Once upon a time, there was a girl named Hana, and all she wanted out of life was to smile. And one day, when she found someone that made her smile so much her cheeks hurt (and even then she couldn't stop smiling), and that person left her life, she lost her smile altogether.

(Isn't it funny what loving someone can do to you?)

He didn't recognize me, I could tell. Was it so extremely odd that I could distinguish this person, even under the large shadow of his conical hat? That, even though he was so much taller than I ever remembered him being, I still knew that swish of his blonde hair inside and out?

I knew his movements, his glide, and yes, his smirk too, so well that it hurt just being so near him.

"What's wrong, ANBU-chan?" the cloak-donned Akatsuki member opposite of me taunted. "I don't have all day."

ANBU Black Ops. Funny I had made it this far, really. I had never planned to be here, to get so high up in the ranks, but here I was. And just recently, I had been issued an order to capture the missing-nin that had kidnapped Kazekage-sama, who sat very obviously atop of an enormous white bird behind the criminal. I had had a squad with me, too. It's just, they had gone a few steps ahead of me, and well...I glanced at the bloody corpses strewn across the ground. "Patience..." I flicked my wrist to release the volley of kunai I had hidden in my sleeve. "...is a virtue."

He dodged left and right with relatively fast reflexes, nothing less to be expected from someone of his status, and as he crossed me to continue escaping the attack, he brushed lightly against my shoulder.

I had guessed what he was doing before he even slid past me and I saw the grin pasted on his face, but the explosive he had planted there on my shoulder went off before I could even make a move to try to brush it off.

KA-BOOM!

The first thing I knew was the burning pain searing furiously in the joint, and as the smoke from the bomb faded away, I could see very clearly the scarlet liquid trickling down my arm, warm to the touch and sticky in feel.

"Ne, ANBU-chan." The blonde smiled widely in triumph. "Remember my name: Deidara of Akatsuki."

And that introduction sent a million and one bells off inside my head, ringing viciously and hurting my mind so terribly much...

There was a local art class in Iwagakure. The arts were never something to be appreciated in a country crawling with so many shinobi, so there was only one. And because there only could be one, painting, sketching, and sculpting had all been melded together to make up the course of the class. The class wasn't anything special, of course. It just taught the basics, and it let you freestyle more than anything else, but I loved it because I loved painting, and that was the only place where the atmosphere really felt right for painting.

And one cloudy day in Iwagakure, when I was at the art class and painting the grey skies from the window, I met him.

I remember how it all happened very clearly, because that was the one and only time I can remember when I had been so distracted by something that my hand had gone astray and I ended up streaking one certain cloud from the bottom of the canvas to the top.

I was in the middle of rubbing the back of my brush against the canvas to create the streaking effect, when suddenly the doors to the classroom slammed open, and a loud obnoxious voice cut through the lovely peaceful silence: "Sorry, sensei, I'm late." The unexpected noise made me jump into the air, and then my head snapped up just in time to see a blonde standing nonchalantly at the doorway before I returned my gaze to the canvas, realizing I had just dragged the brush from one side of the canvas to the opposite side.

"Who are you?" Mizuki-sensei asked, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose as she rose from her chair, looking every bit as ruffled as I was.

"Ne, sensei, you should check your roll." I glanced up to see the boy strolling leisurely to the front of the classroom as he rolled his eyes. "Remember my name next time. It's Deidara, un."

I stumbled backwards like a drunk, but I caught myself in time. Taking a few steps forward, I took off running, then I hurled myself into the air and disappeared into it, taking care with a few hand signs.

"That's a genin trick, ANBU-chan. I'm disappointed, you're nothing special at all," Deidara declared. That being said, he shoved a fistful of white, indiscernible objects into the air.

He had been a student newly enrolled into the class for whatever reasons, and because of his loud first entrance, no one ever forgot his name, which suited Deidara just fine.

It turned out that he wasn't just in art class with me either, though. A few days after he joined the class, I found that he was an Academy student studying to be a shinobi just like I was. It was during lunchtime when we saw each other, and he marched right up to me and said, "Hey, un, aren't you in that class with me back at whatsitsface?"

My only friend at the time was a girl named Natsumi--I never was such a popular person, you see--and she turned to stare at me with a disbelieving gaze.

