Author's Note:
Hey sorry I haven't been updating a lot lately its been kind of a busy summer. But I'm back now so here's chapter three! And please leave reviews, I only have seven its kind of disheartening. I mean if you guys like the story and stuff just tell me that. I don't care if you flame me or give me criticism. I welcome it. And thank you to my five reviewers, you guys keep me writing! Okay on with the story…
ADVERTISEMENTS
All My Life, and The Lost Daughters of Russia, by flutetenorsaxplayer2008.
All This Green!, by teamedwardc101
Soccer With Her, by My . Edward . Anthony
I don't need a savior!by RobDaZzLes
Cleaning Out My Closet by IceAgeSurvivor123
The Sequel to The Lost Daughter of Russia by Flutetenorsaxplayer2008
I Want You to Want Me by The Perisher
It All Started At Band Camp by flutetenorsaxplayer2008
They are all really good!
Additional Acknowledgements:
Candi Marie Cullen
Stacy Sapphire
4ever
RobynRiot
ann
Prologue:
Why don't you just leave me alone? My heart's gonna break from the fall. Holding onto many things, feeling all the hate it brings, why don't you just leave me alone?—KoЯn (I'm obsessed with KoЯn : ))
Bella's POV
I couldn't believe that Cullen had actually had the fucking balls to follow me to my apartment. And I couldn't believe the fact that the only safe place I had was now ruined. Needless to say I was all but a pitiful puddle sobbing pathetically on the floor right in front of the leader of one of the best bands to ever grace this earth. But I couldn't help it.
They just didn't understand. Everything I had done, to protect and to barricade my body and my heart from shattering, had been broken all within a half an hour. The world I lived in seemed to be crumbling around me while I looked on as a helpless, voiceless bystander. It just didn't seem real.
Edward—I mean Cullen—knew about the wound I had created today. And he knew the tortured pain in my eyes. I could see it in his. The recognition, the pity, but where was the hate? The judgment? It was nowhere to be found on his beautiful face.
I sniffled and wobbled to my feet after what seemed like an eternity, only to fall into Cullen's strong arms. He caught me almost willingly, like it was instinct, wrapping his arms around my body and tucking my head into his chest. What the fuck? Why was he doing this? It frightened me because I couldn't help but wonder when he would rip my clothes off and start fucking me up the ass like every other man I had known in my life.
And so, overcome by fear and panic, I did the only thing I knew how to do-I tried to defend myself, tried to make as much noise as I could. I figured at this point I had nothing to lose.
"Please, please just let go of me! Don't hurt me please!" I screamed, or tried. But my voice was only a crackly whisper. I was mute. Defenseless.
I felt my entire body start to shake uncontrollably. His hand pushed my face up, forcing me to look at him. Then, opening his godlike lips, he said, sweet breath rushing in my face, "What happened to you? Who did this to you?"
And, for what felt like the hundredth time that day, I passed out in his arms.
Edward's POV
She was sobbing on the floor in front of me, but I didn't dare reach out to touch her. I knew it would only make things worse, judging from what had happened the last time I tried to hold her.
After a moment or so, she sniffled adorably and wobbled to her feet. I gritted my teeth, trying to undo the inappropriate hard-on I currently was sporting. How was this girl doing this? What the fuck was wrong with me?
But I had no time to even think about those things as she fell into my arms. I caught her like it was something I had done every day of my life, wrapping my arms around her shaking body, tucking her head protectively into my chest.
She was whimpering, saying something like "Please, please...don't...me...let...go" my heart went out to this poor creature. Her voice was but a hoarse whisper as she struggled with me feebly. But I could see that she was losing more and more strength and willpower—it was as if a two year old was trying to fight off a bull. She was shaking violently, clutching my shirt and crying.
This girl was a fucking mess. There was no way around it. She had been broken in the worst way, it made me want to cry myself. I desperately needed her to be alright. To be happy, to smile. But I knew she was tortured by something and as long as it killed her inside I knew she couldn't be happy.
