Title: Blame on Me

Genre: Television

Series: Glee

Characters: Rachel Berry, Noah Puckerman

Spoilers: 1.01-1.08 (all aired episodes)

Rating: PG

Summary: The club has been broken by the revelation of the true father of Quinn's baby, and Rachel is torn by what side she needs to be on.

Author's Note: For paynesgrey, who encourages me when I need it.

Two boys, best friends until today, torn apart by a woman; it was a story Rachel had seen performed better and more eloquently in an untold number of plays and musicals. She'd just never expected to be playing the bit role in this production. It's what she was, however, a chorus line girl providing harmonies as the bigger drama raged unspoken between the three lead characters. They weren't screaming at each other, weren't using fists to solve the problem of broken hearts and bruised egos. The practice room was almost entirely silent except for the rough breaths that Quinn took as she tried to force herself to calm down.

Rachel crossed her arms and studied the tableau but still didn't enter the room. She didn't know what she was supposed to do, who she was supposed to support in this war. Her feelings for Finn had always been too easy to see, her camaraderie with Quinn contingent upon Rachel leaving him alone, and her friendship with Puck was based on a silent agreement that it didn't exist. The sudden outing of Quinn's lies could be seen as the perfect opportunity for Rachel, the chance to have Finn to herself without tearing his little family apart. She would comfort him in this turbulent time and he would allow his feelings for her (also too clear to see) to fully develop and they would be happy. Rachel could see that possible ending behind her eyes every time she blinked but the present situation didn't change.

Finn had his friends with him, the ones loyal and talented enough to follow him into Glee, and they all wore identical faces of anger and shock. Finn was the only one who dared to look at the object of his hatred, the others kept their back to Puck and did their best to keep the uneasy peace that had formed between all three parties. There wouldn't be any fighting, not here in this room that had become a haven for all of them.

Rachel tore her eyes from Finn and looked to Quinn, surrounded by all of the females of the club along with Kurt and Artie, and struggled not to sigh. It didn't matter that Quinn had brought this situation down on their heads, that it was her lies and betrayal that was hurting everyone the most; people rallied behind her and supported her and pretended with her that her part in this story was blameless. Quinn, who could do no wrong, had just been confused and scared, and everyone was willing to forgive her for her mistakes. For a few seconds Rachel could see herself losing control over her emotions. She could see herself hating Quinn Fabray for always being so damned perfect and loved by everyone. Rachel wasn't that type of person, however, and she pushed those feelings away. Quinn had been scared and she had been confused, and it was anything but easy for Rachel to forgive her for the chaos and destruction the blonde was causing around her.

If Quinn was blameless in this, if Finn was the victim, that left only one place for the blame to fall. Rachel leaned in from her spot at the doorway so that she could see Puck from around the piano. He sat alone, holding his guitar in his hands and moving his fingers along the strings as if playing but he wasn't strumming so no music drifted into the tense room. He was very deliberately looking at no one and saying nothing. No one sat with him and supported him, not here, not in this situation. It was too clear that everyone saw this as Noah Puckerman living up to his reputation as an all around bad ass. Sleeping with his best friend's girl wasn't enough, not for Puck, he had to knock her up too. It didn't matter that he'd offered to help, Quinn had admitted that, it didn't matter that he'd tried to take responsibility for his actions. There were sides in this war and at the moment no one was on his.

It was enough for Rachel to make her decision. She saw too much of herself in Noah at that moment; an outsider even amongst the outcast, trying to do his best and finding that his best wasn't enough or appreciated. Rachel felt a connection to Puck and knew that despite the strain it would cause to her friendships with these people, the irreparable damage it would do to her imagined relationship with Finn, Rachel Berry was firmly on Noah Puckerman's side in this. Even if he wouldn't appreciate her support, if he'd insult her and scorn her place at his side, Rachel would remain firmly planted.

Rachel was nothing if not resolute in her decisions. She was also stubborn and loyal to a fault and for the first time she found herself throwing all that overwhelming spirit into Puck's arena. Her first step into the room, the small heel of her shoe making a small muffled noise on the carpet but still drawing everyone's attention, was ambiguous. She paused just inside the door, a little taken aback by the amount of attention everyone was giving the small action, but then she realized that her part in this drama wasn't as small as she imagined. She was the other woman, the person outside of the main three with the most vested in this situation.

She could see it, though, in Kurt's eyes, in Mercedes'; she could even see it in the red-rimmed eyes of Quinn. They expected Rachel to take this opportunity to take what she wanted, to embrace her selfish, attention-starved emotions and claim Finn as rightfully hers. Rachel was surprised to find herself hurt by their assumptions. She may have loved to be in the spotlight, but even she had lines she wouldn't cross.

It was surprise that spread across their faces when Rachel finally continued to cross the room, avoiding their eyes and schooling her face to be as emotionless as possible (and if it came off as cold and a little angry she couldn't help it). She dropped her book bag by the chair, ignored the way the sudden sound caused Puck to flinch slightly, and threw herself into the chair beside him. That slight startled movement was the only sign he gave that he acknowledged her presence, he didn't look at her, didn't say anything. If Rachel had considered the room silent before it was nothing compared to now; it was almost like they all held their breath, waiting to see what this unexpected decision would do to the already unstable situation.