"Umm...yeah, I think so," I mumbled then, shuffling my feet. I knew exactly who he was and what Whatsitsface was, but talking to people was never my strong point.

"Cool." He flashed a wide grin at me. "You paint, right?"

"Erm..."

"'Dar-uhhh-kun!" Suddenly, a girl with ginger-red curls bounded over, a small pout pressed on her lips as she snaked her arm around the blonde's and clung tightly to him. "Don't leave me behind like that, jeez...oh. Who are they?" She blinked her wide, round eyes at us.

"We're classmates, that's all," I piped up, recognizing all too well the suspicious look with a hint of jealousy on the girl's face. "Come on, Natsumi-chan..." I tugged at her arm, and we walked away, she throwing a very confused last look over our shoulders.

I was too scared to look back like Natsumi at that time, though, because the last thing I saw before I turned away was the fleeting glimpse of a very annoyed expression creeping onto the blonde's face--and I was afraid that for whatever reason, it was because of me. But after thinking it over, I realized that there were always other reasons...

"Genin? Really?" I popped out without warning in front of him. Exactly right in front of him, so close our noses were touching, and my heart was doing all sorts of cartwheels and somersaults but I ignored it all because I had a mission, and that was to bring this man down in order to rescue Kazekage-sama. I pinned him down as I dropped from the air, and I raked a kunai across his throat threateningly.

"Hey. Whatcha painting?" Deidara popped out without warning from behind my canvas.

"Eee!" My brush rolled onto the floor and my palette slid from my fingers as I jerked away from him instinctively.

"Sorry about that, un, didn't mean to scare you." The blonde gathered my materials again and handed them to me.

"Um...it's alright." I glanced around warily, listening to the quiet hum of chatter that filled the room, sounding so oddly distorted now that my own voice joined the buzz. Biting down on my lower lip, I took the brush and palette from him and mumbled a thanks.

"Sure, un. So your name's...Hana or something like that, right? I think I saw it on one of your paintings."

"Hai." I worked furiously at the background for my newest painting now, ignoring how the brushstrokes almost seemed to exude an angry feel now. "Hana."

"I'm Deidara."

"I-...I know."

"Huh." There was a pause for a while as he seemed to study my painting, then he spoke again. "You're really good. Where'd you learn to paint?"

I glanced at him, wondering if he was just making small talk or honestly curious--because really, no one had ever asked me that before. "I....I taught myself."

"That's cool, un. I really liked your painting of the one of a cloudy sky." He pointed to the piece drying in the back of the room. "The streak's....interesting."

I hadn't fixed the cloud yet, there hadn't been time. That's your fault, I wanted to tell him, but then decided not to and kept my focus on my painting. "What...sort of art do you do?"

"Me?" Suddenly his tone rose to a prideful one, and he held out his hand. "Sculpting." And there, as I glanced over to see what was in his hand, I found a small white bird, shaped from clay and intricately done.

"Oh!" I dropped my brush again, but this time I ignored it even as it rolled off my lap. "Can I...?"

"Sure." He looked pleased withf himself, and he set the bird into my cupped hands. I examined it closely, a wave of strong admiration grasping me. The details of the creature were terribly realistic, and for such a small sculpture....

"It's lovely," I whispered, awed.

And even he looked quite surprised, I noticed, when I looked up again to give it back to him. But the surprised expression quickly morphed into a very strange one that I couldn't put words on at all. All I knew was that that strange look on his face made me feel oddly self-conscious and embarrassed...

As I continued to point the tip of the blade to his throat, stray locks of hair slipped from behind my ear and dipped so that the very ends touched his shoulder. It bothered me terribly, but I was too afraid to shift my movement for fear that he'd escape if I changed my position even in the slightest.

"You..." Deidara suddenly spoke up, and I saw that his eyes were wide and confused. "You smell...familiar."

The words threw me off guard, and I faltered in my grip on him. He seized that moment and bolted upwards, taking hold of my wrist and flipping me backwards. I landed on my rear end on the ground, and I winced painfully.

He burst in with a loud entrance. Back then, I don't think he could have ever been quiet, even if he tried his very best to. He was breathing heavily, had run back to get something.