I was really scaring myself. Why in the fuck did I even give a shit about this basket case of a musician? Why was I so drawn to her? And why the fuck did her every move cause my dick to perk up a bit? It was a tad embarrassing. The sad part was I wasn't even angry at her, or anyone.
I heard a light whoosh, and snapped back to the present. JaYn3's beautiful face was buried in my chest. That wouldn't do.
Before my mind could tell my hand otherwise, I pushed her face up, our lips inches apart. Then, looking into her eyes, I whispered, "What happened to you? Who did this to you?" I watched as her eyes widened for a fraction of a second before rolling into the back of her head as she collapsed in my arms.
Not knowing what else to do, I picked her up and laid her on the couch, pulling the blanket from the top of it over her tiny form. Then, without another word, I locked the door and left, praying to god she would be alright.
It was as I was driving to the hotel that I remembered her arm. "FUCK." I growled angrily, beating my fist against the horn, accidentally pissing people off. I pulled a u-turn and sped back to her apartment.
Fuck. Traffic. It would take me an hour or more to get to her...FUCK.
Bella's POV
I woke up shivering under a shabby blanket, laying on the couch. I gasped and sat up as I remembered what had happened.
Cullen had been here. He'd touched me, held me.
Yet, I couldn't find it in me to be angry at him. And that is what pissed me off more than anything.
I felt a warm, sharp pain in my arm, and gritted my teeth as I looked at the damage. FUCK. oh well. I pulled my ratty tank top over my head and changed into a fresh one. Then I unzipped my skirt and slid it off my beaten body, wincing at the pain.
Stumbling into the bathroom, I braced myself against the sink as I looked into the harsh eyes that stared back at me from within the mirror. I wanted to slap the look of sadness right off my face, but just like a tattoo, you can't ever fully remove something that is permanent.
And that too really pissed me off. Just as I was about to start tending to my wounds, the buzzer sounded. I jumped, yelping as the tweezers I was going to use to take out the fingernail ripped my arm further. I groaned and pressed the talk button, "Who in the fuck is this?"
There was a fuzzy silence, then a familiar voice, "It's Edward, Edward Cullen, please let me in." I groaned even louder, and said in a whiny voice, "What the fuck is so damn important Edw-Cullen?"
The answer made me gasp. "I wanted to help with that nasty cut on your arm. I promise I won't hurt you, please just let me help."
I growled into the speaker, frustrated. "it's none of your fucking business."
There was an immediate response. "It is if it has or could possibly interfere with our working together. Don't make me get Lee involved..." that name sent my thumb straight for the unlock. "Come in right fucking now." I snarled, smashing the button with a furious fist.
Edward's POV
I sighed as I finally won the fight, relieved that I had, until it dawned on me. Her reaction to my touch, and to Lee's name... Was it possible?...but I shook the thought out of my mind. I couldn't even bring myself to think about the possibilities, cowardly as it might seem.
I knocked on her door, and she opened it immediately, grabbing me by the shirt and pulling me in.
Surprised and stunned, I could just stare at her for a few moments. She crossed her bare arms, wincing as she seemed to remember her injury, and tapped her foot. "Well if you want to help me at all, I'd first suggest that you kindly dont tell Lee about this—don't ask why...And please just help me with my arm, it, it's worse than I thought.
I fought back the urge to do a fist pump—I got to touch the angel again—as I followed her into a tiny bathroom. I cocked my head to the side as I walked behind her. She was wearing gray boyshorts and a tank top. No bra. Oh. Fuck.
She turned around, and blushed at our obvious closeness. Without thinking I hoisted her onto the sink, my hands grasping her thighs. Her breath quickened, but it wasn't for the same reason that mine did. "O-okay, e-enough of that, just fix my fucking arm please." I fought back a grin and the rude remark that would have followed.
