Title: 101 Ways to Kill Voldemort
Author: Sarah Terrance
Beta Reader: Maddie Bull
Rating: T
Pairing: Not really any.
Summary: Harry gets tired of trying to kill Voldemort so he compiles a list of things he hasn't tried.
Note: If HP was mine, would I be writing a damn fanfic about it? Also, I got the inspiration of this from Espoir Noir with her story 101 Ways to Kill Umbridge. Takes place during fifth year.
Note to anyone that finds this list: Please don't add to this list. Unless you are Hermione Granger or Ron Weasley. In which case, it's cool.
1. Show him a mirror. He'd die of shock.
(Harry!) H.G.
(Well, you haven't seen him Hermione.) H.P.
(Hey! Hermione Granger OR Ron Weasley?! Not Ron Weasley OR Hermione Granger?!) R.W.
(Sorry, Ron.) H.P.
2. Force him to marry Umbridge. He'd kill himself. (R.W.)
(Ronald, seriously.) H.G.
(Have you met Umbridge, Hermione?) R.W.
(He has a point, Mione.) H.P.
3. Use Polyjuice Potion to turn into Cedric. Draw a scar on his forehead. He'd die of shock. (R.W.)
(Ronald! That one's stupid, and there's two flaws in that plan.) H.G.
(English please?) R.W.
(That was English.) H.G.
(Oh. Well tell me the flaws.) R.W.
(Sad as it may be, Cedric's dead. How would we get the hairs?) H.G.
(Get one off of Cho. Harry can get it when they're sucking face.) R.W.
(Hey!) H.P.
(Sorry, Harry. It had to be said.) R.W.
(Second flaw?) R.W.
(Voldemort knows there's no way to bring the dead back to life.) H.G.
(Which is precisely why he'd die of shock.) H.P.
(Thank you, Harry.) R.W.
4. Show Voldemort a copy of Deathly Hallows. He'd die of shock of how he'd die. (R.W.)
(Ronald Weasley!) H.G.
(What, Hermione? What the bloody hell do you want now?) R.W.
(Ron, Deathly Hallows will not work here. And we'd be showing him how he'd die, so then we'd have to wait another two years for him to die.) H.G.
(I thought Deathly Hallows wouldn't work here?) H.P.
(Wipe that grin off your face, Harry.) H.G.
5. Introduce him to Hermione. He'd die of boredom/irritation. (R.W.)
(Ron!) H.G.
(I thought you were calling me 'Ronald'?) R.W.
(He's got you there.) H.P.
6. Introduce him to Ronald. He'd kill himself. (H.G.)
(Oh, now you're just asking for it.) R.W.
(You were asking for it by putting down 'introduce him to Hermione'.) H.G.
7. Introduce him to Draco Malfoy. He'd die of his retinas burning up from his hotness. (D.M.)
(Get lost Malfoy.) H.P.
(Make me, Potter.) D.M.
(Technically he wouldn't die of his retinas burning up. He'd just go blind.) H.G.
(What the bloody hell are retinas?) R.W.
(You don't want to know, Ron.) H.P.
(Well that makes me feel...) R.W.
(Stupid?) H.G.
(Mione, don't interrupt me. Two, shut up.) R.W.
(For those of you reading this, though I doubt there's anyone but Ronald, Harry, and I, Harry and Ronald are currently hexing Malfoy to get him away from this list.) H.G.
(That was fun.) H.P.
(I'm sure it was.) H.G.
(Now, where were we...?) R.W.
(Number eight.) H.G.
(I thought seven didn't count because he'd go blind and not die.) H.P.
(Well, look at it this way: if his retinas burn up, odds are he would too.) H.G.
8. Have him try to kill a mirror using the Killing Curse. (R.W.)
(Would he really fall for that?) H.G.
(Maybe. If he's stupid.) H.P.
(Then yes, he'll fall for it.) R.W.
(Ronald Weasley!) H.G.
(I'm insulting Voldemort, Mione, not you.) R.W.
(I know.) H.G.
9. Kill him using the Killing Curse, then blame Malfoy. We'd be rid of two problems. (H.P.)
(Harry!) H.G.
(What is it this time?) H.P.
(How would any of us have the power to use the Killing Curse?) H.G.
(I could do a perfect Patronus at thirteen, something some full grown wizards can't do.) H.P.
(Well that's you. If Ron and I can't do it than neither can Malfoy.) H.G.
(She's got a point, mate.) R.W.
(So now you're siding with me?) H.G.
(That's not what I said.) R.W.
(You implied it.) H.G.
(Judging by the look on your face you have no idea what I just said.) H.G.
(Exactly.) R.W.
10. Force him to tutor Ron. He'd die of frustration. (H.G.)
(Are we done insulting Ron yet?) R.W.
(Done? I'm just getting started.) H.G.
If you have suggestions for the list please send them to me in review!!