I was sitting in the corner of the room, in that small art classroom trying to make myself as small and invisible as possible, hoping he wouldn't notice me. And for a little bit, he didn't. He looked around for something, found it on the counter, stuffed it in his pocket, and turned to go. But almost immediately, he turned back and saw me--cocked his head, said my name. "Hana?"

I slowly lowered the brush I was gripping onto so tightly and looked up from behind the canvas. "Hmr?"

"Whatcha still doing here?" He looked startled. It was an expression I hadn't seen on him yet, startled. It was interesting.

I didn't want to answer at first. I didn't know how to explain it to him. I never knew how to explain it to someone. How do you explain to someone how beautiful the way the shadows dip over the ground are? How the rush of colors all blended together are the loveliest thing in the world to me? But I tried, pointing out at the window. "The sunset...was pretty today."

He didn't get it at first, looked confused. I felt so silly for trying to explain it, but then he peered over my shoulder and saw the canvas, and somehow he did get it. He didn't say he did, but I saw it. The click of realization flooding into his expression, the laugh that tumbled from his mouth--the nice, low laugh.

Somehow, he had looked at all the swirls of red and oranges and yellows and pinks and browns that would've never made sense to other people, and he'd seen what I saw.

"Hey, look at all this," he said suddenly. He swirled his hand over the canvas and then the window above it, and said again, "Look at it really hard." After a pause, he said, "Did you?"

And I nodded my head yes. Then his hands flew up to cover my eyes, and I stared at the darkness he created. "Close your eyes," he told me, and I did. "Think about the sunset again."

All the colors of the sky came rushing back to me again.

"Keep thinking about it....okay, now....BOOM!" His voice rang out suddenly, and I jumped. "An explosion. Smoke filling the air, rising up into the sky. Bits and pieces of God knows what slowly dropping back down..."

I saw the clouds of smoke, the smoldering embers falling, charred remains following soon after...

His hands fell from my eyes, and then he looked at me. I turned, looked straight back at him, and I knew he was looking. Looking for recognition, realization. He'd seen what I'd seen. Now he wanted to know: did I see what he saw?

And did I? The gears of my mind turned. "The thrill," I whispered. "You...you don't like silence...peace. You want...thrill."

His eyes turned strange then--glazed, almost. "You got it," he grinned. "You're right, I hate it."

I stared. His words were...gripping.

"You smell nice," he said suddenly, his gaze flickering to me again. "Like...like..."

I looked down at my shoes. Acrylic. Paints. I know, I've heard it all before already.

"...Like limes."

"Kunoichi always were the most vulnerable," sneered the blonde, his clutch at me devastatingly tight. I stared helplessly at him, so, so glad that he couldn't see my expression behind the porcelain mask. Had I really just believed him, for that one second? That somehow, he remembered me?

I furiously shoved the memory deep, deep down into my brain, and snapped my head up glaring at him. I was angry, oh so angry, and it didn't matter what he said or did now. I was going to complete my mission no matter what. I struggled desperately to get away from him, to get away from his hold on me, but then he held up his hand in a sign, and I heard the loud KA-BOOM! ringing violently in my ears.

I rolled away sputtering and coughing up blood. It hurt to move, but I looked down and saw the red--saw the red all over. I didn't know when he planted a bomb on me and I wasn't going to ask. He was Akatsuki, I knew what I was facing from the very start.

Slowly, I staggered to my feet.

"Hana!" He ran up to me outside in the middle of lunchtime one day, and everyone around us turned to stare at me as he paused to catch his breath. I remember, because it was so uncomfortable to be stared at. I hated it.

"H-huh?" I glanced around uneasily then, at all the people who were watching.

"Come with me, I have to show you something!" Without warning, he snatched my hand up and dragged me away from Natsumi, who looked ever-so-surprised.

He herded me all the way around the other side of the campus, then stopped at a large rock, and smiled widely. ""Look!"

I glanced up at him wonderingly, gasping for air. I wondered what it was that was so important, so important that he didn't mind walking up to the odd girl in the corner of the room in front of everyone and talking to her. I looked over to where he was pointing, and saw great lumps of white clay on the rock.

He must've been using the rock as a table. I looked at the clay closely, and realized that smaller pieces had been torn from the lumps, and he had created rows of elaborate little figures. "Oh!" I found myself saying, and then I picked up one of the figures. "Is that...a dragon?"

