Note: This takes place after episode 906. It's only aired on CTV thus far. Lyrics from Lupe Fiasco's song, "Solar Midnite".

I'd never had a friend like Jane. She was smart, funny, and had a strong sense of herself. She was anything but the average girl. I mean, all you have to do is look at the evidence. While most of us were cheering, she played on the football team. While most of us struggled to make it through the day, she had goals for herself and for her future.

One time, Spin told me that he was worried about what would happen when she graduated.

"She's got a lot of things ahead of her. All I have is this."

"That's not true, Spin. You're fearless. You'd be successful wherever you decide to go."

I didn't know if that was the right advice at the time. I believed it, but I wasn't sure that he did. I knew that he'd follow her to the end of the earth, but even he could see that she may not have exactly wanted that.

Knowing how dedicated he was made it even harder for me to know that Jane had done something to hurt him.

I had never really been in this situation before. Pigs would fly and the sky would turn purple before Anya even thought about cheating on Sav. Personally, I'd never been with anyone long enough to know what that lethal combination of stagnancy and frustration could do. I'd like to think I'm not that kind of girl. I'm too upfront to ever hide something like that. That's where Jane and I differed. She was cheating on her boyfriend.

I thought I was the only one who knew about Declan and Jane. I wasn't positive, though. I mean, if it was public enough for me to notice, maybe someone else had too.

The first time Declan and I met, he had charmed me. Maybe it was those eyes. It could have been the demeanor and the way he flirted without seeming...creepy? A lot of the guys at Degrassi had yet to master that art. I was impressed to meet someone who had. Okay, fine. It might have also had something to do with how cool he was about the accident. Stupid of me, though. I guess I should have thanked Jane for being in the car with me, because that was the only reason he let it go.

The worst was working with Spin everyday at The Dot. It hadn't been that long ago that he'd gently shattered my heart. Friendship had been even better between us after what I refer to as "The Incident", if you can imagine that. I wasn't trying to hide something from him anymore, and he knew that I wasn't just there to make a buck. I enjoyed his company too. It was like knowing how I felt about him made it easier for him to see me as an equal. Yeah, he was my boss, but he was also my friend. In a world where I didn't have a lot of people I could count on, I welcomed the consistency.

Spinner had been through a lot in his life. Sometimes he'd tell me about the things he'd experienced in high school. There'd been a school shooting, break-ups, cancer, expulsion, fights and the list went on. It read like a lifetime of disasters. It seemed impossible to me that all these experiences had been confined in those high school years. I mean, what had I done? I was Student Council President and had some failed relationship attempts.

I think part of the reason why I fell for him is that he's somehow risen from all the adversity. I mean, I watched him get shot. I'd watched him get shot and I thought we would never get out of there. I thought he'd never know how I felt about him.

Once again, he rose from the ashes. Unfortunately, it was with the knowledge that I was basically in love with him. When he'd acknowledged that he had heard everything, he gave me words of advice that I've kept close. They helped me to learn to see us as friends again.

Now, I was lying to my friend. When I came into work after school, he'd ask me how my day went.

"Oh, you know, just felt gut-wrenchingly guilty all day. No biggie."

Yeah, right. That would have gone over well. I'd tell him that things were fine and ask him to make me a burger. I guess that's what they call comfort eating. I'm pretty sure I'd be 200 pounds of pure grease and guilt soon.

"Complicated heartbreak, losing its direction. Cold day, warm heart, object of affection. Darkside love affair, come to my protection."