I worked in silence, chanting Lady Gaga in my mind like an endless power mantra, the anti-boner warrior. When I finally finished cleaning the cut, I realized that there were more.
I bit back a growl, well tried, but it wasn't good enough. "JaYn3 gasped and tried to jerk her arm away, but I held on tight. "What. The. Fuck." was all I could manage. My whole body was rippling, growls ripping through me. JaYn3 whimpered again, something I had to admit I was getting tired of, but still, I calmed down. However, I couldn't bring myself to look at her face.
She soon realized this, and said meekly, "Edward?" not even that would break my fury. I didn't even answer. She seemed to shake.
"Edward, please," but I just shook my head. She fucking cut herself. What the fuck. WHAT THE FUCK. I was beyond furious. And so, without another word, or glance, I bandaged her arm and left, slamming the door behind me.
Bella's POV
I suppressed a sigh as his fingertips brushed my legs, his palms pressing into them as he lifted me up. It was a scary, yet amazing feeling. The amazing part was the high that seemed to accompany his every touch. The scary part was that I wanted more of it. It wasn't something I had ever experienced before in my life.
I found myself short of breath as he stood between my legs, tenderly caring to my arm. I was really scared now, because I was starting to care and trust Edward in a really big way. But I was still afraid he was going to rape me, as everybody else had. The feeling was the same, I would give a little bit of trust and they would violate me and my trust in the end.
Then, I felt Edward's grip on me tighten, and I sucked in a short breath before looking up at him. He was shaking, and growling, a d then he said in a low, enraged voice, "What. The. Fuck." I gasped as I followed his gaze down to the row of thin white scars that marred my skin. Oh no.
He ignored me completely, avoiding looking at my face as he bandaged up my arm. "Edward?" no answer. I started to tremble, a sort of recoil from his coldness. His touch no longer felt tender. No. It felt rushed, gentle but only as was acceptable. It was distant.
"Edward please," but he only shook his head. As soon as he finished my arm he turned and walked right out my apartment door.
Not one word. Not a single glance.
What the FUCK?
Edward's POV
Why had she done this to herself? Why couldn't she just talk? Get professional help? Cutting was weak, so why was she doing this? She didn't seem like a weak person.
Everything was swirling around my brain like the dirty water swirling around the shower drain, they were thoughts though, the grimy ring, the things leftover, could not be erased or washed away by water or bleach. And that hurt more than anything.
Somehow, I felt like JaYn3 had betrayed me, even though that couldn't possibly be true because I had only known her for all of one day. But still, the reality of the situation did not in the least do anything to change my thoughts or feelings about it.
So now I knew three things about JaYn3; One-she had been broken, shattered by someone, or something. Two-it bothered her enough that she cut herself to bits. And three-that the two things I knew about her were the only things I cared about now.
All that mattered now was fixing JaYn3. And I would find a way to fix her. I didn't care how long or how much it took. I would find a way.
Bella's POV
I spent that night thinking about an angel. And yes, to me, Edward was an angel. Even if I still didn't completely trust him, I wanted to, and I couldn't deny the fact that he had treated me with more respect and with more tenderness than I felt I truly deserved.
I couldn't stop thinking about the way he had helped with my arm. Okay I couldn't stop thinking about the way his fingers brushed my skin. It felt amazing. His touch sent tingles all through my body.
I couldn't help but feel guilty for these thoughts and feelings though. I felt like I was committing some sort of heinous crime, thinking about that god of a man.
Then I remembered how he had reacted to my cuts and scars, and how he had growled so angrily and looked at me like I was dirt. And suddenly, I found myself again. Who was he, after all, to be judging me? He didn't know the things I had been through, the pain I had suffered. He knew nothing. And that fact pissed me off more than anything had before. No fucking way was I going to let him tour with me. No fucking way was I going to work with that asshole. No. Fucking. Way. I would have to run away again though.
This was something that hurt me, and the scariest part was I didn't know why.