"That one? Oh yeah, un." He beamed. "Well, that's not the point." He looked at me intensely, very seriously. "Hana, listen to me. I want you to throw that dragon up into the air as high as you can, okay? As high as you can. I mean it."

"E-eh? Um, okay!" I blinked.

"Ready? Okay, three...two...one!"

I hurled it up into the air with as much strength as I could muster.

KA-BOOM!

I squeaked and jumped back--stumbled on a rock, fell to the ground. I hadn't been expecting the dragon to explode. I glanced up at Deidara questioningly, and his hands were still in the hand sign that had probably triggered the explosion, but he was doubling over in laughter.

"Haha, you...oh, hahahaha...Hana, you're wonderful, you know that?"

My cheeks were growing quite hot and something very strange was fluttering in my stomach, but I glared at him all the same. "Sh-shush, I wasn't expecting that, okay...!"

But he was still laughing--he'd fallen onto the ground next to me now, and he was laughing so hard he was clutching his sides. And he looked so ridiculous to me like that, that in the end, I started giggling too.

After a while, he sat up and cleared his throat. "It's chakra clay, un. I fuse my chakra with the clay, and voila, automatic bomb!" He grinned devilishly. "I've been working on this for a while now. What do you think?"

"I-it's...amazing."

"Really?" He looked pleased with himself. "Well, actually...I think you'd like this better. Watch this now." He picked up another one of the figures from the rock--it looked something like a very small bird--and cupped it carefully in his palm. He formed another handsign, and I jerked backwards, anticipating the explosion--...

But the blast never came. Instead, the small wings of the bird fluttered, and then it flew off his hand. It glided around in large circles proudly, and I watched it, awed. "Oh!"

"Like it?"

"It's beautiful!"

It was pretty obvious to me now. It was impossible to fight him at a close range. The closer I got to him, the more vulnerable I was to his bombs. I obviously had to fight him from a long range--but I wasn't sure how effective kunai and shuriken would be against an Akatsuki member.

Wasn't there some other way? I racked my brain furiously, knowing there wasn't much time to think.

"What's the matter, ANBU-chan? Had enough already?"

I glanced over at him. He was standing in front of his bird, a smirk spread across his lips...

...standing in front of his bird. He had to keep within range of the bird. Of course, Kazekage-sama was on that bird...

And that was his weakness. Fighting him with long-range attacks and dealing effective damage just might be possible, if I could get myself together enough.

THWACK!

One kunai actually managed to hit the target, but the other two brushed past harmlessly and fell to the ground. My cheeks flushed and I hurried to gather the kunai, glad that the practice field was empty, save for myself.

It was a Saturday, and I had nothing to do, so I'd somehow found myself here to get in some extra target practice. My aim desperately needed work, but I was blindly swinging and missing. I remember all the tips the instructor had given--angle it, focus--but none of them helped for me. And whenever I finally did manage to get a projectile to even hit the target, I wasn't sure how I did it, and I missed the next time I tried.

"Wow." A clear voice suddenly pierced through my thoughts, and my head snapped up. "No offense, but you're awful."

A dark figure slid down from the branches of a tree, and I stared wide-eyed at him. "D-Deidara-sama? What are you doing here?"

The blonde pushed his bangs from his eyes slowly--he looked like he was tired--and pointed behind me. "Same thing as you."

I turned, and saw something I hadn't noticed before--a target with a bouquet of kunai all hitting bullseye. My face burning with embarrassment at my own failures now, I turned back to him. "O-oh..."

"What? ...oh, don't look at me like that, Hana," he sighed, then plopped himself onto the ground. "It's nothing at all."

"You look...exhausted."

"No, go ahead, say it. Pissed." He laid down flat on his back, his eyes roaming the sky. "And yeah, I am fucking pissed."

"Wh-what's wrong?"

He laughed bitterly. "What isn't?"

A breeze rustled the trees.

"Hana, have you ever just wanted to blow up the world?"

I glanced at him, startled. He looked absolutely serious. "Wh-what?"

"Blow up the world, get rid of everything...everything here, everything we know, going out with a bang."

I stared at him, his lovely brown eyes. Hurt and angry, for reasons unknown to me. Desperate, lonely, wanting...

