Warnings: This story has adult content. Rated for swearing and heavy Wincest. If you don't like please, don't read. Not a character death fiction.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything Supernatural related. Most towns and other people are made up, any similarity to the living or dead are purely coincidental.

Any real towns, places or companies used are strictly for reference purposes only.

All music and lyrics are by artists identified and belong to them.

Setting: After Sleep my second part of Deans Journal. Season 2. From just before Christmas to the following May.

Story outline: After putting himself on the line many times for others, Dean is involved in accident that leaves him deaf.

Deans Journal part 3 - Silence

Chapter 1 Shopping

Dean looked at the flashing lights in the display of the window he was looking in. The Christmas display was a little to cute and festive for his liking. He moved on down the mall his eyes being drawn to shop windows as he walked. He had in mind what to get but wasn't 100% sure exactly what he wanted but knew he would when he saw it. Well, he thought with a sigh, he had better go and do the shopping he was there for.

Dean was shopping on the day before Christmas eve, or Christmas eve eve, as he had tagged it for some new clothes for him and Sam. They had a hunt in a town twenty minutes away and Dean had 'volunteered' to go get the clothes while Sam did some research. In truth once Dean knew they were going to be in this area for Christmas he had pulled a worn, unused card out of his wallet he had in there for a long time never knowing if he would use it. He made an appointment at the shop two blocks away which made the shopping a convenient excuse to be away from Sam for a short time. And anyway he really wanted to get Sam a decent present this year for once, not the usual working to hard, forgot.

Which led Dean to a train of thought he had been chewing on for the last few days, his relationship with Sam. Talk about 'chick flick' moments. His life had become one big chick flick moment when he wasn't looking ,the funny thing was he couldn't be happier. They had never talked about it, just fell in to a pattern of love and happiness. While Dean would be the first to admit he hated talking about anything particularly relationship grounded, he felt he may have to talk to Sam about their current situation.

Not that he didn't want to be with Sam, the exact opposite in fact. He was shocked to find he was worried that he might crush Sam with his love he had that much for his brother. He found himself wanting to say those words all the time to Sam. If someone had told him a year ago. He would be this happy in a relationship he would have told them they were off their meds. Sam had been in a long term relation ship before so maybe he would know, he would have to talk to him about it. Instead of his feelings evening out to a level like it had in the only other long term relationship he had, he felt it growing every day and was worried Sam would find his change of attitude overwhelming.

Sure they had lived together for years and they knew each other very well but they had been able to close the bathroom door if they needed some privacy or go out for a drink without the other occasionally. Now they did everything together and the bathroom door was always left open, one often joining the other for a shower and sometimes something else. Dean enjoyed Sam joining him for a shower whenever he felt like it or to just stand and talk to each other while one of them where showering.

He wondered from time to time whether Sam needed some space even though he had never said anything. He had been a little quieter than normal around Sam the last couple of days thinking things through, totally un Dean like but trying to act like nothing was up, more like Dean. He just hoped Sam didn't suspect anything before he was ready to talk to him about it.

Pushing his downbeat mood aside Dean walked into a moderately priced menswear store and perused the racks for dress pants. Dean's last pair had a vile stain on them from some evil thing and Sam's had been torn the last time he had worn them. They would be posing as FBI or CIA agents for the hunt they were about to start so Dean had suggested they finally invest in some new clothes. Dean found two pairs each of black pants in a good cut and the right sizes for them both. Then he decided to get new dress shirts as his last good one that wasn't torn had a blood stain on it and Sam had one with gunpowder on it that wouldn't come out. He picked out a white shirt for himself and one with grey pin stripes and bought a white with blue stripes and a very light blue for his brother.

He looked at ties next as he had used one of his as a tourniquet at some stage and never replaced it. He bought two with green flecks in them that would go with his eyes and decided to be a great big brother and spent a few minutes picking two for Sam. On his way to the checkout he saw some really nice black trench coats on sale that would totally sell the FBI badges.

He bought them one each and the sales girl flirted openly with Dean as she bagged up his purchases going the extra mile and putting them in suit bags, and the ties in nice boxes. He bought a pair of dress boots from a shoe store on the way out as he had scraped the hell out of his dress shoes a while ago and they were ready to be thrown out. Dean walked out to the Impala and put the clothes in the trunk so he didn't have to carry them around. He went back inside the mall to a discount clothing store for underwear and socks for them both as it had been a while since they bought some. It might stop Sam giving him socks for Christmas he mused to himself as he paid the clerk.