Rachel ignored them, or made it seem as if she did. She didn't look at the observing cliques, didn't start a conversation with Puck, didn't do anything but what she would do any other day. She brought out sheet music from her bag and began to study it, crossing her legs and smoothing her skirt before settling in comfortably. She and Mr. Sheuster had discussed several songs for future performances and she wanted to read over his selections before they discussed it again. Several had been popular before her time so they were unfamiliar to her. She felt more than saw Puck's eyes drift over the papers in her hands and saw when his hands began to instinctively move into the chords demanded by the songs. Puck had never been as good at ignoring her as he liked to pretend.

There was no telling how long this achingly silent situation could have lasted but several minutes after Rachel had declared her allegiance so clearly to the club, Ms. Pillsbury appeared at the door. "I'm sorry, kids, but Mr. Sheuster has called to cancel today's practice. Personal emergency," she explained, her eyes wide and just a bit hurt looking, but they always were. Rachel had only been under Mr. Sheuster's musical tutelage several days before she realized that the guidance counselor was very deeply in love with him. Since that time Rachel had felt a small bit of kinship with the woman; both were victims of their own unrequited feelings. Rachel liked to think that she was different in that she was trying to move on from her own destructive feelings in a healthy way, by ignoring them until they die from neglect, instead of simply transferring them as Ms. Pillsbury was trying to do.

Puck shifted at her side, reaching for his guitar case and preparing to run away, though he'd never admit it. Rachel found herself restraining the urge to stop him. She was the kind of girl who needed words, needed to explain and to have things explained to her, especially things regarding feelings. She'd always viewed exposition as a friend, and this thing that she'd just done was something she knew he couldn't possibly understand. He'd thrown her feelings for Finn in her face enough times that her pushing those aside to be at his side was incomprehensible, almost even to herself.

Rachel knew without asking that any attempt to speak to him would only result in him doing what she expected, lashing out with angry words and maybe a slushie or two, all aimed directly at her. If everyone wanted to blame Puck, then who would he blame? Rachel knew she needed to be very careful that she didn't become his scapegoat, it was the last thing she needed in this already complicated situation.

Rachel carefully replaced the sheet music into her backpack and stood to leave. Beside her Puck stood as well, slinging his backpack over one shoulder and lifting his guitar case with his free hand. She viewed their walking out together as circumstantial, there was no way that Puck would welcome her support, that he would willingly present a united front to the silent onslaught of the club's scorn. The fact that he had to shorten his strides to stay even with her, that every few steps his elbow would bump her shoulder and neither of them would attempt to widen the distance between them, were things that Rachel didn't give thought to. Her thoughts were centered elsewhere, back in the practice room where she knew the others would be speculating wildly on the sudden twist to the situation. Rachel could only hope they had enough decency to wait until Finn and Quinn had left before they fed their insatiable need to gossip.

Outside the sun was shining bright and hot and just walking into it from the shadowed melancholy of the school made Rachel feel better. Turning to the south she began her walk home; she'd walked to school on a whim that she now regretted. She wanted nothing more than to walk in her front door and curl up in front of the television watching a movie that would surely take her away from the current drama that plagued her thoughts. A small smile danced at the corners of her lips as she mentally combed through her list of DVDs, searching out that perfect combination of romance and drama that would help her resolve the thoughts that were clouding her judgment.

Rachel hadn't given a thought to Puck since she walked out the doors and it was with some surprise that she realized he walked beside her, despite the fact that he lived in the opposite direction. She used her hair to shield her glances over at him but she knew that he felt her gaze. His face was like stone as he walked, his eyes distant as his thoughts spiraled deeper. In that moment Rachel would have given anything to know what he was thinking. It usually wasn't hard to guess, though he wasn't a simpleton, Puck only had a certain number of moods that she'd ever seen. This one, the unreadable movement in his eyes and face, was one that Rachel had never seen before.

She wanted to ask him what he was thinking. She wanted to ask him what he planned to do. She wanted to tell him that her choosing him over Finn had nothing to do with their brief 'fling' several weeks ago, or even with the fact that she'd found herself liking him more than she should since then. She wanted to tell him that everything would be okay, the truth could only make things better in the end. Rachel wanted to do and say and ask a lot of things during that walk, with Puck's intimidating presence at her side.

It was a different day for Rachel, though. That was the day where Rachel finally understood what Mr. Sheuster had been trying to teach her for so many weeks. Everything didn't have to be about her; her voice didn't need to echo to the rafters, her smile didn't have to reach every shadowed corner of the room. Sometimes the biggest emotions were best said quietly, felt deepest with nothing to distract from them.

Rachel let Puck walk her home, and it was a series of quiet moments. It was all the two of them ever seemed to have. The quiet moment where he doesn't throw a slushie in her face, a quiet moment where he smiles at her as his fingers dance down the strings of his guitar; and now there was this moment.

This moment when Rachel realized that she cared about Noah Puckerman, and it wasn't superficial or shallow, it wasn't based on a schoolgirl crush or musical compatibility. There wasn't really an explanation that made sense for the way she felt, and that was okay because no one was asking for one, not yet.

Review, please.