"...oh, never mind. Forget it." Deidara sighed, turned back to the sky. "Talk about something. Anything at all, something so I don't have to think about today."

"Umm..."

The sound of birds twittering filled the pregnant pause.

"Y-yes..."

"...what?" He turned to look at me, uncomprehending.

"B-because...no one ever listens...no one really ever understands...and sometimes it makes me so mad....that yes, I do want to...sometimes...." I murmured, looking down at my hands.

He still didn't get it. He stared at me, blinking. And then, he did get it--in that one split second, he got it. He broke out into a grin, started laughing. His laugh is a relief to me. "Hana, really..."

"...wh-what?" I squeaked.

He looked at me, shook his head. "Never mind." And suddenly, he leans over, his hand pushing back my bangs. His warm lips crash against my forehead, and then he pulls back. "Come on, I'm going to show you how to hit targets." He jumped up and didn't even look back, running over to one of the targets.

It probably didn't mean anything to him, probably didn't...probably...probably did that all the time...but...but as I ran to catch up with him, I felt like I was flying.

I hurled two smoke bombs in front of me, great billowing gray clouds rising into the air the moment they hit the ground. I acted quickly, darting around in all directions, raining kunai down as I went and making sure I covered an area that enveloped the bird and a good radius around it.

I slipped a third smoke bomb from my fingers as I went around to circle the area a second time, running even more rapidly because I knew I was running low on kunai now. And I watched, waiting for the blur of black and blonde.

I saw it finally, but just barely a glimpse because he was moving so quickly. I stopped throwing kunai long enough to draw my katana, and when I saw it again, I moved in. I stabbed something soft, and I hoped it was Deidara, but I couldn't tell because there was still so much smoke. I jumped back now, waiting.

But then I saw him again, an almost unnoticeable blur in front of me, and surprised, I slashed at him. I thought I'd gotten him, but there was a POOF!, and I saw then that it'd been a substitution.

The smoke was finally clearing at last, and it was now that I noticed the real Deidara had appeared at my side and was gripping the handle of my blade with me. Blood was dripping from his chest where a great gash was.

"Not bad, ANBU-chan," he sneered--and then he reached over with his other hand and snapped the blade. "But not good enough."

I jumped back a good distance from him. Well, I'd been expecting that, and at least I'd dealt him some damage. "Y-you're not so bad yourself." That was an understatement, but also a bluff I was hoping I could keep up with. I'd never fought Deidara before, but he was so fierce and ruthless. And there this bitter, rough edge to everything he did or said; I wish I knew what happened to him while I was gone.

"D-Deidara?"

"Yeah?"

"Ummm..."

"What?" He sat up, looking concerned. We were both skipping classes together. Thinking back, I don't know when I'd gotten into the habit of skipping, but then again, being with Deidara so much got me to do lots of things I would've never done by myself.

"I have something to tell you, but...I'm not sure how to word it." I fidgeted with my fingers nervously.

"Just say it." The blonde seemed tense now.

"My...my dad...well, he...he said something about more opportunities in Suna...and..." I looked down at my shoes.

"Hana, you're not making any sense. Spit it out," he sighed.

"Well, we're...moving..." I trailed off meekly. "I've been trying to...tell you all week, really...but I didn't...know how..." I saw the expression on his face, and stopped.

Iwagakure, at the time, was a pretty strong ally to Sunagakure. Everyone traveled back and forth between the two villages harmlessly, and moving from one village to the other wasn't completely unheard of.

"Moving?" He said the word in a very small, very tight voice, and I felt the worry swelling inside me.

"I..."

"When?" he demanded.

"To-...tomorrow..."

"Tomorrow?" He turned to me, his brown eyes wide. "You waited till now to tell me?"

"Are you...angry?" I squeaked.

"Angry? Fuck, I'm furious! What the hell, Hana?" he exclaimed. "Are you serious?"

"I..."

"You know, I...I had....never mind. Forget it!" He rose to his feet, glared at me, and stormed away.

I watched him until he disappeared, then wrapped myself into a small, tight ball, feeling horrible and absolutely miserable.

That day, I planned to find him, apologize. But he didn't show up for classes the rest of the day, and when I tried to find him at his house later on, he wasn't there. Tomorrow came, and I wanted to run over to his house again to find him again, but there wasn't enough time. Everything had to be loaded up and ready to go. I kept waiting, hoping then, that maybe he'd show up, so I could tell him goodbye...