Dean headed back to the main mall and found a jewellery store to his liking. Dean had been thinking about this gift for a month or so and thought he was on the right track. He looked in at the watches. He wanted to get Sam a new watch. You could never have enough as far as Dean was concerned and he knew Sam's current watch had a lot of scratches on the glass. He didn't find anything at the first store and moved to the next, searching for something that said Sam to him. He wanted something waterproof and shockproof but to look like a nice dress watch not a military or diving watch like he preferred.

At the third shop Dean found a watch that clicked into place for him it said 'Sam' and had all the protective features Dean wanted Sam's watch to have. This ones glass was also meant to be scratch resistant as well so it would suit Sam well. It was a nice looking watch. He would even like it if he was given it, masculine but dressy. He walked into the store and had to wait a few minutes before a clerk could help him with the watch.

While he was waiting he noticed they had an engraving service so he decided to get something put on the back of Sam's watch. It might be a bit much he knew, but he went with the feeling that Sam would like he waited for the engraving he looked at men's jewellery just to have something to look at and as he was glancing at the rings one caught his eye. It was very close to the one he wore but it had a slim gold line in between the two silver circle parts of the ring. Just enough to be different. Sam was always playing with Dean's ring these days; he had even pulled it off and put it on his own hand a couple of times.

Dean wasn't sure about getting it for Sam. The watch was one thing but a ring? At least he would find out how Sam felt he guessed, unless he flipped out but that was more his thing than Sam's. Sam would probably want to talk it through, which would be good he guessed. Still unsure Dean was about to walk off when a salesgirl stopped next to him.
"See something you like?"
Dean looked up to find the girl looking intently at his lips and a blush crept up her face. Dean realized he had his lips pouted in thought and Dean knew it drove Sam to distraction when he did it. This girl must have been thinking along similar lines.

He checked her fingers purely on instinct, no rings, great unattached just what he needed.
"Ah hm." He cleared his throat."No, I'm waiting for …actually can I have a look at that ring there?"
Dean summoned up his courage; he decided he did want to do this. The salesgirl, Cheryl, Dean noticed her name tag said, got the ring out and lay it out on a cloth for Dean to look at. He picked it up and slid it on the same finger as his own ring. It was a size to big for him but Dean remembered Sam found his ring slightly tight. This looked to be a good fit for Sam and if not he could get it fitted. It looked really good next to his own, almost like a close cousin to his own or dare he say a brother.

Dean pushed the ring off his finger and back on the cloth he took a big breath and let it out. He was suddenly aware of Cheryl staring at him intently.
"Wrap it up." He smiled.
Cheryl smiled as she used a cloth to give the ring a polish.
"Would you like it gift wrapped."
"Defiantly." smiled Dean.
As Cheryl was wrapping the present another sales girl came out with the watch and showed Dean the engraving. He nodded his approval and she wiped the watch over and put it back in the box.
"Gift wrapped?" She asked.
"Yes please." Dean paid for the gifts as they were being wrapped.

He checked his watch to find he had fifteen minutes until his appointment, perfect timing. Dean left the store frowning because Cheryl had handed Dean his bag of purchases with a wink. It wasn't until he pulled the gifts out of the bag in the Impala, looking for somewhere to hide them from Sam, when he noticed she had put the stores card in the bag with her number and a bold 'call me' on the back. Talk about had been in there buying men's jewelry that he had personally engraved and gift wrapped and she still wanted him to call her. He had to give her points for trying, he guessed.

Dean returned to the motel later and gathered the bags of clothes from the trunk and let himself into the motel room. He found Sam hunched over the computer, a cup of cold coffee on the table forgotten next to him.
"Hey Sammy, how you doing?" Dean lay the bags on the bed furthest from the door.
"I missed you, Dean." Sam stood up as he spoke.
"I missed you too, Sammy."
Dean crossed back to Sam and put an arm around him and pulled him in for a kiss then snuggled into Sam's neck. When they broke apart he placed a small box in Sam's hand and took a step back and walked out the door.

TBC