroked my hair, and told me it would all be all right in the end. I wanted to believe them. I did. But I found it so hard to when I was presented with the cold hard facts.

Soon my sobs subsided and I used the back of my hand to wipe away the leftover traces of my tears. I sniffled a few times and the two of them waited until I was done before speaking. It was Lulu who spoke first and if I didn't know her so well I would have thought she was criticizing me. "Seeing as you are not too far, it would be safe to assume this happened quite recently. Rikku, would you tell us who it was?"

I opened my mouth a few times before closing it and shaking my head. How could I betray Auron like that? Everyone knew him as a hero, a legend. I wasn't about to be the one person to tarnish that reputation. Turning my face away from them, I stood. I didn't want to see their sympathy or whatever else they might have regarded me with. "I don't think I should say, you know. It might be better that way."

If Lulu was going to say something after that I'll never know, because Yunie used the softness of her voice to reassure me. "That's all right. Some secrets are meant to stay that way, I think. Sometimes if someone may be hurt, it's best not to say anything. Don't you agree, Lulu?"

I knew she was trying to help me, but with the way Lulu huffed she wasn't happy at all. Small sounds of beads and other hair ornaments clinked as she left the two of us alone. "She's angry at me," I said sadly. I can't say I blamed her. Had I been in her place, I'm sure I would have done the same thing.

"She'll get over it eventually." It was shocking to hear such a thing come from my cousin, but I knew she was right. Lulu was just the type to hate being left out. I thanked her for understanding so well, but she directed the conversation back to my condition. "You really should be checked out. Being as young as you are, there is no telling what could happen."

She was right of course, but I was scared. Being looked at by a doctor would only make it even more real. Right now I could pretend that this was all a dream I would be waking up from in a few hours. I must have shown my fears for Yunie then assured me that it did not have to be done right away. As long as it was done before the week was out. Naturally I agreed to this and followed her as she went back to her little hut. Tidus was inside waiting for her return and I was rewarded with a huge hug that I was sure would have crushed a rib or two had my cousin not spoken up in time.

I managed to laugh as he put me back on the floor, but only because he made the face he always did when he was confused. It was one I had seen often while we were on our adventures together. Seeing it again now was like being thrown back to that time. "How long you staying with us?" He asked with only the innocence he could possess.

I pulled lies out of the air as I struggled for the answer that would seem least obvious. Yet each one was worse than the last. I finally settled on telling him that I wasn't sure. Perhaps a week, maybe more. He seemed to accept this and I relaxed that knowing, at least for now, my secret was going to remain safe. Together they showed me a place where I could sleep until a more suitable one could be found.

It was good enough for now and I was thankful just to have a soft pillow under my head. Sleeping in bedrolls all the time was not easy. The ground was hard and fiends were abundant. I was lucky if I was able to sleep more than two hours at a time without being attacked.

I don't think I dreamed any dreams that night, or if I did, they're a blur to me. When I woke up the next morning Yunie was waiting for me in her kitchen. All sorts of breakfast foods sat upon the table just begging to be eaten. There were eggs, fruit and a mix of oats and milk that I normally avoided, but in that moment seemed the one thing I wanted most. I squealed in joy and sat down just at the same time Tidus did, and we dug in. We always were the two who didn't care what people said about us as we ate. If it was there, we ate it, simple as that. But when Yunie joined us I noticed she took much more careful bites then either of us did. Suddenly I began to feel ashamed at how I was acting.

I watched her as she took such delicate bites. Looking down at my own food, I realized I should be doing the same. Being very careful with my utensil, I followed Yunie. As she was lifting food to her mouth, I was picking more up so it did not seem as if I were copying her. This I think, was the first step in my maturity.

After breakfast, Tidus went to retrieve Lulu, and she and Yunie examined me. I winced once or twice as they poked and prodded at me, but otherwise said nothing. When they were done, I was given a towel as they left into the next room and talked in hushed tones. I strained to hear them, but to no avail. When they came back I stared at them with such an expression of hopefulness they stuttered in trying to find out a way to say what they wanted.