...but he never did.

And as it turned out, that was the last time I ever saw Deidara. It'd be so much later on in my life when I saw him again, a long time after I saw the bingo book in Sunagakure and made my decision to excel in the shinobi arts, hoping maybe one day we'd clash again...

"That's enough now, don't you think, ANBU-chan?" Deidara asked now, his fingers brushing past the wound on his chest. "Let's end it now."

I wasn't sure what he meant, and I waited cautiously for his move.

Smirking, he held his hand up in a familiar sign, and the ground underneath my feet exploded. I jumped back, not quite understanding what was going on, but then, the ground there exploded too. I jumped to the right now, the fear slowly enveloping my body as the sand exploded as soon as my feet touched it. I hopped left and right, but no matter where I went, the ground detonated.

As I was trying my best to evade the bombs, it slowly clicked inside my head. While I'd been forcing him to jump back and forth to dodge my kunai, he'd been planting bombs into the sand to create a land mine. The full horror of the thought gripped at me, and along with the pressure of figuring out where to step to avoid the bombs, I found my footing betraying me as I suddenly slid across the sand and fell down on my rear end.

KA-BOOM!

My body sprawled across the ground triggered several explosions at once, and I felt my body burning with the pain, a fire that bit sharply at my entire being. The blood--oh, the blood was everywhere, and my mask was proving to be too fragile to endure this turn of events as it shattered and started falling, piece by piece, into the sand.

My breathing was growing heavy, and I could feel my heart beating much too quickly to be regular. And I was starting to feel cold...so cold inside...

"H-...Hana?"

The shock of disbelief in his voice was unprecedented. I'd never heard such a throbbing tone before in his voice, never. Not even on that day when I told him I had to move...the memories swirled and danced around happily inside my head, comforting and soothing me, telling me everything was going to be okay...

"Hana, is that you?" His pitch was too shrill now. It hurt my ears...but then, oh, I realized that he was saying my name, over and over again. My name. He knew my name, he remembered my name. He remembered me. I felt giddy inside, and all of a sudden I forgot the pain, ignoring for just a few moments the incredible iciness that was rushing through me.

Deidara was walking over, expertly weaving through his land mine, and he dropped at my side, his hands shaking. "Hana, Hana...dammit! You...you knew....you knew, didn't you?" He sounded so frantic. "You knew, you knew who I was...why didn't you say something?"

Because I didn't want to know if you ever forgave me for leaving you.

"Oh, Hana..." He took me up into his arms, cradling me in his warm, strong arms...

"Dei...dara..." The word tumbled from my lips weakly. "I have...somethi-...ng to tell...you..." It was so hard to speak. Sentences refused to form smoothly, no matter how hard I tried. "I wa-...nted to...tell you....back then...I never..." I could feel my body growing limp. "...got the chance..."

"Hana..." I didn't even comprehend it at first. I thought it was rain when the hot tears began to drop down onto my body.

"Good...bye..." I murmured to him, feeling the tendrils of shadows slowly wrapping themselves around me.

"Hana, you idiot!" I was barely aware of it, but when I realized what was happening, every cell in my body felt aware of it, because the weight of his lips on top of mine was so wonderful, and his breath smelled so sweet. He was crying, and his tears were rolling down my cheeks now as well, but I didn't care. It was so lovely, the way this moment seemed so utterly perfect. The way he affected me, the way I could hear his heartbeat because we were so close. A bubbly feeling was running through my body and tingling my bones, and I hated it so much when he pulled back. But then he bent down, whispered in my ear, "I love you, so much, Hana...I always have, did you know that?" He laughed bitterly.

I fought for my vision now, because everything was getting hazy and the world seemed to be spinning. Trembling, my hand slowly reached up to touch his cheek. I had to remind myself that it was real, that he was real, that this wasn't all just part of a hallucination before I died. "I...me, too..."

And that being said, the flames of pain inside my body numbed my arm and it fell back to my side. I could feel the hands of death reaching for my body, taking me from Deidara and his warm arms and into his cold ones. I very foggily saw Deidara's lips moving, but I heard nothing. And finally, my sight completely blacked out.

My last coherent thought was this: I love you, too.