Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions.

Pottsylgeist or Ghoulish Gambit

Narrator: In Frostbite Falls, Minnesota, it seems like a normal day for our heroes, Rocket J. Squirrel and Bullwinkle J. Moose. But then Rocky finds a point of interest in their weekly paper, the Frostbite Falls Revue.

Rocky: Bullwinkle, look what I found!

Bullwinkle: You found the flyers for glow-in-the-dark pumpkin hat racks?

Rocky: No. It's about something really weird.

Bullwinkle: So it's about those two kids who sit in the pumpkin patch every Halloween, right?

Rocky: It says that some creepy events are happening in Pottsylvania.

Bullwinkle: Rocky, creepy things in Pottsylvania are normal. It would be creepy if normal things happen there.

Rocky: It says, "Pottsylvania Poltergeist- Eerie, supernatural occurrences have started to occur in Pottsylvania, such as strange noises, moving trees, statues that come to life, and mysterious floating objects! While officials think this is a publicity stunt, most inhabitants have reported these happenings to be the result of unknown causes. This is definitely not a trap. There is a reward for whoever can help us solve this mystery. Written by Frostbite Falls News Person."

Bullwinkle: This is kind of suspicious. You read the whole article and there was no mention of "Moose and Squirrel" anywhere.

Rocky: Bullwinkle, I'm supposed to be worried about suspicious things, not you.

Bullwinkle: Oh, sorry.

Rocky: Do you think we should check this out?

Bullwinkle: Sure! Let's get to the bottom of this mystery! Hey, I think I've heard that somewhere before.

Narrator: And so, our heroes set off for Pottsylvania. Little do they know that a certain pair of sneaky spies have been spying on them.

Boris Badenov: Haha, Moose and Squirrel have fallen for it! I am the greatest at forging fake articles.

Natasha Fatale: Yes, dollink, but that is because they are gullible, not because of your article writing.

Boris: Why do you say that?

Natasha: Your article is obviously fake. I mean, "Frostbite Falls News Person"? You could have at least made up a name. And don't get me started on, "This is definitely not a trap."

Boris: Shaddup you mouth!

Narrator: They call their boss to inform him of the news.

Boris: Calling Fearless Leader.

Fearless Leader: What is it, Badenov?

Boris: Moose and Squirrel have fallen for the bait. They are headed for Pottsylvania and right into our trap.

Fearless Leader: Excellent! Report to one of my consultants for further instructions. He is a rather shady character. You should have no trouble with spotting him.

Boris and Natasha: Yes, boss.

Fearless Leader: I just have one more question.

Natasha: What is it, dollink?

Fearless Leader: Why are you two hanging upside-down?

They are hanging upside-down from a tree, which is close to one of the windows of Rocky and Bullwinkle's house.

Boris: Oh, this is because if we are just hanging around, we will not appear conspicuous. Heh, get it? "Hanging around?"

Fearless Leader: Badenov, please shut up.

Narrator: Boris and Natasha look for the shady character, but they can't seem to find him.

Boris: Where is he? All we can find is a jack-o-lantern.

"Jack-O-Lantern": Where have you been?

Boris: Natasha, the kids in the pumpkin patch were right!

Natasha: A jack-o-lantern? Fearless Leader will hire anyone these days.

"Jack-O-Lantern": Look over there, you idiots!

Narrator: Boris and Natasha at a side of the house, and they see a large, menacing light illuminating from the pumpkin. The consultant is none other than-

Boris and Natasha: Mr. Big?

Mr. Big: Yes, it is I, Mr. Big. I have a very important mission for you two.

Natasha: Does it involve capturing Moose and Squirrel?

Boris: And can we use lots of explosives?

Mr. Big: Yes, but we now have a new secret formula will help us take over the world.

Natasha: That's wonderful! Where is this secret formula?

Mr. Big: All you have to do is stow away on a ship headed for Pottsylvania. When you get there, Fearless Leader will be waiting for you with the formula.

Boris and Natasha: Yes, sir.

As soon as they leave, he climbs out of the jack-o-lantern.

Mr. Big: It is good thing that they left. It was getting really hot in there. I can't believe they still don't know that I am extremely tiny.

Narrator: Rocky and Bullwinkle are at the harbour, and they go on the S.S. Guppy, a ship that is headed for Pottsylvania. They meet the ship's captain, who should be very familiar to them.

Captain Peter "Wrong Way" Peachfuzz: Hi, I'm Captain Peachfuzz.

Bullwinkle: Gee, Rocky, for some reason I remember this captain.

Rocky: He's Captain Peachfuzz. He was in some of our adventures before. You should know who he is.

Bullwinkle: Yeah, he sits on a bench.

Rocky: No. That's Chauncey and Edgar.

Bullwinkle: Is he one of those nice guys from the moon?

Rocky: That's Gidney and Cloyd.

Bullwinkle: Okay… wait, I know who he is! Mr. Peachfuzz, you're one of the people who sits in the pumpkin patch, right?

Rocky: I give up.

Peachfuzz: No, sir, I'm an expert at navigation! I can take you to Pottsylvania in before you can say mooseberries.

Bullwinkle: Mooseberries!

Peachfuzz: Wow, we're in Pottsylvania already? I must be really good at this job.

He jumps out of the S.S. Guppy into the ocean.

Peachfuzz: I don't understand why you guys wanted to come here. This place is flooded!

Narrator: Meanwhile, the no-goodniks have stowed away on the S.S. Guppy.

Boris: Oh no, we're on the same boat as Captain Peachfuzz! He will probably steer it into the Bermuda Triangle and we will never be able to keel Moose and Squirrel.

Natasha: Don't worry, dollink. He wouldn't do something that stupid.

Narrator: After about an hour of Rocky trying to tell him that he didn't even leave the harbour, they finally start to set sail.

Peachfuzz: All aboard!

Rocky: That's what train conductors say.

Peachfuzz: They do? Wait, this isn't a train?

Rocky: I'm not even going to comment on that.

Narrator: Surprisingly, the voyage goes smoothly at first. But then the sea captain unwittingly turns the boat slightly off course...

Peachfuzz: I think we're almost there. Is Pottsylvania the really big triangle on the map?

Rocky: Hokey Smoke! That's the Bermuda Triangle!

Narrator: It turns out Boris was right for once. They are indeed sailing toward the Bermuda Triangle, that famous area where many boats and planes have ventured into, and were never seen again. Is this the fate of our heroes? Will they be able to steer away from its path, and reach their destination? With "Wrong Way" Peachfuzz as their captain they appear to be doomed, but be sure to stay tuned next time for, "Shape up" or "Ship Out".