They call me Raw. It is not my name. It is my honor. Tyler, God, gave it to me.

When I was a child, my name was Johnny. I was a person. Now I'm a monkey.

"Raw, come on, over here." Tyler says my name so sweetly, so lowly. His teeth gleam like revealed daggers in streetlight. Tyler is danger. Tyler is hot.

Sir. I reply, calming myself with a few harsh words. What do you need?

Tyler narrows his dark eyes, scrutinizing me and laughs, "Pretty little boy."

I smile too. Because when Tyler smiles, I smile. I'm not little. I say.

"I bet you aren't." His eyes glow. "Run along."

A mirror snags my attention and I study my reflection. I have dirty blonde hair, shaggily cut, veering off to one side. My green eyes are alight and my cheek are flushed bright pink. Tyler made my skin burn and itch and tingle and sting.

x...x...x

I look at Sand, my fellow monkey. One of us could die in this stunt but who cared? I would make Tyler proud. His name warmed my body, left a sweet taste in my mouth. I tried out a new phrase; I love you, Tyler. Heat bloomed in my cheeks and throughout my body at the embarrassment at saying those words. Tyler couldn't possibly love me back.

I was a monkey.

He could have anything, anyone, anytime. He couldn't want me.

Sand pushes the giant rock into the window and glass flies everywhere. I watch it, fly next to me, rub against my face, creating deep gashes. I laugh and hope for death.

Release me. I beg.

"Fuck, Raw, get up and run! The police are right there!" Sand's golden eyes were wider than my fists as he glares as me. I stand, blood rolling down my face and arms into pools at my feet. For you, Tyler. I bleed for you.

We ran like hell, like devils were chasing us. We scream with ferocity of a million Spartan warriors. We laugh with the humor of hyenas. We are free like we should be.

x...x...x

"Nice cuts." Tyler smirks at me and gently wipes some blood of my face.

My face relaxes under his hand. Glass, sir.

"Gotta sew them up then." Tyler pokes a needle through the biggest one on my cheek, "No ugly gashes on my best-looking boy. Right?"

Of course, sir. I nod vigorously, receiving a sharp prod from the needle.

"Careful, dipshit." Tyler finishes with that cut and calls another monkey over, "Sew the rest up."

Thank you. I try to smile at him but he isn't looking. He doesn't care.

There is no pain on the body or face that equals the pain of a wounded heart.

x...x...x

Danny. My little five-year-old brother. How did he find me? I am not Johnny anymore. Johnny was a handsome, lady's man with a charming manner. Raw is a scarred man in love with a man who hates all. I am Raw now and forever. My past is shattered, forgotten, and gone. Even Danny must realize that.

Goodbye, brother. I whisper. The paper disappears into the fire. I loved you.

The paper turns black.

x...x...x

I never understood love as a child. Was it happy or sad? Angry or pleasurable? As a man, I know. Love is the fire in your stomach, causing pain and joy, a crying tickling. My throat burns as the fire inches through my neck. I swallow down my love; cool it with sad words. Tyler will never love me.

The monkeys watch television in the beaten living room. Plaster cracks on the walls, beer cans collect on the floor, and stains cover large portions of the shaggy gray rug. I lean against the doorframe. Always the same news.

"Murders, burglaries, stock market drops! Nothing of our little stunts." I hadn't noticed Tyler's beautiful face inches from the screen, his teeth snarling, "Guess we'll have to pull some more."

He sees me and smiles, "Raw, you are in charge."

I place a knuckle my brow. Yes, sir. I say.

He knows what I don't say.

I love you.