Hello, again, my adoring fans and not so adoring flamers. I believe I mentioned a parody at the end of '10 ways to annoy' and I don't bluff. And, yes, it has author inserts, because that could never end badly (expect lots more sarcasm).

I most certainly do not own Artemis Fowl or any characters you may see in the books. I don't own my friends, either, but I did get their permission to put them in this. Apparently, though, I do own me. But I get me in a lot of trouble, so it's probably a bad thing.

.not.. hit the window yet again. "This is taking too long" she whined. "We've only been in the plane five minutes" laughed Sh4d0wGirl. The bickering that resulted was ended by Nikola (who does not have a account). "Shut up" she snapped, putting iPod headphones in her ears. This is basically how the short journey to Ireland went, besides the five minutes of peace when I.a.n.a.v. was painting her nails, and on occasions .94 got involved.

By the time the plane landed at Dublin airport, tempers were wearing thin. I.a.n.a.v. gets very angry when her nail-polish chips; everyone else gets angry when she whines. "Why did we even come here" asked Nikola.

"Because my ability to be annoying was questioned." I.a.n.a.v. answered.

"But why am I here?"

"Something about a six foot summet bodyguard."

The group set about collecting their luggage, emo' complained about all the chavs, Sh4d0w acted hyper, and Nikola made several wise cracks then yell at the others for not laughing. It was not the first time I.a.n.a.v.'s sense of humor was insulted.

When the taxi arrived, Sh4d0w asked, "How do you know where Fowl manor is?"

"I don't. But the taxi driver does." I.a.n.a.v. told her.

"Hey, taxi driver, how do you know where Fowl manor is?"

"I don't. But the satnav does." The taxi driver sighed, already fed up of the girls. Truth be told, I.a.n.a.v. was a little insulted that Sh4d0w had annoyed the taxi driver first. Sulking, she pulled a set of lists- her '10 ways to annoy' list- out of her handbag and began to flick through them. Artemis Fowl would not like his new guests.

Four girls hopped out of the taxi, and Butler scrutinized them through the computer screen. They didn't appear to be a threat, but why on earth were they at Fowl manor? One of them began ringing the doorbell repeatedly, and very annoyingly. He leaned over to the microphone and barked "state you names and purpose".

"Come out here and ask us" an angry looking girl with slightly frizzy hair snapped.

A second, somewhat scary looking girl pushed her out of the way. Butler mentally scolded himself for ever thinking a teenage girl could look scary. "I was told there's a six foot tall bodyguard here, and if someone doesn't tell me where he is I'll…"

"State your names and purpose" Butler ordered again.

"We're with the crazy person" a girl- well, he thought it was a girl- in a black hoodie and converse answered. The angry and apparently crazy girl punched her on the arm.

"Butler, who are those girls at the manor gates? And why haven't you removed them?" Butler almost jumped. Almost. He hadn't heard Artemis enter the room. "I am trying to find out who they are, but they won't answer."

"Well, then go outside and make them answer. I want them gone."

"Yes sir" he answered, and started towards the door. He had a very bad feeling about these girls.

That's the first chapter. Nothing annoying or particularly flame-worthy, yet. But I assure you, there will be plenty more chapters. And remember, humans and vampires alike love reviews, so feel obliged to drop me a line. Oh, and do not hold my friends responsible for anything in this fanfic, it's all my fault.