"Allow me to say it," Lulu offered, knowing Yunie was unable to. "Rikku, it seems you are farther along than we had thought. We have pinpointed the conception week, even if we are unable to narrow it down to the day."

I refused to cry, not this time. I knew enough that Lulu would not be happy if I broke down once more in front of her. Instead, I held my chin up and replied, saying that I knew. If she was shocked, she hid it well. Someday I would learn how she did that, but not this time. I stood from the bed I had been sitting on and crossed the room to the window. I stared out over the view for a moment. "If you're waiting for me to tell you who the father is, you'll be waiting a long time." I told them sharply. "I don't want to hurt him by spreading his name around." I finished.

Yunie hummed in response, but I knew the wheels in her mind were working overtime. Lulu simply shook her head. I could tell by the sounds her ornaments made. "What will you do until the child is born, then?" Lulu questioned. She knew the answer already. She wasn't that much of a fool; I guess she wanted to hear the answer from me.

I turned to face them once more. "I guess I'll stay here. I feel like this is where I'm supposed to be anyway. It's not like I can travel around like I used to." I flopped on the bed and stared at my hands as I clasped them together in my lap.

The days ran together after that. I will admit it was nice to be surrounded by friends, but I still felt an emptiness inside that I couldn't quite explain. Not in words, anyway. Pops came to visit me at one point shortly after hearing where I had settled. He didn't seem as unhappy as the first time I met him outside of Bevelle, but he wasn't excited, either. He tried several times to find out who the father was as well, but had no more luck than anyone else. Like I said, my lips would remain sealed.

He left after two short weeks, saying he would be back when it was time for me to deliver. I watched him go with a feeling akin to sadness but not quite. I had hoped he would accept the child, but unless he was sure the father was an Al Bhed man, I knew he would never bless him. I understood his reasoning, not that it made it any easier to swallow.

While I stayed on the island, Lulu went out of her way to teach me the art of looming. I took to it quickly, and soon enjoyed watching whatever piece I was working on come to life. Besaid cloth has some of the most amazing colors you can imagine. And it's not because it's a tropical island. Well, that's only part of it. The main reason is that it has ingredients for dye that can be found nowhere else. The men of the village who can't fish spend most of the day out in the forests and cliffs of the island collecting these plants so that the women could break them down and make the dye. It was hard work, but very rewarding.

I was hard at work one day, seven months after coming to the island when I had my first spasm of pain. I was carrying a basket full of the plants when it hit. I dropped the basket to the ground and clutched at my swollen abdomen. Wakka saw me fall, and was at my side in an instant.

"Rikku! Hey, what is it? You hurt?" He was beyond panic, but I had no idea why. I learned later that he had never seen a woman as she entered labor. It was a new experience for both of us.

Tears pooled in my eyes as I whimpered and cried out for my cousin. She might not have had children of her own, but being a healer she knew what to expect. I was carried by Wakka back to my hut as Yunie was fetched. The first pain ended by the time she arrived, and I felt like I had wasted her time in making her run to me. She brushed my worries off before sending Wakka from the room in order to gather some supplies she would need. I apologized over and over saying that I must have been mistaken until another spasm hit. This one was worse than the first.

A woman returned with the requested items along with Lulu. Sweat began to bead on my forehead and Lulu dipped a rag in a bowel and dabbed at the perspiration. I wondered if it was supposed to hurt so badly, and Lulu responded with something that sounded like the more it hurts the healthier the child. I didn't believe her, but what else could I say? I was in so much pain.

This went on for about six hours or so. I wondered if it was supposed to take this long. I had never seen a birth. I was scared as a feeling of loneliness overcame me. Secretly I had always liked Auron a little more then what was probably safe for me. Maybe that was why when I got drunk that night on the Calm Lands I didn't try to stop those feelings. I found myself wishing he were here with me. He should have been able to see the birth of his child, too, right?

I gave one last scream of pain before another softer one joined my own. My son had been born. I was so happy until I heard Yunie's panicked voice say something about this not being right. After that, everything turned black.